Joel

Joel 1

1. Yo, this is what the LORD dropped on Joel, son of Pethuel.
2. Listen up, fam, and pay attention, everyone worldwide. Has anything like this ever gone down in your time, or even back when your parents were doing their thing?
3. Spread the word to your crew, and let your crew pass it on to their crew, and their crew to the next gen.
4. It’s like this: whatever the palmerworm didn’t munch on, the locust totally devoured. And whatever the locust missed, the cankerworm straight-up indulged. Then whatever the cankerworm didn’t snack on, the caterpillar came in and totally feasted upon. #nofoodleftforthegoodstuff
5. Hey, listen up, all you chill peeps, and start mourning; shout out, all you wine lovers, ’cause the new wine, it’s gone, totally out of your reach.
6. Yo, there’s this mega powerful nation rolling in on my turf, no joke, they got teeth like a fierce lion, serious fangs and all.
7. My vineyard got wrecked, and my fig tree got stripped bare. It’s all desolate and thrown aside now; even the branches are completely withered.
8. Cry like someone in simple threads mourning their ex from way back.
9. Dude, like, the offerings and stuff are totally cut off in the house of the LORD. And all the priests, who are like the LORD’s crew, they’re really down and grieving, man.
10. The fields are wrecked, the land is in despair; the grain is completely gone, the new wine has dried up, and the olive oil is barely hanging on.
11. Yo, farmers, it’s time to feel shook and let those cries out loud. The crops—wheat and barley—are kaput, man, ’cause the whole harvest got messed up.
12. Yo, it’s a major downer! The vineyard is, like, totally dried up, and the fig tree is seriously struggling. The pomegranate, palm, and all the other trees in the field are straight-up withered! Why? ‘Cause joy has straight-up bounced from the sons of men.
13. Yo, priests, get ready to mourn! Cry out, yo, ministers at the altar! Yo, ministers of my God, come kick it all night in sackcloth. The food and drink offerings have been cut off from your God’s crib.
14. Yo fam, it’s time to step up and declare a fast. Gather the crew—elders and everyone in the land—and meet up at the house of the LORD your God. It’s time to pour out your hearts and cry out to the LORD, like, seriously.
15. OMG, brace yourselves for the day, ’cause the Most High is about to bring some serious destruction.
16. Isn’t the vibe totally ruined and all the positive energy drained from our sacred house?
17. The crops are all jacked up, like totally rotted under the dirt. The storage spots are empty, in ruins, and the barns are wrecked. It’s ’cause the corn’s dried up, yo.
18. OMG, the animals are seriously freaking out! The cows and stuff are mad confused ’cause there’s no grass to munch. Even the sheep crews are getting wrecked, with nowhere to chill.
19. Yo, God, I’m reaching out ’cause this wild fire has wrecked all the fields in the wilderness. Like, seriously, not a single tree left standing.
20. Yo, even the animals out here are crying to You, ’cause the rivers have dried up and the fire has destroyed everything in the wild.

Joel 2

1. Yo, sound the trumpet in Zion and crank up the volume on my holy mountain! Let everyone in the land feel the shake ’cause the day of the LORD is coming real soon, like, it’s right around the corner!
2. It’s gonna be a mega intense day, like seriously dark and gloomy with thick clouds and darkness covering the mountains. There’s gonna be this massive and powerful crowd, like we’ve never seen before and won’t see again for a long, long time. Like, not even in many, many, many generations later.
3. It’s like they’ve got fire blazing up front and flames burning in the rear. The land is like a legit paradise right in front of them, just like the Garden of Eden. But behind them, it’s a total wasteland. No cap, nothing can escape them.
4. They’re like horses, and when they charge, they’re fierce like skilled horsemen.
5. They’ll roar like chariots racing down a mountain, like a fire crackling and consuming dry grass. They’re a mighty force gearing up for battle!
6. When people see them, they’ll freak out, and their faces will turn super gloomy.
7. They’ll dash like absolute beasts, scaling walls with warrior-like finesse, marching forward on their own paths, never straying from formation.
8. Ain’t nobody gonna be flexin’ on each other; everyone will stay in their lane. Even if they stumble into problems, they won’t get wrecked. Just sayin’, it’s gonna be a smooth ride.
9. They’ll be zooming around the city, scaling walls, climbing houses, and sneaking in through windows like a stealthy intruder.
10. The whole earth better brace itself when they show up; even the sky will be shook! The sun and the moon will go dark, and the stars will dim their shine.
11. And God’s gonna address his crew, ’cause his squad is massive, man. The leader is totally legit, always follows through on his word. ‘Cause, yo, the day when God does his thing is gonna be epic and mega intense. Like, seriously, who can even handle that?
12. So listen up, says the LORD, it’s time to come back to me with your whole heart. Seriously, no kidding, get into fasting, let those tears flow, and mourn, you know?
13. Instead of just putting on a show and keeping up appearances, let your heart genuinely break, and make a real comeback to the LORD your God. Because He’s totally chill—full of grace and mercy, slow to anger, super kind, and ready to turn away from doing wrong.
14. Who knows? Maybe he’ll come back, change his mind, and leave behind a blessing—maybe even an offering of food and drinks to the LORD your God.
15. Yo, sound the alarm in Zion, get ready for a sacred fast, gather everyone for a special assembly:
16. Yo, round up everyone, make the crew holy, bring together the elders, gather the young ones and even the babies. Let the newlyweds step out and be seen.
17. Yo, priests, part of the LORD’s squad, it’s time to shed tears between the entrance and the altar. Pour it all out and plead with the LORD: “Don’t let your people be dishonored, don’t let outsiders rule over them. Otherwise, they’ll be like, ‘Where’s their God?’ Nah, we can’t let that happen.”
18. Yo, the LORD’s gonna be all protective of his turf and showing mad love for his people.
19. For real, the LORD’s got your back and he’s about to bless his crew big time. Listen up, he’s sending you fresh crops, top-shelf wine, and premium oil so you can live your best life. Plus, he’s gonna make sure you’re so respected that no one’s gonna be dissing you in front of the haters anymore.
20. But don’t even stress, I’ll straight up send that northern army packing to a totally desolate land. They’ll be facing the east sea on one side and the utmost sea on the other, and trust me, they’ll be stinking up the place with their arrogance.
21. Don’t stress, fam! This land better get pumped and throw a party, ’cause the LORD is about to do some epic stuff! (He’s totally flexing His power to make it happen, by the way.)
22. Don’t worry, wild creatures! The wide open meadows are bursting with new growth, the trees are yielding their delicious fruits, and both figs and vines are giving their best.
23. Yo, listen up, everyone! All you awesome folks in Zion, get hyped and celebrate your main dude, the LORD your God! He’s blessing you with some refreshing rain – not too heavy, just right. And get ready, ’cause he’s gonna send more; first the early rain, then the later rain, all in the first month. (By the way, that early rain is like a solid teacher of righteousness, you know? Just keeping it real.) Oh, and when I say ‘righteously’, I mean he’s totally gonna do it in the most awesome way. Word up!
24. And like, the fields are gonna be totally filled with wheat, and the vats will overflow with wine and oil.
25. And I’ll totally hook you up by making up for all those years the locusts, cankerworms, caterpillars, and palmerworms wrecked. They were like my huge army sent to mess things up among you.
26. Yo, you’re gonna feast like crazy, be so satisfied, and shout out the name of the LORD your God ’cause He’s been doing some amazing things for you. And my crew, we’ll never be ashamed or disappointed.
27. And you’ll see I’m right here with the crew, representing Israel, as the one and only LORD your God. No one else can claim that. And remember, my people will never be ashamed or disappointed.
28. And in the future, I’m gonna unleash my spirit on everyone, yo! Your guys and girls will spit some dope prophecies, elders will have wild dreams, and young ones will catch epic visions, for real!
29. And I’ll be sliding into DMs with my spirit for all the squad members and squadettes during that time, no exceptions.
30. And I’m gonna do some epic things up in the skies and down on earth—blood, fire, and these insane towering columns of smoke.
31. Yo, the sun’s gonna disappear and the moon’s gonna turn crimson before that mega intense day when the LORD shows up.
32. Yo, check it out! Anyone who hits up the LORD and calls on His name will totally get saved. Believe me, it’s going down in mount Zion and Jerusalem – that’s where the real redemption is going down, just like the LORD promised. And there’s gonna be a small crew of people that the LORD specifically calls out for this. So, stay woke!

Joel 3

1. Yo fam, peep this: Back in the day, when I’m about to free up the peeps of Judah and Jerusalem from their struggles,
2. I’m gonna gather all the nations and bring them down to the valley of Jehoshaphat. I’m gonna have a serious talk with them there about how they treated my people, Israel. They totally scattered them all over, even divided up their land. Not cool, guys.
3. Yo, they were out here straight up playing games with my crew, trading a young dude for a hooker and tossing around a girl for some wine just to party.
4. Like, seriously, what’s your deal, Tyre and Zidon and all y’all in Palestine? You think you can smooth things over with me? Let me tell you, if you even try, I’ll clap back so quick, it’ll blow your mind, and you’ll be regretting it big time.
5. Yo, peeps, you straight up swiped my cash and bling and stashed ’em in your fancy worship spots, making everyone else super envious. (And those ‘pleasant things’ you got? They’re basically drool-worthy, if you know what I mean.)
6. Yo, check it out, you straight up handed over the kids of Judah and Jerusalem to the Greeks just to boot ’em from their own turf. (FYI, ‘Greeks’ here means descendants of Greek folks.)
7. Listen up, I’m swooping in to snatch ’em back from where you ditched ’em, and you’re gonna catch some heat for what you pulled.
8. Then I’m serving up your own sons and daughters to the Judah crew, and they gonna flip ’em to the Sabeans, those far-out peeps. ‘Cause, like, the LORD said so, ya dig?
9. Spread the word to all the non-believers: get ready for battle, gather the strong ones, bring all the warriors together; let them prepare themselves:
10. Take your farming gear and gear up: turn your pruning hooks into spears. Let the ones who are usually seen as weak declare that they are strong. (Pruning hooks can also mean scythes.)
11. Yo, listen up, all you doubters and non-believers! Come together from everywhere and rally your strongest ones, O LORD. (because the LORD shall bring down)
12. Yo, wake up all the skeptics and gather ’em in the valley of Jehoshaphat. ‘Cause that’s where I’ll be, set to pass judgment on all the skeptics around.
13. Yo, get your sickle ready ’cause the harvest is on fire: come on down; the place is packed, the vibe is intense; ’cause their wickedness is next level.
14. There’s a whole bunch in the valley, sorting things out, ’cause the day the LORD rolls through is near in the valley of choices. (Choices also mean making decisions or going through rough times, like ditching what’s not needed.)
15. Yo fam, the sun and moon gonna fade, and the stars gonna vanish from the scene.
16. Yo, the LORD is gonna let out a huge roar from Zion and speak up from Jerusalem. It’s gonna be so epic that the heavens and the earth will shake, no joke! But here’s the real deal: the LORD is gonna be the ultimate hope for his people, and he’ll be the strength of the children of Israel. Like, they can totally trust Him to come through, you feel? Trust in Him, fam, He’s got your back!
17. Yo, once this goes down, y’all will know that I’m the LORD your God posted up in Zion, my holy spot. And when that happens, Jerusalem will be lit and no outsiders will be able to roll through anymore. #holiness
18. Yo, in the future, get ready for some amazing things to happen. The mountains gonna be pouring out the finest wine, and the hills gonna be flowing with milk. All the rivers in Judah gonna be bursting with water, and a fresh spring gonna burst forth from the LORD’s place and water the valley of Shittim.
19. Egypt gonna be totally wrecked, and Edom gonna be a barren wasteland, all because they messed with the people of Judah and shed innocent blood on their turf.
20. Judah and Jerusalem gonna be vibin’ forever, from one generation to the next.
21. Yo, I’m gonna cleanse their blood like never before ’cause the Lord is posted up in Zion, you know. #DivineCleansing