Exodus

1. Aight, peeps, let me drop some knowledge. These are the names of the Israelite squad who dipped to Egypt. Each one, chillin’ with Jacob and the fam.
2. Yo, listen up, fam! These are the OG bros: Reuben, Simeon, Levi, and Judah,
3. Then we got Issa, Zeb, and Benji,
4. And don’t forget about Dan, Naphtali, Gad, and Asher, holdin’ it down.
5. So, like, there were around seventy peeps from Jacob’s crew who made the trip ’cause Joseph was already kickin’ it in Egypt, ya feel? Oh, and when it says ‘loins’, it’s talkin’ ’bout ‘thigh’ in Hebrew, just so you know.
6. And when Joseph bounced, him and his whole crew, along with the rest of the OG fam, passed on.
7. So, like, the Israelite crew was hustling hard, straight up blowing up in numbers and getting mega strong, and the whole land was, like, seriously packed with them.
8. So basically, there’s this new ruler in Egypt who’s clueless about Joseph.
9. Yo, peeps, listen up, check this out: Them Israelites, yo, they’re deep and seriously strong compared to us, you feel?
10. Alright, hear me out, let’s be smart about this; if we don’t handle this right, they might multiply like crazy, and if a war pops off, they might link up with our enemies and dip from our turf.
11. So they appointed bosses to make them grind under heavy workloads. And they built up cities, Pithom and Raamses, for Pharaoh.
12. But yo, the more they messed with the Israelites, the more they multiplied and thrived. And it seriously irked them because of the huge Israelite squad.
13. So, yo, the Egyptians were straight up making the Israelites work like crazy, treating them like slaves and all:
14. They had them doing all sorts of tough, grueling work, from messing with mortar and bricks to sweating it out in the fields. Every job they got was just harsh and brutal.
15. Then, this Pharaoh guy in Egypt decides to have a chat with these two Hebrew midwives, right? One named Shiphrah, the other Puah. Keeping it simple.
16. He’s like, “When you’re helping out the Hebrew mamas during birth and you see it’s a dude, you gotta take him out. But if it’s a girl, she’s all good.”
17. But these midwives? They were all about God, man. They were like, “Nah, we ain’t doing what the king says!” They made sure those baby boys stayed safe and sound.
18. So Pharaoh’s like, “Yo, midwives, what’s the deal? Why you letting those baby boys live?”
19. So, like, the midwives were straight-up with Pharaoh, saying, “Hebrew moms are on another level, dude. They’re all about speed, popping out babies before we even arrive.”
20. And God was like, “You rock, midwives!” And the Israelite crew just kept growing and getting stronger.
21. Since the midwives were showing mad respect for God, He was like, “Check it, I’m hooking you up with some deluxe digs.”
22. Then Pharaoh’s like, “Listen up, fam. Toss those baby bros into the Nile, but let the baby girls slide, cool?”

1. So, there’s this dude from the Levi squad who ends up tying the knot with a girl from the same crew.
2. Then, the wifey gets preggers and pops out a baby boy. And let me tell you, when she peeped his vibes, she decides to keep him on the down-low for like three months.
3. But eventually, she’s like, “I gotta spill the tea,” so she whips up this dope DIY raft and slathers it with some sticky stuff. Then, she sneaks the baby onto it and slides it among the reeds by the riverbank.
4. Meanwhile, the baby’s sis is lurking nearby, keeping tabs on the sitch.
5. So, the Pharaoh’s daughter rolls up to the river for a chill sesh, with her squad in tow. And wouldn’t you know it? She spots this rad floating contraption in the reeds. She’s like, “Yo, fetch that thing,” and sends one of her girls to scoop it.
6. When they crack open the raft, they find the baby wailing. It hits the daughter right in the feels, and she’s like, “This little dude must be one of the Hebrew babies.”
7. Okay, so the sis was all, ‘Hey, Pharaoh’s daughter, should I find a Hebrew lady to take care of the baby for you?’
8. And Pharaoh’s daughter was like, ‘Yeah, sure, go for it.’ So the maid bounced and hit up the kid’s real mom.
9. Pharaoh’s daughter was like, ‘Yo, take this kid, raise him for me, and I’ll hook you up with some cash.’ So the woman grabbed the baby and did the nursing thing.
10. So, as the kid grew, the woman brought him back to Pharaoh’s daughter, and he officially became her son. She named him Moses, and explained it was ’cause she saved him from drowning.
11. So, way back when Moses was all grown, he went out with his crew and peeped how hard they were grinding. And get this, he caught an Egyptian dude throwing hands at one of his Hebrew homies. Crazy, right?
12. So, he scoped out the situation, and when he saw nobody was looking, he straight up took down the Egyptian bro and buried him in the sand.
13. So, like, the next day this dude heads out, and bam, he spots these two Hebrew bros going at it, arguing up a storm. And he’s all like, “Bro, who started this drama? Why you gotta be hitting up your bro like that?”
14. And one of them’s like, ‘Who put you in charge, man? You trying to take me down like you did that Egyptian dude?’ And Moses, he’s like, ‘Oh snap, word’s gonna get out, isn’t it?’
15. So, when word gets to Pharaoh about Moses’ gig, he’s ready to throw down. But Moses peaces out, dodges Pharaoh’s wrath, and just vibes in Midian. And get this, he just chills by a well, soaking in the vibes.
16. Now, this dude, big shot in Midian, has these seven daughters. They’re out drawing water, filling up the troughs for their dad’s flock. (Oh, by the way, this ‘big shot’ could also mean ‘prince’ here.)
17. So, these shepherds show up, being all annoying, but Moses swoops in like, ‘Nah fam, I got this!’ He saves the day, helps them out, and ensures the sheep are good. No sweat, fam.
18. When they get home to their dad Reuel, he’s like, ‘How’d you lot get back so quick today?’ (P.S. Reuel is also known as Jethro or Jether)
19. They were like, OMG, this totally chill Egyptian dude swooped in and saved us from those shepherds, even hooked us up with enough H2O for everyone and watered the whole flock. Like, major power moves!
20. He was all like, ‘Hey, where’s that dude at? Why’d you leave him hanging? Go fetch him so he can grab a bite.’
21. Moses was totally vibing with the dude and decided to chill. The dude was like, ‘Bro, you’re rad. Have my daughter Zipporah as a gift.’
22. And she had a baby boy, and they named him Gershom. ‘Cause he felt like a total outsider in a totally strange place. (Gershom means ‘a stranger here’)
23. So, like, after a minute, the Pharaoh of Egypt kicked the bucket, and the Israelite crew had enough of being enslaved. They were done, ya know? They cried out in desperation, and their cries reached God ’cause of the super harsh slavery and all.
24. And God was like: I hear you, squad. And God was like, ‘yo, I remember the deal I made with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.’
25. And God peeped the Israelites and was like, ‘Hey, I’m feeling those vibes.’

1. So, Moses was lowkey watching Jethro’s flock, who was his father-in-law and also a priest of Midian. He took the flock to this chill spot in the desert and ended up at God’s mountain, aka Horeb.
2. Then, out of the blue, the LORD’s angel slid into the scene with this lit flame of fire popping out of a bush. Moses was shook, man. The bush was straight-up on fire but wasn’t burning up or anything. It was next level.
3. Moses was like, ‘Hold up, what’s the deal with this burning bush that’s not burning up? I gotta peep this.’
4. So when the LORD clocked that Moses was curious AF, God hit him up from the core of the bush, like, ‘Moses, Moses.’ And Moses was like, ‘What’s good, man?’
5. And God was like, ‘Chill, don’t come any closer. Kick off your kicks, dude. This ground you’re on is mad sacred and all that jazz.’
6. Alright, peeps, check it: He was all like, “Just so you know, I’m your dad’s God. The OG, same one who’s been chillin’ with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.” Moses was straight-up shook, yo, covering his face ’cause he couldn’t even handle looking at God.
7. Yo, God was like, “I’ve been keeping tabs on my crew in Egypt, heard their struggles with those bosses. Believe me, I know they’re going through some real tough times.”
8. So, like, I’m here to swoop in, rescue them from those Egyptians, and lead them to this dope land! It’s like paradise, man, overflowing with milk and honey, ya feel? Oh, and heads up, it’s where all those other tribes like the Canaanites, Hittites, and crew are kickin’ it.
9. So, listen up, y’all! The Israelites have been hitting me up, and lemme tell ya, I’ve seen how the Egyptians are treating them, straight-up oppressive vibes.
10. Aight, fam, it’s go time! I’m sending you straight to Pharaoh’s turf. Your mission? Free the Israelites from Egypt, no joke!
11. So, like, God, why me? Who even am I to hit up Pharaoh and bust the Israelites outta Egypt?
12. And He was like, totally vibing with you. Check this: Once you’ve rescued the squad from Egypt, you’re gonna vibe with God on this rad mountain.
13. So Moses was like, “Yo, God, listen up. When I slide to the Israelites and drop, ‘Hey, the God our homies believed in sent me to you,’ and they’re like, ‘What’s His handle, bro?’ What’s the word?”
14. And God was like, “Moses, I’m all about that self-existence, I just am who I am, you feel? So tell the Israelite crew that I’m the one who hit you up, like, I exist and all.”
15. Yo, Moses, God’s got more to say. Tell the Israel fam that the OG LORD God of your peeps – Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob – sent me to spit some truth. This name’s sticking around forever, a constant memo for all future crews.
16. A’ight, round up all the OGs of Israel and drop this message on ’em: The Most High, the God of your ancestors—Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob—pulled up and showed face to me. He was like, ‘I peeped what’s been going down with y’all in Egypt.’
17. I’m telling you, I’m about to snatch you outta that Egyptian mess and lead you to a dope land flowing with milk and honey, packed with Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites, and Jebusites. It’s gonna be lit!
18. And when you and the OGs slide up to the Egyptian king, you’ll be like, ‘Listen up, the Most High, the God of the Hebrews, has been vibing with us. So, can we dip for a three-day journey into the wild to offer sacrifices to our God?’
19. I’m telling you straight up, the Egyptian king ain’t gonna let you go, not even if you flex with some heavy firepower.
20. But I’m about to go hard, hitting Egypt with all sorts of mind-blowing miracles right in their face. After that, the king’s gonna cave and let y’all bounce.
21. And I’ll make sure the Egyptians show you some mad respect—believe that. When you dip, you won’t leave empty-handed.
22. Every girl’s gonna hit up her homegirl or the neighbor chick for some fresh silver and gold bling and stylish threads. Then, you’ll deck out your kids in the freshest gear, stacking up on all that loot from the Egyptians.

1. So Moses was all like, “Yo, peeps, what if they don’t vibe with me or listen to my words? They gonna be like, ‘Nah, dude, the Big Guy upstairs didn’t slide into your DMs.’”
2. And God was like, ‘Ayy, what’s that thing you flexing?’ And Moses was like, ‘Bruh, it’s a rod.’
3. Then God was like, ‘Bet, throw it on the ground.’ So he yeeted it down, and it glo’d up into a snake. Moses straight up bolted from that scene.
4. God was like, ‘Chill, Moses, just reach out and snatch it by the tail.’ So Moses did, he flexed his hand, grabbed it, and it glowed up into a lit staff:
5. So they’ll be woke to the fact that the LORD God, the OG God of their ancestors – Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob – really came through for you, fam.
6. Then God was like, “Yo, put your hand in your hoodie pocket, bro.” So he did it, and when he pulled it out, his hand was all covered in nasty leprosy, like super pale and gross.
7. And he was like, “Put your hand back in your hoodie.” So dude put his hand back in and took it out, and yo, it was totally back to normal, like his other skin and stuff.
8. So, like, if they don’t believe you or listen to the first sign, they’ll totally believe the second sign, you know what I’m saying?
9. If they still don’t believe after seeing those two signs or listening to you, take some water from the river and pour it on the dry ground. Then that water you take from the river will totally turn into blood on the dry ground.
10. So Moses was like, “Yo, God, I gotta keep it real with you. I ain’t exactly the smoothest talker, never have been, even after you spoke to me. I struggle to find the right words and get my point across.” (Just so you know, ‘eloquent’ means a person who’s good with words and ‘heretofore’ means since yesterday or even the day before that.)
11. And the LORD was like, ‘Yo, who made our mouths, fam? Who’s behind makin’ folks unable to speak, hear, or see, even makin’ them go blind? Oh yeah, that’s me, the LORD.
12. So, like, go now, and chill, I got your back, I’ll totally be with you and teach you what to say.
13. And Moses was like, ‘Yo Lord, just send someone already, whoever you wanna send, bro. You feel me? Like, it’s your call or whatever.’
14. So, like, God got kinda heated with Moses, and He was all like, ‘Yo, ain’t Aaron your homie? I know he’s smooth with words and all. Plus, peep this, he’s on his way to link with you, and he’s gonna be hyped when he sees you.’
15. Just vibe with him and drop the words to say. I’ll be there, speaking through both of you, showing you what’s up.
16. So, picture this: He’s like your ultimate hype man for the squad, no cap. Like, he’s your spokesperson, handling all the PR vibes. You got his back like a real one, ride-or-die style, and he’s holding you down like your direct link to the divine, you feel?
17. Check it, grab this rod and flex some next-level miraculous moves with it.
18. So Moses was like, “Bet, gotta bounce and reconnect with my crew in Egypt.” He hits up his father-in-law Jethro, and Jethro’s all cool with it, giving him the green light to dip.
19. Yo, Moses, listen up! The man upstairs, the LORD, dropped some truth bombs on you while you were chilling in Midian. He’s like, “Time to head back to Egypt, ’cause all those haters trying to take you out? They’re history now.”
20. Moses rolls out with the fam on a donkey, heading back to Egypt. And you know he’s packing God’s magical rod, just in case.
21. So, God’s all like, “Moses, when you roll back to Egypt, flex those miraculous powers I hooked you up with. But peep this, Pharaoh’s gonna be all stubborn, ain’t gonna budge.”
22. Tell Pharaoh straight up, the Big Guy says Israel’s like the OG child, the firstborn and all that jazz.
23. Listen, release my homie so he can do his thing serving me. But if you straight up ghost him, just know, I’m about to bring down some serious wrath, starting with your firstborn. No cap.
24. So, there’s this dude chilling at an inn, and then the LORD rolls up, mad as heck, ready to throw down.
25. Zipporah grabs a knife, does what’s gotta be done to her son, then throws the foreskin at Moses’s feet. She’s all like, “You’re a husband dripping in blood to me.”
26. So, like, he was all chill, saying, “Later, dude.” Then she’s like, “Dude, you’re all holy now ’cause of that whole circumcision thing.”
27. And God was like, “Aaron, head to the wilderness and meet up with Moses.” So Aaron bounced and they met at God’s mountain, and they were like, “Bro, good to see you!” and gave each other dap.
28. So Moses spilled the tea to Aaron about everything the LORD told him and all the lit tasks He wanted Aaron to handle.
29. So Moses and Aaron were like, “Let’s gather up all the OGs of the Israelite crew:”
30. Yo, Aaron straight up relayed all the words that the LORD had spoken to Moses, and he even threw in some sick signs in front of the people, you feel?
31. And the people were totally sold: when they heard that the LORD had their back, and He was all about their struggles, they were shook and showed major respect by bowing down and worshipping.

1. So Moses and Aaron rolled up to Pharaoh, and they were like, “Listen up, dude. The big man upstairs, the God of Israel, is saying, ‘Let my crew go so they can party it up for me in the wilderness.’”
2. Pharaoh was all, “Who’s this God you’re talking about? Why should I let Israel dip? I don’t know this guy, and I ain’t about to set Israel free.”
3. So Moses and Aaron were like, “Bro, the Hebrews’ God just flexed on us hard. Let’s dip and take, like, a three-day road trip to the desert to throw down some sacrifices for our God. If we don’t, we’re gonna catch some serious plague or get wrecked by swords.”
4. Then Pharaoh was like, “Why are you, Moses and Aaron, letting the people slack off? Get back to your own grind.”
5. Pharaoh was like, “Hold up! There’s a huge crowd here, and you’re out here letting them slack off from their grind.”
6. So Pharaoh was all like, “Listen up, crew, no slacking off today, got it?”
7. He was like, “Forget providing straw for those bricks, they gotta fetch their own now.”
8. But here’s the deal: they still gotta crank out the same number of bricks as before. No slacking just ’cause they’re griping about wanting to bounce to worship their God.
9. So, throw more tasks their way, keep ’em busy, no time for chitchat. #WorkModeActivated
10. Then the higher-ups, you know, the taskmasters and officers, they hit up the workers like, “Pharaoh said no straw, just a heads up.”
11. Hey, go and scavenge for some straw wherever, but chill, they ain’t cutting you no slack on the workload.
12. So, everybody was spread out across Egypt, hunting for straw substitutes.
13. The bosses were all, ‘Hey, hustle up, get your grind on, just like back when we had all we needed. Same old, same old, get it done!’
14. Pharaoh’s crew, the ones he put in charge, were harshing on the Israelites big time. They got slammed and were like, ‘Why you slacking on those bricks, huh? You used to nail it every day!’
15. So, the Israelite leaders rolled up to Pharaoh and straight up asked, ‘Bro, what’s with the treatment?’
16. Yo, they didn’t even give us any straw, and now they’re telling us to make bricks. And guess what? Your workers are straight-up beating us. But it’s not on us, it’s your crew’s fault.
17. But then he’s all like, bro, you’re just chilling in laziness, for real: that’s why you’re all, ‘Let’s dip and make a sacrifice to the LORD.’
18. So, like, hustle up, ASAP! But yo, they ain’t gonna hook you up with any straw, but you still gotta make sure to deliver those bricks, you feel?
19. So, the leaders of the Israelite squad peeped that things were getting hella bad when they got told they couldn’t even slack on the number of bricks they had to make each day.
20. So Moses and Aaron crossed paths, blocking each other’s way, after they bounced from Pharaoh’s spot:
21. And they were all like, OMG, may the LORD peep what you did and, like, give you a fair shake, ’cause seriously, you’ve just made Pharaoh and his crew despise us even more! They’re ready to roll up with their swords and, like, totally wipe us out. It’s, like, a major crisis, you know? #StressedOut
22. So Moses hits up God again and he’s all like, ‘Bruh, why you gotta be so harsh on these folks? What’s the deal with sending me here in the first place?’
23. I’ve been on Pharaoh’s case since day one, delivering your message and all, but he’s been causing nothing but trouble for our peeps. And honestly, it feels like you haven’t even shown up to rescue your own people. Like, seriously, zero help. #LetDown

1. And God was like, “Yo Moses, get ready to see the insane stuff I’m about to pull on Pharaoh. He’s gonna be so freaked out that he’ll have no choice but to let my people go, like, he’ll literally kick them out with some major force.”
2. And God, talking to Moses, was like, “I am the LORD, you know, the all-powerful one and everything, like JEHOVAH and all that.”
3. So, like, I showed up to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob as God Almighty, you know? But, like, they didn’t really know me by my name JEHOVAH. That wasn’t the vibe back then, you feel me?
4. And just so you know, I made a super tight agreement with them, promising to give them the land of Canaan, you know, the place they were just wandering around like total newbies.
5. And hey, I’ve totally heard the struggles of the Israelite fam, stuck under the Egyptians’ rule. And guess what? I haven’t forgotten the covenant I made with them!
6. Yo, what’s good, Israelites? It’s the LORD here, and I’m about to show those Egyptians what’s up. I’m gonna free y’all from their crazy work, rescue you from their slavery, and save you with my epic power and judgments.
7. And guess what? You’re gonna be my crew, my squad, and I’ll be your go-to, your ultimate plug. You’ll see that I’m the LORD your God, the one who’s got your back and is getting you out of that rough life in Egypt.
8. And I’ll hook you up with that promised land I swore to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. It’s all yours, no cap. I’m the LORD, just so you know. (Hebrew meaning high-five)
9. So Moses was like, “Hey y’all, listen up,” to the children of Israel. But they weren’t having it because they were super stressed and dealing with some serious oppression, you feel? Their spirits were crushed, and they were stuck in this crazy unfair situation.
10. So then God spoke to Moses and was like,
11. Sure thing, here’s a Gen Z version that keeps it respectful and biblical:
12. Yo, go holla at Pharaoh, the king of Egypt, and tell him to let the Israelites dip out of his land.
13. So, Moses was like, “God, the Israelites won’t even listen to me! How am I supposed to get Pharaoh to pay attention when I’m not good with words and stuff?”
14. But the LORD was like, “Moses and Aaron, I’ve got a mission for you. Go talk to the Israelites and Pharaoh, the king of Egypt, and tell them to let the Israelites leave Egypt.”
15. These are the original leaders of their families: The squad of Reuben, Israel’s oldest son: Hanoch, Pallu, Hezron, and Carmi. These are the families of Reuben.
16. Simeon’s squad was fire, with Jemuel, Jamin, Ohad, Jachin, Zohar, and Shaul reppin’ hard. Shaul’s mom was a Canaanite, no cap. These were Simeon’s boys.
17. Now, here are the names of Levi’s sons, keeping it in the fam: Gershon, Kohath, and Merari. Levi lived for a solid 137 years, which is pretty legendary.
18. Gershon’s crew: Libni and Shimi, leading their own clans.
19. Kohath had four sons: Amram, Izhar, Hebron, and Uzziel. Kohath lived for a cool 133 years. That’s a good run, no doubt.
20. The squad of Merari was Mahali and Mushi, rounding out Levi’s fam vibes.
21. Amram married his aunt Jochebed, his dad’s sis. They had two legends: Aaron and Moses. Amram lived to an epic 137 years!
22. Yo, so Izhar was flexing with his squad, Korah, Nepheg, and Zichri, all cool kids.
23. Uzziel wasn’t slacking either, he had three sons: Mishael, Elzaphan, and Zithri.
24. Then Aaron hooked up with Elisheba, who was Amminadab’s daughter and Naashon’s sis, and they were official. They had four kids: Nadab, Abihu, Eleazar, and Ithamar.
25. Korah’s clique was tight with Assir, Elkanah, and Abiasaph rollin’ in the crew. That’s the Korhites squad, no doubt.
26. Eleazar, Aaron’s son, linked up with one of Putiel’s daughters, and they had Phinehas. These OGs were leadin’ the Levites, holdin’ it down for their fams.
27. So, like, these guys Aaron and Moses, the LORD was all like, yo, tell the children of Israel to bounce from Egypt with their squads.
28. Yo, these are the peeps who talked to Pharaoh, the ruler of Egypt, and convinced him to let the Israelite kids bounce from that place. Moses and Aaron were the ones making it happen.
29. So, like, one day when the Big Man upstairs, the LORD, was talking to Moses in, like, Egypt land,
30. So, like, God totally spoke to Moses and was all like, ‘Yo, I’m the LORD, dude!’ And He told Moses to go talk to Pharaoh, the king of Egypt, and spill all the tea about everything I’m telling you, like, no holding back, man.
31. So, Moses was like, ‘Yo, God, you see, my way of speaking isn’t the greatest, like I ain’t got that smooth tongue. How can I expect Pharaoh to listen to me then? Like, it’s gonna be tough, you know?’

1. Ayy, Moses, listen up! I’m ’bout to boost your rep in Pharaoh’s crib. You’ll be like straight divine to him, and Aaron, your bro, gonna be hyping you up, spreading your godly word.
2. You gotta spit exactly what I’m feeding you: Aaron, your homie, gonna step to Pharaoh like, ‘Yo, let the Israel crew peace out from your turf.’
3. I’m gonna make Pharaoh’s heart stone cold, and crank up the miracles and crazy moves I’m dropping in Egypt.
4. But Pharaoh ain’t gonna vibe with you, so I can flex my power over Egypt and save my squad, the Israelites, from there with some lit judgments.
5. And yo, the Egyptians gonna wake up and see that I, God, am the real deal when I flex on Egypt and free the Israelite crew from their grip.
6. So Moses and Aaron straight followed what the LORD said, no questions. They were all about that divine obedience, and they nailed it!
7. So, like, Moses was, like, hitting his 80s, and Aaron was, like, 83 when they stepped up to Pharaoh.
8. So, like, God’s hitting up Moses and Aaron, and He’s all, “Listen up, fam.”
9. So, like, when Pharaoh’s all up in your grill like, “Yo, show me something dope,” you gotta be like, “Aaron, bro, grab your staff and drop it in front of Pharaoh.” And whoosh! It’s gonna morph into a lit snake, man.
10. So, Moses and Aaron straight-up roll into Pharaoh’s palace and they’re like, “Time to flex what the LORD said.” Aaron drops his staff, and boom! Snake city.
11. So Pharaoh’s like, “I need some next-level stuff!” and he calls in the wise dudes and the sorcery squad – those Egyptian magicians who are all about their magic tricks. And guess what? They pull off the same moves, like, no sweat.
12. So, like, everyone’s tossing down their staffs and they’re all slithering. But Aaron’s staff? Totally munches up theirs.
13. And Big Man upstairs made Pharaoh’s heart stubborn, so he didn’t vibe with them, just like Big Man said.
14. Yo, Big Man upstairs was like, “Moses, listen up! Pharaoh’s heart is like solid rock, dude’s totally refusing to let the crew bounce.”
15. Roll up to Pharaoh in the AM, he’s hitting the water. Chill by the river till he rolls in, and don’t forget to bring that rod that went all snake-mode in your grip.
16. Yo, drop him this line: Big Man upstairs, the Hebrews’ OG, hit me up and sent me your way, saying, ‘Let my squad bounce so they can vibe with me in the wild. But dude, you’ve been ghostin’ so far.’
17. Listen close! This is what Big Man says: I’m about to flex and show you I ain’t playin’. Watch me smack the river’s waters with my rod and boom! It’s gonna turn into blood.
18. And like, all the fish in the river are gonna croak and the whole place is gonna reek! The Egyptians are gonna be gaggin’ and definitely not sippin’ on that water anymore.
19. So, like, God was talking to Moses and was all like, ‘Aaron, bro, grab your rod, and wave your hand over all the water in Egypt – streams, rivers, ponds, even the pools – and let’s turn it all into blood. Let that crimson liquid flow all over Egypt, even in wooden and stone containers.’
20. So Moses and Aaron were on it, doing what the LORD said. Moses lifted his staff and struck the river water. And everyone, including Pharaoh and his crew, watched as the river straight-up transformed into blood.
21. Yeah, so all the fish in the river kicked the bucket, and it got real gross and stinky. Egyptians couldn’t even take a sip from the river, man. And, like, the whole land of Egypt was just drenched in blood, you feel me?
22. Now, the Egyptian sorcerers, they tried to pull off their magical mojo, but Pharaoh’s heart was straight-up stubborn, not even giving them a second glance, just like the LORD called it.
23. So, Pharaoh jetted back to his crib, not even giving this whole situation a second thought.
24. Meanwhile, all the Egyptians were scrambling around, trying to find some clean water ’cause they couldn’t even gulp down what was in the river.
25. And after a whole week, when the LORD hit that river, game over, man.

Alright, check this out, fam:

1. So, God hits up Moses, right? And He’s all like, “Yo, Mo, gotta chat with Pharaoh. Tell him straight up from me: Let my crew bounce so they can worship.”
2. And if Pharaoh ain’t vibing with that, brace yourself for a frogpocalypse, dude.
3. We’re talking frog central, flooding the scene. These little dudes will be everywhere – in your crib, your room, even crashing on your bed. They’ll invade your servants’ spots too, and swarm all over your homies. Heck, they’ll even crash in your kitchen, messing with your ovens and mixers. Total chaos, man.
4. Frogs, man, frogs everywhere – on you, your squad, the whole shebang.
5. So, God’s like, “Moses, hit up Aaron. Tell him to do his thing with his staff and summon the frog army. Let’s give Egypt a taste of the amphibian takeover.”
6. Aaron straight up flexed, putting his hand over Egypt’s waters. Then bam! Frogs started popping up everywhere, straight-up taking over Egypt.
7. Them magicians tried pulling off their magic tricks, conjuring up a bunch of frogs all over Egypt.
8. So Pharaoh hits up Moses and Aaron like, ‘Hey, can you hit up the big guy upstairs to get rid of these annoying frogs? They’re totally buggin’ me and my crew. And if you make it happen, I’m cool with letting the people bounce and do their sacrifice thing for the LORD.’
9. Yo, Pharaoh, listen up. When you want me to ask the big guy upstairs to deal with these frogs all over your crib and your peeps’? Can we at least keep ’em in the river? It’s on you, man. Just say the word, and I’ll make it go down.
10. And he’s like, ‘Yeah, tomorrow.’ And Moses is like, ‘Okay, cool. Let it happen just like you said, so everyone knows there’s no one as awesome as the LORD our God.’
11. And the frogs will bounce from you, your pad, your crew, and your fam; they’ll just chill in the river, ya feel?
12. So Moses and Aaron dipped from Pharaoh’s place, and Moses straight up hit up the Most High ’cause of those super annoying frogs he let loose on Pharaoh.
13. So, like, God totally did what Moses said, and the frogs all croaked out of people’s spots, the towns, and the fields.
14. And they stacked ’em up high: and the whole place reeked.
15. But when Pharaoh clocked he caught a break, he stubbornly shut his ears to them, just like the LORD said.
16. Yo, the Big Man upstairs told Moses to tell Aaron to flex his rod and smack the dirt of the land. That way, it’s gonna turn into lice all over Egypt.
17. So Aaron did his thing, he raised his hand with his rod and BOOM, he smacked the earth’s dust and it turned into a swarm of lice. Not just on people, but on animals too! The whole land was crawling with lice, from one end to the other throughout Egypt.
18. So the magicians tried their tricks to summon lice, but totally flopped: the result? People and animals were both crawling with lice.
19. So, like, these magicians were all up in Pharaoh’s grill, being like, “Yo, Pharaoh, this is totally God flexing His power,” but Pharaoh was like, so stubborn, didn’t even wanna hear it, just like the LORD predicted.
20. Then God’s like, “Hey, Moses, rise and shine, man. Early bird gets the worm, ya know? Head over to Pharaoh, he’s off to the water. Here’s the script: ‘Let my people bounce, so they can worship me.’”
21. “If you don’t cut my squad loose, brace yourself, ’cause I’m about to drop a swarm of flies on you, your posse, your whole entourage, and even your crib. Egyptians gonna have flies up in their houses, even the ground’s gonna be crawling.”
22. “But hold up, I’m carving out this spot called Goshen for my crew. Fly-free zone, just so you know who’s boss. Right smack in the middle of everything, dig?”
23. “I’m setting my people apart from yours. Tomorrow, boom, sign’s up. 💥”
24. And bam! God did it—flies swarming Pharaoh’s pad, his homies’ pads, and all over Egypt. Flies everywhere, messing up the scene.
25. Pharaoh slid into Moses and Aaron’s DMs like, ‘Yo, do your sacrifice gig for your God right here in Egypt, you know?’
26. But Moses was like, nah, we can’t vibe with that. We can’t flex with the stuff Egyptians worship in front of the LORD our God. Like, imagine if we did that, they’d totally throw shade at us, no cap.
27. We’re gonna bounce through the wilderness for like three days and offer a sacrifice to the LORD our God, just like He told us.
28. So Pharaoh was like, ‘Aight, I’ll let you guys dip and do your worship thing in the wilderness, but stay close, and yo, hook me up with some prayers, alright? Keep me in the loop, fam.’
29. Then Moses was like, ‘Imma peace out and chat with the big man upstairs. I’m gonna ask the LORD to swat those annoying fly swarms away from Pharaoh, his crew, and his squad by tomorrow. But Pharaoh better stop messing around and let the peeps go worship the LORD.’
30. So Moses dipped from Pharaoh’s place and straight up pleaded with the LORD.
31. So, dude, God totally listened to Moses and straight-up got rid of all those pesky flies from Pharaoh, his squad, and even his crew. Like, not even one fly was left buzzing around.
32. And Pharaoh, man, he was stubborn as ever, straight-up refusing to let the people bounce.

1. A’ight, Moses, peep this. God’s dropping you a line to hit up Pharaoh with this message: “Godd, the ultimate leader of the Hebrew squad, wants His crew to break free from slavery so they can vibe with Him proper.”
2. If Pharaoh keeps ghosting the idea and clings onto his power trip,
3. Check it, yo! The Lord’s gonna throw down some serious vibes on all the animals in the field—cows, horses, donkeys, camels, oxen, and sheep. It’s gonna be a sick nasty disease, fam.
4. The LORD’s gonna straight up separate the Hebrews’ animals from Egypt’s crew, and none of the Hebrews’ animals are gonna get touched. No stress, fam.
5. And God’s like, “Listen up, tomorrow’s gonna be lit in this joint, you dig?”
6. And the Big Guy upstairs made it happen the next day—every cow in Egypt croaked, but not a single one belonging to the Israelite crew bit the dust.
7. So, Pharaoh got hit up, but guess what? Not a single Israelite cow was down for the count. But Pharaoh was still acting all stubborn, keeping his heart locked down and not letting the people jet.
8. Then, God was like, ‘Yo, Moses and Aaron, grab some ashes from the furnace and have Moses sprinkle it up toward the sky in front of Pharaoh.’
9. And get this, Egypt was about to be covered in this super tiny dust that was gonna bring out these nasty boils and blisters on people and animals, spreading like wildfire throughout the whole land of Egypt.
10. So, they snagged some ashes from the furnace and stepped up to Pharaoh. Moses sprinkled it up towards the sky, and bam, everyone started breaking out in gnarly boils, humans and animals alike.
11. So, like, those magicians couldn’t even handle Moses, fam! They were totally covered in nasty boils, just like all the other Egyptians, ya know?
12. So, like, God totally made Pharaoh’s heart stubborn, and he, like, didn’t listen to Moses and them, just like God said, you feel?
13. So like, God was straight up talking to Moses and was all like, ‘Dude, wake up early in the morning and go stand in front of Pharaoh. Then say to him, ‘Yo, this is what the LORD, the God of the Hebrews, is saying: Let my people bounce so they can worship me.’
14. ‘Cause I’m about to unleash all my epic disasters on you, your crew, and your peeps. Just so you realize that there’s no one cooler than me in the entire world, fam.
15. Yo, I’m about to flex and bring down some serious fire! Gonna hit you and your squad with mad plagues, and you’ll be wiped off the face of the earth, straight up.
16. So check it, I straight up brought you into this world to show off my power through you and spread my name all over the globe. (Oh, by the way, “raised” means I basically made you stand.)
17. Why you still frontin’, not letting my squad bounce?
18. Listen up, fam! Tomorrow, same time, I’m droppin’ hail so intense, Egypt ain’t ever seen anything like it, not since day one!
19. So, like, round up all your animals and stuff from the fields. If you leave them out, this hail gonna wreck ’em real bad.
20. Now, the homie who had mad respect for the LORD’s word, he made sure his crew and his animals were straight chilling up in the houses, you feel?
21. If you weren’t vibing with what the LORD was laying down, you basically ghosted your squad and your pets in the field. #mybad #shouldvebeenlistening
22. And then God was like, ‘Yo Moses, throw your hand up high, we’re about to bring some heavy hail vibes all across Egypt. It’s gonna rain ice on everyone and everything, dude.’
23. So Moses was like, ‘Say less,’ and he raised his staff to the sky. Then bam! The LORD sent this epic thunderstorm with hail, plus some fire action on the side. And yeah, it started raining hail like crazy all over Egypt.
24. It was insane, fam! This insane storm hit with hail and fire, like the ultimate combo. Egypt had never seen anything like it, total chaos, dude!
25. So yeah, this mega hailstorm swept through Egypt, wrecking everything in its path – plants, trees, and even folks and animals caught out there. It was next-level, man.
26. Over in Goshen where the Israelite fam was posted, there wasn’t any wild hailstorm vibes happening.
27. So Pharaoh slid into their DMs, like, ‘Hey, Moses and Aaron, I totally messed up, fam. The big guy upstairs is totally right, and me and my crew are straight up wrong, no cap.’
28. Like, can you hit up the Lord (seriously, it’s getting old) to calm down with all the booming thunder and hailstorms? I’ll give you the green light to dip outta here. No more delays, I promise. (Those thunder… things were intense, bro!)
29. Moses was like, “Once I’m outta here, I’m gonna throw up my hands to the LORD, and you’ll see, the thunder will chill and there won’t be any more hail. It’s gonna show you that the whole earth belongs to the LORD.”
30. But let’s be real, I know you and your squad ain’t gonna be giving any respect to the LORD God just yet.
31. And dude, the flax and barley got totally messed up, bro. ‘Cause the barley was at that stage where it’s all sprouted, and the flax was flowering, man.
32. But the wheat and the rye were totally untouched, ’cause they weren’t fully grown yet. They were still low-key hidden, like in the dark.
33. So Moses dipped from the city and hit up the LORD, throwing his hands up high. And then, bam, the crazy thunderstorms and hail dipped, and no more rain dropped on the ground.
34. And when Pharaoh peeped that the rain and the hail and the mega loud thunders were done, he like, totally sinned even harder, and straight up hardened his heart, along with his whole crew.
35. But, like, Pharaoh’s heart was all stubborn and stuff, and he was like, “No way, I’m not letting the Israelite squad bounce!” Just like the LORD had said through Moses, ya feel?

1. And God was like, “Moses, dude, go hit up Pharaoh, ’cause I totally made him and his crew stubborn on purpose, just so I could flex my miracles in front of him, you know?”
2. So you can pass on the story to your kid and your grandkid, and let them know all the lit stuff I pulled off in Egypt, the insane miracles I pulled. It’s all to show you that I’m the ultimate boss, the LORD.
3. So Moses and Aaron rolled up to Pharaoh and were like, “Bro, the LORD God of the Hebrews is saying, ‘Dude, how much longer are you gonna keep being all stubborn and not show some respect? Just let my peeps bounce, so they can do their thing and serve me, got it?”
4. If you keep frontin’ and won’t let my squad dip, check it, tomorrow I’m dropping swarms of locusts straight to your hood.
5. So basically, they’re gonna be everywhere, like you won’t even be able to see the ground. And they’ll munch on whatever’s left after the insane hailstorm, even all the trees in your fields. (P.S. ‘face’ in Hebrew means ‘eye’)
6. And, dude, they straight up raided your pad, your crew’s pads, and every other pad in Egypt. This is next-level stuff, fam, like none of your ancestors or their ancestors have ever seen, from way back then till now. Then Moses dipped out on Pharaoh, just like that.
7. Pharaoh’s crew was like, “Bruh, how much longer we gonna let this guy play us? Let Moses and his squad dip and do their thing for the LORD their God. Don’t you see Egypt’s already wrecked?”
8. So Moses and Aaron got dragged back to Pharaoh, and he’s like, “Alright, go do your worship thing for the LORD your God. But spill, who’s rolling with you? Who’s in the squad?”
9. Moses is like, “Everybody’s in on this vibe. Youngsters, old-timers, sons, daughters, pets – we’re all in! Gotta throw a lit feast for the LORD.”
10. Pharaoh’s like, “May the LORD be with y’all, just as I’m letting you and your little ones bounce. But stay woke, danger’s lurking ahead.”
11. Dude, it’s cool. You peeps should just bounce and do your thing for the LORD, like you wanted. Then Pharaoh straight up kicked them out of his crib.
12. So God was like, “Yo, Moses, extend your hand over Egypt, ’cause we’re about to bring some locusts up in here. They gonna munch on all the plants that survived the hail, no chill.”
13. So Moses whipped out his staff and held it up in Egypt, and the LORD brought a sick east wind that lasted the whole day and night. And when morning came, the east wind brought in a swarm of locusts!
14. And so, like, these locusts covered all of Egypt and just chilled out everywhere, man. It was crazy intense; there had never been locusts like that before, and there won’t ever be any like them again.
15. Like, they totally covered the whole earth and it got super dark because they ate up all the plants and fruits that were left after the hailstorm. Literally no green stuff was left on the trees or in the fields throughout the entire land of Egypt.
16. So Pharaoh was all, ‘Hey, Moses and Aaron, slide over here real quick!’ And he’s like, ‘Dudes, I totally blew it big time. I messed up big time against the LORD your God and against you.’
17. So, yeah, I really messed up this one time, but could you, like, talk to God for me and just, you know, ask Him to forgive me and take away this whole death sentence thing?
18. So Moses and Aaron dipped out of Pharaoh’s place and straight-up begged the LORD.
19. Then God sent this crazy strong west wind that straight up yeeted the locusts and chucked them into the Red Sea, leaving zero locusts anywhere in Egypt. Not even one, fam!
20. But, like, God made Pharaoh’s heart super stubborn, so he wouldn’t even let the Israelite crew bounce.
21. And God was like, ‘Hey Moses, raise your hand toward the sky so that darkness can cover all of Egypt. And it’s gonna be, like, mega intense darkness, you can literally feel it, you know? Like, it’s gonna be next level darkness.’
22. So Moses was like, “Hands up to the sky!” And bam! Darkness hit Egypt like never before, three whole days of blackout!
23. Nobody could see squat or move an inch for those days. But Israel? They had lit vibes in their pads.
24. Pharaoh pinged Moses like, “Okay, okay, do your worship gig for the LORD. But keep your pets in check and don’t forget the kiddos.”
25. Moses was like, “We need those sacrifices and offerings to vibe with the LORD, you feel? It’s a must. So, hook us up.”
26. All our animals are tagging along, no one’s getting left behind. Gotta serve the Lord, no clue what we’ll need ’til we’re there.
27. But God did a number on Pharaoh’s stubborn heart, dude wouldn’t budge.
28. Pharaoh’s all, “Get lost and don’t even think about coming back! You show up again, you’re toast!”
29. Moses dropped the mic, “You got it, man. Peace out, never seein’ your mug again.”

1. So, like, God was all, ‘Hey Moses, check it, I got one more major thing lined up for Pharaoh and Egypt. Once this hits, he’s totally gonna let you all peace out. And when he finally caves and lets y’all bounce, he’s gonna straight up kick you out, no joke.’
2. Hey, fam! Spread the word to hit up everyone and ask for some serious bling, both the dudes and the ladies, like silver and gold jewelry.
3. God made the Egyptians totally vibe with the Israelites. And Moses? Man, he was like the king of the scene in Egypt, everybody was all about him, even the Pharaoh’s crew and the regular folks.
4. Yo, Moses was like, listen up, squad! The LORD has spoken and he’s all, ‘When the clock strikes midnight, I’m gonna make a grand exit right in the heart of Egypt, you feel me?’
5. Listen up, y’all! Over in Egypt, all the oldest peeps, from the Pharaoh’s main heir to the lowest servant’s firstborn, gonna be out. And don’t sleep on it, even the firstborn animals won’t catch a break.
6. So, Egypt was like, in total chaos, with everyone wailing, like, it was seriously insane, never seen anything like it before.
7. But not even a single pup barked at any Israelite, human or animal. It was to show that the Big Guy upstairs sets Egyptians and Israelites apart.
8. And all Pharaoh’s crew were like, “Peace out, take your peeps and go.” And then Moses was like, “Later,” and bounced. Pharaoh was fuming.
9. Then God drops Moses a line, like, “Bro, Pharaoh ain’t gonna listen to you. I’m just flexing my miracle game all over Egypt.”
10. So, Moses and Aaron pulled off these epic miracles in front of Pharaoh. But check this, the Big Guy made Pharaoh’s heart solid as a rock, so he wouldn’t let the Israelite crew bounce from his turf.

1. So, picture this, right? God’s vibing with Moses and Aaron, chillin’ in Egypt, and here’s what He’s dropping:
2. “Listen up, fam, this month? It’s the big one, like, the OG of all months, you feel me?”
3. “Spread the word to all the Israel crew: On the tenth day of this month, each homie gotta snag a lamb for their pad, based on their family line, ya feel? One lamb per fam, straight up. (Oh, and ‘lamb’ can also mean a kid, just so you know)”
4. “If the lamb’s too much for one crew to handle, let the dude team up with his neighbor and split it based on hunger levels. Everyone’s gotta get their fair share, ya know?”
5. “Make sure your lamb’s on point, flawless, like a fresh one-year-old male. Whether it’s from sheep or goats, that’s your offering.”
6. “And keep the vibes flowing until the fourteenth day of the same month: that’s when the whole Israel squad’s gonna bring it, come evening time.”
7. So, they gotta take some of that blood and dab it on the two side posts and on top of the door frame of their homes, where they’re gonna grub down.
8. Then it’s feast time! Cook up that meat over the flames, and serve it with some flatbread, no yeast allowed. Oh, and don’t forget to sprinkle in those bitter herbs – it’s all about that combo bite.
9. No raw or boiled stuff, fam! We’re talking about grilling it up! Cook everything – head, legs, and all the guts.
10. And listen up, don’t leave any leftovers till morning; anything left, gotta burn it up with fire before the sun comes up.
11. Alright, fam, here’s the game plan: Be ready to bounce, rock your jeans and kicks, and have your phone in hand, ready to dip, okay? No time to waste, it’s the LORD’s passover vibes.
12. Check it, tonight I’m sliding through Egypt to drop some knowledge. I’m taking out all the firstborns, no exceptions – humans or animals. And you know what? I’m not just dealing with the peeps, I’m showing those Egyptian gods who’s boss too. It’s time for some major judgment, and let me tell you, I’m the LORD, so I’m calling the shots. (Or should I say, the princes?)]
13. And when the blood’s on your doorframes, that’s my cue. I’ll pass over, no plague vibes for you when I’m hitting up Egypt.
14. This day? It’s gonna be engraved in your memory banks. Throw down a lit fest for the LORD, and keep the party going for your future squads. It’s like an eternal shindig, never losing its cool.
15. For a whole week, it’s all about that flatbread, zero yeast vibes. Clean out any leavening on day one. ‘Cause if anyone dares to snack on leavened bread from day one to day seven, they’re getting kicked out of the Israel squad.
16. First day, casual hangout. Seventh day, another chill sesh. No work vibes on those days, just grubbing out, that’s the vibe. (P.S. “mann’” means soul in Hebrew)
17. Keep the unleavened bread party going, ’cause on this day, I pulled your squad out of Egypt. So, keep the celebration going for all future squads, it’s a forever vibe.
18. So, like, on the first month, when it hits the fourteenth day at night, you gotta grub on some unleavened bread until the twenty-first day at night.
19. For a whole week, make sure your crib’s free from leaven. ‘Cause if anyone snacks on leavened goods, they’re totally out of the Israel squad, whether they’re newbies or day ones.
20. No leavened snacks allowed! Stick to that unleavened bread, no matter where you’re posted.
21. Moses got the OG Israel crew together and was like, yo, grab a lamb or a kid if that’s your vibe, for each fam, and sacrifice it for passover.
22. Then snag some hyssop, dip it in the blood, and sprinkle it on the doorway and the side posts. Nobody steps out till the next morning.
23. The LORD’s gonna roll through and wreck those Egyptians. But if He sees the blood on your doorframe and side panels, He’s gonna pass right over, keeping your homes safe and sound.
24. And you gotta keep this tradition rolling, like, forever, for you and your future crew, ya feel?
25. When you finally touchdown in the land the LORD’s promised, you gotta keep this whole service vibe going strong, you dig?
26. Picture this: your future kids hit you up like, ‘What’s the deal with this service thing, fam?’
27. You gotta drop the knowledge like, ‘This is the lit sacrifice for the LORD’s passover, when He flexed and passed over the Israel fam’s cribs in Egypt. He straight up clapped the Egyptians and saved our spot. And we all showed mad respect and worshiped.’
28. So, the Israel squad bounced and followed the LORD’s instructions that Moses and Aaron passed down. Total obedience, no cap!
29. Check this out: In the dead of night, the LORD went all supernatural and took out every firstborn in Egypt. Yeah, from Pharaoh’s top dog firstborn son to the prisoner stuck in the dungeon, and even the firstborn animals caught the fade, bro. (BTW, dungeon means like, house of the pit in case you didn’t know)
30. So, like, Pharaoh and all his crew, along with everyone in Egypt, started freaking out big time in the middle of the night. It was like, a major panic mode, dude! There wasn’t a single house in the whole place where someone didn’t end up, you know, passing away.
31. Then, out of the blue, God hit up Moses and Aaron in the dead of night and was all like, ‘Hey, rise and shine! Get outta here with the Israel squad. Time to serve the LORD, just like you promised.’
32. Gather your squad and all your pets like you said, bounce outta here, and don’t forget to sprinkle some blessings my way.
33. The Egyptians were totally rushing everyone to leave Egypt because they thought we were all gonna meet our end.
34. So, like, the peeps grabbed their dough before it could even rise, and they packed up their baking tools in their bags and carried them on their backs. Oh, and by the way, ‘kneading troughs’ is just fancy talk for dough, in case you didn’t know.
35. The Israelites totally followed Moses’ lead, ya know? And they straight-up asked the Egyptians for all their bling-bling – silver and gold jewels, and even some swanky threads!
36. And then, like, God made the Egyptians think the Israelites were super cool, so they totally hooked them up with whatever they needed. And guess what? The Israelites ended up scoring a ton of stuff from the Egyptians.
37. So, the whole Israel fam dipped from Rameses to Succoth, with like, 600k dudes hoofin’ it, not even counting the kiddos.
38. So, like, a crew of peeps rolled out of Egypt, and they brought a load of animals, I mean, we’re talking tons of cows and stuff.
39. They whipped up some plain cakes with the dough they lugged from Egypt. Zero yeast vibes because they had to bounce pronto, no time to whip up fancy eats.
40. The Israelite squad, man, they kicked it in Egypt for a solid four hundred and thirty years.
41. After waiting forever, I’m talking exactly four hundred and thirty years down to the minute, it finally went down! On that very day, all the LORD’s squads ghosted Egypt like, peace out, fam!
42. This night is off the charts for the LORD ’cause He busted the Israelites outta Egypt. It’s THE night to remember for all future generations of Israel’s crew to party and reminisce. #NightOfObservation
43. And God was like, yo Moses and Aaron, here’s the deal for Passover: No randoms crashing that feast:
44. Yo, if you buy a servant with cash and then decide to circumcise him, he’s totally allowed to join in on the meal, ya feel?
45. But don’t let any outsiders or hired help crash the feast, alright?
46. When you grub, do it all in one spot, keep the food inside, and don’t break any bones, no flexin’.
47. Everybody in the Israel squad gotta follow through, no ifs or buts.
48. If a new bud wants to vibe with you during Passover, they gotta get circumcised first, then they’re in like Flynn. Treat them like they’re locals, ’cause only the circumcised crew can feast.
49. Whether you’re a local or just passing through, same rules apply.
50. So, all the Israel fam rolled with what the LORD told Moses and Aaron, no doubt.
51. And on that day, the LORD led the Israel crew out of Egypt, squad deep.

1. And God was like, “Moses, yo, listen up,”
2. “Yo, set apart all the firstborn for me, whether they’re human or animal, from the children of Israel. They’re mine, no doubt.”
3. “Listen up, fam! Moses was all like, ‘Yo peeps, never forget the day we totally dipped outta Egypt, straight outta slavery! The Lord flexed his power and saved us from that, so we gotta ditch the leavened bread. No more of that, aight?’
4. “Yo fam, today’s the day you dipped out in the month called Abib.
5. “And when the LORD takes you to the land of the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Hivites, and Jebusites, just like he promised your ancestors, a place that’s all abundant and awesome, make sure you celebrate this occasion every year.
6. For a whole week, you gotta vibe with that unleavened bread, and when the seventh day hits, it’s party time to honor the big guy upstairs.
7. You’re sticking with that unleavened bread for the entire week, and don’t even think about bringing any leavened bread into your crib. No leaven allowed, period.
8. And on that day, you gotta tell your homie like, ‘Yo, this went down ’cause the big man upstairs straight up came through for me when I dipped out of Egypt.’
9. And this is gonna be like a sick accessory on your wrist, and a fresh reminder right between your eyes, so you’re always repping God’s law, ’cause you know, the Lord totally flexed and saved you from Egypt with some serious power moves.
10. So keep throwing down with this tradition every year at the right time, no cap.
11. So, when the big guy upstairs hooks you up with the Canaanites’ turf, just like He promised your squad and your fam way back, and slides it your way,
12. You gotta hook up anything that pops out first or kicks off the womb scene for the big man upstairs, whether it’s a human or some four-legged homie. Those firstborns? They’re on the big guy’s roster.
13. So, like, if your firstborn donkey rolls through, you gotta swap it for a lamb, you know? And if you ain’t vibing with that, then you gotta handle it, bro. Oh, and BTW, any firstborn human in your crew, you gotta make a move to redeem them too. Just a heads up, you can also swap ‘lamb’ for ‘kid’ if that’s more your vibe.
14. And when your future kid hits you with the ‘What’s the deal with this?’ vibes, you gotta drop the knowledge, like, ‘Yo, the big guy flexed His power and dipped us outta Egypt, where we were all locked down, you dig? That’s how it went down, fam. Tomorrow’s a new day, just so you know.’
15. So, like, when Pharaoh was acting all stubborn about letting us bounce, the big guy upstairs went and took out all the firstborns in Egypt, humans and animals alike. That’s why I slide offerings to the big guy with all the firstborn male animals. But when it comes to my own kids, I’m all about the redemption vibe instead.
16. Yo, rock that symbol on your hand and right between your brows, to always keep it in mind that the Big Man upstairs pulled us outta Egypt with His epic power moves.
17. So, when Pharaoh finally caved and let the squad bounce, God didn’t take ’em through Philistine turf, even though it was a shortcut and all. ‘Cause, you know, He was like, “Nah fam, they ain’t ready for that battle vibe yet. They might chicken out and wanna go back to Egypt, you feel?”
18. But Big G was on point, leading the crew on this crazy desert trek by the Red Sea, with the Israelites rollin’ out in formation like they owned the place. They were all geared up and ready for action.
19. So, Moses made sure to grab Joseph’s bones, ’cause he had made a solid promise to the squad, like, “Chillax, Big Man upstairs got us. And when we dip from this joint, Joseph’s bones gotta come too.”
20. Then they dipped from Succoth and pitched camp in Etham, right at the edge of the wilderness scene.
21. And Big Man upstairs had their backs, guiding their path by day with this sick cloud and lighting up their nights with a lit fire, so they could roll non-stop, 24/7.
22. He kept that cloud chillin’ during the day and the fire blazing at night, leading the squad like a boss, no matter the time.

1. Ayy, so God hit up Moses and was all like,
2. “Yo, Moses, tell the Israel fam to slide over and post up near Pihahiroth, between Migdol and the sea, right in front of Baalzephon. They gotta set up camp right by the sea, no cap.”
3. Pharaoh gonna be like, “Bruh, those Israel kids got themselves stuck, the wilderness got ’em boxed in.”
4. “I’m gonna amp up Pharaoh’s stubbornness so he’ll come chasing after them. And I’m gonna flex my power to Pharaoh and his crew, just so the Egyptians can peep that I’m the real deal. And yup, that’s exactly what went down.”
5. So, like, word got to the king of Egypt that the Israelites dipped, and Pharaoh and his crew got all salty and started trippin’ on the people. They were like, “Why’d we let Israel bounce? What were we even thinking?”
6. So dude grabbed his whip and rounded up his crew:
7. He rolled in with six hundred sick chariots, snatching up all the dope rides in Egypt, with bosses running the show on each one.
8. But God made Pharaoh king of Egypt hella stubborn, and he came chasing after the Israelites, who were straight-up bouncing with confidence.
9. The Egyptians were hot on their tail, rolling with all their horses, chariots, and gear, plus their cavalry and the whole shebang. They caught up with them at the sea, near this spot called Pihahiroth, right before Baalzephon.
10. So Pharaoh got closer, and the Israelites peeped the Egyptians coming up from behind. They were freaking out, crying out to the LORD for real.
11. So, the crew was all up in Moses’ grill, like, “Bro, seriously?! You couldn’t find enough graves back in Egypt? You really had to drag us out here into the middle of nowhere just to keel over? Why you gotta play us like that, dragging us outta Egypt?”
12. They were throwing it back, like, “Yo, remember when we straight up told you in Egypt to leave us alone so we could just keep grinding for the Egyptians? We figured being their servants beat straight up dying out here in the desert.”
13. And Moses was like, “Hold up, hold up, don’t even trip, fam! Just chill and watch the LORD flex His power today. Swear, you won’t even see those Egyptians ever again. It’s gonna be epic!”
14. God’s got your back, so just vibe and let Him handle it.
15. Then God was like, “Moses, why you crying out to me, bro? Tell the Israelite crew to stop stalling and keep it movin’—forward!”
16. Alright fam, listen up! Moses was like, “Grab your rod, hold it up like you’re about to drop the hottest track, then watch the sea split like it’s no biggie. We’re talking Moses parting the waves, making way for the squad to stroll through on dry land!”
17. Then, plot twist! God’s like, “Imma make those Egyptian hearts as stubborn as they come. They’ll be on our tails faster than you can say ‘partay’!” And guess what? Pharaoh and his crew, with their fancy chariots and fierce horsemen, are in for a reality check. It’s gonna be lit!
18. When I flex on Pharaoh and his crew, they’ll finally get it. They’ll know who’s the real deal, the big boss upstairs, after I show ’em who’s boss over their flashy chariots and horse squad.
19. So, get this. The angel sent by God, who was leading the Israel squad, decided to pull a sneaky move and hang back. And get this, that cloud that was guiding them? It moved from the front to the back! Talk about some divine GPS!
20. Picture this: a massive cloud rolls up between the Egyptian and Israelite camps. It’s all ominous and spooky for the Egyptians, but for the Israelites? It’s like a rave, lighting up their night! This crazy cloud keeps ’em separated all night long, no chance of them accidentally bumping into each other.
21. So Moses straight up lifted his hand and flexed it over the sea, and then the LORD was like, ‘Yo, I got this!’ He whipped up this insane strong wind all night from the east, and guess what? It actually made the sea pull a reverse Uno card, turning it into solid ground and splitting the waters in half. Talk about a total power move!
22. So, like, the Israelites straight-up walked through the sea on this, like, super dry ground! And get this – the water, it was like a wall on their right and left. How epic is that?!
23. So, like, the Egyptians were totally chasing after them, and they even went into the sea with all of Pharaoh’s horses, chariots, and horsemen.
24. Then, like, in the early morning, the LORD checked out the Egyptian crew through the fire and cloud thingy, and totally wrecked them.
25. And they straight up popped the wheels off their fancy chariots, causing them to move painfully slow. The Egyptians were like, ‘Yo, let’s bounce and run away from Israel because the Lord is totally backing them up, fighting against us.’
26. So, God was like, “Yo Moses, stretch out your hand over the sea and watch the water come back, soaking those Egyptians, their fancy rides, and their horse crew.”
27. Moses was like, “Word,” and stretched out his hand. When morning came, the sea was like, “I’m back, baby!” and the Egyptians were like, “Peace out!” But then the LORD wrecked them right there in the sea.
28. The water came crashing back, wrecking their rides, their crew, and all of Pharaoh’s squad who chased them; not one survived.
29. So, the Israelites straight-up walked on dry ground through the sea, fam. The water was like a solid wall, keeping them safe.
30. God totally saved Israel from the Egyptians that day, and when Israel checked it out, they saw those Egyptians washed up on the beach. It was wild!
31. Israel saw the LORD’s epic moves against the Egyptians and were shook. They had mad respect for the LORD and believed in Him and Moses. #miraclehands

1. So Moses and the Israelite crew dropped this lit track for the LORD, like, ‘Yo, we’re vibing for the LORD ’cause He absolutely killed it! He totally wiped out that horse and its rider, sent ’em straight into the sea!’
2. GOD is, like, my ultimate power and vibe, you know? He’s totally come through for me. He’s my main, my ride or die, you get me? And I’m setting Him up with a dope spot to chill. He’s my OG, my number one, and I’m giving Him all the props.
3. Yo, the LORD is like a total warrior, dude! His name is the LORD, no lie.
4. Yo, God straight up tossed Pharaoh’s whips and his whole crew into the sea. Even their top dogs got dunked in the Red Sea.
5. They got completely covered and went straight down, sinking like a rock to the bottom.
6. Yo, God, your right hand is flexin’ with mad power, straight up obliteratin’ the enemy.
7. And when you unleashed your absolute greatness, you straight up wrecked those haters who dared to come at you. You let loose your furious anger, wiping them out like they were just dry grass on a scorchin’ summer day.
8. And, like, your breath made the waters come together, the floods stood tall like a massive pile, and even the deep parts of the sea were frozen solid.
9. The hater was all like, ‘I’m gonna chase ’em down, catch ’em, and snatch their stuff. I’ll get what I want, and I’ll even bust out my sword and wreck ’em myself.’
10. But you, you brought in your chill wind, and the sea was all like whoosh and swallowed ’em up: they sank like heavy metal in the deep waters.
11. Yo, who even comes close to You, LORD? Like seriously, no one can match Your glory, Your holiness, and the way You blow our minds with epic miracles. I mean, talk about setting the bar sky-high! No other gods even stand a chance, you dig?!
12. You straight up flexed Your power, and the earth just swallowed them whole.
13. You, in Your kindness, have been leading Your squad, guiding them with Your strength straight to Your holy crib.
14. When the crew hears about it, they gonna be shook: sadness gonna grip the folks in Palestina.
15. Yo, the Edom crew gonna be trembling; the Moab squad gonna be shook to the core; everyone in Canaan gonna be straight up freaking out.
16. They’re gonna be trippin’ and totally shook when they see how much power You’re packin’, like frozen in their tracks. You’re gonna have them stuck until your crew can cross over, Lord, the ones You’ve totally saved and got on lock.
17. You gotta bring them in and plant them in that rad mountain that’s all Yours, where You chill and vibe, in Your holy crib that You built with Your own hands, Lord.
18. God’s gonna be runnin’ the show forever and ever, no cap.
19. So, like, Pharaoh’s whole crew of horses and chariots rolled into the sea, with all the horsemen and stuff. And then, God made the sea go wild and the water came crashing down on them. But the Israelites, man, they straight up walked right through the sea on dry land. No getting wet or anything.
20. And Miriam, the original prophetess, who also happens to be Aaron’s sis, grabbed a sick timbrel and led a lit squad of ladies out there, with timbrels and bustin’ out moves.
21. Miriam was all, “Hey, let’s drop some sick beats for the LORD! He totally crushed it, making those horses and their riders bite the dust in the sea.”
22. So Moses took the Israel crew away from the Red Sea and they hit up this crazy spot called Shur; they were trekking through the wilderness for like three whole days, and man, they were parched, couldn’t find a drop of water anywhere. It was a real struggle, dude.
23. Then they rolled into Marah, but the water there was, like, nasty bitter, couldn’t even take a sip. So they named the place Marah, which basically means bitterness.
24. The squad was like, “Moses, for real? How we gonna quench our thirst though?”
25. And he was like, “OMG, he hit up the LORD and the LORD was like, ‘Gotcha!’ He showed him this dope tree, and when Moses tossed it into the water, bam! It became sweet and refreshing. Then, right then and there, he laid down some cool rules and regs for them, you know?”
26. And, yo, listen up! If you really vibe with what the LORD your God is saying, and you do what’s right by Him, obeying His commands and keeping all His rules, then you won’t have to deal with any of the sicknesses the Egyptians were facing. Because, you know, I’m the LORD, the one who’s got your back, healing you and all.
27. So they hit up Elim, which was like oasis central, with twelve water wells and seventy palm trees. They set up camp there by the water, living the good life.

1. So, they bounced from Elim, and all the Israelites rolled into the wilderness of Sin. It’s that spot between Elim and Sinai. They pulled up there on the fifteenth day of the second month after dipping from Egypt.
2. So, basically, all the Israelite squad started griping about Moses and Aaron while they were kicking it in the wilderness.
3. The Israelites were like, ‘Ugh, we wish we were back in Egypt, where the grub was lit. You just had to drag us out here to starve us.’
4. So, like, God was chatting with Moses, right? And He was like, ‘Yo Moses, peep this, I’m gonna drop manna from heaven for you and the crew. But here’s the deal, they gotta only gather enough for the day. I’m testing them to see if they’ll stick to my rules.’
5. And yo, on the sixth day, they gotta gather double ’cause that’s what they’ll be munching on. Double the usual stash, you feel?
6. So Moses and Aaron were all like, “Hey, Israel crew, listen in! When the sun sets, that’s the sign that the LORD has totally set you free from Egypt’s grip.
7. And come morning, you’re gonna witness some serious divine action. Like, God hears you out, every complaint and all. So, what’s with the grumbles? Who do you think we are?
8. Moses was like, “God’s gonna hook you up with meat at night and bread in the morning, ’cause He knows the deal. But let’s be clear, your beef ain’t with us, it’s with the big guy up there.
9. So Moses tells Aaron, “Bro, go rally up all the Israelites, ’cause they’ve been making noise, and God’s been tuning in.”
10. Aaron gathers the crew, and they’re all staring into the wilderness, when suddenly, boom, the LORD’s epic glory rolls in, like this cloud vibe.
11. So, God was vibing with Moses, and He dropped this message like, “I peeped the chatter among the Israelite crew: tell ’em this, ‘When the night kicks in, grub’s on with some meat, and when the sun peeks, you won’t starve ’cause you’ll have bread for days. That’s how you’ll know I’m the real deal, the LORD your God.’”
12. When it got dark, a flock of quails swooped in and blanketed the camp. And come morning, dew coated everything, like, everywhere, all around the squad.
13. When the dew bounced, boom, there it was, smack in the middle of nowhere, this tiny, round thing, tinier than tiny, like frost on the ground.
14. So, when the Israelites spotted it, they were like, “Whoa, what’s the deal with this?” And they were like, “It’s manna, dude!” They had no clue. So Moses was like, “Listen up, fam, this right here is the bread that the LORD’s serving, so dig in!”
15. When the Israelites peeped that scene, they were all like, “Whoa, fam, what’s the deal with this stuff?” And they were all, “It’s like, straight-up manna, dude!” They were clueless about it, you know? So Moses was like, “Hey, fam, listen up! This right here is the bread that the LORD’s dropping for you, so chow down!”
16. Alright, peeps, listen up ’cause the big man upstairs has a message for ya: Grab enough grub for each of your crew, like one omer per head. Make sure you count everyone in your squad and snag plenty for each in their own tents. Let’s get this bread!
17. So the Israelites were on it, and they all gathered their portions, some more, some less.
18. When they measured it out with an omer, those who gathered heaps didn’t end up with extra, and those who gathered less didn’t go hungry; they all got what they needed to chow down.
19. Then Moses was like, “Hold up, don’t even think about saving any of that for tomorrow, fam.”
20. But they weren’t vibing with Moses’ advice, and some of them didn’t finish their food and held onto it until the next day. It went all funky, with maggots popping up, and Moses was seriously ticked off at them.
21. So, like, every morning they’d scoop up just enough for brekkie, making sure everyone had their fill. And when the sun beamed down, that stuff just straight-up vanished.
22. Then, on the sixth day, they snagged double the grub, two portions for each person. And all the big shots in the crew marched up to Moses, spillin’ all the deets.
23. Moses was like, “Listen up, fam, the Big Man upstairs has spoken. Tomorrow’s the chill day, it’s all about that holy sabbath vibe for the LORD. So, feel free to whip up whatever in the kitchen today. And if you’ve got leftovers, just stash ’em for tomorrow morning, no sweat.”
24. So, they followed Moses’ lead, left it till morning, and guess what? No funky smell, no creepy crawlies, nada.
25. Then Moses was like, “Yo, grab some grub today ’cause it’s the Lord’s chill day, fam. Ain’t no food popping off in the fields today, so get it while it’s hot.”
26. So, like, you gotta hustle and grab all that stuff for six straight days, but when it comes to the seventh day, AKA the sabbath, it’s like a ghost town, nada available.
27. So, on the chill seventh day, some peeps decided to go out to gather, but they came up empty-handed, nothing in sight.
28. Then God’s like, ‘Hey, Moses, for real, how much longer you gonna play deaf to my commandments and laws?
29. Listen up! The big man upstairs, the LORD, hooked you up with that sabbath day vibe. So, on the sixth day, he’s making sure you’ve got enough bread to last two days. Here’s the deal: everyone stays put in their own spot on the seventh day, no one’s supposed to be out and about.
30. And that’s how it went down, everyone just chilling on the seventh day, keeping it low-key.
31. So the Israelites were like, “Let’s call it Manna.” It was small, like coriander seeds, and white. And when they tasted it, it was sweet, like honey-flavored wafers.
32. Moses was all, “Hey, guys, God’s saying we gotta stash some of this, like an omer, for the future. It’s gonna remind us of the bread that kept us going when we were lost in the wilderness after leaving Egypt.”
33. “Yo, Aaron,” he said, “grab a pot, fill it with that fresh manna, and stash it before the LORD. It’s gonna be a timeless reminder for our crew.”
34. Aaron did exactly what the LORD told Moses and put it in front of the Testimony to keep it safe.
35. So, for like, a solid 40 years, the Israelites had manna. It was their go-to until they finally hit up a place with actual people. Manna was their vibe until they reached Canaan, you feel?
36. And just so you know, an omer is like, a tenth of an ephah.

1. Alright, so picture this: all the Israelites, they’re on this big trip together, right? They bounce from this place called the wilderness of Sin, after trekking through a bunch of spots, ’cause the LORD said so. Then they roll up to this spot called Rephidim, you dig? But, uh-oh, there ain’t no water for the crew to sip on! Can you even believe it?
2. So the squad starts whining to Moses, like, ‘Yo, hook us up with some H2O.’ And Moses is like, ‘Why you gotta be all up in my grill? Why you testing the LORD like that?’
3. Then everyone’s parched and starts getting all up in Moses’ face, like, ‘Why’d you drag us out of Egypt just to let us, our kids, and even our pets die of thirst?’
4. So, Moses hits up the big guy upstairs, like, ‘Yo, what’s the play with these peeps? They’re ready to straight up take me out.’
5. And then God’s like, ‘Moses, take charge in front of the crew. Get some OGs from Israel with you, and don’t forget that stick you used to smack the river. Grip onto it and start stepping.’
6. Hey, check it, fam! Picture this: I’m posted up on this rock in Horeb, right in front of y’all. Just give that rock a solid smack, and bam! Water starts gushing out, quenching everyone’s thirst. And guess what? Moses totally pulled it off, with all the elders of Israel peeping the whole scene go down.
7. So, he dubbed that spot Massah and Meribah, ’cause the Israelites were straight-up complaining and putting the Lord to the test, questioning if He was really rolling with them or not. (Massah means ‘Temptation’ and Meribah means ‘Chiding’ or ‘Strife’)
8. Then, Amalek rolls through and starts throwing hands with Israel in Rephidim.
9. Moses is like, “Ayo, Joshua, gather your crew, we’re about to throw down with Amalek. Tomorrow, I’ll be posted on the hilltop, holding God’s rod in my hand.” (Oh, BTW, Joshua used to go by Jesus, just FYI)
10. Joshua straight-up follows Moses’ lead and rallies the troops against Amalek. Meanwhile, Moses, Aaron, and Hur, they’re posted up on the hill, you feel?
11. So, picture this: when Moses raised his hand, Israel owned the battlefield, but when he dropped it, Amalek started winning.
12. Moses was getting worn out, so they found a rock for him to chill on. Aaron and Hur stepped up, one on each side, holding up his hands steady until the sun called it a day.
13. Joshua straight-up demolished Amalek and crew with some serious sword skills.
14. God was like, ‘Moses, jot this down in a book for future reference, and make sure Joshua’s in the loop. I’m wiping out any trace of Amalek’s name from history.’
15. Moses set up this dope altar and said, ‘We’re naming this place Jehovahnissi, which means, like, The LORD my banner.’ He’s our ultimate leader, guiding us with righteous vibes, you get me?
16. He’s like, ‘Listen up. The Lord’s swearing there’s gonna be an epic showdown with Amalek, like, forever! Amalek’s got beef with the Lord’s throne, so it’s game on!’

1. Yo, when Jethro, this rad priest from Midian and Moses’ father-in-law, caught wind of all the insane stuff God pulled off for Moses and the Israel squad, like, saving them from Egypt and all;
2. So, Jethro, Moses’ father-in-law, hooked up Zipporah, Moses’ wife, and brought her back after Moses had sent her away.
3. And check it, they had two sons; one was named Gershom, which means ‘a stranger there,’ ’cause, you know, feeling like a total outsider in a foreign land.
4. The other dude’s name? Eliezer. It’s like, ’cause my dad’s God had my back, straight-up saved me from Pharaoh’s sword. Eliezer? That’s some next-level name meaning ‘My God is help,’ just so you’re in the loop.
5. So Jethro, Moses’ father-in-law, rolls up with his fam – sons and wife – to kick it with Moses out in the wild, where he was posted up camp at the mountain of God:
6. And Jethro was like, “Hey Moses, listen up fam. It’s your boy Jethro, your father-in-law, sliding into your DMs. Just rolled in with your wifey and her two sons, no cap.”
7. So Moses dipped out to link up with his father-in-law, showed him mad respect, and they vibed, asking how each other’s been. Then they kicked it in the tent.
8. So Moses was like, spilling all the tea to his father-in-law about how the LORD straight-up wrecked Pharaoh and the Egyptians for Israel, and all the insane stuff they went through on their journey. It was lit, fam.
9. And Jethro was hyped AF about all the epic moves the LORD pulled for Israel, saving them from those wild Egyptians! 🙌
10. And Jethro was like, “Whoa, shoutout to the Big Guy, the LORD, for pulling y’all outta the grip of those Egyptians and Pharaoh, freeing the homies from their hold.”
11. Yo, check it, I’m vibin’ with this now. The LORD? Straight up, he’s the top dog, like no cap. He’s flexin’ on all them other gods with his epic vibes and he’s way above their ego levels. Can’t mess with that, fam.
12. So, Jethro, Moses’ father-in-law, decided to throw a lit BBQ bash for God. Aaron and all the OG elders of Israel showed up to chill and munch with Moses’ father-in-law, all in the presence of the Most High.
13. The next day, Moses started droppin’ wisdom bombs to solve people’s beefs. And folks were lining up all day, waiting to get some of that judgment sauce from Moses.
14. When Jethro peeped what was goin’ down, he was like, “Bruh, what’s the deal? Why you out here grindin’ solo while everyone else is just twiddlin’ their thumbs? For real?”
15. So Moses was like, “Listen up, old man, these homies keep comin’ to me with their problems, lookin’ for advice straight from the Man Upstairs:
16. When they’ve got beef, they slide into my DMs, and I’m like the go-to peacemaker, laying down the divine 411, keeping things righteous.
17. Moses’ father-in-law was straight up like, “Dude, you’re doing too much.”
18. Bro, you’re gonna crash and burn, and take everyone down with you. This gig’s too heavy for just one person to carry. You need backup, for real. (You’ll fade into obscurity, no cap)
19. Listen up! Here’s the scoop: God’s got your back, so make sure you’re repping the people in His presence. Take their concerns straight to the big man upstairs, fam!
20. And you gotta school them on the commandments and laws, and show them the ropes on living right and what’s what.
21. “Yo, gotta pick some solid peeps from the crew, ones who stay true to God, keep it real, and steer clear of greed. Set ’em up as leaders of big squads, smaller crews, tiny cliques, and even tinier squads.”
22. “Let these homies handle the day-to-day decisions for the people. If it’s major, they can hit you up, but for the small stuff, they got it. That way, you won’t be swamped, and they’ll help carry the load.”
23. “If you roll with what God’s saying and He’s vibing with it, you’ll handle it, and your crew will be cool, doing their thing without drama.”
24. “So Moses took his father-in-law’s advice and ran with it.”
25. “Moses tapped into some top-notch peeps from all corners of Israel and made ’em leaders. They were the big shots, in charge of thousands, hundreds, fifties, and tens.”
26. So, like, everyone was totally judging each other non-stop, right? When things got super complicated, they’d hit up Moses for advice, but for all the small stuff, they just sorted it out themselves.
27. Then Moses was like, “Later, pops!” to his father-in-law and jetted back to his homeland.

1. So, like, it was about three months since the Israelite squad bounced from Egypt, and they straight up found themselves in the middle of nowhere, Sinai vibes.
2. They jetted from Rephidim and rolled into the Sinai desert. Pitched camp in the middle of nowhere, and that’s where they posted up, right in front of the mountain.
3. So Moses hiked up to chat with God, and the LORD hollered at him from the mountain. He was like, “Yo, here’s the scoop for the Jacob crew and the Israelite fam:”
4. Remember when I flexed on the Egyptians? And how I swooped in like a boss, carrying you on eagles’ wings to get you closer to me?
5. So, if you’re down to vibe with me and keep it real with my commandments, you’ll be my VIPs, like, top tier. ‘Cause, straight up, the whole earth is mine, you feel?
6. And y’all gonna be like a squad of priests, ultra-holy and all that. These are the words you gotta drop on the Israel crew.
7. So Moses pulls up, rounds up all the OGs of the squad, and straight up spills all the deets the LORD dropped on him, right in their faces.
8. And everyone’s vibing, like, ‘Yeah, we’re totally on board with what the LORD said, we’re in.’ Then Moses is like, ‘For real?’ and bounces back to the LORD with the squad’s response.
9. God’s like, ‘Moses, check it! I’m sliding through in a lit cloud so the whole squad can vibe with me when I speak to you, and fully trust your words, no cap.’ So Moses runs back and relays all the crew’s words to God.
10. Then God’s like, ‘Moses, hit up the crew and tell ’em to clean up today and tomorrow, scrubbing up their gear.’
11. Get lit for the third day ’cause that’s when the LORD is gonna show up on Mount Sinai and it’s gonna be epic.
12. Yo, stay in your lane, fam. Don’t even think about trespassing on that mountain or coming anywhere near it. Anyone who tries will straight up be out, no debate.
13. Hands off, y’all! If anyone even touches it, they’re gonna catch some serious heat, whether they’re human or beast! They ain’t gonna make it! When that trumpet blasts long, everyone better be heading up the mountain. (Oh, and FYI, “trumpet” can mean “cornet” too, in case you didn’t know!)
14. So Moses came down from the mountain to the crew, and got them all holy and clean; and they got their act together.
15. And he told the squad, Get it together by the third day: no messing around with your homies, bro.
16. Yo, so, after three days in the A.M., there were lit thunders, lightnings, and a thick cloud on the mountain. And the sound of the trumpet was off the charts, making everyone in the camp freak out.
17. So Moses took the squad out of the camp to link up with God, and they all gathered at the base of the mountain.
18. So, Mount Sinai was, like, totally covered in smoke because, you know, the LORD came down on it in fire. And the smoke, it was rising up like a massive furnace, and the whole mountain was shaking like crazy.
19. When the trumpet was blasting loud, getting louder and louder, Moses spoke up, and God answered him with a voice.
20. So, God totally showed up on Mount Sinai, right at the tippy-top. And He called Moses to come up there, and Moses was like, ‘For sure!’ and hiked all the way up.
21. Moses, yo, check it. The Most High told him to roll down and give the heads up to the peeps not to get too close, ’cause getting all up in the Most High’s grill might end up in some serious consequences. (Think of it like, trying to throw shade or pick a fight with Him)
22. And yo, the priests gotta make sure they’re clean AF before they step into the Most High’s presence, or else they might catch some serious heat.
23. So, Moses was like, ‘Yo, Big G, the squad can’t roll up Mount Sinai. You said we gotta put up some boundaries and make that place holy, right?’
24. And Big G was like, ‘Moses, slide down there and then roll back up with Aaron. But make sure the priests and the squad don’t try to crash the party and come up to me, ’cause I might just unleash some serious vibes on ’em.’
25. So Moses dipped down to the squad and started laying down some truth.

1. Okay, peeps, listen up! God dropped some major truth bombs, like,
2. I’m the Big Guy Upstairs, your God, the one who busted you out of Egypt, from that whole slavery gig.
3. No other gods get top billing in your life, capisce?
4. Nix on the whole crafting idols thing, whether they’re of stuff in the heavens, on the earth, or chilling underwater.
5. And listen, don’t even think about sliding over to other gods’ DMs or becoming their hype squad, ’cause I, the LORD your God, am, like, fiercely loyal. I’m keeping tabs on those who diss me, and trust me, their offspring are gonna be dealing with the consequences for, like, the next three or four generations.
6. So, like, if you’re all about spreading love to thousands of peeps who are totally vibing with me and doing whatever I say, that’s major coolness.
7. Dude, don’t throw around God’s name like it’s nothing, ’cause you won’t get off easy with that.
8. Hey, remember to chill on the sabbath day and keep it totally sacred.
9. Yo, grind hard for six days, get all your stuff done, squad:
10. Oh, and on the seventh day, it’s like, the chill day of the LORD your God. You and your whole crew, even your pets, gotta kick back and relax, yo. Plus, anyone hanging with you should totally join in on the downtime at your place.
11. Yo, peeps, check it: God totally whipped up everything we see – the sky, the earth, the ocean, and all the living things – in just six days. Then, on day seven, He was like, ‘Chillin’ time’. And boom, that’s why He blessed the seventh day and made it all holy and stuff.
12. Show some love to your folks, yo, so you can live that long and blessed life on the land God hooked you up with. 🙌
13. Bro, seriously, don’t even think about taking someone’s life. Not cool, not cool at all.
14. Listen up, squad, keep it real with your bae. Cheating ain’t the vibe.
15. Aight, fam, straight up, don’t be out here snatching stuff that ain’t yours. Keep it honest.
16. Yo, don’t be out there spreading fake news about your squad.
17. Don’t be all jelly of your neighbor’s setup, don’t be thirstin’ after their significant other, their crew, their gear, their wheels, or anything else they got goin’.
18. So, picture this: there’s this insane thunder, lightning, and this mega loud trumpet blast, and the whole mountain’s lit, literally smokin’! And yo, when the crew peeped that, they straight up backed off, kept their distance, you feel me?
19. And they were like, ‘Moses, dude, you speak for us, we’ll listen, but don’t let God hit us up direct, that’s some scary stuff, we might not make it.’
20. Listen in, fam! Moses was like, ‘Chill, God’s just testing you, making sure you stay on point, don’t stray off course.’
21. And the crew kept their distance, while Moses vibed into the depths where God was chilling.
22. And God was like, “Hey Moses, go spread the word to the Israel squad that they witnessed me dropping some divine truth straight from the heavens.”
23. “Seriously, don’t even think about crafting any silver or gold idols to replace me. That’s a major don’t-go-there.”
24. “Build me an altar with earthy vibes, where you can offer up your sacrifices—burnt offerings, peace offerings, sheep, and oxen. Whenever I bless a spot with my name, I’ll pull through and bless y’all.”
25. “And if you’re gonna construct an altar for me, keep it natural, man. No fancy stone carvings allowed. Messing with that’s like dissing the vibe, you feel me? #KeepItRaw”
26. “Oh, and don’t build any stairs leading up to my altar, so nobody’s accidentally flashing some skin when they come to worship.”

1. Yo, check it, these are the straight-up rules you gotta lay down, aight?
2. So, if you hire a Hebrew homie, they grind for you for six straight years. But on that seventh year, they peace out without owing you squat.
3. If he’s ridin’ solo, he gotta bounce solo. But if he’s got a wifey, she’s rollin’ with him. (solo: Hebrew term for with his body)
4. Now, if his boss hooked him up with a partner and they’ve got kids together, the partner and their offspring belong to the boss, and he can dip on his own.
5. And if the servant’s like, “I’m all about my master, my wifey, and my kids, I ain’t bouncin’ outta here,” then you gotta respect that vibe.
6. So, picture this, the boss takes him to the judges, right at the door or by the door post, and he straight up pierces his ear with a tool, yo. And from then on, he’s gonna serve him forever.
7. If someone’s selling his daughter to work as a maidservant, remember, she ain’t getting out like the manservants do.
8. If she ain’t making her master happy, the one who was gonna marry her, he’s gotta let her go, and someone else can step in and buy her. He can’t just ship her off to another country ’cause he wasn’t straight up with her.
9. And if he’s, like, betrothed her to his son, then he’s gotta treat her like his own daughter, you get me?
10. If he’s thinking about getting another partner, he better not forget about taking care of her basic needs and doing his part in the marriage game.
11. Yo, if he ain’t pulling through with these three, then she’s free to bounce without dropping a dime.
12. Straight up, if somebody takes another’s life, they’re looking at a serious judgment—like, no way around it.
13. And if some bro ain’t schemin’, but God’s got him on His radar, I’ll hook him up with a safe zone.
14. But if a dude’s on some shady mission to off his neighbor, you gotta haul him outta my sacred space, ’cause he’s asking for it.
15. Anyone disrespecting their folks? That’s a one-way ticket to the ultimate penalty—no exceptions.
16. If anyone kidnaps and sells another person or gets caught with them, they’re straight-up getting the death penalty. No cap.
17. If anyone disses their parents, they’re done for. Seriously, they’re getting the death penalty. No joke. Don’t mess with your fam, for real. #respect
18. If some dudes are fighting and one hits the other with a rock or a fist, and the guy doesn’t die but ends up bedridden:
19. If the dude gets back up and can walk around with his squad, the one who hit him is off the hook, but they gotta pay for the time he missed and make sure he’s all good. And I mean IRL, not in a game. No cheat codes, bro.
20. If someone beats their servant or maid with a rod and they die, that person is definitely getting punished.
21. But if he stays alive for a day or two, he won’t be punished, ‘cause he’s just handling his own business.
22. If some guys get into a fight and accidentally hurt a pregnant woman, causing her to miscarry but nothing else happens, they’ll get punished as the woman’s husband decides, plus a fine set by the judges.
23. But if there’s more serious damage, then it’s life for life,
24. Eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot,
25. Burn for burn, wound for wound, bruise for bruise.
26. If someone messes up their servant’s eye so bad that it’s permanently damaged, they gotta let the servant go free to make up for it.
27. If they knock out their servant’s tooth, whether it’s a dude or a girl, they have to set them free to make up for the tooth.
28. If an ox gores and kills someone, no matter if it’s a guy or a girl, that ox has to be stoned to death, no exceptions. And nobody gets to eat it, but the owner isn’t held responsible.
29. But for real, if that ox has a rep for attacking people and the owner knew about it but did nothing, and it ends up killing someone, then the ox gets stoned and the owner has to face the music and be put to death too.
30. If the owner can pay a ransom, they gotta pay whatever’s demanded to save their own life.
31. If someone hurts a son or daughter, the consequences will be determined by this judgment.
32. Yo, if an ox goes and hurts a servant, the owner’s gotta pay thirty shekels of silver to the servant’s boss, and they gotta stone the ox. Actions have consequences, you know?
33. If someone digs a pit and doesn’t cover it, and an ox or donkey falls in;
34. If you accidentally damage someone’s property, you gotta compensate them. Then, the damaged property belongs to the person who lost it.
35. If one person’s ox hurts another person’s ox so bad it dies, they gotta sell the live ox and split the money. Also, they split the dead ox. It’s all about being fair and square.
36. If it turns out the ox has a history of charging and the owner didn’t control it, they gotta give an ox in return, and the dead animal becomes their responsibility.

1. Yo, if a dude swipes someone’s ox or sheep, then kills it or sells it, he’s gotta pay back five oxen for that stolen ox and four sheep for that stolen sheep. Same goes for goats.
2. If someone catches a thief breaking in and ends up killing them, they’re not gonna get in trouble for it.
3. If it’s during the day and the thief gets caught, there will be consequences. He’s gotta make things right or deal with the fallout. If he’s broke, he’ll be sold to pay off what he stole.
4. If someone gets caught stealing and still has the stolen goods, whether it’s an ox, donkey, or sheep, they gotta give back double what they took.
5. If someone lets their animal graze in someone else’s field or vineyard, they gotta make up for it by sharing the best of their own field and vineyard.
6. If you accidentally start a fire and it spreads to thorn bushes, burning up someone’s stacks of corn, standing corn, or field, you gotta cover all the damages, no cap.
7. If you trust your neighbor with your money or stuff and it gets stolen from their crib, and they catch the thief, the thief has to pay back double, no questions.
8. If they can’t find the thief, then the homeowner has to go to court to see if they jacked your stuff themselves.
9. If someone does something shady, like taking someone’s ox, donkey, sheep, clothes, or anything someone says is theirs, both sides have to go to the judges. Whoever the judges say is guilty has to pay double to their neighbor.
10. If you give your neighbor an animal to look after, like a donkey, cow, or sheep, and it dies, gets hurt, or goes missing without anyone seeing it happen:
11. So, like, if someone swears by God that they didn’t take their neighbor’s stuff, they gotta make an oath. If the owner is cool with it, they don’t have to pay anything back.
12. But if it got stolen from them, they gotta give it back, no questions asked.
13. If it’s all messed up, they just need to show the proof and don’t have to fix it.
14. If someone borrows something from their friend and it gets damaged or dies while the owner isn’t there, they definitely gotta make it right.
15. But if the owner is there, they don’t have to pay for any damages; if it’s something they borrowed, they gotta return it in the same condition.
16. If a dude hooks up with a girl who’s not engaged yet, he’s gotta step up and marry her for real.
17. If her dad’s not cool with it, the guy’s gotta pay up like what other girls usually get as a dowry.
18. No witches allowed, for real.
19. Anyone getting with an animal? They’re facing major consequences, no joke.
20. Anyone worshipping any god other than the LORD? They’re in serious trouble, big time.
21. Don’t be rude or treat newbies unfairly. Remember, we were once the new kids in Egypt.
22. Don’t be mean to widows or kids without parents.
23. If you mess with them and they cry out to me, trust me, I’ll hear them loud and clear;
24. And I’m gonna be seriously mad, like, flaming mad, and I’ll come at you with a vengeance. Your wives will end up without husbands, and your kids without dads. It’s gonna be intense, for real.
25. If you lend money to any of my people who are struggling, don’t be greedy and charge crazy interest. Be chill and don’t make their situation worse.
26. If you ever rock your friend’s threads as collateral, make sure to hand it back before the sun dips low:
27. That’s just his fit, fam, his threads for his bod. Where’s he gonna crash? But yo, when he hits me up, I got his back. ‘Cause I’m all about that love.
28. Don’t diss the big Gs and don’t trash-talk the head of your crew.
29. Don’t slack when it’s time to give me the first pick of your fresh fruits and drinks. You gotta offer up your firstborns too. No holding back or hesitating, just hand ’em over to me. No keeping the good stuff for yourself.
30. And same deal with your oxen and sheep: let ’em chill with their moms for a week, then on the eighth day, they’re mine.
31. Yo, you gotta keep it righteous for me, like, don’t even snack on any meat from dead animals you stumble upon, just toss it to the pups.

1. Yo, don’t be spreading fake news, fam. Don’t roll with the shady crew and be spreading lies.
2. Don’t just follow the crowd when they’re doing shady stuff; and don’t let them twist your truth, ya know? Think before you talk and always stand up for what’s right.
3. Don’t be judging or ghosting someone who’s less fortunate and needs a hand, for real.
4. If you stumble upon your enemy’s lost stuff, like their ride or whatever, you gotta give it back, no cap.
5. If you peep your frenemy’s ride all busted up and they need help, don’t even hesitate. You gotta come through and lend a hand, no cap.
6. Don’t trip up the underdogs when they’re fighting their battles, yo.
7. Keep your feed clean from fake news and don’t throw shade at the innocent squad. I won’t let the haters slide, just so you’re in the loop.
8. And don’t be swayed by shady deals, ’cause they can cloud even the sharpest minds and twist the words of the righteous.
9. Don’t ghost the newbies in the hood. Remember what it was like to be the new kid, back when you were just tourists in Egypt.
10. Plant those seeds and grind for six seasons straight, then feast on the bountiful harvest!
11. So, like, every seventh year, it’s time to give your fields a break, ya feel? Let them chill so the less fortunate can score some grub. Whatever they don’t munch on, let the wildlife feast on it, you know? Oh, and don’t sleep on your vineyard and olive trees either, gotta give them the same treatment, right?
12. Hey, hustle hard for six days straight, but on that seventh day, it’s all about chilling. It’s not just for you, but also for your crew, your furry friends, and even the outsiders – let ’em recharge, let ’em refresh.
13. Yo, listen up, fam, gotta be real careful with what I’m spitting. Don’t even mention any other gods, like, keep their names out your mouth, straight up.
14. Check it, you gotta throw down three lit parties for me each year, no cap.
15. It’s time to celebrate the feast of unleavened bread, ya heard? Munch on that flatbread for a whole week, just like I said, during the month of Abib. ‘Cause that’s when you busted out of Egypt, and nobody should roll up before me empty-handed, you dig?
16. So, like, there’s this super rad celebration called the Harvest Fest, where we get hyped about all those sick crops we’ve been grinding for in the fields, you feel me? Then there’s this other epic bash, the End-of-Year Blowout, when we’ve totally reaped all our hard work. It’s lit!
17. Hey fam, three times a year, it’s mandatory to roll up before the Lord GOD.
18. Don’t be mixing the blood of my sacrifices with any yeasty bread, and make sure that fat doesn’t stick around till morning, aight?
19. Remember to drop off the freshest crops from your turf at the Big Guy’s spot. And hey, cooking a baby goat in its mom’s milk? Major no-no.
20. Listen up, squad, I’m sending an Angel to lead you on your journey, straight to the dope destination I’ve lined up.
21. Yo, peep this: you gotta show mad respect to the big guy upstairs, feel me? Don’t go stepping on his toes ’cause he ain’t about that forgiveness vibe. My rep’s on the line with him, ya dig?
22. But if you’re vibing with what he’s laying down and you’re all about following my lead, then I got your back, straight up. I’ll throw down with anyone messing with you, bringin’ the heat to those who diss you.
23. Listen up, my squad of angels got you covered, leading you straight into enemy territory – we’re talking Amorites, Hittites, Perizzites, Canaanites, Hivites, and Jebusites. And yo, heads up, I’m wiping them out, no sweat.
24. Don’t be bowing down to their idols, don’t be following their lead, nah mean? Show ’em who’s boss and smash those idols to pieces.
25. And like, you gotta be all in with the Most High, ya feel? He’ll hook you up with blessings on blessings, keepin’ your food and drinks flowing. And don’t trip, I’ll handle any sickness in your crew, no sweat.
26. Yo, in your hood, nobody gonna be left hanging or unable to start a fam: I got your back for that ultimate vibe!
27. I’m about to flex on your haters and straight up wipe out anyone blocking your grind. They’ll all end up paying respect to you, for real.
28. And I’ll totally send some lit hornets ahead of you, like, annoying af ones, to kick out those Hivite, Canaanite, and Hittite dudes before you. So chill, fam!
29. I ain’t booting them all at once, ’cause then the land’s gonna be trashed and the wild animals gonna outnumber you.
30. I’ll gradually test them until you level up and secure that turf, fam.
31. So, peep this, I’m hooking you up big time. Your turf is gonna stretch from the Red Sea to the Philistine turf, and from the desert to the river. I’m handing over the folks chilling in that land to you, and you’ll straight-up boot them out.
32. And listen up, don’t even think about making any deals with them or their gods, aight?
33. Keep your spot clean, no letting them crash in your hood, ’cause they’ll lead you off the path and start messing with my rules. If you start vibing with their gods, it’s gonna throw you way off.

1. God was like, ‘Hey, Moses, let’s hang out. Bring Aaron, Nadab, Abihu, and like 70 other awesome Israelite buddies. Let’s vibe and worship from a distance, dude.
2. Only Moses can get close to the LORD, though. The rest gotta keep their distance—no one else can roll up there with him.
3. So Moses came back and spilled all the deets from the LORD, including all the rules and laws. And the crew was like, ‘We’re totally on board with everything the LORD wants!’
4. Moses wrote down all the stuff the LORD said, then woke up super early. He made an altar under the hill and set up twelve pillars to rep the twelve tribes of Israel.
5. He tapped some cool dudes from the Israel crew who were down to offer up some lit burnt offerings and sacrifice some chill peace offerings of oxen to the LORD.
6. So Moses was all, taking half the blood and putting it in these cool bowls, then sprinkling the other half on the altar.
7. Then he grabbed the covenant book and started reading in front of everyone. And they were like, ‘We’re with you, God! We’re gonna follow every word!’
8. Moses then takes the blood and sprinkles it on the crew, saying, ‘Check it, y’all! This blood seals the deal, the covenant the LORD made with you about all these words.’
9. So Moses, Aaron, Nadab, Abihu, and the original seventy elders of Israel all went up:
10. And they straight up saw God! Under His feet, there was this sick sapphire floor, so shiny and blue, making the whole sky look crystal clear.
11. And he didn’t mess with the big shots of the Israelites; they actually vibed with God, having a chill time grubbing and sipping together.
12. Yo, Moses! Listen up, fam! Slide up this dope mountain with me, and I’ll drop some lit stone tablets, a solid code of laws, and commandments straight from the top. Your gig? Spread the wisdom, teach ’em to the crew.
13. So Moses and his homie Joshua were like, “Let’s scale this lit mountain where God’s posted.”
14. And he was like, “Yo, elders, just kick it here for a min until we roll back through. Aaron and Hur got you covered, so if you need anything, hit them up.”
15. So Moses ascended the mountain, and this massive cloud straight-up blanketed the whole scene.
16. Yo, check it out: The Almighty’s power was just vibin’ on Mount Sinai, covered up by this dope cloud for a solid six days. Then, on the seventh day, He straight-up hit up Moses from the midst of that cloud.
17. Listen up, fam: The LORD’s glory was like straight fire vibes, blazing on the mountaintop, totally mesmerizing the Israelite crew.
18. Moses dipped into that thick cloud and ascended the mountain. He kicked it up there for a chill forty days and forty nights.

1. God was like, “Hey Moses, check it,”
2. “Yo, spread the word to the Israel squad: bring offerings straight from the heart, no cap. That’s the real deal offering, ya feel?”
3. “Here’s the rundown: gold, silver, brass—show some love, show some respect, keep it 💯. And yeah, we’re accepting those on my behalf, for sure.”
4. “We’re talking dope colors like blue, purple, and scarlet, plus top-notch fabrics: fine linen, silk, even goats’ hair vibes.”
5. “And peep this: red sheep skins, slick badger skins, and that primo shittim wood, straight up baller material.”
6. Yo fam, we need some lit oil for the lamps, some dope spices for the anointing oil, and some fire incense for that heavenly scent.
7. We’re talking about snagging some sick onyx stones and stones to flex in the ephod, you know, and in the dope breastplate.
8. Aight, tell ’em to build me a chill sanctuary so we can vibe together.
9. I’m about to lay it all out for you, like how exactly the tabernacle should look, along with all the gear that goes with it. Gotta keep it on point, no changes allowed.
10. So, they gotta build this super cool ark with shittim wood. It’s gonna be about two and a half cubits long, a cubit and a half wide, and a cubit and a half high. Pretty rad specs, right?
11. So, check it, you gotta deck this thing out with pure gold, inside and out. And don’t forget to slap on a dope gold crown all around it.
12. And yo, grab four fire rings made of gold and stick ’em in the four corners. Then, two rings on one side and two on the other, got it?
13. Get some thick acacia wood sticks and coat ’em in gold, man.
14. Then, slide those bad boys into the side rings of the ark, so you can tote it around.
15. Those sticks gotta stay put in the rings, no messing with that, obviously!
16. And make sure you stash in the ark the testimony I’m gonna drop on you, ya dig?
17. Yo, craft up a mercy seat that’s straight up lit, using hardcore gold, 2.5 cubits long and 1.5 cubits wide. No joke.
18. Then, you gotta mold two fly cherubim out of gold, like, seriously hammer that metal, and place ’em on each end of the mercy seat.
19. Position one angel on one side, and another on the flip side: don’t forget those angel emojis at both ends of the mercy seat. 💫
20. These cherubs are gonna spread their wings wide, totally covering the mercy seat with their wingspan, and they’ll be facing each other, locking eyes on the mercy seat.
21. So, like, imagine this, right? You gotta place the mercy seat on top of the ark, you dig? And inside the ark, that’s where you stash the testimony I’m about to drop on you, you feel me?
22. Then, boom, I’m chilling with you, and we’re having this deep convo right above the mercy seat, smack dab between those two cherubim on the ark of the testimony. We’re hashing out all the deets I’m giving you for the Israel crew.
23. Check it, you gotta craft a table out of shittim wood, bro. Make it 2 cubits long, a cubit wide, and a cubit and a half tall.
24. Now, here’s the flex: overlay it with pure gold and throw in a dope golden crown all around it.
25. And don’t forget the vibes—a hand-width border around it, topped off with a lit golden crown.
26. Yo, gotta hook that up with four fresh gold rings, one for each corner of those legs.
27. Then on the sides, there’s gotta be rings for the poles to carry it, keeping it steady.
28. And for those handles, gotta craft ’em outta dope shittim wood, then ice ’em out with gold, so they can carry that table like champs.
29. Gotta stunt on those dinner sets, with some fire plates, lit spoons, and sleek lids, all blinged out, plus some sick bowls to keep the vibes fresh. And you know it, all gotta be solid gold. 💯
30. Keep that table lit with some dope snacks always ready to roll.
31. A’ight, peep this: make a dope candlestick, all gold, like pure gold vibes. Gotta craft it with mad skill, hammer it smooth, you feel? From the main piece to the branches, bowls, fancy knobs, and floral swag, all gotta be gold.
32. Picture this: six branches poppin’ off it, three on each side, total symphony of vibes.
33. Each branch flexin’ three almond-shaped bowls, sleek knobs, and cute flowers, like six branches, all drippin’ with style.
34. Then, on the lampstand, four more almond-shaped bowls, all decked out with their own flair.
35. And check it: under each pair of branches, there’s gonna be some slick doodads, like mirroring the six branches of the candlestick.
36. So, like, their decoration and branches? They’re all gonna be blinged out in the same shiny gold vibe, like one epic masterpiece, you feel?
37. And yo, gotta craft these seven lamps and light ’em up so they can throw some serious shine up front, ya know? Gotta keep that light game strong, you dig?
38. Oh, and those tongs and snuff dishes? Gotta be pure gold, no compromises, you catch my drift?
39. It’s gotta be a whole talent of pure gold, plus all those rad accessories, no shortcuts on the bling, you hear?
40. And remember, make ’em exactly how I laid it down for you up on the mountain, no deviations.

1. So, you’re gonna deck out the tabernacle with these lit ten curtains, made from the finest linen in those chill blue, purple, and scarlet hues. And, oh yeah, throw in some rad cherubim with mad skills to give ’em that fly vibe. They gotta be crafted by a total pro, ya feel?
2. Each curtain’s gonna be like, 28 cubits long and 4 cubits wide, keeping it all uniform and stuff.
3. So, you gotta link up those five curtains, right? Then do the same with another set of five. It’s all about that connection, man!
4. Add some dope blue loops to the edge of one curtain where it meets the next, and repeat the same on the other side. Oh, and BTW, selvedge is like that super chill edge of the fabric that stays tight.
5. Put 50 loops on the first curtain and 50 on the edge of the second, so they can link up seamlessly.
6. Yo, check it, you gotta craft fifty dope gold thingamajigs and then, like, totally link up the curtains using those. And bam! It’s gonna be one epic tabernacle vibe.
7. And you gotta use some premium goats’ hair to whip up curtains to wrap the tabernacle. Keep it tight, eleven curtains, no more, no less.
8. Each curtain gonna stretch like 30 cubits long and 4 cubits wide. And all those eleven curtains? Same size, my friend.
9. You gotta hook up five curtains solo, then the next six solo too, and fold that sixth curtain in front of the tabernacle, you feel?
10. Then you gotta slap like fifty loops on the edge of the first curtain, you know, the one chilling on the outer edge when they’re linked. And then fifty more loops on the edge of the curtain linking the second one, dude.
11. Alright fam, hook up like fifty brass hooks and plug ’em into the loops to connect the tent so it’s all chill, ya feel?
12. So, like, the extra curtains of the tent, the half curtain that’s still there, gotta be hanging at the back of the tabernacle, you know what I’m saying?
13. On both sides of the remaining length of the curtains of the tent, there gotta be like an extra bit hanging over the sides of the tabernacle, to cover it up, keepin’ it low-key.
14. Yo, you gotta craft a dope cover for the tent outta red dyed rams’ skins, and throw on some lit badgers’ skins on top for extra vibes.
15. And you gotta make some rad boards for the tabernacle using shittim wood, standing tall like total legends, straight up.
16. So, one plank’s gonna be like ten cubits long, and it’s gonna be like a cubit and a half wide, ya know?
17. You gotta carve out two grooves in each plank, making sure they’re perfectly aligned side by side. That’s the deal for all the planks for the tabernacle.
18. So, get this, you’re gonna need twenty planks for the south side, facing south and all that jazz.
19. And here’s the math: you need to whip up forty silver sockets to slide under those twenty planks. Each plank’s gotta snug into two sockets with their tenons—FYI, “tenons” means “hands.”
20. Now, swing to the other side of the tabernacle, specifically the north side, and you’ll need another set of twenty planks:
21. So, like, they had these forty silver supports—two under each board, and another two under a different board.
22. And on the backside of the tabernacle, facing the west, you gotta craft six awesome boards, yo.
23. And don’t forget two cool boards for the corners of the tabernacle, one on each side.
24. And they’ll be connected underneath and also connected above with a ring. That’s the setup for both of them, one for each corner.
25. So, that adds up to eight boards, with sixteen silver sockets—two sockets for each board.
26. So, peep this: you gotta craft some dope bars out of top-tier shittim wood—like, five of ’em for each side of the tabernacle.
27. And yeah, there were five bars for the boards on one side, and same deal for the opposite side, and the westward-facing side too.
28. And check it, there’s this sick bar that goes right smack in the middle of the boards, stretching like a boss move from one end to the other.
29. Oh, and you gotta straight up flex those boards with gold, you feel? Make some lit gold rings for the bars to slide into, and don’t sleep on blinging out those bars themselves with gold too.
30. And you gotta set up the tabernacle exactly how it was shown to you up on the mountain, ya dig?
31. So, you gotta rock a dope fabric with blue, purple, and scarlet threads, all woven by a top-tier weaver. Make sure to add some awesome cherubim designs, too.
32. Hang it up on four baller pillars made from shittim wood, covered in gold. The hooks should be gold too, and they’ll go into four silver bases.
33. Use those hooks to hang the curtain and bring the ark of the testimony behind it. This curtain will separate the holy area from the super holy area.
34. Put the mercy seat on top of the ark in the super holy place, alright?
35. Set up the table outside the curtain so it’s all visible. Put the candlestick opposite the table, on the south side of the tabernacle. The table goes on the north side, fam!
36. And yo, you gotta craft a sick curtain for the tent’s entrance, okay? Make it super fly with blue, purple, and scarlet fabrics, and deck it out with some epic embroidery to make it look awesome.
37. Then, get five lit pillars for the curtain, made from this rad shittim wood, and cover ’em in gold. The hooks should be blinged out in gold too. Oh, and don’t forget to make five dope brass bases for ’em.

1. Yo, listen up fam, if you wanna vibe with the big man upstairs, you gotta build this lit altar, but it ain’t just any altar—it’s gotta be crafted from shittim wood. Make it five cubits long, five cubits wide, and three cubits high for those chill symmetry vibes. Keep those measurements on point, ya feel?
2. Oh, and don’t forget the swaggy horns on each of the four corners—they gotta match, bro. And cover the whole thing in some sick brass for that extra shine.
3. You gotta have some dope pans for collecting ashes, along with shovels, basons, fleshhooks, and firepans—all gotta be brass, straight up.
4. Then, you gotta craft this rad mesh out of brass. Hook up four lit brass rings on each corner of the mesh, ya dig?
5. And once you’re done, slide that mesh setup below the altar, so it’s all snug and covers the whole shebang. Keep it fresh, keep it holy, ya heard?
6. So, you gotta snag some legit handles for the altar, made out of top-notch shittim wood, then deck ’em out with a rad brass coating.
7. And, like, make sure those poles slide into the rings, one on each side of the altar, so you can totally carry it around.
8. Construct it with hollow boards, just like how it was laid out to you up on the mountain. That’s the blueprint, no question!
9. And for the tabernacle’s outdoor vibe: on the southern side, rock some sweet hangings made of the finest linen, each one stretching a hundred cubits long:
10. Picture this: 20 cool brass pillars with matching sockets, ya feel? And the hooks and swanky details on the pillars? All silver, shiny bling!
11. So, picture this, on the north side, we’re talking about curtains stretching out for a hundred cubits, flanked by twenty slick pillars standing tall with their brass bases. Oh, and don’t forget about those hooks on the pillars and their silver rings, they’re gonna be there too, keeping it all together.
12. Now, let’s talk about the west side, where the chill vibes of the court will be all around, decked out with trendy hangings reaching fifty cubits. Gotta have those ten awesome pillars and ten cool sockets, you know, just to keep everything in place, looking fly.
13. Heading to the east side, facing east, the width of the court will be fifty cubits, giving off those good vibes.
14. Ah, and by the gate, there’ll be hanging drapes measuring fifteen cubits, held up by three pillars and supported by three sockets. It’s gonna be sleek.
15. And on the other side, picture some cool hangings, also around 15 cubits long, with three dope pillars and three solid sockets holding them up. It’s all about that balance, you know?
16. Yo, check it, the entrance to the court’s gonna be lit with this dope hanging, like 20 cubits long, decked out in sick blue, purple, and scarlet threads, and some fine linen, all stitched up with mad needlework skills. Gonna be held up by four pillars and four sockets to keep it steady.
17. And yo, all those pillars around the court? Gotta be blinged out with silver, man. Silver hooks, silver sockets, brass bases, the whole deal.
18. The court itself? It’s gonna be 100 cubits long and 50 cubits wide, standing at 5 cubits high, all decked out in top-quality linen, with brass bases holding it steady. (That’s like 50 cubits x 50 cubits, for real.)
19. And peep this: anything inside the tabernacle, and all the pegs, even the ones outside the court? Brass, all the way.
20. Oh, and don’t forget to tell the Israel squad to hook you up with that primo olive oil, like, the finest, pure stuff, to keep that lamp burning non-stop. It’s gonna be straight fire, fam. 🔥
21. Yo fam, peep this: Aaron and his squad, they’re holding it down outside the curtain, you know, where all the dope vibes happen. From sunset to sunrise, they’re on that grind for the Most High. And check it, this gig? It’s locked in for generations, always keeping an eye out for the Israelite fam’s next gen.

1. Yo, Moses, check it! Round up Aaron and his crew, the Israelite homies. They’re gonna help me out as priests: Aaron, Nadab, Abihu, Eleazar, and Ithamar, Aaron’s dudes.
2. And you gotta hook up your bro Aaron with some dope gear, so he can flex and stay on point.
3. You gotta chat with all the wise heads I’ve blessed with mad knowledge. They’ll whip up some fresh threads for Aaron to make him stand out and do his priestly gig for me.
4. So here’s the scoop: they gotta craft these lit outfits for Aaron, your homie, and his squad. We’re talking a flashy breastplate, a swaggy ephod, a dope robe, a sick embroidered coat, a stylish headpiece, and a tight belt. All these righteous garments gotta be pure, ya feel? ‘Cause Aaron and his crew gotta look fresh when they serve as priests and handle their biz for me.
5. And they’ll snag some gold, and blue, and purple, and scarlet, and fine linen to make it happen.
6. So, they gotta craft the ephod, you know, out of some lit gold, blue, purple, and scarlet threads, with some dope linen woven real skillfully.
7. Like, the two shoulder pieces of the outfit gotta be connected at the two ends, and yeah, they gotta be joined together, you feel me?
8. The hip accessory on the ephod gotta be gold too, with those same fly colors and fine twined linen, just like the rest of it. (And hey, if you wanna add some sick embroidery to that hip accessory, go for it!)
9. So, grab two rad onyx stones and carve out the names of every single one of the Israelite crew, yo:
10. On one stone, there were six names, and on the other stone, there were six names of the remaining ones, sorted by their birth order and all that.
11. Yo, check it, carve out those two stones like a boss stone engraver, just like those super detailed rings. But here’s the dope twist – engrave them with the names of all the Israelite crew. Then, pop those babies into fancy gold settings, like some boujee jewelry.
12. And slap those two lit stones on the shoulders of the ephod to remember the Israelite fam, ya feel? And Aaron’s gotta flex those names, reppin’ ’em to the LORD on his sick shoulders as a reminder.
13. And don’t forget to rock some gold bling on your gear;
14. And you gotta have those fresh gold chains on the reg, man. They gotta be crafted with some sick twisted patterns, and then hook those chains up to the fancy bling.
15. Craft up the judgment bling with some sick skills, just like how you made the ephod. Use gold, blue, purple, scarlet, and fine twined linen for this fire piece.
16. So, picture this: a perfect square, twice as big as before, stretching out to one arm’s length in every direction.
17. Then, deck it out with four rows of stones, like, bling bling, you know? The first row’s gonna be lit with a sardius (which is basically a ruby), a topaz, and a carbuncle, all shiny and fancy.
18. Next up, we’re talking emerald, sapphire, and diamond in the second row, flexin’ with those high-end gems.
19. Moving on to row three, we’re bringing the heat with ligure, agate, and amethyst, straight-up cool and stylish.
20. And in the fourth row, check out the vibe: beryl, onyx, and jasper, surrounded by some dope gold fillings. That’s what’s up!
21. And check it, the stones are gonna rep the Israel fam, straight up, twelve of ’em, like those lit rings with engravings. Each stone’s gonna rock the name of one of the twelve tribes, you dig?
22. Gotta deck out the collar of the vest with some sick gold chains, bro. Make ’em fancy, twisted up in a dope design.
23. Two fresh gold rings for the breastplate, yo. Stick those fly rings on opposite sides.
24. Then hook up those two super cool gold chains to the rings on the ends of the breastplate, ya know?
25. The other ends of the chains go to the connectors, chillin’ on the shoulder pieces of the ephod in the front.
26. Yo, you gotta craft two sick gold rings and pop ’em on the sides of that sweet breastplate, right on the edge near the ephod.
27. Then, whip up two more lit gold rings and slap ’em on the sides under the ephod, at the front, opposite to the other ring, above the swaggy belt of the ephod.
28. Next move: Attach the breastplate to the ephod using some blue string, making sure it’s above the fancy belt thingy on the ephod, so that the breastplate stays put.
29. When Aaron steps into the holy spot, he’s gotta rock the names of the Israel fam on his swaggy breastplate, as a dope reminder to the LORD always.
30. Also, gotta stash the Urim and the Thummim in the judgment breastplate, ya know? They gotta be right on Aaron’s heart when he’s in front of the LORD. Aaron’s gotta carry the judgment of the Israelites on his heart in front of the LORD all the time.
31. Yo, so, for real, the robe for the ephod? It’s gotta be straight blue, no questions asked.
32. And, like, in the middle, make a gap, but not just any gap. It’s gotta have this sick woven design all around, like a boss armor vest to keep it from getting wrecked.
33. On the bottom edge, though? Picture this: pomegranates in blue, purple, and scarlet, all around. And, yo, sprinkle some golden bells in there too, like, to add some bling.
34. Imagine this: a gold bell chillin’ next to a rad pomegranate, both hooked onto the edge of this epic robe.
35. Aaron’s gotta vibe with his ministry game strong, especially with all those bells making noise when he steps into the LORD’s presence. But he’s gotta keep it cool when he’s out, or he’ll be outta there faster than you can say “bless up.”
36. Yo, gotta craft this sick gold plate, carve it up with some epic designs, like those fancy ring engravings, ya know? And it’s gotta say ‘HOLINESS TO THE LORD’, vibes?
37. And yo, accessorize with a dope blue lace, make it all fancy on the mitre, smack dab on the front, no doubt!
38. Aaron’s gotta rock something on his forehead, to take the blame for all that holy stuff, the special gifts from the Israelites. Gotta stay on his forehead, so they’re all cool with the LORD.
39. And yo, flex that fresh coat made outta fancy linen, and craft that lit AF hat, also in fine linen. Oh, and don’t sleep on that 🔥 needlework belt, fam.
40. So, make some dope outfits for Aaron’s sons. They gotta have rad coats, trendy girdles, and stylish bonnets to rock. It’s all about flexing that glory and beauty, ya feel?
41. So, like, you gotta deck out Aaron, your homie, and his crew. Then, you gotta bless them, make ’em holy, and clean as heck so they can do their priestly gig for me. You feel? Doing all those sacred tasks and whatnot.
42. Check it, you gotta hook them up with some rad linen shorts to cover their backsides – from the waist down to their thighs, fam.
43. And whenever Aaron and his crew roll into the spot or step up to do their thing, they gotta rock those fresh threads, so they don’t mess up and face the consequences, like, nah. It’s a permanent deal for Aaron and his crew, straight up.

1. Alright fam, to set them up as my holy squad, you gotta snag a young bull and two lit rams—totally flawless, no cap.
2. Then, whip up some unleavened bread, cakes without yeast but with oil, and wafers without yeast, all made with straight-up wheat flour.
3. Toss all that goodness into one basket, along with the bull and the rams, and bring it over to the spot.
4. Get Aaron and his crew to the entrance of the hangout spot—the tabernacle—and give ’em a good scrub with some water, you feel?
5. Time to style Aaron up. Put on the coat, the robe of the ephod, the ephod itself, and the breastplate. And don’t forget to tighten up that sick belt of the ephod around his waist, straight fire.
6. So, you’re gonna be all, “Pop that mitre on his head, and then boom! Slap that holy crown on top, man. It’s gonna be epic!”
7. Next move? Grab that anointing oil and pour it over his head, giving him that fresh anointing, you know?
8. Round up his sons and deck them out in some seriously rad gear.
9. Don’t forget those dope belts for Aaron and his crew, and pop those cool hats on them too. They’re gonna be priests forever, and you gotta make it official for Aaron and the squad.
10. Okay, so check it: bring a bullock in front of the tabernacle, with everyone gathered around, and Aaron and the squad gotta lay their hands on its head, got it?
11. So, like, you gotta offer up that bullock right in front of the LORD, you feel? Just do it at the entrance of the tabernacle where everyone gathers.
12. And take some of the bull’s blood, and with your finger, dab it on the horns of the altar. Then pour the rest of the blood right at the base of the altar.
13. So, you gotta scoop out all that internal fat, including the layer over the liver, which, like, anatomy experts say is the midriff, and also both kidneys and their fat. Then set it all on fire on the altar.
14. Dude, you gotta burn up the bullock’s flesh, skin, and dung outside the camp. It’s, like, an offering to make up for sinning.
15. Hey, grab a ram and have Aaron and his squad lay hands on its head.
16. So, like, you gotta take the ram, for real. Then, grab some of its blood and sprinkle it all over the altar, fam.
17. And yo, chop that ram into pieces, clean out the insides and legs, and then put ’em back together with its head. Like, stack it up or something. It’s part of the ritual.
18. Light up the whole ram on the altar, it’s a sacrifice for the LORD. It’s gonna create some awesome vibes, like a fire offering for the LORD.
19. Then you gotta take the other ram, and Aaron and his squad will lay their hands on its head, bro.
20. So, like, you gotta kill the ram and take some of its blood. Then, put that blood on the top of Aaron’s right ear, his sons’ right ears too. Also, put it on the thumb of their right hand and the big toe of their right foot. And don’t forget to sprinkle that blood all around the altar.
21. Yo, take some of that blood from the altar and mix it with the anointing oil. Spray it all over Aaron, his clothes, his sons, and their clothes too. This way, they’ll be super holy, and so will their clothes.
22. And remember to grab some of the juicy fat, the best part, the fat around the guts, the liver, the kidneys with their fat, and the right shoulder. This ram is gonna be lit for the ceremony:
23. Also, there’s this loaf of bread, a cake with oil, and a wafer from the basket of unleavened bread in front of the Lord, you feel me?
24. Hand over all of this to Aaron and his crew, and do a little wave offering to God. Shake it, shake it, you know?
25. Then, take it all from their hands and burn it on the altar as a burnt offering, creating a sweet aroma for the Lord. It’s a fire offering to the Lord.
26. Yo, grab that ram’s chest piece from Aaron’s swanky ceremony and wave it in front of the LORD as your offering. That’s your gig, fam.
27. Make sure you include that chest piece and the pumped-up shoulder part from the ram, specifically for Aaron and his squad.
28. This setup’s gonna be Aaron’s crew’s gig forever, a rule for the Israel crew. It’s like a special offering they gotta make from their peace offerings, you know, the ones they sacrifice? It’s their way of showing respect and giving something to the LORD.
29. And Aaron’s kids? They’re totally scoring his sacred threads, ya feel? They’ll get anointed and consecrated in them too!
30. When the next kid steps up to be priest, they’ll rock these threads for seven days whenever they step into the sacred spot to do their thing.
31. Yo, peeps, you best snatch up that ram for the dedication and grill its meat up in the sacred spot.
32. So, Aaron and his squad gonna feast on that ram meat and the bread from the basket right outside the tabernacle, ya feel?
33. And they gonna chow down on those things used for atonement, to make ’em sacred and pure. But if you ain’t in the know, you can’t have a bite, ’cause it’s all holy vibes.
34. And if there’s any leftover sacred grub or bread by the next day, you gotta burn it up – no snacking on it, ’cause it’s super holy.
35. So here’s the deal for Aaron and his crew: follow all the deets I gave you, and for a whole week, make sure they’re keepin’ it sacred.
36. Yo, listen up! Every day, you gotta drop a bull as a sin offering to make things right for your mess-ups, you feel me? And don’t sleep on cleaning the altar after you’ve squared things away. Hit it with some special oil to keep it fresh and holy.
37. For a solid week, vibe with the altar, giving it that holy glow. It’s gonna be the ultimate sacred spot, so anything that even comes close gets blessed.
38. Here’s the lowdown on altar vibes: Bring in two lambs every single day, fresh outta the womb, still in their rookie year.
39. Sacrifice one lamb in the AM, and another in the PM, fam.
40. Now, with that first lamb, toss in a tenth of flour and mix it up with a fourth part of oil. Oh, and don’t forget about that fourth part of wine for the drink offering. Keep it fresh!
41. So, like, you gotta offer the second lamb in the evening, just like how you did it in the morning. Make sure it’s all vibes, you know? And then you gotta burn it up for the LORD, with fire and all that jazz, creating that sweet aroma.
42. This whole burnt offering thing? It’s gonna be a forever deal for all you future peeps. It’s going down right at the door of the tabernacle, where everyone’s chillin’ with the LORD. That’s where I’ll meet you and have a chat.
43. That’s where I’m gonna kick it with the Israel crew, making that special hangout spot super holy with my awesomeness. (or, Israel itself)
44. The tabernacle and the altar? Yeah, I’m making those next-level sacred, you feel? And Aaron and his squad, his sons? They’re gonna be hella sacred too, so they can do their priestly thing in the house of worship.
45. And I’ll be rolling with the Israel fam, being their ultimate squad leader.
46. They’re gonna totally get that I’m the LORD their God, who busted them out of Egypt, so I can kick it with them and all. For real, I’m the LORD their God.

1. Yo, gotta make this lit altar for burnin’ incense, fam. Grab some dope shittim wood for it.
2. It’s gonna be a square, yo. One cubit long, one cubit wide, and two cubits tall. And yo, the horns gotta match up, for real.
3. Cover it all in legit gold, top, sides, even them horns. Make it look like a sick gold crown all around. (top: Hebrew for ‘roof’) (sides: Hebrew for ‘walls’)
4. Add two dope golden rings under its crown, on the corners, one on each side. That’s where the staves go, so you can flex carrying it around. (corners: Hebrew for ‘ribs’, you know?)
5. Craft them handles with fine wood, then flex with a gold coating.
6. Place it in front of the curtain by the ark of the testimony, right before the mercy seat where I’ll vibe with you.
7. And Aaron’s gotta burn some sweet incense on it every morning, you know? When he’s lighting up the lamps, he’s gotta burn incense too. And by ‘sweet incense,’ I mean this dope mix of awesome spices, you catch my drift?
8. When Aaron sets up the lamps later in the day, he should burn some really good incense on it, like, forever, as an offering to the LORD that keeps it real for generations. (lighteth: like, sets up, you know) (at even: like, between the two evenings)
9. Don’t use any whack incense, burn sacrifices, offer meat, or pour drinks on it.
10. And Aaron’s gotta do this once a year, put some blood on the horns and make a big apology to God for all the sins. Every year, without fail, he’s gotta make this apology to keep it all in line. It’s like super-duper holy and important to the LORD.
11. God was like, “Moses, check it out!”
12. So, when you’re headcounting the Israel crew, everyone’s gotta drop some coin for the big guy upstairs to keep things chill. This way, no plague’s gonna crash the party when you’re doing the headcount. Just a heads-up, make sure you’re counting the right crowd.
13. Each person in the mix has to drop half a shekel, based on the holy currency (that’s like, twenty gerahs), as an offering to the big man upstairs.
14. If you’re twenty or older, you’re in on this offering action when the roll call happens.
15. The wealthy shouldn’t flex and drop more than half a shekel, and the less fortunate shouldn’t skimp out, everyone’s gotta give fair, whether you’re ballin’ or barely getting by. It’s about leveling the playing field in the spiritual game.
16. So, you gotta collect that cash from the Israel squad and put it towards keeping the hangout spot in tip-top shape. It’s a way for them to stay grounded and show some love to the man upstairs, you feel?
17. So God was like, “Moses, listen up,”
18. You gotta set up this lit bronze sink with a matching stand, for all your cleansing needs. It’s gotta sit between the chill zone and the holy zone, filled up with water, you know?
19. So Aaron and his crew gotta wash up, yo:
20. Whenever they step into the chill zone, they gotta hit that water to scrub up, or else they’re gonna face some consequences; and when they roll up to serve and light up an offering for the LORD:
21. So like, they gotta scrub their hands and feet, or else it’s a major deal—they’ll be outta here! And this rule? It’s like eternal, for them and their whole fam down the line.
22. Check it, the LORD was vibing with Moses, and He was like,
23. “Yo, grab these lit spices: 500 shekels of pure myrrh, 250 shekels of sweet cinnamon (yeah, cut that in half), and another 250 shekels of sweet calamus.
24. Also, they need like 500 shekels of cassia, you know, that special shekel for the sanctuary, and a hin of olive oil.
25. And you gotta mix up some sacred oil, like a pro perfumer. It’s gonna be holy AF, used for anointing.
26. Spread that sacred oil all over the place—the hangout spot, and that super important witness box.
27. And don’t forget the table and its gear, the lamp thingy and its gear, and the fancy incense altar,
28. Plus, the spot for burning stuff and all its gear, and the fancy sink with its stand.
29. Gotta make sure they’re super pure, like crazy holy. Anything they touch becomes holy too, no doubt!
30. Get Aaron and his crew all pumped and set apart, so they can boss it up in the priest game.
31. Yo, Israelites, listen! This oil is gonna be sacred forever, for all y’all future peeps too.
32. Don’t go pouring this stuff on just anyone, or trying to whip up a copycat version. It’s special and it’s gotta stay that way, capisce? It’s all about that sacred vibe, ya know?
33. Anyone trying to bootleg this or slather it on randoms will be straight-up exiled from the crew.
34. Yo, Moses, listen! God’s like, ‘Get yourself some dope spices: stacte, onycha, and galbanum—fresh and legit. And don’t forget that pure frankincense, equal parts of each, you dig?
35. Mix up a lit fragrance, like a pro mixologist, pure and sacred. It’s gotta have some flavor, like with a sprinkle of salt, ya feel?
36. Grind some of it super fine, and place it in front of the main spot in the gathering place, where I’ll meet with you. It’s gonna be hella sacred, no joke.
37. And when you’re whipping up perfume, don’t try and bootleg the recipe for yourself. It’s meant to be special, dedicated to the LORD.
38. Anyone trying to jack the recipe just to flex will get straight-up booted from the crew.

1. So, like, God was straight-up chatting with Moses, you know?
2. Check it, I just handpicked Bezaleel, Uri’s kid, Hur’s grandchild, repping hard for Team Judah.
3. I’ve hooked him up with some insane God-given talents—dude’s sharp, wise, and can craft anything like a boss.
4. He’s gonna whip up some sick creations, flexing with gold, silver, and brass,
5. All about that stone-cutting and setting, and carving timber—straight-up craftsmanship vibes.
6. Oh, and peep this, I’ve also got Aholiab, Dan tribe reppin’, to roll with him. Plus, I’ve blessed all the wise ones with skills to make my vision come to life.
7. The hangout spot, the epic chest, the throne up top, and all that swag inside—like, furniture and stuff.
8. The table, the candlestick, the incense altar—y’all know the drill.
9. The altar for burning, the basin and its stand—got the whole set.
10. Don’t forget the lit work outfits, the sacred threads for Aaron, and the squad’s drip—flexing in the priest zone.
11. And make sure to snag that fire anointing oil and incense for the holy vibe. Follow my instructions, no cap.
12. Yo, God dropped some wisdom to Moses,
13. Listen up, Israel crew! It’s Sabbath time. Gotta show respect and keep it holy, ’cause that’s our bond, for real.
14. So, like, Sabbath day is sacred. Anyone who messes with it is in deep water—like, talking death penalty. No joke, chill out on that day, or you’re outta the squad.
15. Six days grind, but day seven? Time to vibe with the Big Guy. Hustle on Sabbath? You’re playing with fire, man. That day’s all about holiness.
16. So, Israel fam, Sabbath’s non-negotiable, forever and ever. It’s a promise, no cap.
17. This Sabbath thing? It’s our forever vibe with the Big Guy—like, He crushed it in six days, then took a chill pill on the seventh, you feel me?
18. Then, God hooked Moses up with two stone tablets straight from Mount Sinai—a divine chat log, handwritten by the man upstairs.

1. So, like, when the crowd peeped that Moses was taking forever to come down from the mount, they all gathered around Aaron and were like, ‘Dude, get off your butt and make us some gods to lead the way! We have no clue what happened to this Moses guy who saved us from Egypt.’
2. So Aaron was like, yo dudes, go snatch those sick gold hoops from your wives, sons, and daughters and hand ’em over to me.
3. So, like, everyone just, like, totally took off their sick golden earrings from their ears and brought them to Aaron, man.
4. And he took it from them and shaped it with a cool engraving tool, after he had melted it into a calf shape. And they were like, ‘Yo, these are your gods, oh Israel, they totally brought you out of Egypt!’
5. And when Aaron saw that, he was like, ‘Yo, let’s build an altar right here.’ And Aaron, like, made this announcement and was like, ‘Just so you know, tomorrow we’re gonna have this lit feast for the LORD, so be there or be square.’
6. The next day, they got up early and made burnt offerings and brought peace offerings. Then the people chilled, ate, drank, and had a good time.
7. So, like, God told Moses, ‘Dude, go down there right now! Your people that you rescued from Egypt totally messed up and corrupted themselves!’
8. OMG, they totally ditched the path I told them to follow! Like, they created a super cool golden calf, started worshipping it, and even offered sacrifices to it. And get this, they were like, ‘Yo, Israel, these are your gods who totally saved you from Egypt!’
9. And God was like, ‘Yo Moses, check it out, I’ve noticed these peeps and let me tell you, they are hella stubborn! 😤
10. Yo, just back off for a sec, I need to let out some steam and go off on them, and maybe even wipe them out. But don’t worry, I got big plans for you—I’ll make you the founder of an epic nation.
11. So Moses straight up went to God and was like, ‘Yo Lord, why you gotta be so heated with your people? I mean, you literally flexed your power and rescued them from Egypt with mad strength!’
12. Bruh, why would the Egyptians be talking smack like, ‘He only brought them outta here to mess ’em up and kill ’em in the mountains, wiping ’em off the face of the earth!’ Yo, chill out with that anger and change your mind about bringing disaster on your own people, aight?
13. Yo, chill for a sec and remember Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, those homies who you made a promise to. You were like, ‘Bro, I swear on my own self, I’m gonna make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky, and this whole land I’m talking about will be theirs forever.’
14. And God changed His mind about the bad stuff He was gonna do to His people.
15. So Moses turned and went down from the mountain, holding the two tablets with the commandments. These tablets had writing on both sides, y’know? It was like a double-sided message from God.
16. The tables were made by God, and the writing was God’s own writing, carved into the tables.
17. Yo, when Joshua heard all that commotion from the peeps shoutin’, he goes up to Moses and says, ‘Bro, there’s like a war goin’ down in the camp, man.’
18. And he was like, yo, that’s not the sound of people flexing or whining about getting defeated. Nahh, it’s the sweet sound of those who are killing it with their amazing voices. #PowerOfMusic
19. So, like, when Moses got close to the camp, he saw the whole calf thing and everyone dancing. Let me tell you, his anger was off the charts! He straight up throws the tablets out of his hands and smashes them right at the foot of the mountain.
20. So, like, he took the calf they had made and straight up roasted it in the fire. Then, he like totally crushed it into powder and sprinkled it on the water. And to complete the vibe, he made the children of Israel drink from it. Can you imagine?!
21. Yo Aaron, what did these people do to you that made you bring down such a massive sin on them?
22. And Aaron was like, yo chill, my dude. You know these people, they always up to no good.
23. So they were like, um, make us gods to lead us ’cause, you know, we don’t know what happened to this Moses guy who brought us out of Egypt.
24. So I was like, ‘Yo, if anyone’s got any gold, just break it off and hand it to me.’ And boom, they actually did it. So I straight up tossed that gold into the fire and guess what? This freaking calf popped out.
25. And when Moses peeped that the people were like, totally exposed (cuz Aaron made them expose themselves, which was, like, super embarrassing in front of their haters, you know?)
26. So Moses pulls up at the entrance of the camp, and he’s like, yo, who’s down to ride with the Lord? Come roll up on me. And all the Levites gathered up and joined his squad.
27. Yo, listen up! The LORD God of Israel has a message for y’all. Grab your swords and walk around the whole camp, from gate to gate. And here’s the deal: take out your own brother, your best friend, and even your neighbor. It’s time to bring the heat, fam.
28. So, the Levi squad was like, totally following what Moses said, and like, that day, about three thousand dudes bit the dust.
29. Moses was like, yo, take this seriously and show mad respect to the LORD today. Each person, including fathers and brothers, gotta be all in, so we can get blessed, like big time. #TeamLORD #BlessedDay
30. The next day, Moses told the peeps, ‘Y’all messed up big-time and sinned real bad. But don’t trip, I’m gonna go talk to the LORD and see if I can make it right for ya.’
31. So Moses went back to the LORD and was like, ‘Yo, these people totally messed up – they straight up went and made themselves some gold idols to worship.’
32. But like, if you’re down to forgive their mistake, awesome; but if not, could you just like, remove me from that book you made?
33. And God was like, yo Moses, anyone who disrespects me, I’m straight up erasing them from my record book.
34. Okay, so here’s the plan: go and guide the people to the spot I told you about. You gotta trust me on this one, because my angel is gonna accompany you. But here’s the thing, when the time comes and I pay them a visit, I’ll totally hold them accountable for their sins.
35. Yo, God straight up punished

1. So, God hit up Moses like, ‘Yo, Moses, time to dip with the crew you freed from Egypt. We’re bouncing to the land I promised to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Your descendants are gonna be living large.’
2. I’m sending an angel squad to clear out those Canaanite, Amorite, and Hittite squads, along with the Perizzite, Hivite, and Jebusite crews. They’re getting yeeted outta here!
3. It’s a lit land with all the good stuff, but I can’t roll with you stubborn peeps. Don’t want to end up wiping you out on the way there.
4. When the people heard this, they were so bummed they didn’t even bother flexing their bling.
5. The LORD told Moses to tell the Israelites they’re being stubborn. I’m about to handle business real quick, so ditch the fancy stuff. I need to figure out what to do with y’all.
6. So, the Israelites straight-up ditched their bling at Mount Horeb.
7. Moses set up the tabernacle outside the camp, a good distance away, and named it the Tabernacle of the Gathering. Whenever people wanted to connect with the LORD, they’d dip out of camp and head to the tabernacle.
8. Moses dipped from his crib to the tabernacle, and when he did, everyone peeped from their tents until he disappeared inside.
9. Moses heads into the tabernacle, and this rad cloudy pillar chills at the entrance. Then, boom, God starts chatting.
10. Everyone sees the cool cloud thing at the entrance and worships from their tent doors.
11. God talks to Moses like they’re besties. Then Moses heads back to camp, but his homie Joshua stays in the tabernacle the whole time.
12. Moses is like, ‘Yo, God! You’re saying to bring these people, but you haven’t said who’s rolling with me. But you’re saying you know me and dig me.’
13. ‘If you’re vibing with me, drop some knowledge. I want to know your ways, get close, and keep your favor. And remember, we’re your peeps.’
14. God’s like, ‘Chill, I got your back. I’ll give you mad vibes.’
15. ‘If you ain’t coming with us, we’re not leaving.’
16. ‘How will we know you’re cool with us if you’re not rolling with us? That’s how everyone knows we’re different.’
17. God’s like, ‘Moses, I got you. I’ll do what you’re asking, ’cause you’re cool in my book.’
18. Moses is like, ‘Can I peep your awesomeness?’
19. God’s like, ‘I’ll flex my goodness and drop some mad mercy where I see fit.’
20. ‘But you can’t see my face and stay alive, you know?’
21. God’s like, ‘Check it, I got this dope spot next to me, you’ll be posted up on a solid rock, fam.’
22. ‘When I flex, I’ll put you in this dope spot in the rocks, shield you with my hand as I pass.’
23. ‘You’ll catch a glimpse of my backside, but my face won’t be in the pic.’

1. Alright, so God was like, “Hey, Moses! Grab those stone tablets again, you know, the ones you broke last time? I’ll write the same stuff on ’em.”
2. Get ready and head up to Mount Sinai in the morning. Meet me at the peak.
3. No one else can come with you, and make sure nobody’s chilling on the mountain, not even the animals.
4. So Moses made two stone tablets just like before. Then, early in the A.M., he headed up to Mount Sinai as God told him, taking the tablets.
5. God came down in this epic cloud, stood with him, and started dropping some serious knowledge about Himself.
6. Then God was like, “Listen up, I’m God, the one and only. I’m all about showing mercy, grace, being patient, and overflowing with goodness and truth.”
7. God’s big on mercy, forgiving sins and all. But there are still consequences for past actions, affecting future generations.
8. Moses bowed down, showing respect by worshipping.
9. Moses was like, “God, if we’re tight, can you roll with us? ‘Cause, let’s be real, we’re kinda stubborn. Forgive us and accept us, yeah?”
10. God was like, “Get ready for some mind-blowing stuff, I’m about to flex my power!”
11. Listen up! I’m kicking out some peeps: Amorites, Canaanites, Hittites, Perizzites, Hivites, and Jebusites, they’re outta here.
12. Be careful with the locals, they might mess you up. Watch out!
13. Smash their altars, statues, and nature spots.
14. Don’t worship other gods, God’s super serious about being the only one.
15. Don’t hang with the locals, they’ll lead you astray.
16. If you mix with their crowd and they lead you away from God, it’s gonna be a mess.
17. Don’t make any idols, seriously.
18. Celebrate the feast of unleavened bread for a week in Abib, remembering the escape from Egypt.
19. God gets dibs on the firstborn animals.
20. Redeem your firstborn donkey with a lamb or break its neck. Don’t come to God empty-handed.
21. Work for six days, chill on the seventh, whether it’s planting or harvesting.
22. Celebrate the feast of weeks and the gathering at the year’s end.
23. Three times a year, show up before God.
24. God’s making sure your territory stays yours while you’re worshipping.
25. Don’t mix leaven with God’s sacrifice, and finish the Passover feast.
26. Offer the first and best of your crops to God, and don’t cook a baby goat in its mother’s milk.
27. God told Moses to write this down, it’s a solid deal.
28. Moses hung out with God for 40 days and nights, fasting. He wrote down the covenant, including the ten commandments.
29. When Moses came down, his face was glowing! It was wild!
30. Aaron and the crew were freaked out by Moses’ glow.
31. Moses called them over and had a chat.
32. Moses shared what God told him with the Israelites.
33. After talking to them, Moses covered his face.
34. When Moses talked to God, he uncovered his face, then covered it again when he left.
35. The Israelites saw Moses’ glowing face and knew he talked with God.

1. So Moses gathered all the Israel crew and was like, ‘Hey, peeps, listen up! These are the rules straight from the Man upstairs that we gotta follow.’
2. Hey, listen! So, for six days straight, hustle and grind, but on the seventh day, it’s chill time, a sacred, restful day for the LORD. Anyone working on that day? Well, they’re in for some serious consequences. It’s all about that holiness, fam!
3. No starting fires in your crib on the Sabbath, fam.
4. So Moses gathered all the Israelite homies and was like, ‘Yo, listen up! God dropped some wisdom on me, here’s the scoop.’
5. Yo, fam, bring an offering to the LORD. If you’re down, bring some lit gifts for the LORD – gold, silver, and brass, you know?
6. There were dope colors like blue, purple, scarlet, and even this sick fine linen and goats’ hair, you know?
7. And there were these cool red rams’ skins, and badgers’ skins, and this awesome shittim wood.
8. And we need oil for the light, ya know? And don’t forget those sick spices for the anointing oil and that sweet incense. Gotta keep things lit and smelling awesome!
9. And some super cool onyx stones and stones to flex on the ephod and the breastplate.
10. All you smart people out there, do what the LORD said, no questions asked!
11. The tent setup, including all the gear.
12. The ark, its poles, mercy seat, and the curtain.
13. Like, there’s this table with its sticks and shewbread, and everything, you know?
14. There’s also this candlestick for the lighting, along with its dope furniture, lamps, and oil.
15. And also the cool incense altar with its fancy sticks, the holy perfume oil, the sweet-smelling incense, and the cool door curtain.
16. The lit 🔥 altar for burning stuff, complete with its dope metal grill, handles, and all the accessories like the basin and its base.
17. The stuff that surrounds the court, like the poles and bases, and the hanging for the entrance.
18. The stakes of the tabernacle, and the stakes of the court, and their cords.
19. The dope outfits for Aaron the priest and his squad to rock while doing their holy duties in the sacred spot.
20. And all the fam of the Israel peeps bounced.
21. And everyone who felt inspired and had the motivation came forward, bringing their offerings.
22. So, like, all the guys and girls who were totally down for it brought some cool gold accessories – bracelets, earrings, rings, and even these tablets – fancy jewelry stuff, you know? And everyone who donated was all about that gold, giving it as an offering to the LORD.
23. And everyone who had these sick items – blue, purple, scarlet, fine linen, goats’ hair, red skins of rams, and badgers’ skins – they totally brought them, dude.
24. Everyone who gave an offering of cash and metal brought it to the Lord, and anyone who had some shittim wood for any task also brought it.
25. And all the women who were skilled used their hands to spin and brought what they had spun, both blue, purple, scarlet, and fine linen.
26. And all the women who felt inspired and wise, skillfully crafted garments using goats’ hair.
27. And the rulers flexed with some fresh onyx stones, and stones for that drip-worthy ephod and lit breastplate.
28. And like, dude, we gotta have all these sick spices and oils for the light and the anointing oil and the super fragrant incense, no cap!
29. The Israelite squad showed up with some major dedication and brought an offering to the LORD. Everyone, no matter their gender, brought their A-game and willingly contributed to all kinds of tasks that the LORD had commanded Moses to do.
30. Yo, Moses was like, ‘Listen up, fam! The Lord just straight-up called out this dude named Bezaleel, son of Uri, son of Hur, repping the tribe of Judah!
31. And like, he totally filled him up with the Spirit of God, you know? Gave him mad wisdom, understanding, knowledge, and smarts to do all sorts of epic stuff!
32. And to create dope art, like using gold, silver, and brass.
33. And like, when it comes to using stones, you gotta totally make them fit and, you know, like, carving wood to create some super cool and intricate stuff.
34. And God has given him the desire to be a teacher, both him and Aholiab, the dude from the tribe of Dan, son of Ahisamach.
35. He has given them mad skills in all sorts of crafts, like engraving, craftsmanship, embroidery in all those fancy colors, and even weaving. They’re basically experts at making cool stuff.

1. So Bezaleel, Aholiab, and all those who were seriously skilled and wise, thanks to the LORD hooking them up, knew exactly how to do all kinds of work for the sanctuary, following every single command that the LORD gave.
2. Moses hit up Bezaleel, Aholiab, and all the skilled crew out there whose hearts were filled with God-given wisdom. These were the ones who felt that inner drive to step up and get busy with their tasks.
3. So, like, the crew got all the stuff that the Israelites brought to Moses for the work in the sacred spot, you know? They even kept adding more lit contributions every morning.
4. And all the super talented artists, who created all the cool stuff for the holy place, took a break from their grind to admire what they had made;
5. And they were like, yo Moses, check it out. The people are donating way too much for the work the LORD told us to do. It’s lit! 🙌
6. So Moses was like, ‘Yo, listen up everyone!’ He made it loud and clear to all the peeps in the camp that they gotta chill with all the work for the sanctuary offering. And guess what? They actually listened and stopped bringing stuff.
7. They had enough stuff to do the work and then some.
8. And all the smart guys who were working on the tabernacle made ten curtains out of fancy woven linen, decorated with cool blue, purple, and red colors, and cleverly designed cherubim.
9. One curtain was like 28 cubits long and 4 cubits wide, and all the curtains were the same size.
10. Then he like, connected the five curtains together, and connected the other five curtains together too.
11. Then he put some cool blue loops on the edge of one curtain, starting from the cool edge of the fabric. He did the same thing on the other side of another curtain, at the connecting point of the second curtain. (Psst, ‘selvedge’ means an edge of cloth that won’t unravel.)
12. He put fifty loops on one curtain, and fifty loops on the edge of the curtain that was next to it. These loops kept the curtains together.
13. And he hooked up fifty golden fasteners, connecting the curtains together with these fasteners, making it into a single tabernacle.
14. And he like, totally hooked up some dope curtains for the tent over the tabernacle, made ’em out of goats’ hair. He had eleven curtains in total, man. Such craftsmanship, I’m telling you!
15. Each curtain was, like, 30 cubits long and 4 cubits wide, ya know? And all the eleven curtains were like totally the same size.
16. So, he like, joined five curtains all together, and then six curtains all together, you know.
17. Then he attached fifty loops to the outer edge of the curtain, and he attached fifty loops to the edge of the curtain that joins the second one.
18. And he slapped together fifty shiny metal thingies to connect the tent, so it would all stay put and be one solid unit.
19. So he flexed with a sick tent cover made of red-dyed rams’ skins, and topped it off with an extra fly badgers’ skins layer. 😎
20. And he crafted some epic boards for the tabernacle out of shittim wood, standing up like bosses.
21. The board was, like, 10 cubits long and, you know, one and a half cubits wide.
22. Each board had two tenons, evenly spaced apart, just like he made for all the boards of the tabernacle.
23. And he built some sick planks for the tabernacle; like, twenty of them for the south side, you know, toward the south:
24. And he made forty silver sockets underneath the twenty boards; two sockets under each board for the tenons, and two sockets under another board for the tenons.
25. And for the other side of the tabernacle, like, the part that’s facing the north corner, he made twenty boards, lol.
26. And they had these forty silver thingies; two thingies under each board, and two thingies under another board.
27. And for the sides of the tabernacle facing the sunset, he crafted six boards.
28. And he made two sick boards for the corners of the swag crib on both sides.
29. And they were like totally linked together underneath, and they were like connected at the top with this rad ring: so both of them were styled like that wickedly in both corners.
30. So there were like eight boards, and they had these like sixteen silver sockets. Each board had two sockets underneath. You know, two sockets stacked up under one board.
31. Then he crafted sturdy bars using shittim wood, five for the boards on one side of the tabernacle.
32. And there were like five sick bars on each side of the chill tabernacle, and another five sick bars on the west side of the tabernacle walls.
33. And he created this super cool metal rod that went straight through the boards from one side to the other, like a boss.
34. Then he flexed those boards with some mad gold, and crafted solid gold rings as holders for the bars. And yeah, he totally covered the bars with more gold, straight up blinging the whole setup.
35. And he crafted a cool-looking curtain using blue, purple, scarlet, and fancy linen. He even added some cleverly designed cherubim to make it extra special.
36. And he used four lit pillars made of shittim wood, and covered them in gold: their hooks were made of gold; and he molded four silver sockets for them.
37. Then he created a sick hanging for the entrance of the crib with dope blue, lit purple, fire red, and top-grade woven fabric, all skillfully embroidered.
38. And the five support structures were equipped with hooks, and their tops and bands were covered in gold, while their bases were made of brass.

1. So Bezaleel was like, “Let’s build this sick ark, fam!” He used shittim wood, measured it like two cubits and a half long, and a cubit and a half wide and tall. That’s some rad dimensions, right?
2. Then, he totally blinged it out with pure gold inside and out, and threw on this sick crown of gold all around it.
3. Four golden rings, one on each corner, with two rings on one side and two on the other.
4. Crafted some dope sticks from shittim wood and flexed them with gold.
5. Slid those poles into the loops on the sides of the ark for carrying.
6. Made the mercy seat out of solid gold, sized up at two and a half cubits long and one and a half cubits wide.
7. Then he got crafty with these two golden cherubims, hammered them out from one solid piece, and placed them on each side of the mercy seat, where God’s presence vibes. #ArtSkills
8. Each side had a cool angel, made from the mercy seat itself. So fly!
9. Cherub squad spread their wings high, covering the mercy seat like bosses, facing each other, locking eyes on the mercy seat. Talk about squad goals!
10. Then he built this table from top-notch wood: three feet long, one and a half feet wide, and two and a half feet tall.
11. Dripped it with lit gold, and crowned it with gold all around.
12. Added a cool little border, about an inch thick, and crowned it with gold all around again.
13. Popped on four gold rings at the corners so it stands sturdy.
14. Cool rings by the edge for sliding in the staves to carry it.
15. Made fancy wood handles, covered them in gold for carrying the table.
16. Dripped the drip on the table, plates, spoons, bowls, lids, all pure gold.
17. Next up, the candlestick, solid gold, carefully shaped and pounded into its intricate design, stem, branches, bowls, decorative knobs, and flowers, all that jazz.
18. Six branches, three on each side of the candlestick.
19. Three almond-shaped bowls, with fancy knobs and flowers on each branch, identical for all six branches.
20. Four almond-shaped bowls on the candlestick, with decorative knobs and flowers.
21. Cool knobs under two branches, making it six cool knobs on the candlestick.
22. Everything identical, all in that sick gold craftsmanship.
23. Seven lit gadgets, cool tools to extinguish them, sleek dishes for collecting the residue, all in legit gold.
24. All made with a whole bunch of pure gold, and all the cool stuff that goes with it.
25. Now, the incense altar, shittim wood, a cubit long and wide, perfectly square, standing two cubits tall, with horns on top made of the same wood.
26. Blinged out with legit gold, all over the top, sides, and even the horns, plus a sick golden crown all around.
27. Two dope gold rings under the crown, by the lit corners, on the two sides, for the staves to carry it.
28. Sturdy shittim wood sticks, covered in a shiny gold layer.
29. Last but not least, whipped up the holy anointing oil and the super legit incense, made of dope spices, just like a pro apothecary would do.

1. So, dude totally whipped up an altar for sacrificing animals, using some dope shittim wood. It measured five cubits by five cubits, making it a total square vibe, standing three cubits tall.
2. And check it, he added these rad horn-like things on each of the four corners, made of brass, just like the altar itself. It was all about that sleek, shiny look!
3. He went all out crafting the accessories for the altar, like pots, shovels, bowls, meat hooks, and firepans. All brass, all super slick and shiny.
4. Oh, and he didn’t stop there. He crafted this sick metal grate for the altar, with some crazy artsy design, featuring this network pattern and whatnot. It wrapped around the altar, connecting in the middle, giving it that extra flair.
5. And he whipped up four rings for the four corners of that bronze grate, so they could slap those poles in.
6. He got crafty with those handles, using some sturdy shittim wood and wrapping them up in shiny brass.
7. Then he slid those staves through the grooves on the sides of the altar, making it easy to haul around. He built the altar hollow using boards.
8. And check it, he made a rad washbasin out of brass, with a brass stand to boot. He even used those shiny mirrors the ladies brought, they always kick it at the entrance to the meeting spot. Those mirrors were straight up brass too!
9. Yo, he set up the courtyard with these dope hangings made of fine twined linen, a hundred cubits long on the south side.
10. They had 20 pillars with 20 bronze bases. The hooks and bands around the pillars were made of silver, keeping it all tight.
11. So, up in the north, there was this whole vibe with a hundred cubits of hangings, held up by twenty pillars with brass bases. And check this out, the hooks on those pillars and the decorative bands were all silver.
12. Then, on the flip side, there were these chill curtains, like 50 cubits long. They were held up by ten pillars with ten bases. And, yo, those pillar hooks and bands? Yeah, they were silver too.
13. And like, moving towards the east, there were, like, fifty cubits facing that way, you feel me?
14. Now, the curtains on one side of the gate? They were about 15 cubits long, with three pillars and three bases holding them up.
15. On the other side of the court gate, there were hangings that measured fifteen cubits. Again, three pillars and three bases doing the supporting.
16. The whole vibe of the court was lit with top-notch linen.
17. The bases for the pillars were straight up brass, with silver hooks and bands around them. The tops of the pillars were blinged out in silver too. All the pillars in the courtyard were flexing with silver bands.
18. The gate of the court was decked out with sick needlework, rocking blue, purple, scarlet, and fine linen. It was twenty cubits long and five cubits wide, just like the other hangings in the court.
19. And they had four pillars, made of brass, standing on four bronze bases. The hooks were silver, and the tops and bands of the pillars were also silver.
20. And all the stakes of the tabernacle, and of the area around it, were brass.
21. So, like, picture this: the tabernacle, right? That super sacred spot where they stash all the important gear? It was set up exactly how Moses said, totally organized for the Levites to handle. And get this, Ithamar, Aaron’s kid, was the big shot in charge of making it all come together.
22. Bezaleel, Judah’s main man and bro of Uri and Hur, was on another level. He followed every single instruction from the Big Guy himself, relayed through Moses.
23. And he had Aholiab riding shotgun, son of Ahisamach, straight outta Dan. Aholiab was a real artist, known for his sick skills in carving, stitching, and working with colors that popped, like blue, purple, scarlet, and fine linen.
24. All the gold for the holy stuff, I’m talking everything, even the gold that was donated, added up to about 29 talents and 730 shekels, using the same shekel they use in the sanctuary, you dig?
25. So, like, the peeps in the assembly brought in a massive stash of silver, like, a hundred talents plus one thousand seven hundred and seventy-five shekels, using the sacred shekel as the benchmark.
26. They were all supposed to chip in a bekah, like, half a shekel, according to the weight standard in the holy digs. This was a must for anyone over twenty, and when they counted, there were, get this, six hundred thousand, three thousand, and five hundred and fifty dudes.
27. The chill spots for the sanctuary and the veil got hooked up with the silver, a hundred talents worth. They set up a hundred sockets, each socket from one talent.
28. With the leftover 1775 shekels, he got down crafting some sick hooks for the pillars, and totally decked out their tops, giving them some epic bling.
29. The offering was, like, mega heavy, dudes! Seventy talents and two thousand four hundred shekels, can you even?
30. Then he got to work on the door frames for the chill hangout, along with the cool metal altar and the dope grill for it, and all the rad accessories for the altar.
31. And, you know, the bases for the whole chill playground, and the entrance to the playground, and all the pegs for the rad tent, and all the pegs for the chill playground.

1. So, like, they whipped up some lit threads using blue, purple, and scarlet threads to rock while handling business in the holy spot. And for Aaron, they crafted some sick gear as per God’s instructions to Moses.
2. And Aaron was all about flexing, decking out the ephod with gold bling, and mixing in blue, purple, and scarlet threads, plus some fine linen.
3. They were straight up blacksmiths, pounding that gold into thin sheets, then fashioning it into wires to weave into those fly threads. Blue, purple, and scarlet swag, along with some top-notch craftsmanship.
4. To keep it all together, they added some dope shoulder pieces, linking it up at the two edges like a boss.
5. And yo, that dope belt on his fancy robe? It was straight-up matching, like, custom-made, with gold, blue, purple, scarlet, and some fine woven fabric, all according to what the LORD told Moses.
6. They even hooked up some slick onyx stones in gold settings, engraved just like those personalized rings everybody’s rocking, with the names of the Israelite crew.
7. And then he placed those gems on the ephod’s shoulders, you know, those stones that were like a constant reminder for the Israelites, just like the LORD told Moses. Talk about lit!
8. He also crafted the breastplate like a boss, just like he did with the ephod. Gold, blue, purple, scarlet, and some fancy linen, all woven together like a masterpiece.
9. So, like, the breastplate was totally squared off, ya know? Double-layered and all. It was like, a span in length and a span in width, and they doubled it up.
10. Then they jazzed it up with four rows of stones. The first row was lit with a ruby, a topaz, and a garnet – that’s row one, y’all. (ruby: or, sardius)
11. Next up, in row two, we got an emerald, a sapphire, and a diamond, straight flexin’.
12. And in the third row, they brought out the cool stuff – a ligure, an agate, and an amethyst. They’re all super dope, fam.
13. So, in the fourth row, there was this rad beryl, an epic onyx, and a lit jasper, all chilling inside gold settings.
14. And these stones were like, named after the cool kids of Israel. Twelve stones, each one repping a tribe, engraved like those fancy rings, with the names of each tribe on ’em.
15. And they hooked it up with chains made of intricately woven pure gold on the edges of the breastplate.
16. They flexed with two gold chains, hooked up two gold rings on them, and attached the rings to the ends of the drip.
17. So they flexed by hooking up those two gold chains onto the rings at the ends of the blingin’ breastplate.
18. Then they snapped those chains onto the two fancy pendants, placing them on the shoulder pads of the ephod, front and center.
19. Next up, they crafted two dope gold rings and slid them onto the ends of the lit breastplate, right on the edge, towards the inside of the ephod.
20. After that, they whipped up two more lit golden rings and hooked them onto the sides of the ephod, towards the front, directly across from the other attachment. These rings were situated above the fancy belt of the ephod.
21. So, they hooked up the breastplate to the ephod with these rad blue laces and rings, making sure it stayed put above the fancy belt of the ephod. They were all about making sure the breastplate didn’t slip off the ephod, just like the LORD told Moses.
22. And then, bam! He crafted this epic robe for the ephod, using some seriously intricate weaving techniques, and it was all decked out in this killer shade of blue.
23. Now, here’s the dope part: there was this sick cutout right in the middle of the robe, kinda like those cool armor pieces, with a slick band wrapped around it to keep it from tearing, you feel me?
24. And to top it all off, they added some super cool pomegranates with sick colors like blue, purple, and scarlet, and wrapped some linen around them on the edges of the robe. It was next-level stuff, for real.
25. So, they hooked up some lit golden bells and mixed them with the pomegranates, all around the edge of the robe, like, totally swaggy.
26. Yo, those sick bells and pomegranates were poppin’ all over the hem of the robe, representing the minister’s vibe, just like how the LORD dropped the knowledge to Moses.
27. And they whipped up these dope coats for Aaron and his squad, using the freshest linen material. The craftsmanship was straight fire, with some sick woven designs, you know what I’m sayin’?
28. Plus, there was this slick mitre made of top-tier linen, and some super stylish bonnets also crafted from fancy linen, and some seriously trendy linen breeches made of fine twined linen.
29. And a belt made of super chill, smooth linen, with rad blue, purple, and red embroidery, just like how the LORD told Moses to keep it.
30. So, they grabbed this lit gold plate and engraved it with some super cool script, saying ‘HOLINESS TO THE LORD’. Straight up dope, man.
31. So, they hooked it up with a blue ribbon to keep it tight on top of the hat, just like God told Moses.
32. Dude, they finally got that tabernacle done, you know, that spot where everyone kicked it. And get this? The Israelites totally stuck to every detail the LORD gave to Moses. They didn’t even miss a step! That’s how they rolled.
33. They hauled the tabernacle over to Moses, that chill tent packed with hooks, planks, bars, pillars, and sockets.
34. Bro, there were these sick skins from rams, dyed red, and also some rad badger skins. And let’s not forget that super dope veil for the cover.
35. The holy box of the covenant, its carrying poles, and the throne of mercy,
36. The table and all its cool gear, like those fancy plates and the bread that looks mouthwatering,
37. The lit candle holder, with all those sick lamps, perfectly set up, along with all the extras and the oil for that sweet glow-up.
38. Yo, check it—there was this sick golden altar, decked out with some dope anointing oil and that fire sweet incense. And peep this—there was this cool hanging for the door of the tabernacle, featuring the incredible incense of sweet spices. Yeet!
39. Then there’s the super cool bronze altar, with its sick brass grate, dope handles, and all its awesome gadgets, not to mention the fancy water basin and its base.
40. And don’t even get me started on the court dividers, those tall poles, and the base thingies, plus the hip hangings for the court gate, the ropes, and the pins, and all the rad stuff used in serving at the tabernacle, you know, for the tent where everyone gathers.
41. Oh, and the swaggy outfits for doing important work in the sacred spot, and the cool outfits for Aaron the priest and his bros when they’re doing their priestly duties.
42. So, like, the children of Israel totally nailed it, doing all the work exactly how the LORD told Moses to do it.
43. Moses checked out all the work, and, like, they totally followed the LORD’s commandments and did it just right! Moses was like, ‘You guys rock!’ and blessed them. 🙌

1. God was all, “Hey, Moses, listen up…”
2. So, on the first day of the first month, you gotta set up that tabernacle of the tent of meeting.
3. And inside, you gotta put in the super awesome ark of the covenant, and totally cover it up with a dope veil. Whoa.
4. Then, bring in the table and set up all the necessary stuff on it. Next, bring in the candlestick and light up those lamps.
5. Also, you gotta place the sick golden altar for the incense right in front of the ark, and hang up the door curtain for the tabernacle.
6. So, like, you gotta set up the altar of the burnt offering right outside the entrance of the tabernacle, where everyone hangs out.
7. Then, you gotta set up this cool sink thing right smack dab between where everyone chills and the altar, and fill it up with water.
8. Now, here’s the vibe: you’re gonna create this rad outdoor space, circling it with a lit fence and throwing up a killer entrance curtain at the gate.
9. Yo, grab that anointing oil and start lathering it up on the tabernacle and all the stuff inside, making it all super holy and sacred.
10. And don’t forget to oil up the burnt offering altar and all the gear that goes with it, making that altar the holiest of holies. Like, it’s gonna be next-level holy, you feel me?
11. Yo, don’t forget to drip some oil on the sink and its base, and make it all holy and legit.
12. So, basically, lead Aaron and his crew to the entrance of the sacred hangout, and hose them down real good with some pure water.
13. And deck Aaron out in those lit holy threads, and hit him up with a sick anointing and blessing, so he can rock the priest gig like a boss.
14. And make sure to hook up his sons with some dope gear:
15. And yeah, you gotta totally douse them with oil just like you did for their pops, so they can roll with me as priests and all. ‘Cause this anointing vibe? It’s gonna be forever, passing down the fam line, you feel?
16. Moses was totally on point, like, he did everything exactly how the LORD told him to.
17. So, in the first month of the second year, on the first day, they totally set up the tabernacle, you know?
18. Moses was all bougie about it, setting up the tabernacle, securing its sockets, assembling the boards, inserting the bars, and standing up the pillars like a boss.
19. Then he set up the tent thingy over the special tabernacle and threw this cool cover on top of it, just like the Lord had told him to.
20. After that, he took the testimony and put it inside the ark, positioning the poles on it and placing the mercy seat on top.
21. So, he totally carried the ark into the tabernacle and put up this cool curtain thingy to cover and protect it, just as the LORD had told Moses to do. So obedient, dude.
22. So, dude set up the table in the hangout spot, up on the north side of the cool tent, without any cover.
23. And he put the bread exactly how the LORD told Moses, all legit and stuff.
24. Then he placed the lit lamp thingy in the hangout tent, right across from the table, on the south side of the mobile churchy setup.
25. And he switched on the lit AF lamps in front of the LORD, just like Moses was told to do by the LORD.
26. And he put the sick golden altar in the awesome tent where the squad gathered, right before the epic curtain:
27. And he burned some dope incense on it, just like the LORD told Moses.
28. And he hung the sick drapes by the entrance of the chill tabernacle.
29. Next, he set up the burnt offering altar right by the entrance of the tabernacle where everyone chilled, and followed God’s command by offering both the burnt offering and the meat offering on it, just as Moses was told.
30. And he set the basin right smack between the chill zone and the massive sacred grill, filling it up with water for cleansing vibes.
31. So Moses, Aaron, and their squad were all like, “Let’s clean up like pros”:
32. Whenever they rolled up into the tent to chill, and as they approached the laid-back altar, they rinsed off, just following Moses’ vibe from the Big Man upstairs.
33. Moses hooked up the area around the tent and the altar, and threw up a curtain at the entrance. So Moses totally nailed the whole setup.
34. Then, out of nowhere, this massive cloud swooped in and blanketed the whole tent where everyone was hanging out, you feel? And it was like this insane display of God’s vibes, filling up the tabernacle with His glory. So lit!
35. So like, Moses couldn’t even get into the hangout spot, ’cause this epic cloud was totally there, and God’s glorious vibe was filling the place.
36. And when the cloud dipped from over the chill pad, the squad of Israel kept it rolling on all their trips:
37. But hey, if that cloud ain’t dipping, they ain’t moving until the day it’s lifted.
38. Yo, the LORD’s rad cloud was just posted up on the tabernacle in the daytime, and at night it was lit with fire, so everyone in Israel could peep it on all their trips.