Hosea - Gen Z Bible

Hosea 1

Yo, check it out! This is the word that God dropped on Hosea, son of Beeri, back in the day when Uzziah, Jotham, Ahaz, and Hezekiah were holding it down in Judah, and Jeroboam son of Joash was running the show up in Israel.
Here’s how it all went down, straight from the Big Man upstairs through Hosea. The LORD told Hosea, “Bro, go find yourself a wife who’s all about that ‘do whatever’ lifestyle, and have kids who are chillin’ like that too. ‘Cause the people in this land have totally ghosted the LORD and gone off track.”
So, he went and started seeing Gomer, daughter of Diblaim. And guess what? She got preggers and had a baby boy for him.
And God was like, “Yo, name him Jezreel, because soon I’m gonna set things right for the bloodshed in Jezreel. I’m gonna hold the house of Jehu accountable and put an end to the kingdom of Israel. #justice”
And it’s gonna go down, like seriously, on that day when I’m gonna lay waste to Israel’s military might in the Jezreel Valley.
Then she got pregnant again and gave birth to a baby girl. And said, “Name her Loruhamah, which means ‘No Mercy,’ because I’m not gonna show any more mercy to the people of Israel. I’m gonna wipe them out completely.
But I’m all about that love for the Judah crew, and I’m gonna come through for them with the Most High, not relying on weapons like bows, swords, or war horses.
After Loruhamah was done nursing, she got pregnant again and had a son.
Then God said, “Name him Loammi, which means ‘Not my people,’ because you are not my people, and I won’t be your God.” Loammi means ‘Not my people’.
But peep this, the crew of Israel is gonna be huge, like way more than you can even count. And here’s the kicker: in places where folks were like, ‘Nah, you don’t belong,’ they gonna be like, ‘Bro, you with the Most High, part of His own fam.’
And all the squad from Judah and Israel gonna come together, pick one leader, and peace out from this spot. Oh, you know it’s gonna be epic—the day of Jezreel gonna be lit AF.

Hosea 2

Tell your squad, “We’re ride or die”; and to your girls, “We got each other’s backs.”
Yo, talk to your mom, for real: ‘Cause she ain’t my bae, and I’m not her boo either. She needs to drop that messy behavior, along with all the cheating drama. Like, seriously, cut it out!
I won’t put her on blast and leave her exposed like day one, I won’t make her life a wasteland, dry and empty, and won’t let her struggle and thirst.
And I won’t show any love to her kids; ’cause they’re the result of her bad choices.
So, like, their mom did some shady stuff, you know? She went out and hooked up with other guys and acted all wild. She was like, ‘I’m gonna go after my baes who give me everything I need – food, water, clothes, oil, and drinks.’
So like, listen up, I’m gonna block your way with a bunch of thorns and put up a wall, so you can’t find your path. You know, like a serious wall and all that.
And she’s gonna be chasing after her crushes, but she won’t catch them; and she’ll be searching for them, but won’t find ’em, you know? Then she’ll be like, ‘I’m gonna go back to my ex-husband, ’cause back in the day, it was way better than how things are now.’
She had no idea that I was the one who hooked her up with all the fresh corn, wine, and oil, and made her stack up her cash and bling, all of which she wasted on that Baal lifestyle.
So, I’m gonna go back and harvest my crops when it’s time, and reclaim what I provided for her to cover herself.
And now I’m about to reveal her foolishness and wickedness in front of all her lovers, and there won’t be anyone who can rescue her from my grip.
I’m gonna shut down all her lit parties, celebrations, monthly hangouts, chill Saturdays, and all her epic festivities.
And I’ll totally wreck her bougie vines and fig trees, the ones she proudly boasts as gifts from her baes. I’ll turn them into a legit wilderness and let the wild beasts chow down on ’em. #obliterated
And I’ll bring on her the days when she was all about idol worship, burning incense and rocking fancy bling. She was all about chasing after her baes, totally ghosting me, says the LORD.
Yo, peep this. I’m gonna woo her, take her to the wilderness, and speak to her in a real way. (or, you know, like a good friend: in a way that connects with her)
And I’ll bless her with some awesome vineyards and the sweet valley of Achor as a dope place of hope. She’ll thrive there, singing her heart out like in the good old days of her youth, just like when she first came out of Egypt.
Yo, when that day comes, says the LORD, you gonna call me ‘Husband’ instead of ‘My Lord’. ‘Husband’ meaning ‘My spouse’, by the way, and ‘My Lord’ meaning ‘My master’.
I’m totally wiping out all the names of Baal from their vocab, like they’ll never even be remembered.
And like, on that day, I’m gonna make a solid covenant for them with the animals of the field, the birds in the sky, and even the bugs on the ground, you know? And I’ll completely eliminate all violence and wars, smashing weapons and making everyone just chill and feel safe.
And I’ll pledge to you forever; yes, I’ll pledge to you with righteousness, justice, kindness, and compassion.
I’m totally gonna pledge to you with faithfulness, and you’ll fully know the LORD.
Yo, on that day, mark my words, I’ll be all ears, says the LORD. The heavens will be tuned in, and even the earth will be heard.
And the earth will be thriving with crops, like grapes for wine, and olive trees for oil; and they’ll be blessed abundantly, like in Jezreel.
And I’m gonna plant her right here on earth; showing major love to those who’ve been left out. I’ll say to those who were overlooked: ‘Yo, you’re totally part of my crew now!’ And they’ll be like, ‘You’re my true God, dude!’

Hosea 3

The Big Man upstairs was like, “Yo, go love this girl who’s already with someone else, even though she’s straight-up cheating on him. That’s how much the Big Man loves Israel, even though they stay chasing after other gods and partying hard with wine.
So I swooped in and paid fifteen silver coins, a load of barley, and half a load. You feelin’ me?
Then I said to her, “Look, you gotta ride with me for a bit, no playing around with anyone else, and I’ll stay true to you too.”
Check it, the Israelite crew gonna be flying solo for a bit—no king, no prince, no sacrifices, no statues, no priests rocking those fancy robes, and for sure, no idol worship. It’s gonna be just them, stripped down, you dig?
But peep this, down the line, the Israelite squad gonna bounce back and start hunting for the Most High, their main homie God, and their boy David, their OG king. They gonna straight up show some serious respect for the LORD and all the lit stuff He’s bringing their way in the future.

Hosea 4

Yo, listen up, Israel crew! The Big Man upstairs is seriously ticked off at the peeps in this land. It’s like, there’s zero honesty, compassion, or even any acknowledgment of God around here.
These people, yo, they’re straight-up messed up. They’re swearing, lying, killing, stealing, and straight cheating on their partners. It’s pure chaos, man. They keep causing more harm, and it’s just the same old cycle on repeat. It’s like they’re pouring gasoline on the fire, you feel me?
So, the whole land’s gonna be bummed out, and everyone living there, even the animals in the fields, the birds in the sky, and even the fish in the sea, they’re all gonna feel it, man.
But yo, don’t even bother beefing or calling out others, ’cause seriously, our squad stays clashing with the religious crew and all that.
So, like, you’re gonna get wrecked during the day, and even the supposed prophet will crash at night, and I’m gonna totally wipe out your mother. (Destroy: Hebrew for cut off, BTW.)
Yo, my people are straight up messed ’cause they’re clueless. They’ve straight up dissed knowledge, so I’m gonna diss them too. They don’t deserve to serve as priests to me ’cause they straight up forgot about God’s law. And you know what? I’m gonna forget about their kids too. For real though, it’s like they’re getting cut off from everything.
When they got big, they messed up big time, and I ain’t happy about it. So, I’m gonna straight up embarrass them and turn their fame into shame.
They devour all the sins of my people, and they’re totally obsessed with their own wickedness. (Set… like, they’re seriously all about it.)
It’s like, the people are gonna end up just like their priests, you know? And let me tell you, I’m gonna totally hold them accountable for their actions and make sure they face the consequences. Trust me on this!
They’re always chasing after material things to fill the void, but it’s never enough. They’ll keep hopping into shallow relationships, but it won’t bring any real satisfaction. It’s ’cause they’ve totally ghosted on seeking wisdom from the LORD.
Getting obsessed with being popular, partying, and always chasing after the next thrill can mess with your head and lead you off track.
My crew turns to their gadgets for advice, and their influencers drop truth bombs on them: ’cause their thirst for shallow desires leads them astray, and they lose sight of their true purpose.
They’re up on those mountains, offering sacrifices, burning incense on the hills, chilling under big trees for some shade. But yo, because of all that, your daughters are gonna get caught up in some serious promiscuity, and your partners are gonna start cheating. It’s a total mess, fam.
I ain’t gonna punish your daughters for their promiscuity or your spouses for committing adultery. They’ve chosen to hang with shady types and get into immoral stuff. So those who lack understanding are gonna face the consequences.
Yo, Israel, even though you’re acting shady, don’t let Judah pick up your bad habits. Stay away from places like Gilgal and Bethaven, and don’t go around swearing like, ‘God is my witness.’
Israel’s acting stubborn, like a rebellious cow. But chill, the LORD’s got their back and will look after them like a little lamb in a big, wide field.
Ephraim’s totally hooked on those idols, so we might as well let him do his thing.
They bring a toxic vibe to the party scene: always up to shady stuff. Their leaders are all about humiliation, dishing it out like it’s no big deal. #ToxicPartyVibes #ShamefulLeaders
The wind swoops in and wraps them up in its wings, and they’ll be ashamed of their sacrifices.

Hosea 5

Yo, check it, peeps! Priests, Israel squad, and royal crew, listen up! This is a serious heads-up ’cause y’all been stirring up trouble in Mizpah and setting traps in Tabor.
Those rebels are slick at wrecking stuff, even though I’ve been schooling ’em non-stop.
I peep what Ephraim and Israel are up to—no secrets here: Ephraim, you’re out there messing around, and Israel’s all tangled up.
They ain’t even trying to turn back to their God, too busy chasing their own selfish cravings. They ain’t bothering to seek the LORD either, too caught up in their own messed up ways.
Israel’s pride will straight-up bring ’em down, leading to their downfall along with Ephraim; even Judah won’t dodge the consequences of their wrongs.
They’re gonna bring their flocks and herds trying to find the LORD, but He ain’t showing up; He’s ghosted ’em.
They totally double-crossed the LORD, man! They’re hooking up with folks who ain’t even from their crew. Now, payback’s coming and gonna wipe ’em out in no time, taking everything they got.
Yo, blow the horn in Gibeah, and blast the trumpet in Ramah! Shout loud in Bethaven, Benjamin, let’s rally!
Ephraim’s gonna be in deep when it’s payback time—I’ve laid it all out for all the tribes of Israel, no joke.
The leaders of Judah were crossing lines and acting shady. So, I’m about to let loose my anger on them like a tidal wave.
Ephraim is hurting bad and feeling crushed because they went all in and obeyed the commandment willingly.
So, I’m gonna be all up on Ephraim like a moth and on the house of Judah like rottenness—like, totally eating away at ’em, like a worm and all that.
When Ephraim saw his sickness, and Judah saw his wound, Ephraim was like, ‘Yo, Assyria, help me out,’ and slid into King Jareb’s DMs. But no matter what, Assyria couldn’t fix you or heal your wound.
I’ll be like a lion to Ephraim, and a fierce lion to the house of Judah. I’ll tear ’em up and bounce, and no one’s gonna rescue ’em.
I’ll step back and wait for ’em to own up to their mistakes and come find me. When things get rough for ’em, they’ll come running to me real quick.

Hosea 6

Hey fam, let’s turn back to the LORD, ’cause even though He’s let us go through some tough times, He’s gonna make us stronger; He’s gonna heal our wounds and fix us up.
In just a couple days, He’ll bring us back to life. And on the third day, He’ll raise us up, and we’ll be living large in His presence.
As we stay seeking the LORD, we’ll really get it: His presence is as sure as the sunrise; and He’ll bless us abundantly like the life-giving rain that nourishes the earth.
Yo, Ephraim, what am I gonna do with you? And Judah, seriously, what’s the deal? Your love fades away like morning clouds and vanishes like dew.
So, I’ve been real with them through the prophets, you feel me? I’ve called them out with straight talk. And let me tell you, your judgments are like a bright light that everyone sees. #NoFilter
I’m all about that kindness and understanding, yo! Knowing God deep down is way more crucial than just making sacrifices or flashy burnt offerings, you dig?
But they totally went back on their word, like people do, you know? They straight up betrayed me and did me dirty.
Gilead, man, that city is full-on wicked. It’s tainted with blood, you know?
Picture this: there are these gangs of robbers just lurking, right? Well, similarly, there are groups of priests who are up to shady stuff together, going against what’s right and proper. It’s like they got zero respect!
Yo, I peeped some messed up stuff goin’ down in Israel’s hood: Ephraim’s tribe straight up doin’ scandalous things, makin’ Israel all tainted and impure.
Yo, Judah, get ready for a big win ’cause I’m ’bout to free my people from captivity and bless you with a huge harvest.

Hosea 7

Back when I was about to fix things up for Israel, then boom! Ephraim and Samaria got exposed for all their sketchy moves. They were straight-up lying, stealing, and letting these thieves run amok, causing chaos everywhere.
And they don’t even get it—I haven’t forgotten all the shady stuff they pulled. Now, their own actions are catching up to them; it’s like they’re right in front of me. #KarmaIsReal
They totally hype up the king with their wicked ways, and the princes are all about spinning lies.
They’re all sneaky, like an oven cranked up high but then left alone once the dough’s set to rise.
Whenever our king wants to unwind, those in charge just get him sloshed with wine. They strut around all high and mighty, thinking they’re the bomb.
See, they’ve warmed up their hearts like an oven left idling. But yo, their baker sleeps all night, and come morning, it’s blazing hot!
They’re blazing hot, burning like an oven, and they’ve wiped out their judges. All their kings have fallen, and none of them seek me.
Ephraim’s out here mixing it up with others, like a cake not even flipped yet.
Strangers have drained his energy, and he doesn’t even realize it—dude’s got gray hairs showing up, clueless as ever. And those grays? They’re popping up all over the place.
Israel’s huge ego is totally exposing them—they’re not even trying to turn back to the LORD their God or seek him at all.
Ephraim is straight up clueless, like a dove without a brain. They’re cozying up to Egypt and dissing Assyria.
When they try to bail, I’ll trap them good, like setting a trap for birds in the sky. Oh, they’ll get a wake-up call they’ve been warned about, big time.
Oh no! They’re in serious trouble ’cause they’ve turned away from me. It’s gonna be a total disaster ’cause they’ve totally gone against me. Even after I saved them, they’ve been spreading lies about me. What a mess!
And they haven’t really sought me from the depths of their hearts, even when they pour out their feelings on their beds. Instead, they gather for lavish meals and drinks, and yeah, they’re completely rebelling against me.
Despite me trying to set them straight and lift them up, they keep plotting against me.
They’re all over the place, not aiming for the top. They’re like a flimsy, undependable bow—their leaders will get wrecked in battle because of their careless and hurtful talk. It’s gonna be a joke in Egypt, for real.

Hosea 8

Yo, get ready to hear the alarm! An eagle’s swooping down on God’s crib ’cause they straight up broke our deal and dissed my rules. (It’s like the roof of your world, fam)
Israel’s like, “Yo God, we totally know you.”
Israel’s totally ghosted what’s good, now they’re gonna get hardcore chased by their enemies.
They’ve picked their own kings without my say, and appointed princes without me even knowing. They’ve traded their precious cash for idols, and now they’re gonna pay big time.
Samaria, your BFF, has totally ditched you; I’m seriously cheesed at them. Like, how much longer till they get their act together and clear their name?
Yo, this thing was crafted by some skilled dude from Israel, so it ain’t no god or nothing. And let me tell you, that calf in Samaria, it’s gonna get totally wrecked.
Because they’ve pulled some dumb moves, they’re gonna face major consequences: their plans won’t pan out, they won’t see any results. And even if they somehow do, randos will just snatch it away.
Israel got totally messed up: now they’re gonna be chilling with the non-Jews, but nobody’s gonna be feeling them.
They bounced to Assyria, acting like a lone wild donkey. Ephraim’s out here trying to buy friends.
But even though they tried to get help from other nations, I’m gonna gather them up again. They’ll go through a rough patch under harsh rulers for a hot sec.
Yo, Ephraim’s setting up these crazy altars for doing straight-up sinful stuff, so now those altars gonna lead him straight into more sin.
I dropped some major law knowledge on him, but dude totally thought it was like, weird or whatever.
They’re flexin’ with their meat sacrifices, tryna please me and chow down. But the LORD ain’t vibing with it, nah fam. He won’t forget their wrongs and gonna call ’em out for their sins. They ’bout to head back to Egypt, like, back to square one.
Yo, Israel totally forgot about their Maker and started building these fancy temples. And Judah, they’re out here constructing these fortified cities like crazy. But check it, I’m gonna send a fierce fire right to their cities, and it’s gonna devour all their fancy palaces straight up.

Hosea 9

Yo, Israel, chill with all that fake joy ’cause you’re straight up dissin’ God. You’re all about those material gains like they’re your whole vibe.
Their clout chasing won’t stack up the stacks, and their lit parties won’t be poppin’ anymore. Their new moves gonna flop hard. (BTW, ‘winepress’ means ‘winefat’, if you didn’t know.)
They ain’t gonna kick it in the LORD’S land; Ephraim’s gonna bounce back to Egypt, and they’ll be grubbin’ on some shady stuff in Assyria.
They can’t impress the LORD anymore with their wine offerings; it’s not gonna cut it. Their sacrifices will be as sad as the bread at a funeral feast. Anyone who eats it will be messed up. ‘Cause they won’t find true spiritual food at the LORD’s place.
What’s your plan for the big day and the lit celebration of the LORD?
Yo, peep this: they’re totally wrecked. Egypt’s gonna round ’em up, and Memphis gonna bury ’em. All those fancy spots where they flashed their cash? Now infested with weeds. Their swanky cribs? Full of thorns.
The time of reckoning has come; Israel’s gonna wake up to it. They’ll brush off the prophet as clueless, and think the wise are losing it, all because of their non-stop wrongs and fierce grudges.
The keeper of Ephraim chills with my God, but the prophet’s got tricks like a crafty birdcatcher, stirring up trouble in God’s own house.
They’ve totally blown it, just like in Gibeah back in the day. So now, God’s gonna recall all their messed-up deeds and ensure they face the music for their sins.
I found Israel all abandoned in the wilderness, like they were forgotten. Their ancestors were as juicy and ripe as figs on a tree, standing out and ready to go. But then they went off to Baalpeor and got into some seriously embarrassing stuff. Their messed-up desires led them down a twisted path.
As for Ephraim, their whole vibe’s gonna vanish quick, like a bird leaving its nest, even before they’re born or conceived.
Even if they bring up their kids, I’ll take them away, leaving no one behind. Seriously, they’re gonna be in deep trouble once I’m gone!
Ephraim used to kick it in a cool spot like Tyre, all settled in a lit environment. But now, Ephraim’s kids gonna end up with the wrong crowd, heading straight for trouble.
Yo God, what’s up? What you tryna bless them with? How ’bout messed-up fertility and no milk in their breasts? Yeah, like they’ll be tossing fruit away without even having kids. #toughbreak
Dude, all their messed up stuff is going down in Gilgal, man. Like, that’s where I just couldn’t handle them anymore, you know? Because of all the messed up things they were doing, I’m gonna kick them out of my house, man. I won’t show them love anymore. And yo, all their leaders are straight up rebels.
Ephraim is totally wrecked, their foundation is completely ruined, they won’t produce anything good. Even if they manage to have kids, I’ll straight up destroy their precious babies. Seriously, their hopes and dreams will fade away.
Bro, my God’s totally done with them because they didn’t listen to Him. Now they’re just gonna be out here wandering in different countries.

Hosea 10

Israel’s like a vine that’s all show and no go, just looking out for themselves. The more they achieve, the more they get into idols and flexing their material stuff. They’re experts at crafting a sick image, milking their lush land for all it’s worth.
They can’t stick to a decision; now they’re gonna pay for it: God’s gonna wreck their altars and trash their bougie statues.
They’ll be all like, ‘Yo, we don’t even have a king anymore, ’cause we straight up dissed the LORD. So, like, what’s a king gonna do for us anyway?’
So, they’ve been talking smack and straight-up lying when they made deals. Now, consequences are popping up like seriously toxic weeds in the fields, you feel me?
The people of Samaria are gonna freak out over those phony cows in Bethaven. They’ll be mourning big time, and even those priests who were way too into it, worshipping it like crazy, they’re gonna be so bummed because all that glory is just gone, poof, vanished.
They’re gonna ship it off as a gift to Assyria for King Jareb. Ephraim is gonna be red-faced, and Israel’s gonna regret their own schemes big time.
So, about Samaria, their king is totally gone, like foam on water—just disappears real quick. Yeah, exactly like that.
Destruction’s coming for the bougie spots of Aven, where Israel has seriously messed up. We’re talking weeds and thorns taking over their altars. They’ll be begging the mountains to hide them and the hills to bury them.
Hey Israel, you’ve been messing up since Gibeah days. They were there in a showdown against the wicked, but somehow they managed to not get busted.
I’m totally gearing up to teach them a lesson; when they get tangled in their own mess, everyone’s gonna come after them. It’s like when they make their own beds and then gotta lie in ’em. Or when they camp out in their own mistakes.
Ephraim acts like a well-trained heifer, loving to trample the grain. But I’m gonna step in and take charge of Ephraim; Judah will handle the plowing, and Jacob will bust up the soil.
Put your energy into doing what’s right, and you’ll harvest kindness in return. Don’t ignore the neglected parts of your life. It’s time to build a solid relationship with the LORD, stick with it, and watch Him pour out blessings and goodness.
You’ve been hustling wickedly, and now you’re dealing with the consequences. You’ve been feasting on lies, thinking your path was rock solid, relying on your crew of powerful people.
There’s gonna be a huge uproar with your crew, and all your forts are gonna get smashed, just like Shalman wrecked Betharbel in a fierce battle. It’s gonna be wild, dude. Even moms are gonna get messed up trying to protect their kids.
Bethel’s gonna come at you strong for all the wicked stuff you’ve been pulling. The king of Israel’s gonna get taken down real quick, like, first thing in the morning. Bam. No more king, just like that.

Hosea 11

Yo, back when Israel was just a kid, I was totally vibing with them and rescued them from Egypt.
They were supposed to do their thing, offering sacrifices and all to Baalim, and even burning incense to idols.
I was like their mentor, teaching Ephraim how to walk, holding them up, but they had no clue I was the one healing them. SMH.
I was real with them, showing unconditional love, freeing them from their struggles. I hooked them up with what they needed, took care of their every need.
They won’t turn back to Egypt; instead, Assyria’s gonna take charge, ’cause they flat out refused to return.
The sword’s gonna wreck their cities, cut down their strongholds, and devour them, all ’cause they stick stubbornly to their own dumb ideas.
My crew be wildin’, always wandering off from me. Even when they called on the Almighty, nobody had their back and showed respect. They all be frontin’.
Yo, Ephraim, seriously, should I just bounce? How do I even save you, Israel? Should I let you get wrecked like Admah, or laid to waste like Zeboim? My heart’s torn up, full of regrets.
I ain’t gonna let loose my fury, or come back to wipe out Ephraim. ‘Cause I’m God, not just some random, and I’m the Holy One right here with you. I ain’t about invading your space.
They gonna turn back to the LORD, and He gonna roar like a boss lion. When He roars, everyone gonna feel it, shaking all over the place.
They’ll be trembling like a bird jetting out of Egypt, and like a calm dove coming from Assyria. I’m gonna settle them back in their homes, declares the LORD.
Ephraim be actin’ shady all around me, and the house of Israel be playin’ games with lies. But Judah stays true to God, stayin’ real with the squad.

Hosea 12

Ephraim is like totally into chasing after empty trends, always following stuff that fizzles out. They’re spreading fake news non-stop, causing chaos. And guess what? They even make sketchy deals with the Assyrians and send valuable resources to Egypt!
God’s seriously upset with Judah, and He’s gonna make Jacob pay for what he’s been up to. Whatever Jacob’s been dishing out, that’s what he’s gonna get back.
He was a total boss even in the womb, grabbing his bro’s heel and flexing his strength to get major clout with God. Like, he was practically a prince, you know? Acting all royal and stuff.
Yeah, he totally wrestled the angel and came out on top—dude was like crying for mercy but held his ground. He met him at Bethel and had a deep convo there with us.
God’s like the ultimate squad leader; His name’s always lit.
So, like, turn around and get with your God, you know? Show love and justice, and stay committed to your God 24/7.
This guy’s a total scammer, always pulling sketchy moves with those fake scales. He’s all about crushing others to get what he wants. Can’t trust him at all, man!
Ephraim was like, “Yo, I’m totally stacked, I’ve nailed some serious achievements. Despite all my grind, there’s no shady stuff they can pin on me as sin. Honestly, my efforts can’t even cover the guilt of those who really mess up.”
And yo, I’m the LORD your God who brought you outta Egypt, gonna hook you up with some epic tabernacles, just like back in the day during those lit feasts.
I’ve been speaking through the prophets, showing them tons of visions and using rad comparisons to get my message across. It’s my way of teaming up with them and guiding them.
Like, dude, you think there’s bad vibes in Gilead? Nah, man, it’s all empty and lame. They’re offering these bulls at Gilgal, but their altars are like trash piles in the fields, you know.
So Jacob bounced to Syria and started hustling for a wifey, putting in extra work by grinding with some sheep.
Yo, check it out! The LORD sent a real prophet to lead Israel out of Egypt and hold it down for them. The prophet was on point, no doubt!
Ephraim seriously got on God’s bad side, so now he’s gonna face the music, with all the consequences and shame hitting him hard. Don’t mess with the Man upstairs!

Hosea 13

So, Ephraim was acting all tough in Israel, but then he tripped up and started worshipping Baal, and it totally led to his downfall.
And now, they’re just piling on the sins, making their own fancy silver idols and statues that basically show off how shallow they are. These things are all made by skilled craftsmen. They even say to each other, “Hey, let those who sacrifice give a little kiss to their shiny calves!”
So, they’re gonna be like those clouds that vanish in the morning or the dew that’s gone when the sun comes up. They’ll be like useless chaff blown away by a strong wind, or like smoke that disappears up the chimney.
Yo, I’ve had your back since the Egypt grind. Don’t be messing with any other gods ’cause I’m the only one who can straight-up save you. Ain’t nobody else got that kind of power, you dig?
I’ve been with you since the tough times in the wilderness, in that dry, barren land.
They were all filled up with themselves, feeling all high and mighty, and straight-up forgot about me.
I’m gonna be all lion-mode on them, you feel? And when I’m prowling like a slick leopard, I’ll be keeping a close eye on them, no doubt! 🦁🐆
I’m gonna come at them like a mama bear whose heart’s been shattered, rip through their feelings, and straight up devour them like a fierce lion. It’s gonna be intense, like a savage beast from the wild.
Yo, Israel, you messed up big time, but chill, I got your back. My help is all you need, fam. Trust.
I’m the boss around here, who else is gonna come through for you in every single town? And those leaders you wanted, craving kings and princes? Where they at now?!
I was ticked off at you, so I hooked you up with a king. But then I got even more heated and took him away.
Ephraim’s done messed up big time; his screw-ups are all stacked up and hidden away.
When a mom goes into labor, it’s gonna hurt. It’s like having a clueless kid who doesn’t get it’s not cool to hang around the delivery room too long.
I’ll rescue them from death’s grip; I’ll free them from its clutches. Death, you’re about to get wrecked ’cause I’m bringing all kinds of chaos. Grave, you better brace yourself ’cause you’re getting wiped out. There’s no turning back on this one.
Even if he’s Mr. Popular with his crew, a mega storm’s heading his direction. It’s like a fierce wind from the desert, drying up all his chill spots. All the fancy stuff he’s into will get snatched away.
Samaria’s gonna be deserted, ’cause they flat-out turned on their God. They’re gonna get crushed in battle, and it’s gonna be rough. Even the kids won’t be spared, and pregnant women won’t escape the chaos.

Hosea 14

Yo, Israel! You gotta bounce back to the LORD your God ’cause you’ve seriously messed up with all your bad moves.
Hey, speak up and go to the LORD, asking Him to forgive all our mistakes and show us love. We’ll give major shout-outs and praise with our words in return. Let’s do this!
Ain’t no way Asshur can save us; we’re not gonna trust fancy rides or worship stuff we made, calling it our gods. ‘Cause in you, even those without parents find compassion.
I’ve got their back when they slip up, loving them without conditions, ’cause I’m not angry anymore.
I’ll be, like, totally refreshing for Israel, you know? They’ll flourish and blossom like a stunning lily, roots spreading wide like those tall trees in Lebanon. #NatureGoals
His branches will go crazy, he’ll be as cool as an olive tree, and his vibe will be like Lebanon.
Those who vibe with him will rise up; they’ll level up like cornstalks and shine like a vineyard: the fragrance will be sweet like the finest wine. #goals #memorable
Ephraim’s like, why mess with idols anymore? I’ve totally got the memo and it’s deep in my heart. I’m thriving like a fresh, vibrant fir tree. All that’s good and fruitful flows from me.
Like, who’s actually wise and can, like, grasp these things? Whoever’s truly sharp, they’ll be totally tuned in. ‘Cause, like, the ways of the LORD are totally just, dude, and the righteous peeps will totally walk in them. But, y’know, those who mess up and do wrong, they’ll totally crash and burn in the end.