Acts - Gen Z Bible

Acts 1

Yo Theophilus, I already dropped a lit account of everything Jesus did and taught, you feel me?
So, like, before Jesus bounced, he made sure to give his chosen apostles some mad instructions through the Holy Ghost, you know what I’m saying?
And he totally proved he was alive after all he went through, with tons of undeniable evidence. He showed up to them for like, 40 days, dropping knowledge bombs about all the dope stuff related to God’s kingdom.
So, when they were all chilling together, He told them to stay put in Jerusalem and wait for the Father’s promise, like He already talked about before.
So, like, John was all about baptizing with water and stuff, but you guys are about to get baptized with the Holy Ghost real soon, like, no joke, just wait a few days.
So, when everyone was gathered, they were like, ‘Yo, are you gonna bring back the kingdom to Israel now?’
And he was like, yo guys, it’s not for you to know the exact timing and stuff, only the Father knows that.
Once the Holy Ghost comes through, you’re gonna get some real power – and it ain’t just for show. You’re gonna be my squad, spreading the word about me everywhere, starting from Jerusalem, then Judaea, moving to Samaria, and even reaching the farthest corners of the earth. Trust me, you’re gonna make waves with this divine force!
And, like, after he said all that, they were watching, and suddenly he straight-up vanished into thin air, and there was this cloud that swooped him out of sight, like, poof, gone.
And as they were staring up at the sky, watching Jesus bounce, suddenly two dudes in, like, totally white clothes showed up beside them;
And they were like, ‘Hey, guys from Galilee, why you just standing there gawking? Jesus, the same dude who went up to heaven, is gonna come back just like you saw him leave!’
So, they bounced back to Jerusalem from this place called Olivet, which isn’t far, you could stroll there on a chill Sabbath day.
So after they got there, they all went to this cool upper room, where Peter, James, John, Andrew, Philip, Thomas, Bartholomew, Matthew, James (son of Alphaeus), Simon the Zealot, and Judas (brother of James) were just chilling.
Everyone stayed together, praying and vibing, even the women, Mary (Jesus’s mom), and his crew.
Yo, during that time, Peter stepped up in front of everyone, like, ‘BTW, there were about 120 of us hanging out together, just so you know.’
Yo, guys and gals, listen up! This scripture had to go down, like it was meant to be, you know? The Holy Ghost, through David, totally predicted what would happen with Judas, the guy who led the crew that nabbed Jesus.
Yo, he was one of us, and he played a role in this ministry.
So this dude bought a piece of land with some shady money, but then he tripped and fell so hard that he split open and his guts spilled out everywhere.
And everyone in Jerusalem knew about it. They even named that field in their own language, Aceldama, which means ‘The field of blood’.
As it says in the book of Psalms, his place should be empty, and no one should live there anymore. Someone else should take over his role as an apostle.
So, like, out of all the dudes who’ve been rolling with us since John baptized people,
Yo, from that time until Jesus bounced from our crew, we gotta pick someone to be a witness of his comeback with us.
So, they picked these two dudes, Joseph (also called Barsabbas, nicknamed Justus), and this other guy named Matthias.
And they were like, yo, they prayed and were all like, ‘Yo, Lord, you know everything about us, our hearts and all. So, could you let us know which one of these two you’ve picked?’
So he can join in this sick ministry and apostleship, since Judas messed up and fell due to his actions, and went to his rightful place.
So, like, they decided by drawing lots, and the chosen one was Matthias. He joined the gang of eleven apostles.

Acts 2

So, when Pentecost rolled around, they all gathered up in one spot, totally vibing.
Out of the blue, this crazy loud noise burst from the sky, like a mega gust of wind, filling the whole chill zone.
And then, boom! They see these lit fire tongues, splitting up and landing on each of them.
Suddenly, everyone’s filled with the Holy Ghost, and they start speaking in different languages, you know, Spirit vibes.
In Jerusalem, there were these super dedicated Jews, coming from all over the world, yo.
Word spreads, and a massive crowd gathers, totally freaking out ’cause they can understand every single person speaking in their own language.
They’re all shook and mind-blown, like, woah, did you peep that? They’re like, aren’t these dudes from, like, Galilee or something?
And they’re like, how are we all understanding each other in our own language, the one we were born with?
People from everywhere: Parthia, Media, Elam, Mesopotamia, Judea, Cappadocia, Pontus, and Asia,
Plus, Phrygia, Pamphylia, Egypt, and even Libya near Cyrene. Oh, and some outsiders from Rome, both Jews and converts.
These Cretes and Arabians, we hear them talking in our languages about all the dope things God’s doing.
They’re all mind-blown and confused, like, ‘What’s happening right now?’
Some haters are like, ‘These dudes must be lit AF on some new drink.’
Peter and the crew step up, and Peter’s like, ‘Listen up, everyone in Judaea and Jerusalem, hear me out.’
They’re not wasted, it’s only like, 9 AM, fam.
This is what the prophet Joel was talking about, fam;
In the last days, God says, I’m gonna pour out my Spirit on everyone: your boys and girls will be speaking prophecies, your young dudes will have visions, and your old folks will have dreams.
And I’ll totally bless my Spirit upon all my awesome peeps, dudes and babes alike! They gonna make some sick prophetic moves!
And I’ll bring the most mind-blowing things up in the sky and signs on the ground; blood, fire, and like, smoke all over the place!
The sun’s gonna go all dark and the moon’s gonna look like blood before that epic day when the Lord shows up.
And there’s gonna be this totally awesome thing, where anyone who’s down to like, call upon the name of the Lord, they’re gonna be totally saved, dude.
Listen up, Israel! Jesus, the dude from Nazareth, was totally legit approved by God. He did all these insane miracles, wonders, and signs right in front of you. And come on, you all saw it too, no doubt:
God had this whole plan and knew what was gonna go down, but y’all ended up capturing and killing him with all that wickedness and stuff:
But God brought him back to life and freed him from the grip of death, ’cause it was impossible for death to keep its hold on him.
David was totally talking about Jesus when he said, ‘I always have the Lord in view, keeping him by my side so I won’t be shaken.’
So, my heart totally felt all kinds of happiness, and I was, like, super stoked and my tongue couldn’t help but smile. Plus, my whole being is gonna take a chill pill and feel hopeful vibes, you know?
Dude, you won’t abandon my soul in the depths of despair, and you definitely won’t let your righteous homie decay.
You’ve shown me how to live my best life; your smile brings me ultimate joy.
Hey fam, listen up! I wanna talk to y’all about David, the OG patriarch. Just so you know, he’s dead and gone, and we still got his tomb here till this day. Just keepin’ it real, you know?
So this prophet guy knew that God had promised him, like for real, that someone from his own bloodline would be born and become the ruler, called Christ, sitting on his throne and all that.
He knew this in advance and talked about how Jesus would rise from the dead, that his spirit wouldn’t stay trapped in the underworld, and his body wouldn’t decay.
Yo, God straight up brought Jesus back to life, and we all saw it go down.
So, like, Jesus got all mighty and stuff, sitting at God’s right hand and all. And the Father was like, ‘Yo Jesus, here’s the Holy Ghost promise for you.’ And then Jesus was like, ‘Bet!’ and started spreading it around for all of y’all to see and hear.
Yo, David didn’t actually go up to heaven and stuff, but he straight up said, ‘The LORD told my Lord, yo, chill right by me on my right side,’
Until I flex on your haters and they become like an accessory to your swag.
So, like, everyone in the house of Israel needs to know for sure that God totally made Jesus, the one y’all crucified, the ultimate boss and Savior.
When they heard that, they felt a major shake in their hearts and said to Peter and the other apostles, dudes, what’s the move now?
So, like, Peter was all like, ‘Yo, listen up fam! You need to repent and get baptized in the name of Jesus Christ to have your sins forgiven, and bonus – you’ll also receive the awesome gift of the Holy Ghost!’
Yeah, you won’t believe it, but God’s got a promise for you, your squad, and even those who are far away. Like, anyone that the big man upstairs decides to bring into the mix.
And he went on to speak and encourage them with many other words, saying, ‘Yo, you gotta save yourselves from this messed up generation, fam.’
So, like, those who were super stoked about what he was preaching got baptized. And guess what? On that very day, around three thousand peeps were all like, ‘Sign me up, fam!’
And they were all super committed to following the apostles’ teachings, chilling together, sharing meals, and praying like all the time.
Everyone was shook and amazed when the apostles started pulling off mad miracles and mind-blowing signs.
And everyone who believed hung out together, and shared everything with each other;
They sold all their stuff and shared it with everyone based on what each person needed.
And they, like, hung out together every day at the temple, and had meals together at each other’s houses, and they were stoked about it and had genuine connections, you know? Like, it was all about having a good time and being on the same page, yo.
They were all about praising God and being cool with everyone. And the Lord kept bringing new people to the church every day, the ones who were meant to be saved, you know.

Acts 3

So Peter and John were heading to the temple around 3 PM for some prayer vibes.
There was this guy who couldn’t walk since day one, so his squad would carry him and drop him off at the temple gate, which they called ‘Beautiful’. He’d be asking for some cash from the folks rolling into the temple.
When this dude peeped Peter and John cruising toward the temple, he hit them up for some spare change.
And Peter, like, totally locks eyes with the guy, with John by his side, and he’s all like, ‘Yo, check us out, dude.’
So the guy’s all ears, hoping to score something from them.
Peter’s like, ‘Yo, I ain’t got cash or bling, but what I do have, I’mma hook you up with. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, rise up and start walking!’
And he grabs his hand, pulls him up, and bam, his feet and ankles get super strong.
Then he gets up, starts strutting, and heads inside the temple with them. He’s straight-up walking, jumping, and giving props to God.
And everyone’s like, ‘Yo, peep him strolling and giving mad shoutouts to God:’
They’re fully aware it’s him flexing at the Beautiful gate, and they’re all blown away and shook by what’s going down.
So when the formerly immobile guy is all fixed up, he grabs onto Peter and John, and the whole crowd rushes over to them at Solomon’s hangout, totally mind-blown.
When Peter sees this, he steps up to the mic, saying, ‘Yo, Israel fam, why you trippin’? Why you staring at us like we’re the ones who made this dude walk, like we’re some kind of magic wizards or holy beings?’
The OG God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, the God of our ancestors, flexed on his Son Jesus. Y’all snitched and straight-up denied him when Pilate was about to let him slide.
Bro, you straight-up disrespected the Holy One, the Real Deal, and instead wanted a killer to be set free for real fam;
And they straight-up took out the Prince of life, who God brought back from the dead; and we saw the whole thing go down.
And this guy got a major power-up, thanks to putting his trust in the name of Jesus. You all can see it with your own eyes: he’s strong and healthy now, all thanks to the faith that comes from Jesus. He’s flexing on all of you right here, right now.
And yo, my peeps, I know that y’all did that foolishness ’cause y’all ain’t know no better, just like them higher-ups did too.
But like, God had already straight-up told everyone through his prophets that Christ was gonna go through some serious suffering, and yo, he totally came through and made it happen just as he said.
So, like, turn your life around and get with the program, so that all your mistakes can be totally erased, once God brings some awesome new vibes into the mix.
And he’s gonna send Jesus Christ, who was talked about before to y’all:
Yo, heaven’s gotta hold on to this dude until everything’s been fully restored. God’s been speakin’ through all his holy prophets since day one, so this ain’t no joke.
Yo, Moses straight-up told our ancestors, God is gonna raise up a prophet for you guys, one of your own people, just like me. You gotta listen to whatever he says, no questions asked.’
And, like, anyone who doesn’t listen to that prophet, they’re gonna be totally wiped out from the crowd, you know?
Yeah, even all the prophets, starting from Samuel and all the ones after him, every single one of them has been telling us about these times.
You guys are the descendants of the OG prophets and part of the deal that God made with our ancestors, Abraham in particular. He promised that through your crew, all the different fams on this planet would get blessed.
Yo, dudes, God first raised up his Son Jesus and sent him to bless you by helping y’all turn away from your wrongdoings.

Acts 4

So, like, picture this, they were, like, addressing the crowd, and suddenly, boom! The priests, the temple bigwig, and the Sadducees roll up outta nowhere. (Oh, by the way, ‘captain’ could also mean ‘ruler’.)
These dudes were seriously cheesed off ’cause these other dudes were out there spreading the word about Jesus rising from the dead.
So, they snatch them up and keep them overnight ’cause it was getting late and stuff.
But, yo, loads of peeps who heard the word were totally sold and became believers; and, get this, there were like 5K dudes who jumped on the bandwagon.
The next day, the big shots, the influencers, and the brainiacs,
So, like, Annas the high priest, Caiaphas, John, Alexander, and all the high priest’s fam were just kicking it in Jerusalem.
And when they plopped them in the hot seat, they were all like, ‘How in the world did you guys pull this off? What’s your secret sauce or what’s the magic word you’re using?’
So Peter, totally amped up by the Holy Ghost, goes, ‘Listen up, all you bigwigs and OGs of Israel,’
If we gotta spill the tea today about the lit thing we did for that helpless dude, and how he got healed;
Pay attention, everyone, even all the peeps in Israel! Just so you know, it’s all about Jesus Christ from Nazareth, the one you guys crucified but God brought back from the dead. And it’s all because of Him that this dude is standing before you all healed and complete.
Yo, check it. This right here is the stone that you builders totally overlooked, but now it’s the ultimate boss of the whole building.
Yo, listen up! There ain’t no other way to be saved except through this one name—none other, man! This name is the real deal, bro, the only one that can save us all. It’s the name given to us peeps on earth, and it’s the only ticket to salvation, no cap!
So, like, when they peeped Peter and John, they were totally shook, ’cause they realized that these dudes weren’t necessarily the most book-smart or knowledgeable. And yet, they were blown away by their confidence and courage. It was like, a total mind-blowing moment for them, and they realized that these two had definitely spent some quality time hanging out with Jesus.
And, like, when they saw the dude who was totally healed standing there with them, they were just speechless and couldn’t even come up with anything to hate on him for, you know?
But like, they told them to bounce from the meeting and then they started gossiping with each other,
So, like, what should we do with these dudes? ‘Cause, you know, they totally flexed with that miracle. Everyone in Jerusalem saw it, no cap. We can’t deny that, for real.
But, like, let’s make it crystal clear to them that they better not go around spilling more tea about this, you know? We should totally warn them that they better not drop this name to anyone ever again.
So, like, they straight-up told them to zip it about talking or preaching about Jesus and stuff.
But Peter and John were like, hold up, listen! You’re telling us to follow your orders instead of God’s? Nah, man, you can decide for yourselves if that’s right or not.
Like, seriously, there’s no way we can keep quiet about all the mind-blowing stuff we’ve seen firsthand, you know?
So, like, they were all up in their grill, threatening them and stuff, but they ended up just letting them dip ’cause they couldn’t find any way to punish them. The people were totally on their side and giving props to God for what went down. #Blessed
Bro, the dude who got healed was, like, over 40 years old. That’s how epic this miracle was, man!
After they got let off the hook, they linked up with their squad and spilled all the tea on what the big shot religious leaders had told them.
And when they heard that, they all came together and raised their voices to God, saying, ‘Yo, Lord, you’re the real deal, the one who created everything – the heavens, the earth, the sea, and everything in them.’
Yo, God, through David, your servant, said, like, why were those haters getting all mad and the people just talking smack?
The earth’s kings were like, ‘Ugh, let’s team up and take on the Lord and his chosen one, yo!’
OMG, like seriously, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE – Herod, Pontius Pilate, the Gentiles, and the people of Israel – they all came together to mess with your holy kid, Jesus, whom you totally chose and put in charge. Like, no lie!
So, like, to do whatever your plans were all set for in advance, man.
Yo, God, check it out, they’re makin’ threats. Hook us up, your servants, so we can speak your truth with mad courage.
Like, you know, using your hand to heal people and doing awesome miracles and stuff in the name of your super holy child, Jesus.
And like, after they finished praying, the whole place started shaking where they were all gathered and stuff, and they were like super hyped up with the Holy Ghost energy, and they started speaking the word of God with so much confidence and no fear at all.
And all the people who believed were totally vibing together: they shared the same mindset and spirit. No one was all like, ‘This is totally mine and you can’t have it,’ ’cause they were all about that communal life, sharing everything with each other.
The apostles flexed their mad power and straight up vouched for Jesus coming back to life, yo. And everyone was feeling the absolute best vibes with all that grace flowing through them, no cap.
And, like, nobody was left out, man. Everyone who had, like, tons of property or houses, they were selling them and using the money to help out, you know?
And they put at the apostles’ feet: and gave out to each person according to what they needed.
Now, there was this dude named Joses, cool name, right? Anyway, the apostles gave him this epic nickname, Barnabas, which means ‘The Son of Consolation’ (pretty uplifting, TBH). He was a Levite and hailed from the awesome country of Cyprus.
They sold their land, brought the cash, and laid it down at the apostles’ feet.

Acts 5

So, there was this guy named Ananias who, along with his wife Sapphira, decided to sell something they owned, right?
So, like, this guy held onto some of the money, and his wife knew, and they only gave a portion of it and placed it at the feet of the apostles. Not cool, you know?
Yo, Peter was like, ‘Ananias, dude, why you let Satan take over your heart and make you lie to the Holy Ghost, not coughing up the full price of the land? Like, why you gotta deceive like that?’
Dude, it was your possession when you had it, and even when you sold it, you still had the power over it. Why did you even think of doing this in your heart? It’s not just a lie to people, but also to God. Harsh, but true.
And Ananias was like, shook, and literally passed away: and it legit freaked everyone out who heard what went down.
So the squad came through, wrapped him up, and flexed out while giving him a proper burial. Respect.
About three hours later, his wifey, clueless about what went down, walked in. Drama incoming!
Then Peter was like, ‘Dude, did you really sell the land for that much?’ And she was like, ‘Yeah, totally, for that much.’ Not knowing what she’s walking into.
Yo, Peter was like, ‘Dude, what’s up with you two teaming up to test the Spirit of the Lord? Check this out, those who buried your husband are waiting at the door, and they’re gonna carry you out.’ Uh-oh, guilty vibes.
Then she immediately collapsed at his feet, and passed away: and the young people came in, and discovered that she was deceased, and, carrying her outside, laid her to rest next to her husband. Double whammy!
And everyone in the church was totally shook, even those who heard about it. Serious vibes, you know?
The apostles were total legends, performing mad signs and wonders that blew people’s minds. And get this, they were all chilling together in Solomon’s porch, absolutely unified. Squad goals!
Nobody wanted to be friends with them, but everyone thought they were super cool. Weird, but cool.
And more and more people believed in the Lord and joined the crew, a whole bunch of guys and gals. The movement’s growing!
So many people brought their sick friends and family to the streets, laying them on beds and couches, just hoping that Peter’s shadow passing by would heal them. It was like they wanted even just a little bit of his shadow to cover them and bring them relief. Lit healing vibes!
A whole bunch of people from nearby towns came to Jerusalem, bringing those who were sick or troubled by evil spirits. And guess what? Everyone got healed. Miracle alert!
Yo, the high priest straight-up stood up, with all his homies rollin’ deep (you know, the Sad Boys crew), and they were all, like, super heated, filled with mad envy and stuff, ya feel me? Drama incoming!
Then they like totally grabbed the apostles and threw them in the regular jail. Locked up!
Then, like, this angel dude from the Lord, came around during the night and straight up unlocked the prison doors, letting them out and stuff. And the angel was all like… Angelic intervention, yo!
Yo, go flex in the temple and drop some truth bombs to everyone about living their best life. Divine instructions!
So, like, when they heard about it, they headed to the temple real early and started teaching. But then the high priest showed up with his squad, called for a big meeting with all the important people from Israel, and sent someone to the prison to bring the others. Confrontation alert!
But like, when the cops showed up at the prison and couldn’t find them, they went back and spilled the tea. Snitches!
So basically, we thought the prison was locked up tight, with guards standing outside the doors and everything. But when we actually opened it up, turns out there was no one inside! Epic fail!
So, like, when the big shot religious leaders, along with the head of the temple and other important priests, heard what was going on, they started questioning where all of this was going. They were totally unsure about what was gonna happen next. Confusion in the air!
Yo, listen up, someone just came and spilled the tea, saying like, check it out, those dudes you locked up are straight up standing in the temple, and dropping some knowledge on the crowd. Plot twist!
So the captain and the officers went and brought them peacefully, because they were afraid of the people and didn’t want them to get stoned. Keeping the peace!
And like, when they had like, completely brought them over, they legit made them stand in front of the council, and the high priest straight up asked them, ya know? Interrogation time!
They were like, ‘Didn’t we tell you to stop spreading this message? Look, you’ve gone and filled Jerusalem with your teachings, and now you’re trying to blame us for this man’s death.’ Accusations flying!
So, like Peter and the other apostles were all, ‘Yo, we gotta do what God wants, not what people want.’ Bold stance!
The Almighty OG of our ancestors brought Jesus into the mix, but y’all straight up killed him and left him hanging on a tree. Harsh truth!
God has totally raised Him up, like, with His right hand and made Him into this super cool Prince and Savior dude. His mission is to grant repentance to Israel and forgive everyone’s sins. Pretty epic, right? Redemption vibes!
And we’re totally witnesses to all of this; plus, the Holy Ghost is in on it too, ’cause God hooked up those who obey Him with it. Holy Spirit vibes!
When they heard that, they were shook to the core and decided to straight up kill them. Intense reaction!
So this one guy, a Pharisee named Gamaliel, who was like a total expert in the law and everyone respected him, spoke up in the meeting. He was like, ‘Okay, hold up, let’s all chill for a sec and make the apostles step aside for a bit.’ Wise counsel!
Yo, listen up, people of Israel! Make sure you think twice about what you’re planning to do with these dudes. Reality check!
Yo, way back in the day, there was this dude named Theudas, acting all high and mighty, claiming he’s the real deal. He managed to gather around 400 followers, but in the end, he got killed and all his believers got scattered and came to nothing. (Believers: or, followers) History lesson!
Then, this guy named Judas from Galilee came around during tax season and managed to persuade a lot of people to join his cause. But guess what? He ended up biting the dust, and all his followers, I mean every single one of them who believed in him, got scattered in the wind. Another cautionary tale!
Yo, peeps, pay attention! I’m telling you, steer clear of those peeps. Let them do their thing, ’cause if it’s just some human vibe, it’s gonna tank eventually.
But if it’s straight from the Big Guy upstairs, ain’t no one gonna shut it down; unless you wanna go toe-to-toe with the Man Himself.
So, like, they were all nodding along, and then they bring in the apostles, and, bro, they straight-up rough ’em up and then they’re like, ‘Don’t even breathe the name Jesus, aight? Cool? Alright, peace out!’
And they dip from that council, hyped AF ’cause they’re pumped to take some serious flack for reppin’ His name.
And every single day, whether at the temple or chilling at someone’s spot, they keep dropping truth bombs and spreading the good word about Jesus Christ.

Acts 6

So, like, back in the day when there were tons of disciples, there was some drama between the Grecians and the Hebrews. The Grecians started complaining because the Hebrews were totally neglecting their widows when it came to taking care of them every day.
So the squad of twelve gathered all the homies who roll with them and said, ‘Look, it don’t make sense for us to ditch spreading the word of God and just handle mundane tasks.’
Yo fam, listen up! We need to find seven dudes among us who are legit trustworthy, like they got that Holy Ghost energy and wisdom, ya know? We gonna put them in charge of handling this business.
But we’ll be totally committed to praying and spreading the good word.
And everyone thought that was lit AF, so they picked Stephen, a solid dude with mad faith and the Holy Ghost vibes, along with Philip, Prochorus, Nicanor, Timon, Parmenas, and Nicolas, who was a total Antioch fan.
They brought them to the apostles and after praying, they placed their hands on them.
And God’s message got more popular and the number of followers in Jerusalem grew a lot. Even a big group of priests started believing in the faith.
And Stephen, like, totally had mad faith and power, and he straight up rocked it with all these mind-blowing wonders and miracles for the people.
Yo, there were these guys from the synagogue, you know, the one called the synagogue of the Libertines, the Cyrenians, and the Alexandrians, and also folks from Cilicia and Asia, they were straight-up arguing with Stephen.
And they couldn’t even handle the mad wisdom and the vibes he was throwing down.
So, like, they paid some dudes to say, ‘Yo, we heard this guy speak words disrespecting Moses and, like, God.’
And they got everyone all riled up – the older peeps, the smart ones – and swooped in on this dude, grabbed him, and hauled him off to the council.
And they brought in fake witnesses who said, ‘Yo, this dude won’t stop spittin’ straight fire, dissin’ this sacred spot and the law:’
Yo, we’ve heard this dude say that Jesus from Nazareth is gonna wreck this whole place and shake up all the traditions Moses handed down to us. #savage
And everyone in the council was staring at him, totally mesmerized by his angelic-like face.

Acts 7

The high priest was all like, ‘Yo, is this stuff true or what?’
Yo, listen up, peeps, elders, and fam! The super amazing God showed up to our OG, Abraham, when he was chilling in Mesopotamia, before he settled down in Charran.
He told him, ‘Leave your hometown and your family and go to the place I’ll show you.’
Then he bounced from the Chaldean town and settled in Charran. After his dad passed away, he moved him to this place where you all live now.
And he didn’t even give him a single piece of the land, not even a spot to step on. But he made a promise that he would give it to him and his descendants in the future, even though he didn’t have any kids at that time.
And God was like, ‘Listen up, His peeps will have to live in a totally weird place for a while and they’re gonna go through some tough times, like being slaves and being treated badly for, like, 400 years.
God’s gonna straight up judge the nation that’s keeping them in bondage, and then they’ll come outta there and do their thing for me in this spot.
And he made a covenant with him to be circumcised, and that’s how Abraham had Isaac, and he circumcised him on the eighth day. Then Isaac had Jacob, and Jacob had the twelve patriarchs.
So, like, the older peeps got super jelly and sold Joseph to Egypt, but don’t worry, God was totally on his side,
And he totally rescued him from all the tough times he was in, and gave him sick respect and mad smarts in the eyes of Pharaoh, the king of Egypt. And then he made him the boss of all Egypt and his whole fam squad.
So, like, there was this major famine that hit Egypt and Chanaan, and it was, like, super tough. Our ancestors couldn’t find any food to survive, man.
Yo, when Jacob found out there was some fire food in Egypt, he straight up sent our OG ancestors to check it out.
And then, like, at the second time, Joseph finally revealed himself to his brothers, and Pharaoh was totally clued in on Joseph’s family and stuff.
So Joseph hit up his dad Jacob and all his fam, totaling 75 peeps.
So like, Jacob went down to Egypt and he, along with our dads, died there.
And they got moved to Sychem and placed in the tomb that Abraham bought from Emmor’s sons in exchange for some cash, ya know, the father of Sychem.
But, as the promise time approached, the one God swore to Abraham, the peeps in Egypt started growing like crazy and multiplied.
Then a new king came into power who didn’t even know who Joseph was.
They sneakily messed with our fam and mistreated our ancestors, to the point where they had to abandon their own kids just so they wouldn’t survive.
Back in the day, when Moses was born, he was, like, a total stunner, and his folks took care of him at home for three months. Can’t deny, he was, like, blessed by the heavens or something.
And like, when he got kicked out, Pharaoh’s daughter was all like, ‘I gotchu!’ She took him in and raised him as if he was her own kid, you know, like fam and stuff.
And Moses was, like, super knowledgeable in all the wisdom of the Egyptians, and he was like, a total legend when it came to speaking and taking action.
And when he turned 40 years old, he suddenly felt the urge to hang out with his homies, the Israelite squad.
So this guy saw someone being treated unfairly, and he totally had their back. He made things right for the person who was being mistreated and straight up took down the Egyptian.
He thought his squad would totally get that God was about to come through and rescue them by his power, but they just didn’t get it.
And the next day, he made an appearance to them while they were arguing, and he tried to bring them back together, saying, ‘Yo, guys! You’re fam, so why you trippin’ and treating each other wrong?’
But yo, the dude who did his homie dirty straight up dissed him, like, ‘Who made you the boss and the judge of us?’
Are you gonna take me out like you did with that Egyptian dude yesterday?
Moses totally dipped after hearing this, and ended up being a total outsider in Madian. That’s where he became a dad to two kids, you know.
After like, a crazy 40 years, this dude saw this angel from God in the middle of this deserted mountain area, and the angel was literally on fire but in this cool bush.
When Moses saw that, he was totally shook and amazed: and as he came closer to check it out, he straight up heard the voice of the Lord saying,
Like, yo, I’m the God of your fam, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. And when Moses heard that, he was totally shook and couldn’t even look.
So, like, the Lord was all like, ‘Hey dude, take off your shoes, man, ’cause the spot you’re standing on is, like, sacred ground, you know?
Yo, I’ve totally peeped the struggle of my homies over in Egypt. Their groans have reached my ears, so I’m rolling up to save them. And now, you’re up next – I’m sending you to Egypt.
So, like, the people totally dissed Moses, saying, ‘Who made you the boss and the judge?’ But, bro, God straight up sent Moses to be the leader and the savior, using an angel that appeared to him in a burning bush. Can you believe it?
He flexed on them by doing crazy miracles and epic tricks in Egypt, at the Red Sea, and during their time in the desert for, like, forty whole years.
So this is the OG Moses, who straight up told the Israelite crew that the Lord your God will raise up a prophet for y’all from among your own peeps, someone as cool as me. And y’all better listen up and pay attention to this dude. #NoCap
Yo, this dude was in the wilderness church chillin’ with an angel who totally dropped some knowledge on him at Mount Sina, and, like, our ancestors were there too. They got these super lit messages to pass down to us.
Our ancestors didn’t want to listen, so they rejected and deep down, they wanted to go back to Egypt.
Aaron, can you, like, hook us up with some gods to lead the way? Cuz Moses, who took us outta Egypt, just dipped and we have no clue where he went.
So, like, back in the day, they totally made this calf and started worshiping it. They were all into sacrificing and stuff, and they were like super proud of themselves and their handmade idol.
So, like, God was kinda disappointed and all, and let them start worshipping like, celestial beings and stuff. You know, like it says in those ancient prophet writings, ‘Hey, you guys from Israel, seriously? You’ve been sacrificing animals and making offerings for, like, a whole forty years while wandering in the desert?’
Yo, you straight up embraced the tabernacle of Moloch and your god Remphan’s star, these symbols you made to worship them. Because of that, I’m gonna exile you even further than Babylon.
Our ancestors had this special place called the tabernacle out in the wild. God told Moses exactly how to make it, down to every last detail.
And after Jesus, our ancestors passed down this possession to the non-believers. God drove out the non-believers before our ancestors until David’s time.
Who totally vibed with God and was like, ‘Bro, I gotta find the perfect crib for the God of Jacob.’
So Solomon, like, totally constructed this sick house for God.
Yo, listen up. The Most High doesn’t chill in buildings made by humans, ya feel? Just like the prophet said,
Heaven is like my throne, and earth’s just my footstool. So, like, why bother building a house for me? The Lord’s like, seriously, where do you even think I’d rest at?
Yo, didn’t my hand create all of this?
You guys are like, so stubborn and closed-minded, refusing to listen to the Holy Ghost, just like your ancestors did and still do.
Yo, think about this, fam. Our ancestors straight up persecuted all the prophets, no cap. They even killed those who tried to spread the word about the coming of the righteous dude. And now, it’s on us, bros and babes. We be betraying and straight up murdering the real ones.
Those who got the rules straight from the angels but totally failed at keeping them.
When they heard this, it hit them hard and they were totally furious.
But yo, my guy was like, totally filled with the Holy Ghost, and he straight up looked up into heaven, with mad determination, and peeped the absolute glory of God, and Jesus standing on the right hand of God, fam.
And I was like, OMG, I looked up and saw, like, the sky totally opened up, and there was this dude, the Son of man, just chilling on God’s right side. So epic, dude.
And they were like, ‘OMG!’ and covered their ears, then all of them came at him together super fast!
So they totally kicked him out of the city and started throwing rocks at him, and the witnesses were like, ‘You guys hold my stuff!’ and they left it with this cool dude named Saul.
And they brutally attacked Stephen, desperately reaching out to, and saying, Yo Jesus, accept my spirit.
Then, he got down on his knees and shouted loudly, like, ‘Yo, God, please don’t hold them accountable for this sin.’ And after he said that, he peacefully passed away.

Acts 8

Yo, so Saul was totally chill with offing this dude, and then boom, the church in Jerusalem got hit with a major setback. They were all forced to scatter across Judaea and Samaria, except for the apostles, of course.
And some devout dudes gave Stephen a send-off and were super bummed about it.
So, like, Saul went full-on against the church, straight up busting into people’s cribs and hauling both dudes and chicks off to the slammer.
So, like, the crew that got split up started spreading the word everywhere they went.
So Philip was like, “I’m out to Samaria,” and started spitting facts about Jesus, you know.
And everyone was vibing with Philip’s words, you feel me? They were all ears, ’cause they saw the lit miracles he was pulling off.
Yo, evil spirits were acting up, but then Philip cast them out of a bunch of possessed peeps. And get this, loads of folks with ailments like paralysis and not being able to walk got straight-up healed.
And the whole city was lit AF!
Yo, there was this cat named Simon in the city, deep into sorcery stuff. He had the Samaria peeps wrapped around his finger, claiming to be some kind of big shot.
Everyone was hooked on this guy, from the small fries to the big shots, saying, “Yo, this dude is like God-level flex.”
And they were all about him ’cause he’d been blowing their minds with his wicked magic for ages.
But when they got into Philip’s message about the kingdom of God and Jesus Christ, they were like, “We’re in,” and got baptized, guys and girls alike.
So, Simon was like, “I’m down too,” and after getting baptized, he stuck with Philip, amazed by all the sick miracles going down. Like, mind-blowing stuff, ya know? (BTW, miracles mean like, signs and crazy awesome miracles, just so you know.)
So when the apostles in Jerusalem heard Samaria was on board with God’s message, they were like, “Let’s send Peter and John over there, fam.”
And when they rolled up, they started praying for them to get blessed with the Holy Ghost:
(Because none of them had been baptized yet, they’d only had baptism in Jesus’s name.)
So they laid hands on them, and they got the Holy Spirit.
And when Simon saw the apostles dishing out the Holy Ghost like candy, he had the nerve to try and buy it,
Like, he was like, “I want that power! Imagine if I could lay hands on someone and bam, they’d get the Holy Ghost! That’d be lit!”
But Peter was like, “Dude, your cash can’t buy God’s gift. You’re outta luck ’cause your heart’s not in the right place.”
You don’t get a say in this, ’cause God sees your true intentions.
So seriously, you gotta change your tune and ask God for forgiveness, hoping He’ll forgive your messed-up thoughts.
I can totally see you’re stuck in a toxic mindset, wrapped up in shady business.
So Simon was like, “Guys, can you make sure none of that stuff you talked about happens to me, please?”
After spreading the Lord’s message, they bounced back to Jerusalem and kept spreading the good news in many Samaritan villages.
So this angel of God starts chatting with Philip, like, “Dude, hit the road south from Jerusalem to Gaza, it’s a desert, FYI.”
So he dipped and suddenly sees this VIP from Ethiopia, in charge of Queen Candace’s riches. This guy had come to Jerusalem to worship.
So he’s heading home, chilling in his fancy ride, reading this old prophet Isaiah.
Then the Spirit’s like, “Yo Philip, go vibe with him.”
So Philip rolls up and hears him reading Isaiah. Philip’s like, “You get what you’re reading?”
And the dude’s like, “How can I unless someone breaks it down for me?” So he’s like, “Come chill and explain.”
So the verse he’s reading is like, he was taken away like a lamb to be slaughtered, silent as a sheep before the shearers, he didn’t even open his mouth.
He was humiliated and denied justice. Who can even grasp his destiny? His life was cut short from the earth.
So the dude’s like, “Philip, who’s the prophet talking about here? Himself or someone else?”
So Philip breaks it down from that scripture and talks about Jesus.
And as they’re rolling, they come across water, and the dude’s like, “Yo, water! Can I get baptized?”
Philip’s like, “If you truly believe with all your heart, then go for it.” And the dude’s like, “For real, I believe Jesus Christ is the Son of God.”
So he tells the ride to stop, and both Philip and the dude dive into the water, and he baptizes him.
And when they come out, the Spirit snatches Philip away, and the dude’s like, “Where’d he go?” But Philip’s hyped and stoked!
So Philip’s cruising through Azotus, spreading the word in all the cities, not stopping until he hits Caesarea.

Acts 9

So there’s this guy Saul, right? He’s like, full-on fuming, ready to wipe out anyone down with the Lord. He bounces to the high priest, like, straight away!
He’s like, “Yo, can I hit up all the synagogues in Damascus? I’m hunting down anyone repping this vibe, no matter their gender, and dragging them back to Jerusalem in cuffs.”
So, he’s cruising to Damascus when outta nowhere, bam! This crazy bright light beams down on him from the sky.
Dude hits the ground like a sack of potatoes, and he’s like, “Whoa, what’s happening?” Then he hears this voice like, “Saul, my man! Why you gotta be so harsh?”
Saul’s like, “Who even are you, bro?” And the voice is all, “I’m Jesus, the one you’re hating on. It’s gonna be rough if you keep fighting against me.”
Saul’s shook, asking, “Okay, what’s the move, Lord? What do you want me to do?” And the Lord’s like, “Get up, head into the city, and I’ll fill you in on the deets there, dude.”
His crew’s freaking out ’cause they hear a voice but don’t see squat.
So Saul gets up, opens his eyes, but he’s blind as a bat. They gotta lead him by the hand into Damascus.
Homeboy’s blind for three days straight, fasting from food and drinks.
Meanwhile, in Damascus, there’s this follower named Ananias. The Lord drops him a vision and he’s like, “Yo, what’s good, Lord?”
And the Lord’s like, “Get up, hit Straight Street, go to Judas’ pad, ask for Saul from Tarsus. He’s praying like there’s no tomorrow!”
So Paul has this wild vision where he sees Ananias roll up and fix him up, restoring his sight.
Ananias is like, “Lord, I’ve heard about this guy stirring up trouble for your crew in Jerusalem:
“He got the green light from the big shots to round up anyone who’s into you.”
But the Lord’s like, “Dude, go on your path. Saul’s legit hand-picked by me. He’s gonna rep my name to everyone, even the big shots and the Israelites.”
“He’s gonna face some serious trials, but all for my sake, no cap.”
So Ananias does his thing, tells Saul, “Hey man, Jesus himself sent me. He’s fixing you up and filling you with the Holy Spirit.”
Saul’s eyes clear up, he gets baptized, game changer.
After chowing down, he feels brand new. Then he kicks it with the crew in Damascus.
No time wasted, he’s preaching about Jesus in the synagogues, making it crystal that Jesus is the real deal.
People are shook, like, “Wait, isn’t this the dude who was causing chaos in Jerusalem? And now he’s here to round up believers?!”
Saul’s gaining strength, flipping the script on the Jewish crowd in Damascus, proving Jesus is legit.
Time passes, Jews plot his downfall.
But Saul’s onto their scheme, so they’re watching the gates, ready to pounce.
Disciples sneak him out, lowering him down the wall in a basket.
Saul hits up Jerusalem, tries to join the crew, but they’re skeptical.
Barnabas vouches for him, spills about Saul’s encounter with the Lord and his preaching in Damascus.
Now he’s rolling with them in and out of Jerusalem.
Fearless, speaking boldly in Jesus’ name, even sparking debates with the Greeks who wanna end him.
When the squad catches wind, they send him off to Tarsus via Caesarea.
Churches in Judaea, Galilee, and Samaria chill out, grow stronger, filled with respect for the Lord and the Holy Spirit, multiplying like crazy!
Meanwhile, Peter’s on the move, hitting up Lydda, meeting the saints there.
He meets this dude Aeneas, bedridden for eight years with palsy.
Peter’s like, “Yo, Jesus is hooking you up with some healing vibes. Get up, fix your bed.” And Aeneas bounces up.
Everyone sees, turns to the Lord.
In Joppa, there’s Tabitha, a legend, always helping out.
She gets sick, dies, gets cleaned up, and laid out upstairs.
Nearby in Lydda, they hear Peter’s in town, so they hit him up, urgently requesting he come through.
Peter’s like, “Alright, I’m on it.” He heads over, sees the widows mourning Tabitha’s kindness.
Peter clears the room, prays, then tells Tabitha to wake up. And she does, seeing Peter, bam!
Peter helps her up, shows everyone she’s back.
Word spreads, tons believe.
Peter chills in Joppa with a cool dude named Simon, a tanner.

Acts 10

Yo, so in Caesarea, there’s this dude named Cornelius, and he’s like the head honcho in this crew called the Italian gang.
Now, Cornelius, he’s all about his faith game, and his whole fam is on that vibe too. He’s all about helping people out, dropping those sick donations, and he’s basically on a non-stop prayer marathon.
So, Peter’s just chilling, right? And suddenly, he’s hit with this vision, like, out of the blue. It’s like 3 PM, and then BAM! An angel from the big man himself drops in and is like, ‘Yo, Peter, listen up! It’s Cornelius time!’
But when Peter sees him, he’s freaking out, like, ‘Whoa, what’s up, dude?’ And then the angel’s like, ‘Bro, your prayers and all the good stuff you’ve been doing are totally on God’s radar.’
So, like, the angel’s like, ‘Go find some dudes in Joppa and hit up this guy Simon, but he goes by Peter too, ya know?’
He’s crashing at Simon the tanner’s place, right by the chill seaside vibes. Simon’s got all the deets on what you need to do, so hit him up, fam.
And after the angel finished spitting facts to Cornelius, he called two of his homies who worked for him, and this super faithful soldier who was always grinding;
And after breaking it down for them, he told them to dip to Joppa.
The next day, while they were on the move and getting closer to the city, Peter went up on the rooftop to pray at around noon:
And he’s starving, like, seriously in need of some grub: but while they’re cooking up the food, he totally zones out, man,
And suddenly, the sky cracks open, and this massive sheet starts descending towards him. It’s like tied up at the corners and slowly lowering down, you feel me?
And there’s all these cool animals on there, like four-legged beasts, wild creatures, sneaky crawlies, and dope birds soaring in the sky.
And then a voice hits him up saying, ‘Yo, Peter! Get up and feast.’
But Peter’s like, ‘Nah, man, I’m good; I’ve never messed with anything basic or nasty.’
Then the voice hits him again, saying, don’t write off anything that God has made clean as uncool or basic.
This happens three times, and then the whole setup gets taken back up to heaven.
So, while Peter’s scratching his head trying to figure out what this vision means, he peeps, check it, these dudes from Cornelius, they roll up and are looking for Simon’s crib, and they’re posted up outside the gate, waiting there, you know?
So they hit up the spot and ask if Simon, aka Peter, is chilling there.
As Peter’s trying to wrap his head around that mind-blowing vision, the Spirit’s like, ‘Yo dude, check it – three guys are looking for you.’
So, Peter’s like, cool, and he rolls with them without hesitation, ’cause I totally sent them, no doubt.
So, Peter walks up to Cornelius’ crew and is like, ‘Yo, I’m the one you’re looking for. What’s up? Why’d you come here?
So, Cornelius the centurion, he’s totally this righteous dude who’s all about respecting God, you know? And he’s got this awesome rep among all the Jewish peeps. Turns out, God hit him up through a legit holy angel, telling him to invite you to his place and hear what you gotta say, man.
So he invites them in and they crash for the night. Then the next day, Peter bounces with them, and some Joppa homies tag along.
The next day they roll into Caesarea. And Cornelius is stoked, gathering his squad and closest peeps.
So, when Peter walks in, Cornelius, like, totally meets him and, get this, falls down at his feet and worships him.
But Peter’s like, ‘Chill, dude! I’m just a regular guy too.’
And as they’re talking, he steps in and sees that a bunch of people have gathered.
And he’s like, you guys, you know it’s like totally not kosher for a Jewish dude to hang out with or even talk to someone from a different nation, right? But then God totally showed me that I shouldn’t judge anyone as unworthy or uncool.
So, I came to you without any hesitation when I got your message. Now, I’m curious about why you called me here. What’s the deal?
So, like, four days ago, I was fasting until now, you know? And at around three in the afternoon, I prayed at my place, and, yo, out of nowhere, this dude shows up in some lit outfit.
Yo, Cornelius! God’s been listening to your prayers and He’s totally got your acts of kindness on His radar.
So like, yo, send a message to Joppa and tell Simon, aka Peter, to come here. He’s crashing at Simon the tanner’s beachfront spot. When he rolls through, he’ll chat with you, fam.
So like, I hit you up ASAP, and you did a solid job by showing up. Right now, we’re all gathered here in front of God, ready to listen to everything He’s commanded you to say.
So, Peter starts talking and he’s like, ‘Dude, I totally get it! God doesn’t play favorites with people!’
But like, no matter where you’re from, if you respect God and try to be a decent human being, He’s totally cool with you.
Yo, listen up! God sent this message to the Israel homies, spreading the word about peace through Jesus Christ (aka the Ultimate Boss).
Yo, you all know about that thing, you know, that was all over Judaea, and it all started in Galilee after John did his baptism thing.
God blessed Jesus from Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and amazing abilities. He spent his time doing good things, and healing all those who were burdened by the devil’s influence, because God was always with him.
We totally saw everything he did, both in Jewville and in Jerusalem. They straight up killed him and hung him on a tree, man.
God brought him back to life on the third day and made a big show of it for everyone to see;
Not for everyone, but for a select crew handpicked by God, even for us, who had a lit feast with Him after He came back from the dead.
And he told us to spread the word to everyone, and to let them know that he’s the one chosen by God to judge both the living and the dead.
All the prophets confirm that if you believe in him, you’ll be forgiven of your wrongs.
While Peter was speaking these words, the Holy Spirit totally rocked all the peeps who were listening to the word.
Those who believed and were part of the circumcision were totally shook when they saw that even the non-Jewish peeps, who were with Peter, received the Holy Spirit like a massive gift drop.
Because they heard them speaking in different languages, praising and glorifying God. Then Peter replied,
Like, seriously, who can actually stop these peeps from getting baptized, especially when they’ve already received the Holy Spirit just like we did?
And he was like, yo, get baptized in the name of the Lord. And then they were like, bro, can you please stick around for a few days?

Acts 11

So, like, the apostles and all the crew in Judaea found out that even the Gentiles were vibing with the word of God, ya know?
So, Peter heads up to Jerusalem, and those who were all about the old school ways had a major clash with him,
They were like, ‘Bro, you totally kicked it with those uncircumcised dudes and even grubbed with them.’
So Peter basically spills the whole tea from the jump, breaking it down step by step for everyone to get, and he was like,
So, like, I’m just chilling in Joppa, doing my prayers, you know? And out of nowhere, I zone out and see this wild vision. It’s like this huge sheet dropping from the sky, held up by four corners, and it comes straight at me! Can you even?
So, I’m totally locked on it, right? And I start thinking, and I see all these four-legged creatures, you know, animals and stuff, and even some creepy crawlers, and birds hovering above me, dude.
Then I hear a voice saying, ‘Yo, Peter! Get up and chow down on this!’
But I’m like, hold up, Lord: like, seriously, I’ve never had anything regular or gross touch my lips.
Yo, the heavenly voice speaks again and says, ‘Don’t be calling common what God has already made clean.’
And this happens three times, and then it’s all up to heaven again.
So, out of the blue, three dudes roll up at the crib where I’m chilling. Turns out, they’re sent to me from Caesarea.
And the Spirit is like, ‘Yo, just roll with them. No worries.’ And yo, six of us tag along, and we pull up at the dude’s place:
So, he spins this sick story about seeing an angel in his crib and the angel straight up tells him to send some guys to Joppa to find this cat named Simon, aka Peter.
Who’s gonna drop some truth that’ll save you and your whole crew?
And as I start talking, the Holy Ghost straight up descends on them, just like how it went down with us in the beginning, you know?
I remember what the Lord said, that John baptized with water, but you guys will be baptized with the Holy Ghost.
Yo, just check it: God hooks them up with the same gift as us who straight up believed in the Lord Jesus Christ. So, like, who am I to even try to front against God, you feel me?
When they hear all that, they just stay silent and give props to God, saying that He’s also given repentance to the Gentiles, bringing them new life.
So, like, the peeps who got scattered when all that drama went down with Stephen, they start jetting to places like Phenice, Cyprus, and Antioch, spreading the word around, but only to the Jewish crew, you know?
There were these dope dudes from Cyprus and Cyrene who hit up Antioch and started talking to the Greeks about the one and only Jesus. They were spreading the good vibes, ya know!
God was totally vibing with them, and a ton of people were like, ‘Yeah, I’m down,’ and they start rolling with God.
So like, the church in Jerusalem hears about all this stuff, right? And they’re like, ‘Yo, let’s send Barnabas to Antioch, ya know, to check things out.’
When he gets there and sees the amazing grace of God, he’s stoked and pumps everyone up to stay true to the Lord with all their heart.
He was an awesome dude, always filled with the Holy Ghost and had mad faith. Lots of people joined the Lord because of him, no cap.
So Barnabas dips to Tarsus to find Saul:
And when he finally finds him, he brings him to Antioch. And guess what? For a whole year, they kick it with the church crew, teaching a bunch of people. And you know what else? The followers start getting called Christians for the first time ever in Antioch. (just fyi, ‘with…:’ means ‘in the church’)
So, like, these prophets from Jerusalem pull up in Antioch, you know?
So, this dude Agabus shows up outta nowhere and starts talking about this major drought that’s gonna hit the whole world! And guess what? It actually goes down during the reign of Claudius Caesar.
So, like, the disciples are just doing their thing, each using their own skills and stuff, and they decide to help out their homies living in Judaea. It was pretty dope, you know?
And they totally did, like, they send it to the elders with the assist from Barnabas and Saul.

Acts 12

So, like, at that time, King Herod was all about stirring up some drama with the church crew. He was hands-on, gearing up to cause some trouble. #TypicalHerod
And he straight up took out James, bro of John, with a freaking sword.
And since he saw the Jews were vibing with it, he nabbed Peter too. (Just so you know, it was during the days of avoiding leavened bread.)
And when he caught him, he locked him up and handed him over to four squads of soldiers to guard him. His plan was to bring him out to the public after a big holiday called Easter (which is another name for Passover).
So, like, Peter was totally locked up in jail. But, yo, the church was praying nonstop to God for him, like no breaks. Prayer game strong )
So, Herod wanted to bring him out, but that night Peter was knocked out, snoozing between two soldiers, all tied up with double chains. And the guards were posted at the front door, making sure that prison was secure.
Yo, this angel dude from the Lord showed up, and there was this sick shining light in the prison. Then he totally smacked Peter on the side and lifted him up, being all like, ‘Get up fast, bro!’ And just like that, his chains straight up fell off his hands.
Then the angel was like, ‘Yo, bro, put on your sandals and get ready.’ So the dude did it, and the angel was all, ‘Wrap your clothes around you and come with me, dude.’
So he went out and started following him, without realizing that what the angel did was actually true – he just thought he was experiencing some sort of vision.
As they were walking past the first and second checkpoints, they arrived at this super heavy iron gate leading into the city, which miraculously swung open without them doing anything. So, they strolled out and continued down one street, and just like that, the angel bounced.
So, like, Peter came back to his senses and was all like, ‘Yo, I’m totally sure now that the Lord sent his angel to save me from Herod’s clutches and all the hype from the Jewish folks.’
And like, after giving it some thought, he went to this chill house where Mary, who happens to be John’s mom, lives. John’s got this nickname Mark, by the way. And dude, there were a whole bunch of people gathered there, like seriously praying and stuff.
So Peter was banging on the gate, and this girl named Rhoda came to see who it was. Like, she wanted to know who was at the door, you know?
And as soon as she recognized Peter’s voice, she didn’t hesitate for joy, but rushed inside and spilled the tea about Peter being at the gate.
And they were like, ‘Dude, you’re crazy!’ But she, like, kept saying, ‘No way, it’s totally happening!’ Then they were all like, ‘Oh, maybe it’s his guardian angel or something.’
Peter kept on knocking, and when they finally opened the door and saw him, they were totally shook.
But yo, waving his hand to tell them to chillax, he straight up shared with them how the Lord busted him outta jail. And he was like, ‘Go spill the beans to James and the squad.’ Then he bounced and dipped to a different spot.
When morning came, the soldiers were all shooketh, wondering where Peter had gone.
So Herod was looking for him, but couldn’t find him. He questioned the guards and ordered them to be executed. Then he left Judea and went to Caesarea, where he stayed for a while.
And Herod was totally annoyed with the people from Tyre and Sidon. But they all united and approached him together. They managed to befriend Blastus, who was like the king’s personal assistant, and they wanted peace because their land relied on the king’s support. (Being annoyed: or, having a bad attitude, thinking about starting a war) (the king’s personal assistant: Gr. the one in charge of the king’s bedroom)
So, on this specific day, Herod, looking fly in his drip, was chilling on his throne and started spitting some bars to the crowd.
And the crowd was like, ‘Yo, that voice be straight up divine, not just another human!’
And like, right away, the angel of the Lord totally took him out because he didn’t give props to God, and he got all messed up with worms and just like, died.
But God’s message went viral and multiplied, like crazy!
So Barnabas and Saul were done with their work in Jerusalem and they went back home. They brought along John, whose nickname was Mark.

Acts 13

So, there were some lit prophets and teachers in the church at Antioch, like Barnabas, Simeon (also known as Niger), Lucius from Cyrene, Manaen (who grew up with Herod the tetrarch), and Saul. (Or you can say, Herod’s foster brother)
While they were doing their thing for the Lord, and taking a break from grub, the Holy Ghost was like, ‘Yo, pick out Barnabas and Saul for the special mission I want them to do.’
And, like, after they had done the whole fasting and praying thing, and, like, placed their hands on them, they were all like, ‘Go, dude, go!’
So, like, they got this major divine energy, the Holy Ghost, and they were like, ‘Yo, let’s dip from here and head to Seleucia.’ And then, they straight up hopped on a boat and sailed over to Cyprus.
So, when they were in Salamis, they totally dropped some divine knowledge bomb in the synagogues where the Jewish peeps gather. Oh, and just to keep things extra smooth, they had John tagging along, being all helpful and stuff.
So like, they were walking through this place called Paphos, and guess what? They came across this sorcerer dude, who claimed to be a prophet and all. Oh, and by the way, he was a Jew and went by the name Barjesus.
So there was this cool dude, Sergius Paulus, who was the big shot in town. He heard about Barnabas and Saul and how they were spreading the word of God, and his curiosity was piqued. He actually wanted to hear what they had to say!
But this dude Elymas, who’s like a sorcerer (that’s what his name means), started getting in their way and trying to steer the deputy away from the faith.
And then Saul, (who is also known as Paul,) was totally filled with the Holy Ghost, and boom, he fixed his gaze on him,
And like, this dude was all sneaky and causing trouble, you know? He was like Satan’s sidekick, totally against anything good. Can’t you just chill and stop twisting what’s right and good in the eyes of the Lord?
Yo, check it out. The Lord is totally about to give you a reality check: you’re gonna be blind and unable to see the sun for a while. Just like that, everything went dark and hazy, and you had to ask people to help you get around.
So, like, the guy in charge, he’s totally shook when he sees what just went down. And boom, it’s like a lightbulb moment for him! He’s all about the Lord’s teachings now, ’cause they blew his mind, man.
So, like, when Paul and his squad left Paphos, they rolled up to Perga in Pamphylia. And John, peacing out from the crew, went back to Jerusalem.
But when they dipped out of Perga, they rolled up in Antioch in Pisidia, and walked into the synagogue on the chill Sabbath day, and chilled out.
After the law and prophets were read, the synagogue leaders sent a message to them, saying, ‘Yo, guys! If you have anything encouraging to say to the people, go ahead and speak up.’
So like, Paul got up and, like, signaled with his hand and was all like, ‘Yo, Israel fam and all you who have mad respect for God, listen up!’
The OG God of the Israel fam handpicked our ancestors and totally boosted them up when they were chilling as outsiders in Egypt. He flexed his powerful arm and rescued them from there, no cap.
So, like, for about forty years, God had to put up with their behavior while they were wandering in the wilderness. It’s like how a nurse takes care of and feeds her baby, God took care of and fed them during that time.
And like, after totally obliterating seven nations in the Chanaan region, God was like, I got you fam, and gave them their own land through some epic lottery-style distribution.
And then he chose some judges for about 450 years, until Samuel became the prophet.
And then they were like, ‘Yo, we want a king!’ So God was like, ‘Bet,’ and hooked them up with this dude named Saul, son of Cis from the tribe of Benjamin. He held it down as king for a solid 40 years.
Once he got rid of Saul, God chose David to be their king. He even testified about him and said, ‘I have found David, the son of Jesse, a dude who’s totally in sync with my heart and will do everything I want.’
God has raised up a Savior, Jesus, for Israel, just like He promised, from this person’s family.
So like, before Jesus arrived on the scene, John was out there spreading the word about this baptism thing. He was calling on all the peeps in Israel to take a moment and repent, you know, like turn away from their old ways and seek forgiveness.
And when John finished his journey, he asked them, ‘Who do you think I am? I’m not the one!’ But wait, there’s someone coming after me, way more powerful than me. I’m not even worthy of untying the shoelaces on their cool kicks.’
Yo, fam! Listen up: this message is for all you fellas and ladies who are descendants of Abraham or anyone who respects God. The Good News of salvation is meant for each and every one of you.
The people who live in Jerusalem and their leaders didn’t recognize Him or even understand what the prophets were saying every Sabbath. But in their ignorance, they ended up fulfilling the prophetic words by condemning Him.
And even though they couldn’t find any reason to kill him, they still wanted Pilate to put him to death.
And when they had done everything that was written about Him, they took Him off the tree and put Him in a tomb.
But like, God totally brought him back to life:
And like, he hung out with his squad from Galilee to Jerusalem for a while, and they’re the ones who saw everything and can back him up, no cap.
Yo, listen up! We’ve got some seriously good news for you. We’re here to spread the word about the awesome promise that was made to our ancestors.
Yo, God totally came through for us, the new generation. He raised Jesus back to life, just like it says in the second psalm. He’s like, ‘You’re my Son, I’m bringing you into this world today.’
And about how he brought him back to life, never to decay again, he said this: I’ll hook you up with the guaranteed blessings of David. (Blessings, also known as holy or righteous things, is the word the Septuagint uses in many Hebrew places for the same concept)
And so, like, he also says in another, like, ‘You won’t let your Holy One rot away.’
After fulfilling his purpose according to God’s plan, David died and was buried with his ancestors, his body decaying over time.
But the dude that God brought back to life stayed all fresh, with no decay vibes.
Yo, listen up my dudes, I gotta tell you something important. So, this guy right here, he’s the one spreading the news about how you can totally be forgiven for all your wrongdoings. It’s pretty epic, tbh.
And through him, all those who believe are made right in every way, something that the law of Moses couldn’t do for you.
So, like, be careful, okay? Don’t let that thing that’s been talked about in the prophets catch you off guard, alright?
Listen up, haters! Brace yourselves to be shook and destroyed: ’cause I’m about to drop a major flex right in front of you, a move that you won’t even be able to comprehend, even if someone straight-up spells it out for you.
Once the Jews left the synagogue, the non-Jews asked if they could hear more about these teachings on the following weekend.
So after the gathering ended, lots of Jewish folks and people who converted to Judaism started following Paul and Barnabas. They were chatting with them, convincing them to stick with God’s amazing grace.
And on the next sabbath, like, the entire city gathered up to listen to God’s word, you know.
But when the Jews peeped the huge crowd, they got major jelly and started throwing shade at Paul’s words, totally trying to disagree and disrespect man.
So Paul and Barnabas were like, ‘Yo, check it. God’s word had to be dropped on you first, but since you’re out here straight up rejecting it and deciding you’re not worthy of that eternal life, we’re gonna bounce and spread the message to the Gentiles.
The Lord told us that we’re supposed to be a shining example to everyone, bringing hope and salvation to every corner of the world.
And when the non-Jewish peeps heard this, they were stoked, and gave mad props to the word of the Lord: and all those who were chosen to have everlasting life had faith in Him.
The Lord’s message went viral across the entire region.
But, like, the Jews totally got all riled up and started causing trouble with these super devout and respected women, as well as the big shots in the city. They straight up started harassing Paul and Barnabas and eventually kicked them out of town.
But they were like, ‘No way!’ and brushed off the haters, then headed to Iconium.
And the disciples were totally hyped, feeling like they were on cloud nine with the Holy Ghost.

Acts 14

So, like, Paul and Barnabas hit up Iconium, and they were all chill at the Jewish synagogue, dropping some major truth bombs. And guess what? Jews and Greeks were vibing with it, so they jumped on the believing train. Total crowd vibes, dude.
But those non-believing Jews stirred up the Gentiles, convincing them to turn against their own crew. It was seriously messed up.
So, they hung around, fearlessly spreading the word about the Lord. And guess what? He backed up their message with some sick miracles and mind-blowing wonders they pulled off themselves.
The city was split, man. Some were backing the Jews, others were all in for Team Apostles.
So, these Gentiles and Jews, along with their rulers, teamed up to mess with them, even trying to stone them. Not cool.
They peaced out to Lystra and Derbe, spreading the good news in the nearby hood.
And they kept spreading the good stuff there.
So, in Lystra, there’s this guy who’s been wheelchair-bound since day one. Poor dude never even took a step.
Paul notices him, sees he’s all in, believing he can be healed.
So, Paul yells, “Stand up!” And the dude jumps up, walking like it’s nothing.
People freak out, thinking gods just walked among them in human form!
They’re like, “Barnabas is totally Jupiter!” And Paul? He’s Mercurius ’cause he’s smooth AF.
The local priest of Jupiter gets ready to sacrifice some oxen and stuff.
But when Paul and Barnabas find out, they’re shook. They bust into the crowd, yelling like there’s no tomorrow.
They’re like, “Yo, what’s up? We’re just regular dudes. Ditch the idols and get with the real God who made everything.”
God used to let people do their own thing, but now he’s showing love and blessings.
He’s blessing us with food and joy, man.
And that speech? It stopped the sacrifices real quick.
But then some haters from Antioch and Iconium show up and convince the peeps to stone Paul. They think he’s dead, but plot twist, he’s not.
Anyway, Jesus is like, “I got this,” and Paul bounces with Barnabas to Derbe.
They spread the good news, teaching tons of people. Then they hit up Lystra, Iconium, and Antioch again.
They’re all about strengthening the squad, facing challenges to reach God’s kingdom.
They pick some older, wise peeps as church leaders, praying and fasting together, putting their trust in the Lord.
After checking out Pisidia, they roll into Pamphylia.
They drop more truth bombs in Perga before heading to Attalia.
Then they sail to Antioch, where they’ve got God’s stamp of approval for their mission.
When they arrive, they tell the church all about the epic stuff God did, like opening up faith for non-Jews!
And they chill with the disciples for a bit.

Acts 15

So, there were these dudes from Judaea who showed up and started dropping some serious teachings on the crew, like, ‘Yo, listen up fam! If you ain’t getting circumcised like Moses, you ain’t getting into the squad, got it?’
So, Paul and Barnabas were having this major clash with some peeps. They were like, ‘Okay, let’s settle this by rolling over to Jerusalem and chatting it out with the OG apostles and elders.’
With the church backing them, they hit up Phenice and Samaria, spreading the word about how Gentiles were getting down with God. It was like a mega blast of joy for all their fellow believers!
When they touched down in Jerusalem, the church and the OGs welcomed them with open arms. They spilled all the gossip about everything God had been up to with them.
There were some Pharisees who had joined the crew, and they were all about making the newbies get circumcised and follow all the Moses rules.
So, the apostles and elders totally gathered up to hash this thing out, you know?
After a lot of debate, Peter stepped up and was like, ‘Listen up, peeps! Y’all remember how God picked me to spread the good news to the non-Jewish crew, right? Well, it’s time for them to hear the gospel straight from the source!’
And God, who’s totally on our level, backed them up and hooked them up with the Holy Ghost, just like us, you dig?
And there’s no difference between us and them. It’s all about cleaning up their hearts through faith.
So, why make it hard for them? Why test God by putting a heavy load on their shoulders, something even our ancestors couldn’t handle?
But we’re totally sure that by the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, we’ll be saved, just like them.
So, everyone got quiet and listened to Barnabas and Paul. They were spilling all the wild stuff God did through them, like, miracles and mind-blowing wonders for the non-Jewish crew.
Then James spoke up and was like, ‘Listen up, peeps, I’ve got something to say:’
Simeon just dropped the truth about how God came through for the non-Jewish squad, choosing them to represent his name.
And the prophets totally back it up; it’s like they wrote,
‘After all this, I’ll bounce back and rebuild David’s sick setup. I’ll make it even better, you feel me?’
So, everyone else can find God, including all the non-Jewish peeps I’ve chosen, says the Lord, who’s got everything under control.
God’s had this plan from the jump.
So, here’s the deal: Let’s not stress the non-Jewish peeps who decided to roll with God:
But we gotta shoot them a message, telling them to steer clear of idols, hookups, forbidden grub, and bloody stuff.
In every city, there are folks talking about Moses, you know? They read about him at the synagogues every Saturday.
The apostles and elders, along with the whole church, thought it was dope to send some dudes from the crew to Antioch with Paul and Barnabas. These dudes were Judas, aka Barsabas, and Silas, respected leaders among the homies.
So, they shot a message, you know? The apostles, elders, and the fam wanted to give props to all the peeps from different backgrounds in Antioch, Syria, and Cilicia. Stay blessed!
Yo! We heard some people dipped from our crew and started messing with your heads, talking nonsense like you gotta get circumcised and follow old laws. But let me tell you, we never said that. Can’t believe they’re spreading that mess!
So, we all agreed to send some dope guys, Barnabas and Paul, your way.
These dudes have straight-up risked their lives for our homie, Jesus Christ.
So yeah, we’ve sent Judas and Silas to drop knowledge. They’ll spill the tea and preach the same message in person. Word up!
So, like, the Holy Ghost and us were thinking, let’s not make you guys carry any heavy stuff other than what’s really important, you know;
Make sure you steer clear of idol food, blood, anything strangled, and hookups outside of a real relationship: if you manage that, you’re good to go. Take care, peace out.
So, when they wrapped up, they rolled through Antioch. And when they laid it down for everyone, they were stoked and found it super uplifting.
After hearing this, they were pumped and found it totally lit.
So, Judas and Silas, they were totally in tune with their prophetic side. They were going all out, dropping intense speeches to hype up the crew and back them up.
After chilling for a bit, they got the thumbs up to bounce and meet up with the apostles, drama-free.
But Silas was down to hang for a bit longer.
So, Paul and Barnabas kicked it in Antioch, spreading the good news and preaching God’s word. And guess what? They had a ton of other peeps joining in!
Yo, Paul was like, ‘Yo Barnabas, let’s hit up our fam in every city we spread the good news to, you know? Let’s check in on them.’
And Barnabas was like, ‘Yo, let’s bring John, aka Mark, with us.’
But Paul wasn’t feeling it, you know, the guy who dipped on them in Pamphylia and wasn’t down to work.
The argument got heated, so they decided to split: Barnabas chose to roll with Mark and head to Cyprus;
So Paul was like, ‘Yo Silas, let’s bounce!’ And the believers were like, ‘You got this, God’s got your back!’
So, Paul cruised through Syria and Cilicia, all cool, making sure the churches were on point.

Acts 16

So, there’s this dude, right? He’s cruising through Derbe and Lystra, and guess what? He runs into this disciple named Timotheus. So, Timotheus, he’s got a Jewish mom and he’s all about the faith, but his dad’s Greek, you feel me?
Everybody in Lystra and Iconium is straight-up blown away by this dude. They’re like, ‘Yo, this guy’s the real deal!’
Paul wants to bring him along, but he’s like, ‘Bro, gotta sort out this circumcision thing, ’cause, you know, Jewish vibes and all. People knew his old man was Greek.
While they’re cruising through the cities, they pass on those rules from the big shots in Jerusalem, like, ‘Yo, stick to these.’
And, like, the churches are getting majorly hyped up in faith and straight-up blowing up in numbers every day. It’s lit, fam.
So, they’re bouncing around Phrygia and Galatia, but the Holy Ghost is like, ‘Nah, Asia’s a no-go for spreading the word.’
After hitting up Mysia, they try to hit Bithynia, but the Spirit’s like, ‘Not today, fam.’
After cruising through Mysia, they roll up in Troas.
So, Paul has this epic vision in the dead of night, right? And boom, there’s this dude from Macedonia straight-up praying to him! He’s like, ‘Bro, come over and give us a hand in Macedonia, we’re in desperate need!’
So, right after that vision, we’re pumped to head to Macedonia. We’re fully convinced the Lord’s calling us to spread the good news and preach the gospel.
So, we dip from Troas and sail straight to Samothrace, and the next day, we’re chilling in Neapolis;
Then we roll into Philippi, the main gig in Macedonia, you know? It’s like their headquarters or something. We’re kicking it in that city for a hot minute, checking out the scene, you dig?
So, on the Sabbath, we peace out from the city and hit up the riverside, where people usually gather to pray. We find a spot and start chatting it up with the ladies there.
There’s this awesome chick named Lydia, total boss babe selling purple. She’s from Thyatira and all about worshipping God. One day, she crosses paths with us, and boom, the Lord opens her heart, and she’s all ears for what Paul’s preaching.
So, after she gets baptized, along with her whole crew, she’s like, ‘Yo, if you think I’m legit down for the Lord, come crash at my place.’ And she’s so persuasive, we’re like, ‘Sure, why not?’
So, as we’re heading to pray, we bump into this girl who’s got mad skills in fortune-telling. She’s raking in serious cash for her owners with her psychic game! (Ever heard of Python?)
Paul and the crew got this entourage following them, like, ‘OMG, these guys are totally servants of the most high God! They’re the ones showing us the path to salvation and stuff.’
She keeps it up for days, but Paul’s getting seriously annoyed. He turns to her and says, ‘In the name of Jesus Christ, get outta here.’ And boom, the spirit’s gone, just like that.
When her owners realize their cash cow’s dried up, they snatch Paul and Silas and drag them to the rulers in the central square.
They’re all, ‘These Jewish dudes are causing a riot in our city!’
And they’re trying to hit them with these rules, but as Romans, they’re not having it.
The whole crowd turns on them: they rip off their gear and order them to get a beating.
After getting a serious whooping, they chuck them in prison and tell the jailer to keep them on lockdown.
When he gets the memo, he throws them in the sketchiest part of the prison and locks their feet in those old-school stocks.
So, it’s midnight, right? Paul and Silas start praying and vibing with God, and everyone else in the joint hears it. It’s lit!
Outta nowhere, there’s this massive earthquake shaking up the prison. Boom, all the doors swing open, and everyone’s chains bust off.
The guard wakes up, sees the open doors, and freaks out. He’s about to end it all, thinking the prisoners have bolted.
Paul’s like, ‘Chill, bro! We’re all here.’
So, the guard lights up his phone, heads in, and drops in front of Paul and Silas.
He’s like, ‘Yo, how do I get in on this salvation gig?’
They’re like, ‘Just trust in the Lord Jesus Christ, and you’ll be saved, you and your whole crew.’
They start preaching to him and everyone in his crew.
He takes them right away, cleans up their wounds, and he and his crew get baptized ASAP.
He brings them home, throws down some dope food, and celebrates, fully believing in God with his whole squad.
When morning comes, the government’s like, ‘Yo, set those dudes free.’
The guard tells Paul, ‘The higher-ups want you out, peace out.’
But Paul’s like, ‘Nah, they publicly beat us without trial, even though we’re Roman citizens! They gotta come get us themselves.’
So, when they find out they’re Romans, they’re shook.
They come and ask them to leave the city.
So they bounce from the prison and crash at Lydia’s place, showing love to the squad before they dip.

Acts 17

So, like, after they cruised through Amphipolis and Apollonia, they landed in Thessalonica, which had this rad synagogue for the Jewish crew.
So Paul, being his chill self, kicked it with them for three sabbath days, having deep talks straight from the scriptures.
Basically, I started off by explaining that it was necessary for Christ to go through suffering and then bounce back to life. Oh, and by the way, the Jesus I’ve been talking about is none other than the promised Messiah!
And like, a bunch of them totally vibed with it and started hanging with Paul and Silas, you know? And there was this huge crew of super faithful Greeks who were totally feeling it, and quite a few important women also jumped in.
But those Jews who didn’t believe, fueled by jealousy, recruited some shady individuals from the lower ranks of society. They formed a crew, stirred up chaos throughout the city, and straight-up attacked Jason’s crib. Their goal was to drag them out and expose them to the public eye.
And when they couldn’t find them, they nabbed Jason and a few others and brought them before the city authorities, shouting, ‘These dudes who be shaking things up have shown up here too!’
So, like, Jason totally played it cool. And apparently, all of them are like totally breaking Caesar’s rules by claiming that Jesus is, like, some kind of king or something.
And they totally rocked the crowd and the city big shots, like, as soon as they caught wind of what went down.
So, like, they made Jason and the others give them some kind of promise or assurance, and after that, they just let them bounce.
So, like, right away, the squad sent Paul and Silas off to Berea in the middle of the night. When they rolled up there, they totally headed straight to the Jewish synagogue.
These people were way cooler than the ones in Thessalonica because they were totally down to listen and they checked out the scriptures every day to make sure they were legit.
So like, a ton of them totally believed, even these super cool Greek ladies and a bunch of dudes too.
But when the Jews in Thessalonica found out that Paul was spreading the word of God in Berea, they slid over there too and started causing trouble among the people.
Then, like right away, the squad sent Paul to vibe elsewhere, but Silas and Timotheus stayed put, keeping it chill.
So Paul’s squad took him to Athens. Before they dipped, they told Silas and Timotheus to hurry up and join them, then they bounced.
So like, Paul was chilling in Athens, right? But when he peeped the whole city worshipping idols, it totally shook him to the core. Like, they were all about that idolatry life, you know?
So he had debates in the synagogue with the Jewish crew, and with the ones who were all about that faith life, and even in the marketplace, he would chat with anyone who crossed his path and had something to say.
So, like, there were these philosophers, you know? Some were all about Epicurus, and others were really into Stoicism. They came across this guy, and some of them were like, ‘What’s this dude babbling about?’ And others were like, ‘He seems to be promoting these weird gods or something.’ ‘Cause he was preaching to them about Jesus and how He rose from the dead.
So they nabbed him and brought him to Areopagus, saying, ‘Hey, can you fill us in on this new teaching you’ve been talking about?’ (Areopagus, also known as Mars’ hill, was like the Supreme Court of Athens)
Yo, you drop some real bizarre vibes on us, fam. Like, what’s the deal with these things? We’re just tryna understand, you know?
(Because literally everyone in Athens, both residents and visitors, were completely obsessed with gossiping and staying up-to-date with the latest news.)
Then Paul, like, stood in this really important place called Mars’ hill, and he was like, ‘Hey, you dudes from Athens, I can totally see that you’re, like, way too superstitious and stuff. Mars’ hill, which is, like, the court of the Areopagites, if you didn’t know.
So, as I was passing by and checking out your worship vibes, I came across this altar with a label that said, ‘TO THE UNKNOWN GOD.’ It seems you’re worshiping this deity in ignorance, so let me enlighten you about who that actually is. Basically, you had some gods going on there.
Yo, the one who created the whole world and everything in it, knows that he’s the boss of both heaven and earth. He doesn’t vibe in buildings made by humans, though.
God isn’t about that worshipped with human hands’ vibe, like He needs anything. He’s the one who gives everyone life, breath, and everything they need, ya know?
God has created all people from the same blood to live on the entire earth. He has already planned out the specific times and places for everyone to live.
They should totally search for the Lord, like, maybe try to connect with him and actually find him, ’cause he’s, like, not really far from any of us or anything.
Dude, like, everything about us is all because of Him. We exist, we do stuff, we live… it’s all because of Him, ya know? It’s like those poets you guys quote, they were onto something when they said we’re basically His children too, man.
Since we are like God’s children, we shouldn’t think that the divine nature is comparable to shiny stuff like gold, silver, or stone that people carve with fancy skills.
Back in the day, God let it slide when people didn’t know any better; but now, He’s telling everyone, without exception, to turn their lives around and start fresh.
Yo, listen up! The big man upstairs has set a day when He’s gonna judge the whole world with fairness, and He’s gonna do it through this dude He specifically picked out. And here’s a solid guarantee for everyone: He raised this guy from the dead, so you know He means business. Believe it or not, it’s legit!
And like, when they found out about the whole resurrection thing, some started making fun of it, you know? And others were like, ‘Okay, tell us more about this stuff later.’
And Paul bounced from the squad.
Yo, some people were down with him and really believed in what he was all about. One of those peeps was Dionysius the Areopagite, and there was also a woman named Damaris, along with some others who joined them on this faith journey.

Acts 18

So, after Paul was done vibing in Athens, he dipped and made his way to Corinth.
So, there’s this dude named Aquila, a Jew from Pontus, who just jetted in from Italy with his wife Priscilla. Emperor Claudius had ordered all Jews out of Rome, so they were on the move. Anyway, they met up with Paul.
Since he was in the same hustle as them, he crashed with them and they hustled together – making tents for a living.
He was dropping truth bombs in the synagogue every Sabbath, and he managed to get both the Jews and the Greeks on board, you know?
Silas and Timotheus rolled in from Macedonia, and Paul felt this intense urge to drop some serious knowledge on the Jewish crew. He straight-up testified that Jesus is the Christ, God’s chosen one.
But when they started dissing him and talking smack, he was like, shook, you know? And then he was all, “Your negativity is on you, not me. So, I’m rolling with the non-Jewish crowd from now on, dig?”
Then he bounced to this dude Justus’s crib, who was all about God and conveniently lived next to the synagogue.
Crispus, the big shot at the synagogue, was feeling the Lord’s vibe, and his whole fam got in on it too. Plus, tons of folks in Corinth heard the good word and jumped on the faith train, getting baptized and all.
So, the Lord hit up Paul in the dead of night with this epic vision, saying, “Don’t trip, but speak your mind and never hold back…”
“I got your back, and there’s a bunch of awesome peeps in this city!”
So he stuck around for a year and six months, spreading the word of God.
When Gallio was running the show in Achaia, the Jews teamed up and dragged Paul to court.
They were like, “This guy’s breaking the rules, trying to get people to worship God differently.”
Paul was about to speak up, but Gallio shut it down, saying, “If it was a real crime, I’d care.”
“But if it’s just words and laws, handle it yourselves. I’m not playing judge for that.”
And he kicked them out of court.
So the Greeks jumped Sosthenes, who was in charge of the synagogue, right there. Gallio couldn’t care less.
Paul stayed a while, then said peace to his crew, hopped on a boat, and headed to Syria with Priscilla and Aquila. Oh, and he got a trim in Cenchrea because he made a promise.
He left them in Ephesus and hit up the synagogue.
When they wanted him to stay, he said nah, gotta bounce.
“I gotta hit up this lit festival in Jerusalem. But I’ll be back if it’s God’s vibe.” Then he dipped.
So this dude showed up in Caesarea, said what’s up to the church, then headed to Antioch.
After chilling there, he explored Galatia and Phrygia, boosting the disciples.
There’s this guy Apollos, a Jew from Alexandria, who was smooth and knew his stuff about the scriptures. He rolled into Ephesus, ready to preach.
He was all about the Lord, teaching without slacking, but only knew about John’s baptism.
He started speaking confidently in the synagogue. When Aquila and Priscilla heard, they were like, “Come chill,” and gave him the lowdown on God.
When he wanted to go to Achaia, the crew sent a message to welcome him. And when he got there, he totally supported and blessed the believers.
He schooled the Jews, using the scriptures to show that Jesus is the real deal, the chosen one, the ultimate Christ.

Acts 19

So, like, Apollos was just kicking it in Corinth, and then Paul showed up in Ephesus after hitting up some nearby spots. And guess what? He stumbled upon a crew who were already down with the discipleship vibe.
He was like, “Yo, y’all feelin’ the Holy Ghost since you’ve been on this belief train?” And they were like, “Nah, dude, we haven’t even heard about this Holy Ghost thing.”
And he’s like, “So, what’s the deal with your baptism game?” And they’re like, “Oh, we got dipped by John, bro.”
So Paul’s like, “John was all about that repentance dunk, but he was also hyping up Christ Jesus, who was coming after him.”
When they heard that, they were like, “Bet, let’s get baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus.”
And then Paul’s like, “Let me lay hands on you.” And boom, Holy Ghost shows up, and they start speaking in tongues and dropping some prophetic bars, you know?
And there were like twelve dudes, you feel me?
So, he slides into the synagogue and starts preaching confidently for like three months straight. He’s out here debating and convincing peeps about all things kingdom of God, you know?
But when some folks start acting stubborn and not buying in, they start dissing the whole vibe in public. So, he dips and takes his crew to this spot called Tyrannus’ pad, and they’re out here debating daily.
And this goes on for like two years, so basically, everyone in Asia hears about Jesus, whether they’re Jews, Greeks, or whatever.
And yo, God’s pulling off some sick miracles through Paul:
They start snagging handkerchiefs and aprons from his gear, passing them to the sick, and bam, diseases bounce, evil spirits dip.
So, there are these Jewish dudes, kind of drifters, trying to cast out evil spirits using Jesus’ name, like Paul does.
And there were like seven dudes, sons of this big shot named Sceva, a Jewish priest, and they’re doing their thing.
But the evil spirit’s like, “I know Jesus and Paul, but who are y’all?”
Then this possessed dude straight up jumps them, beats them down, and they run out of the house butt naked and bruised.
And everyone in Ephesus, whether they’re Jews or Greeks, hears about it. They’re shook and start chatting up Jesus big time.
Loads of believers step up, own it, and spill about their deeds.
A bunch of folks into weird stuff gather up their books and straight up burn them in front of everyone. The value? A cool fifty grand in silver!
The word of God’s flexin’ hard and taking over.
After all that, Paul’s like, “I got this wild plan brewing. I’m hitting up Macedonia and Achaia, then bouncing to Jerusalem. Oh, and Rome’s on the list too.”
So he DMs Timotheus and Erastus, his ride-or-die crew, to head to Macedonia, but he’s chilling solo in Asia for a bit.
And there’s major buzz about the whole scene.
There’s this dude named Demetrius, a top-notch silversmith, making those lit silver shrines for the goddess Diana, major bank for the whole crew.
So, he gathers his squad and’s like, “Guys, we know this is how we stack that cash.”
And you see how Paul’s been flipping the script, not just in Ephesus but all over Asia? He’s lowkey convincing folks those handmade idols ain’t divine, you know?
Dude, our whole hustle’s at risk here! People might start dissing the powerful goddess Diana, wrecking her rep. She’s worshipped by everyone, so we can’t let that slide!
And when they heard that, they’re raging, yelling, “Diana of the Ephesians is the bomb!”
The whole city’s lit: they grab Gaius and Aristarchus, Paul’s boys, and storm the theater like a mob.
When Paul tries to roll with them, his homies are like, “Nah, chill.”
Some big names from Asia, tight with Paul, hit him up, saying, “Stay clear of the theater.”
So, everyone’s screaming different stuff, chaos mode ’cause nobody’s clear on why they’re there.
They drag this guy Alexander from the crowd, the Jewish crew pushing him up front. He’s about to speak up.
But once they find out he’s Jewish, it’s two hours straight of “Diana of the Ephesians rules!”
After the town clerk calms them down, he’s like, “Come on, everyone knows we’re all about worshipping Diana and her statue that supposedly fell from Jupiter.”
So, since that’s the deal, let’s not jump the gun.
‘Cause these dudes ain’t robbing temples or dissing our goddess.
If Demetrius and crew got a beef, take it to court. We got laws for that, ya know? Let them sort it out legally. dabs
But for other issues, let’s handle them in a legit meeting.
We’re risking heat for today’s chaos. Got nothing to back it up, no legit reason for this gathering.
And with that, he lets everyone bounce.

Acts 20

After all the craziness settled down, Paul caught up with his crew, gave ’em a big bear hug, then jetted off to Macedonia.
Once he wrapped things up there, dropping some major inspo, he headed to Greece.
He hung around there for like three months, but then these sneaky guys tried to jump him ’cause he was planning to hit up Syria. So, he switched up his plans and went back through Macedonia instead.
This dude named Sopater from Berea, and some other cool cats like Aristarchus, Secundus from Thessalonica, Gaius from Derbe, and Timotheus, all linked up with him as they rolled into Asia. Oh, and Tychicus and Trophimus from Asia tagged along too!
The crew who went ahead waited for us in Troas.
So, after the bread drama died down in Philippi, we cruised to Troas in five days and kicked it there for a solid week.
Then, on Sunday, when the squad gathered to chill and grub, Paul started dropping some serious wisdom, knowing he was dipping out the next day. He kept preaching non-stop till midnight, yo.
The vibes were off the charts in that upper room where they all kicked it.
There was this dude named Eutychus, right? He was KO’d by the window, knocked out cold while Paul was spitting bars. Suddenly, homeboy falls out of the third-floor window and is straight-up dead.
Paul rushes over, throws himself on the guy, and gives him a big hug. He’s like, ‘Chill, don’t trip! He’s alive and kickin’!’
So, after Paul returned, had some grub, and kicked back for a long chat till dawn, he bounced.
They brought the young dude back, and they were stoked.
So, we hopped on a boat and cruised over to Assos. Paul wanted to hoof it from there, so we picked him up.
When we met him at Assos, we filled him in and rolled over to Mitylene together.
We kept moving, hitting up Chios, then Samos, crashing at Trogyllium, and finally reaching Miletus.
Paul was like, ‘I’m skipping Ephesus, no time to chill in Asia.’ He was on a mission to hit up Jerusalem for Pentecost, if possible.
So, this guy from Miletus hit up Ephesus and called up the church OGs to come through.
When they rolled up, Paul was like, ‘You know I’ve been with y’all since day one I hit Asia, no exceptions.’
I’ve been all about the Lord, staying humble, shedding tears, and dealing with tons of drama from those sneaky dudes.
I didn’t hold back anything that could help y’all out, straight-up preaching in public and door to door.
Sharing the word with Jews and Greeks, telling ’em to switch up their game and get down with God and Jesus.
Listen up! I’m headed to Jerusalem, feeling tied to the Spirit, but honestly, I have no clue what’s in store. It’s gonna be wild!
But the Holy Spirit keeps dropping hints in every city that tough times are ahead, like, I’m gonna be dealing with some heavy stuff, bonds and afflictions, you name it. #HolySpiritVibes
But none of that fazes me. My only goal is to finish the job with mad joy, spreading the word about Jesus and God’s grace.
Listen up, y’all! I know I won’t be seeing any of you again, the ones I’ve been preaching to about God’s kingdom.
But I gotta say, I’m clean, innocent, no blood on my hands.
‘Cause I haven’t held back on telling y’all everything God’s got in store.
Look after yourselves and the crew, ’cause the Holy Spirit made you leaders to take care of God’s squad.
Heads up, once I’m gone, there’ll be shady characters trying to sneak in, showing no mercy.
Even among your own crew, some will pop up with twisted tales, trying to pull people away and build their own following.
So, stay woke! I’ve been dropping knowledge for three years straight, warning y’all non-stop, even shedding tears with you.
Shoutout to y’all, passing on God’s dope grace, lifting you up and hooking you up with a lit inheritance alongside the saints. #blessed
I haven’t been after anyone’s cash, clout, or style.
Y’all know I’ve been grinding hard, taking care of myself and my crew.
I’ve shown y’all everything, and it’s crucial that you help out those in need and remember what Jesus said, it’s better to give than receive.
When he dropped that, he got down and prayed with everyone.
They were all in tears, running up to Paul, giving him big hugs and kisses.
Paul was feeling real sad about leaving, knowing they wouldn’t see him again. They stuck with him till he boarded that ship.

Acts 21

So, like, after we ditched them and set sail, we straight up sailed to Coos, then the next day we cruised on over to Rhodes, and from there to Patara.
So we hopped on a ship heading to Phenicia and dipped.
So, like, we found Cyprus and we were like, ‘nah, we outta here!’ We sailed to Syria and docked at Tyre because that’s where we were supposed to unload the ship’s cargo, you feel me?
So, like, we chilled with some disciples for, like, a whole week. And they were all like, ‘Yo Paul, the Spirit’s telling us you shouldn’t go to Jerusalem.’
And after we had finished our time there, we bounced; and they all saw us off, with our partners and kids, until we were out of town: and we dropped down on the beach, and sent up some prayers.
So, like, after saying our peace, we hopped on a ship and headed back home, you know.
So, like, after we were done with our journey from Tyre, we arrived in Ptolemais, said what’s up to the homies, and chilled with them for, like, a day.
And the next day, those of us who were with Paul left and arrived in Caesarea. We went to the crib of Philip, who was one of the top seven evangelists, and crashed at his place.
And this dude had four daughters, who were legit virgins and also had the gift of prophecy.
So, like, we were posted there for a while, and then this prophet dude named Agabus showed up, all the way from Judaea.
And when he came to us, he took Paul’s belt and tied his own hands and feet. Then he said, ‘This is what the Holy Spirit says will happen to the guy who owns this belt. The Jews in Jerusalem will tie him up just like this and hand him over to the non-Jewish people.’
And when we heard all this, both us and the locals begged him not to head to Jerusalem.
So Paul was like, ‘Why are y’all crying and making me so sad? I’m willing to do more than just get arrested, I’m even ready to die for Jesus’ sake in Jerusalem.’
And when he was like, nah, we were like, okay, whatever God wants, man.
After chilling for a bit, we hopped in our rides and headed to Jerusalem.
Some of the Caesarea disciples rolled with us and brought along this dude Mnason from Cyprus, who’s been following Jesus for a hot minute. We were gonna crash at his place.
When we arrived in Jerusalem, the squad welcomed us with open arms.
The next day, Paul came with us to see James, and all the elders were there too.
After saying hello to them, he enthusiastically shared all the amazing stuff that God did among the non-Jewish peeps through his dope work.
And when they heard it, they totally praised the Lord, and were like, ‘Bro, check it out! There are legit thousands of Jews who have hopped on the belief train, and they’re all super hyped about following the law:’
So, word on the street is that you’ve been telling Jews who live among non-Jews to ditch Moses. You’re apparently saying they don’t need to circumcise their kids or follow any customs.
So what’s the deal? Everyone’s gotta gather up because they want to hear that you’ve arrived.
So, like, do what we’re telling you, okay? There are four dudes who are totally committed to this vow thing.
So, like, hang out with them and do this purifying thing together. And make sure you chip in and pay your share so they can shave their heads. It’s important for everyone to see that all those rumors about you are total BS and that you’re actually living a legit life, following all the rules and stuff.
Regarding the Gentiles who believe, we have communicated and agreed that they don’t need to follow all those rules, except for avoiding food offered to idols, consuming blood, eating strangled animals, and engaging in sexual immorality.
So Paul gathered the squad and the next day they all got themselves cleaned up and went into the temple. It was to show that their purification period was complete and they were ready to offer sacrifices for everyone.
And after like, almost a week, these Jews from Asia spotted him in the temple, totally causing a ruckus and getting everyone riled up, and then they went and grabbed him.
Yo, listen up, fellow peeps! We need your backup! This dude right here is spreading some serious hate against our peeps, our laws, and this sacred spot. He even had the audacity to let Greeks step foot in the temple and make it all impure.
For, like, they had already seen Trophimus, this dude from Ephesus, with him in the city. And they thought, you know, that Paul had taken him into the temple.
And the entire city was shook, and all the people gathered in one spot: they grabbed Paul and pulled him out of the temple, and immediately the doors were closed.
And as they were about to take him out, the leader of the squad got word that all of Jerusalem was going crazy.
So this guy just rounds up his squad, including soldiers and centurions, and straight up bolts towards them. And when the chief captain and his crew show up, these dudes stop beating up Paul and bounce.
And then the main homie captain came over, snatched him up, put two chains on him, and straight up asked him who he was and what he be up to.
There were people shouting all sorts of things in the crowd, and it was so chaotic that he couldn’t figure out what was happening for sure. So he ordered for the person to be taken to the castle.
And when he reached the stairs, it happened that he was carried by the soldiers because of the aggressive crowd.
Like, a bunch of people were legit chasing after him, screaming, ‘Get rid of this guy!’
So, like, when Paul was about to go into the castle, he was all like, ‘Hey, can I chat with you, chief captain?’ And the chief captain was like, ‘Wait, can you actually speak Greek?’
Wait, aren’t you that Egyptian dude who recently caused chaos and took like, four thousand murderers out to the wilderness?
So, like, Paul was all like, ‘Yo, listen up! I’m a Jewish dude from Tarsus, this lit city in Cilicia. Don’t underestimate it, it’s pretty dope. Anyway, bro, I really need you to let me speak to the peeps.’
So, like, when Paul finally got permission, he went up on the stairs and used hand gestures to get the attention of the crowd. And when it got all quiet, he started speaking to them in Hebrew, saying,

Acts 22

Hey y’all, listen up, I’m ’bout to spill the tea to ya.
(And when they heard that he was speaking in Hebrew to them, they became even more quiet, and he said,)
Hey fam! I’m totally a dude, a Jewish dude to be precise. I was born in Tarsus, a lit city in Cilicia, but I was raised right here in this city under the guidance of Gamaliel. He taught me all about following our ancestors’ law in the most perfect way. I was mad passionate about God, just like all of you are today.
I used to go all in, like hardcore, tryna shut down this whole movement. I was arresting both dudes and chicks, sending them straight to jail. No mercy.
The high priest totally backs me up on this, along with all the elders. They even gave me official letters to bring over to the brothers in Damascus. I made my way there, ready to bring back the ones who were held captive, and bring them to Jerusalem for some serious consequences.
So, like, while I was on my trip, getting close to Damascus in the middle of the day, outta nowhere this huge light surrounded me, coming straight from heaven, you know?
So, I totally face planted and suddenly heard this voice saying, ‘Yo, Saul, Saul, why you gotta come at me like that?’
So, I’m like, ‘Yo, who are you, bro?’ And then he’s like, ‘I’m Jesus from Nazareth, man – the one you’ve been giving a hard time.’
And, like, the people with me totally saw this awesome light and got scared, but they didn’t actually hear the voice of the guy talking to me.
So, like, I was all like, ‘Yo, what’s the move, Lord?’ And the Lord goes, ‘Dude, get up and head to Damascus. That’s where you’ll find out what you gotta do, straight up.’
And like, dude, I couldn’t see anything because that light was so freaking blinding, but yo, they guided me by the hand and I ended up in Damascus.
So there was this guy, Ananias, who was super religious and followed all the rules. He had a great reputation among all the Jewish peeps living in that area.
This dude came up to me, stood there, and was like, ‘Yo bro Saul, get your vision back.’ And boom, I looked up at him immediately.
And he was like, yo, the God of our ancestors has totally picked you to know what he wants, and to like, meet this righteous dude and listen to what he’s gotta say.
So, like, you gotta share with everyone what you’ve seen and heard, okay? Spread the word, be his witness to everyone, man!
Yo, why you waiting around? Get up, get baptized, and cleanse yourself from all your wrongdoings, while callin’ on the Lord’s name.
So, when I went back to Jerusalem and was praying in the temple, I suddenly went into a trance;
And then he appeared to me saying, like, ‘Hurry up and skedaddle out of Jerusalem ASAP, ’cause they ain’t gonna listen to your story about me.
So, I was like, yo Lord, you know how I’ve been throwin’ peeps in jail and like, straight up whippin’ ’em in every temple ’cause they believed in you, right?
Yo, when they spilled the blood of that martyr Stephen, I was right there, lowkey agreeing with his execution, and holding onto the clothes of the ones who did it.
So, like, he told me to bounce, you know? ‘Cause I’m about to be sent way far away to, like, the non-Jewish peeps.
They totally listened to what he was saying, and then they started yelling out, like ‘Get rid of this person from the Earth, they shouldn’t even be alive.’
And like, they shouted and absolutely yeeted their clothes and yeeted clumps of dust into the air,
The big boss ordered to bring him to the headquarters, and told them to interrogate him with some intense questioning; so he could understand why everyone was freaking out about him.
And like, when they were tying him up with those thongs, Paul straight up said to the centurion standing there, ‘Yo, is it even legal for you to whip a dude who’s a Roman citizen, and hasn’t even been tried or anything?’
When the centurion heard that, he went and told the chief captain, like, dude, be careful with your moves: this guy is a true Roman, okay?
So this big shot comes up to him and is like, ‘Yo, you a Roman?’ And he’s like, ‘Yeah, man!’
The leader dude was like, yo, I had to pay a lot to get this freedom. And Paul was like, nah man, I was born with it.
And suddenly they let him go, the ones who were about to interrogate him. And even the captain was spooked when he found out he was a Roman citizen and now realized he had wrongly put him in chains.
The next day, because he wanted to find out exactly why the Jews were accusing him, he set him free from his chains, and ordered the high priests and their council to show up. He brought Paul down and presented him to them.

Acts 23

So, Paul was totally dialed in at the council, and he was all like, ‘Hey fam, I’ve been vibin’ with a clear conscience before God up until now.’
Then the high priest Ananias was all like, ‘Yo, squad! Give this dude a solid smack on the mouth!’
Paul straight up called him out like, bro, God’s gonna totally strike you down, you hypocrite! How can you sit there actin’ all high and mighty, judging me based on the law, but then turn around and order me to be punished against the law? Not cool, man.
And the people nearby were like, ‘Are you seriously dissin’ God’s top dog priest?’
Paul was like, ‘Yo, my bad, y’all. I didn’t realize that was the high priest, ’cause you know it’s written, ‘Thou shalt not diss the ruler of your peeps.’
So, like, Paul peeped that some people in the council were Sadducees and others were Pharisees, and he’s all like, ‘Hey fam, listen up, I’m a Pharisee, just like my pops. They’re callin’ me out on my beliefs about the hope and resurrection of the dead.’
And when he said that, there was, like, a huge drama going down between the Pharisees and the Sadducees. The crowd was totally split on what to believe.
So like, the Sadducees are all like, ‘Nah, there’s no resurrection and no angels or spirits, bruh.’ But the Pharisees, on the other hand, they’re like, ‘Yeah, we totally believe in all of that! Angels, spirits, resurrection and all!’
So then everyone started freaking out, and the scribes from the Pharisees’ squad got up and started arguing, saying, ‘We don’t see anything wrong with this dude. But if a ghost or an angel really spoke to him, maybe we shouldn’t be pickin’ a fight with God.’
So, like, there was this huge argument and the main guy in charge got super scared that Paul would get totally attacked by the angry mob. He ordered his soldiers to quickly rescue Paul from them and bring him into the fortress.
And like, that night, God comes up to him and says, ‘Hey, Paul! Don’t stress, bro. Just like how you spoke up about me in Jerusalem, you gotta spread the word in Rome too, ya know?’
In the morning, some of the Jewish peeps joined forces and made a hardcore pact to swear that they won’t eat or drink until they take out Paul. No joke, they were dead serious about it. Like, swear on their lives serious.
And there were like, over 40 peeps who plotted this whole thing.
So, they went to the top religious leaders and older folks, and were like, ‘Yo, we’ve made a super intense promise to not eat anything until we take down Paul!’
So, like, you guys need to tell the chief captain that he should bring that dude down to you tomorrow. Act as if you wanna get more info on him, you know, casually. And just so you know, we’re totally prepared to take him out before he even gets close.
And when Paul’s cousin heard about their plotting, he went to the party spot, snuck in, and spilled the tea to Paul.
So Paul was like, ‘Yo, centurion dude, come here!’ And he said, ‘Bring this young dude to the head honcho, ’cause he’s got something important to tell him.’
So he like, took him and brought him to the big boss, and was like, ‘Yo, Paul the prisoner told me to bring this dude to you, ’cause he’s got something important to say.’
Then the main dude grabbed his hand and they went off to the side, all hush-hush, and he asked, ‘Yo, what’s the scoop you wanna spill?’
So basically, this person was like, ‘Yo, the Jews want you to bring Paul down to the council tomorrow. They act like they wanna ask him some questions and stuff.’
But don’t give in to them, dude. There’s like over 40 homies lurking, who made a crazy oath not to eat or drink until they take him out. They’re all prepped and waiting for some assurance from you.
Like, the head honcho officer totally let the young dude bounce and was like, yo, don’t spill the beans to anyone about what you just spilled to me, alright?
So he’s like, ‘Yo, get two centurions and tell ’em to gather a squad of 200 soldiers to roll out to Caesarea. And make sure there are 70 horsemen and 200 spearmen too. We outta here at 3 am sharp, boys!
Yo, get some lit animals so they can carry Paul and make sure he arrives safely to Governor Felix.
So like, he wrote a letter and it was like this:
Yo, Governor Felix, it’s Claudius Lysias coming at ya with some mad respect.
So, like, these Jews were totally about to kill this dude, but I swooped in with my squad and saved him, ’cause I found out he was a Roman. Just doing my thing, you know?
When I wanted to find out why they were accusing him, I brought him before their crew:
So this person I observed was being accused of breaking their laws, but there wasn’t any solid evidence to prove that they deserved to be executed or imprisoned.
So, when I got word that the Jews were plotting against this guy, I immediately sent a message to you and instructed his accusers to spill the tea on him. Catch you later.
So, like, the soldiers did what they were told and took Paul, sneaking him off to Antipatris under the cover of night.
The next day they let the horsemen join him and went back to the castle:
So like, when they rolled up to Caesarea and dropped off the letter to the governor, they also brought Paul and put him in front of the governor, you know.
So, like, the governor read the letter and was all like, ‘Yo, where’s this dude from?’ And then, when he found out that he was from Cilicia…
When your haters show up, I’ll listen to what you have to say, alright? And then he told them to keep him locked up in Herod’s courthouse.

Acts 24

So, like, after five days, this dude named Ananias, who was the high priest, rolls up with the elders and this speaker guy named Tertullus, and he spills the tea to the governor about Paul.
So, like, when Tertullus started accusing him, he was all like, ‘Dude, because of you we’re living in total peace and doing amazing things for our nation, thanks to your amazing leadership and all’
Dude, we totally appreciate that all the time and everywhere, bro Felix. Super grateful, no doubt.
Yo, I don’t wanna drag this out, but can you please hear us out real quick? We just got a few things to say, and we really hope you’ll be cool about it.
Yo, this guy we’ve come across is totally causing chaos and stirring up trouble among all the Jews across the globe. He’s like the main leader of the Nazarenes, man.
This person was totally disrespecting the temple, so we apprehended them and were planning to give them a fair trial according to our laws.
But then this super intense guy Lysias showed up and totally swooped in, snatching him right out of our grip with major force.
He told his accusers to come to you, so that by questioning them, you can find out for yourself all the things we’re accusing him of.
The Jews were like, ‘Yeah, that’s true!’
So, like, Paul, after the governor like signaled him to speak, was all, ‘Yo, I know you’ve been a judge for, like, hella years in this nation, so I’ma answer your questions with mad enthusiasm and confidence.’
So, just so you know, it’s been only twelve days since I went up to Jerusalem to worship.
And like, they totally didn’t catch me causing any drama in the temple, or stirring up the crowd, or even in the synagogues or the city, you know?
They can’t back up any of the things they’re accusing me of, it’s all just talk and no evidence.
Yo, I gotta be real with you here. Even though some people label it as heresy, I’m all about worshipping the God my ancestors worshipped. I believe in everything that’s written in the law and the prophets, no doubt.
And like, you know, stay hopeful and stuff towards God, cuz even they believe that there’s gonna be, like, a resurrection of all the dead, no matter if they were good peeps or not.
And here’s what I work on: making sure I always have a clear conscience when it comes to God and other people.
So, like, after a bunch of years, I showed up to hook up my people with some good vibes and offerings.
So, like, these Jews from Asia caught me in the temple being all pure and chill, not causing any commotion or making a scene.
Who should have been here before you, and raise any concerns if they had any issues with me.
Otherwise, ask these peeps right here if they got any dirt on me while I was up in front of the council.
But there’s this one thing I gotta say, when I was chilling with them, I brought up the whole resurrection of the dead and now y’all are grillin’ me about it.
And when Felix heard all that, and he knew about it more accurately, he decided to hold off and said, once Lysias the top boss arrives, I’ll have a full understanding of what’s going on with you.
Then he told the centurion to watch over Paul, and to allow him to have freedom, and not stop any of his friends from helping or visiting him.
So, like, after a few days, Felix and his wife Drusilla, who was Jewish and all, they called for Paul and listened to him talk about, you know, the whole faith in Christ thing.
So this dude was talking about doing the right thing, being in control, and the consequences that are gonna happen later. And it totally freaked out Felix, like he was shaking and stuff. And he was like, ‘Alright, man, I’ll catch you later when I have more time.’
He was hoping to get some money from Paul so he could set him free. That’s why he kept calling him more often and had conversations with him.
But after two years, this guy named Porcius Festus enters Felix’s place, and Felix, wanting to please the Jews, leaves Paul in chains.

Acts 25

So, like, when Festus pulled into the province, after three days, he jetted from Caesarea up to Jerusalem.
So, like, the big shot priest and the top Jews, they rolled up to him and spilled about Paul, and they were all begging him,
They were schemin’ to lure him to Jerusalem so they could jump him.
But Festus was like, nah, let’s keep Paul in Caesarea for now, and I’ll dip out soon.
So, like, anyone among you who thinks they’ve got the guts, come vibe with me and bring up any charges against this dude if he’s done anything wrong.
So, after kicking it with them for, like, over ten days, he dipped down to Caesarea. The next day, while just chilling on the judgment seat, he was like, ‘Hey, bring Paul over here.’ (By the way, some copies say it was only eight or ten days, not more than that.)
And once he showed up, the Jews from Jerusalem surrounded him and made a bunch of serious complaints against Paul, but they couldn’t back them up with receipts.
So, when he was defending himself, I didn’t do anything wrong, dude. I didn’t break any Jewish laws, disrespect the temple, or even go against Caesar, like for real. No offenses here, bro.
But Festus, tryna please the Jews, responded to Paul and was like, ‘Yo, you down to head up to Jerusalem and let them judge you there in front of me?’
So Paul was like, ‘Yo, I’m standing in front of Caesar’s judgment seat, where they’re gonna judge me. Just so you know, I didn’t do anything wrong to the Jews, and you totally know that.
Yo, if I’ve done anything wrong or deserve to face the music, I ain’t gonna dodge it. But if these peeps ain’t got no legit accusations against me, ain’t nobody gonna hand me over to ’em. I’m dead serious, I’m taking this to Caesar.
So Festus, after vibing with the crew, responded, ‘Did you really ask to go to Caesar? Then off to Caesar you shall go.’
So like, after a hot minute, King Agrippa and Bernice pulled up to Caesarea to say what’s up to Festus.
So, like, after chilling there for a while, Festus straight up told King Agrippa about Paul’s situation, you know? He was all like, ‘Yo, there’s this dude Paul who got stuck in prison by Felix, and he’s still locked up and stuff’.
When I was in Jerusalem, the top priests and elders of the Jewish community came up to me and spilled the tea about this person, hoping to get some serious justice on them.
I was like, dude, the Romans don’t just send someone off to die without giving them a chance to face their accusers and defend themselves against the crimes they’re accused of, ya know?
So, when they arrived here, I wasted no time and the very next day, I took my seat on the judgment throne and ordered the dude to be brought forward.
So, like, when those people were accusing me, they didn’t even bring up any of the stuff I thought they would!
But they had some questions because of their own old beliefs, and they were wondering about this guy Jesus, who died but Paul insisted was alive.
And because I was unsure about these kinds of things, I asked if they were planning to go to Jerusalem and settle these matters there.
So, like, Paul was all, ‘Yo, I wanna take my case to Augustus,’ and I was like, ‘Sure, I’ll keep you chill until I can send you to Caesar.’ (BTW, ‘hearing’ also means judgmentt,’ just so you know.)
Agrippa was like, ‘Yo, Festus, I wanna hear this guy for myself too. Tomorrow, he’s gonna drop some knowledge on ya.’
The next day, when Agrippa and Bernice came in with a big show and went into the courtroom, accompanied by top-notch authority figures and influential people from the city, Paul was brought out in obedience to Festus’ orders.
So like, Festus was all like, ‘Yo King Agrippa and everyone here, you peeps see this guy? The whole Jewish crew has been giving me major trouble about him, at both Jerusalem and here, shouting that he ain’t worthy of living anymore.’
But, like, when I realized that he didn’t actually do anything deserving of death, and, like, he even asked to be heard by Augustus, I decided to send him.
I don’t have anything specific to write to my lord, so I brought him before you, especially before you, King Agrippa, so that after examining him, I’ll have something to write.
Like, it just doesn’t make sense to me to like, send a prisoner without even saying what they’re accused of, you know?

Acts 26

So Agrippa was like, ‘Yo Paul, lay down your story.’ And Paul was like, ‘For sure.’ He threw up a hand and started telling his tale:
Yo, King Agrippa, I’m hyped to defend myself today against all those charges from the Jews.
I know you’re dialed in to all the Jewish vibes, so I’m asking you to vibe with me and hear me out.
All the Jewish crew knows my deal since way back when, back in Jerusalem.
Those who knew me from the jump can vouch, I was all about that Pharisee life.
So here I am, catching heat for hoping in God’s promise, you feel?
We rep those twelve tribes, all about that hope life. That’s why those hater Jews are coming at me, King Agrippa.
Yo, why you acting like it’s wild that God can bring folks back to life?
Honestly, I was thinking of doing some shady stuff against Jesus of Nazareth.
So I did in Jerusalem, you know? Locked up some holy folks ’cause the big shots said so. And when they got smoked, I was down.
Gave ’em grief everywhere, chased ’em to distant cities.
So, on the road to Damascus, with full authority from the big shots, you know?
Yo, at noon, this crazy bright light lit us up, brighter than the sun.
We hit the deck, and I heard a voice, speaking in Hebrew, ‘Saul, Saul, why you tripping? It ain’t gonna end well if you keep fighting me.’
I’m like, ‘Who you, man?’ And Jesus is like, ‘It’s me, Jesus, the one you been messing with.’
Get up, I got plans for you. I’m making you a witness to all you’ve seen and will see.
I got your back, saving you from haters and doubters, sending you to preach.
To bring light, guide from darkness, from Satan to God, forgiveness through trust in me.
So, King Agrippa, I didn’t ignore that heavenly vision.
Shared it in Damascus, Jerusalem, Judea, and to the Gentiles. Told ’em to shape up, turn to God, do good.
Jews caught me at the temple, ready to throw down.
With God’s help, I’ve been at it, spreading the word, just like the prophets said.
Christ had to suffer, rise, and bring light to all, Jew and Gentile.
Festus shouts, ‘Paul, you’re nuts!’
But I’m like, ‘Nah, speaking truth, no cap.’
The king knows this, we’re cool. This ain’t no secret.
Agrippa, you feeling the prophets?
Agrippa’s like, ‘Bro, you almost got me.’
I wish everyone could be as cool as me, minus these chains.
After that, they bounced.
Agrippa tells Festus, ‘This dude’s chill.’
Agrippa’s like, ‘He could’ve bounced if he hadn’t appealed to Caesar.’ Wild, right?

Acts 27

So, like, the crew was all, “Let’s bounce to Italy,” and they handed Paul and some other peeps over to Julius, who was like, a boss centurion in Augustus’ crew.
We hopped on this sick ship from Adramyttium, planning to cruise along the Asian coast. Oh, and guess what? We had Aristarchus, this lit Macedonian dude from Thessalonica, chilling with us.
The next day, we hit up Sidon. Julius was mad cool to Paul, giving him the freedom to hang with his homies and chill.
But when we dipped out, we had to skip Cyprus ’cause the wind was being a total buzzkill.
After crossing the sea of Cilicia and Pamphylia, we rolled up to Myra, this totally rad city in Lycia.
Then Julius spots this dope ship from Alexandria heading to Italy, and he’s like, ‘Yo, hop on fam,’ and we all slide on board.
So, like, after cruising for what felt like forever, barely making it past Cnidus ’cause the wind was hating, we decided to sail below Crete, near Salmone. (BTW, Crete is also called Candy, just so you know)
Barely making it, we hit up this spot called The fair havens; pretty close to where the city of Lasea was at.
After a hot minute, sailing got sketchy ’cause the fasting period was over, and Paul’s like, ‘Yo guys, the fasting thing happened on the tenth day of the seventh month, FYI.’
I’m getting vibes this trip’s gonna be rough, dudes. We’re gonna lose all our cargo, the ship, and maybe even our lives. (hurt: or, injury)
But Julius trusts the ship captain more than Paul.
Since the harbor wasn’t good for wintering, most peeps agreed to head to Phenice instead, where they could chill for the winter. Phenice, a harbor in Crete, is southwest and northwest-ish.
When a sweet south wind came, they thought they had it made and cruised along the coast of Crete.
But then, outta nowhere, this mega windstorm called Euroclydon hit them hard. #crazyweather
So, when the ship got caught, we were just like, ‘Whatever,’ and went with the flow.
Maneuvering the boat under this cool island called Clauda was a major struggle, yo:
They hoisted it up and secured it with supports. Worried about getting stuck in sandbars, they lowered the sails and let the wind guide them.
We were getting rocked by the storm, then the next day, they started chucking stuff off the ship to lighten the load, you know?
And on the third day, we tossed the ship’s gear ourselves.
The sun and stars were gone for ages, and with this crazy storm, we were losing hope fast.
After chilling for a bit, Paul’s like, ‘Should’ve stayed in Crete, fam. We wouldn’t be dealing with this mess.’
Chill, dudes! Nobody’s gonna die here, just the ship. Don’t trip!
So, this angel of God hit me up last night, they’re totally on my side, and I’m all about serving them.
Paul, relax, bro. You’re meeting Caesar, no sweat. And guess what? God’s got your back, and everyone else’s too!
Don’t stress, guys. I trust in God; everything’s gonna go down like He said.
But yo, we gotta end up on this specific island.
After fourteen nights of getting tossed around in Adria, around midnight, the sailors were like, ‘Yo, land ahead or something.’
They dropped anchor and checked the depth, which was twenty fathoms. Later, it was fifteen fathoms.
They were worried about hitting rocks, so they tossed four anchors from the back and prayed for daylight.
The sailors were about to bail, but then they lowered the lifeboat, pretending to drop anchors from the front.
Paul told the centurion and soldiers, ‘If these others bail, we’re done for.’
The soldiers cut the ropes and let the boat go.
As dawn broke, Paul’s like, ‘Come on, let’s eat. We’ve been fasting for fourteen days!’
Get some grub, fam, it’s good for you. Trust me, not a single hair’s gonna fall.
After saying that, he grabbed bread, thanked God, and chowed down.
Everyone else got in on the feast too.
There were like, 216 dudes with us on the ship.
After grubbing, they chucked the wheat into the sea to lighten the ship.
When morning came, they had no clue where they were. They found a sick creek with a lit shore and tried to steer the ship in.
They pulled up anchors and sailed full speed ahead, leaving the anchors behind.
The ship hit where two seas collided. The front got stuck, but the back got wrecked by huge waves.
Soldiers were like, ‘Let’s get the prisoners out so they don’t dip by swimming.’
But the centurion wanted to save Paul, so he stopped them and said, ‘Swimmers first!’
Everyone made it safely to land, some on planks, some on ship debris.

Acts 28

And once they dipped, they found out that the island was called Melita.
The locals were actually pretty chill: they sparked up a fire and welcomed all of us, yo! ‘Cause it was raining hard and freezing, you feel?
So like, Paul grabbed a bunch of sticks and tossed ’em on the fire, right? And then this snake came outta nowhere and bit him on the hand, major ouch.
And when the locals peeped the snake chillin’ on his hand, they whispered to each other, like, for sure this dude is a killer. Even though he survived the ocean, karma won’t let him live.
Then he quickly flicked the snake off and into the fire and didn’t feel any harm, no cap.
But, like, they were totally expecting him to, like, blow up or like, drop dead all of a sudden. But, after they kept staring for, like, a hot minute and saw that nothing bad happened to him, they totally changed their minds and were all like, ‘Dude, he’s like a legit god’.
Yo, in that same area, there were some pretty swaggy goods owned by the main dude of the island, his name was Publius. He welcomed us and let us crash at his place for three days, no cap, super nice of him.
So, there was this one time when Publius’ dad got really sick with a crazy high fever and a gnarly stomach issue. And then, outta nowhere, Paul shows up, offers up a heartfelt prayer, lays his hands on the guy, and BAM! Instant healing, just like that!
And after this happened, more people on the island who were sick with diseases came and got healed too:
They showed us mad respect, giving us so much love and when it was time to dip, they hooked us up with all the stuff we needed.
So like, after three months, we bounced on this awesome ship from Alexandria that had been chillin’ on the island all winter. And get this, the ship’s vibe was all about Castor and Pollux.
And when we got to Syracuse, we stayed there for, like, three whole days.
Then we decided to change our course and headed towards Rhegium. After one day, a strong south wind picked up and we arrived in Puteoli the following day.
So, like, we met up with our fellow peeps and they were all like, ‘Yo, chill with us for a solid week.’ And we were like, ‘Sure, dude!’ So then we headed towards Rome.
And then, when the squad heard about us, they rolled up to meet us all the way to Appii forum and The three taverns. When Paul peeped them, he showed gratitude to God and got a major boost of confidence.
So, like, when we arrived in Rome, the centurion handed over the prisoners to the captain of the guard. But Paul got to chill by himself with a soldier who was assigned to watch over him.
So, like, after three whole days, Paul gathered all the top Jews, you know? And when they all assembled, he was all like, ‘Hey dudes, listen up. I didn’t do anything to harm our peeps or go against our traditions. But check it, I got arrested in Jerusalem and handed over to those Roman guys.’
You know, when they questioned me, they couldn’t find any reason to keep me, ’cause I didn’t do anything wrong.
But dude, when those Jews started hating on, I was literally forced to take it up with Caesar; not ’cause I had anything against my own peeps or anything.
So I hit you up for a reason, you know? I wanted to hang out and have a chat with you. It’s all about representing the hope of Israel, and it’s got me locked down with this chain.
And they were like, ‘Yeah bro, we haven’t got any letters from Judaea about you, and none of the homies who came here said anything bad about you.’
But we wanna know your thoughts on this, ’cause everywhere we go, people be hatin’ on this group.
So, they set a meeting with him and a bunch of people came over to his place. He started breaking it down for them, talking about the kingdom of God and making a case for Jesus. He dropped knowledge from the law of Moses and the prophets, going on for hours from morning till evening.
And like, there were those who totally believed everything that was said, and then there were others who were like, nah, I don’t believe it.
And when they couldn’t agree with each other, they went their separate ways, but not before Paul dropped some knowledge. He was like, ‘Yo, the Holy Ghost spoke through the prophet Esaias to our ancestors and it was straight fire.’
So, like, go talk to these people and tell them, like, you’re gonna hear stuff but not really get it, and you’ll see things but not, like, really understand what’s going on.
These people’s hearts are way too numb, their ears are like majorly blocked, and they’ve totally shut their eyes. It’s like they don’t even want to see and hear and get it, you know? If they did, they could totally change their ways and I’d hook them up with some healing vibes.
Just so you know, God’s got a message for all the non-Jewish peeps (aka Gentiles), and they’re totally gonna be all ears for it.
And like, after he said that, the Jews were like, peace out, and they totally had this intense debate among themselves, you know?
So, like, Paul chilled at his crib for, like, two whole years, in this rad house he rented, and he was totally cool with welcoming anyone who swung by to hang out with him.
Spreading the good news about the kingdom of God and teaching all about the Lord Jesus Christ, with total confidence, no one holding him back.