2 Chronicles - Gen Z Bible

2 Chronicles 1

Yo, check it, Solomon, David’s kid, he straight-up ruled his kingdom like a boss. And God? Oh man, God was like his hype man 24/7, boosting him up and making him a total legend.
So, Solomon gathers all the VIPs in Israel – the big shots, the judges, everyone who’s somebody in the land.
Solomon and the crew roll up to this prime spot at Gibeon, ’cause that’s where God’s hangout spot was. Moses set it up back in the wilderness days, ultimate vibes.
David brings the ark of God from Kirjathjearim to Jerusalem, sets up a tent for it. Total power move.
Bezaleel, the talented son of Uri, crafts this sick bronze altar, puts it in front of the LORD’s tent. Solomon and the squad are all about it, seeking its presence. *Note: It was there, you know.
Solomon hits up the altar in front of the LORD at the chill spot, drops a thousand lit offerings on it.
One night, God shows up to Solomon like, ‘Dude, ask me for anything and it’s yours.’
Solomon’s like, ‘Yo, God! You’ve been real good to my dad, David, and now you’re hooking me up as king.’
‘You promised my dad a lot, LORD. You made me king over a massive crowd, like, more than the dust on the earth.’
‘Hook me up with wisdom and knowledge, so I can vibe right with these peeps. Who’s even qualified to judge such an epic crowd?’
God’s like, ‘Solomon, you got a good heart. You ain’t asking for the usual stuff. You just want wisdom to lead my people.’
‘I’m giving you wisdom, plus stacks on stacks of riches, respect, like no king ever.’
Solomon hits Gibeon, officially takes charge of Israel.
He’s got chariots and horse squads: a thousand four hundred chariots and twelve thousand horse squads. Set ’em up in chariot cities and kept some in Jerusalem.
The king’s stacking silver, gold, bringing in cedar trees like it’s nothing. Endless supply, man!
Solomon scores these sick horses from Egypt, top-notch linen yarn. His merchants make bank, you feel me?
They get a sweet deal on chariots from Egypt, 600 shekels of silver for a ride, 150 for a horse. Even hook up the Hittite kings and the kings of Syria with some sick rides, thanks to their connections.

2 Chronicles 2

So, like, Solomon was all in, right? He was like, “Imma build this epic house for the LORD, you feel me? A place for worship and all, plus a sweet kingdom HQ.”
Solomon rounded up 70k folks to haul heavy stuff, 80k to carve rocks up in the mountains, and 3.6k to keep the crew in check.
He hit up King Huram of Tyre, like, “Remember when you hooked my dad David up with those cedar trees? I need that vibe, bro.”
He was like, “Listen up! We’re building this lit place for God. Incense burning, bread fresh, sacrifices on the daily. And don’t sleep on the sabbaths, new moons, and epic feasts. It’s a forever vibe for Israel, you dig?”
The spot I’m building is straight fire, ’cause our God is the ultimate, no cap.
But real talk, who can really build a house for God? Even the heavens can’t contain Him. I’m just here to offer up some sacrifices, you know?
I need someone with mad skills in bling crafting: gold, silver, brass, iron – the works. Gotta keep that David legacy alive. #ArtisticSkills
“Send those cedar, fir, and algum trees from Lebanon. Your timber game is strong. My squad’s down to team up with yours.”
We’re talking a crazy ton of timber for this legendary house I’m building.
Hooking up the timber crew with prime wheat, barley, wine, and oil. It’s gonna be a party!
Huram dropped a line, like, “The Lord’s feeling you, bro. You’re chosen.”
He’s all about God, blessing David’s son with wisdom and skills to build this epic crib.
Sent a wise dude your way, just like pops, Huram!
Dude’s got the skills: gold, silver, brass, iron, stone, timber, plus all the colors. A real pro.
Send that wheat, barley, oil, and wine to the peeps, you know?
We got that wood hookup from Lebanon, as much as you need. We’ll ship it to Joppa, then haul it up to Jerusalem. Easy.
Solomon counted up the foreigners in Israel, like David did. Total? 150,306, no joke.
Put ’em to work: 70k hauling, 80k chopping, 3.6k supervising.

2 Chronicles 3

So, Solomon got busy building a dope crib for the LORD up on Mount Moriah in Jerusalem. That’s where the LORD showed up to his old man, David, back in the day. David had set up shop there on Ornan the Jebusite’s turf. (By the way, Ornan was also known as Araunah.)
He kicked off construction on the second day of the second month, four years into his reign.
Now, Solomon did his homework before getting down to building God’s crib. It was 60 cubits long and 20 cubits wide. (FYI, a cubit is like an old-school measurement!)
The front porch matched the house in length, 20 cubits, and stood a whopping 120 cubits high. It was decked out in pure gold inside.
He laid down some lit fir wood as the foundation, then topped it with gold, adding palm trees and chains for extra flair.
The whole place was decked out in bling, using Parvaim gold. #swanky
He flexed hard, covering everything – walls, doors, posts, beams – in solid gold. And to take it up a notch, he even threw in some sick angelic carvings.
There was this super holy spot inside, same size as the house – 20 cubits long and wide. And he covered it in fancy gold, worth 600 talents.
Even the nails were gold, weighing in at 50 shekels each. And he didn’t stop there, gold-coating the upper chambers too.
Inside the holy spot, he crafted two angel dudes, decked out in gold.
The cherubim’s wings were massive, 20 cubits long. One wing of each cherub reached five cubits, touching the house’s wall. The other wing, also five cubits, touched the other cherub’s wing.
One of the other cherub’s wings was super long, five cubits, touching the house’s wall. The other wing matched, connecting to the first cherub’s wing.
These cherubim had their wings spread out 20 cubits, chilling with their faces toward the house.
Solomon whipped up a curtain using blue, purple, and crimson linen, with fine cherubim detail. Mind blown! He totally aced the design!
He also threw up two pillars in front of the house, each 35 cubits tall. The fancy decoration on top added another five cubits.
He hooked up some rad chains, like in a secret temple, hanging a hundred pomegranates for some major style.
And he set up these big columns in front, one on each side, naming them ‘Jachin’ (He shall establish) and ‘Boaz’ (In it is strength).

2 Chronicles 4

So, dude, he totally flexed and built this sick bronze altar, like massive, measuring 20 cubits long, 20 cubits wide, and 10 cubits tall.
And check it, he created this super cool giant bowl thingy, like ten cubits wide all around and five cubits tall. And there was this line that went all the way around it, like, thirty cubits long. So epic, right?!
And there were these oxen things all around it, like in a circle. Ten of them in every meter, circling this huge sea thing. And they made two lines of oxen when they made it.
Bro, there were twelve oxen holding it up: three facing north, three facing west, three facing south, and three facing east. The sea was placed on top of them, and their backs were turned inward.
The edge of it was about as thick as a hand, and the rim looked like an intricately designed cup, adorned with lily flowers. It could hold up to three thousand baths. So rad!
And he also made ten sinks, placing five on the right side and five on the left, for people to wash their offerings for the burnt sacrifice. But the huge sink was specifically for the priests to cleanse themselves in. (That’s what they used when they were making burnt offerings.)
So, like, he totally crafted ten sick gold candlesticks, you know? And he put them in the temple, with five on the right side and five on the left side. It was all about the perfect vibes and symmetry!
He also made ten tables and put them inside the temple, five on the right side and five on the left. He made a hundred gold bowls as well. So bougie!
And he also created a sick hangout spot for the priests, and a lit courtyard where everyone could chill. Plus, he hooked up the entrance with some dope brass doors.
And he placed the fancy pool thingy on the right side of the fancy temple, facing towards the sunny side. Perfect vibes, man.
And Huram made all the cool pottery stuff for King Solomon’s swaggy house of God. He had mad skills in crafting pots, shovels, and even bowls. Huram totally nailed it and completed all the sick work he had to do. #SkillsOnFleek
Okay, so there were these two big pillars with fancy decorations on top. And to make them even cooler, there were these two wreaths covering the decorations. It was all on the top of the pillars, you know? So lit!
So, like, there were 400 pomegranates in total, right? And they were all stacked in two rows on each wreath. They were there to make those pillars pop, you know? It was all about the vibes.
And then, he went and made these sick bases and stacked some sick lavers on top of them, like those big cauldrons, you feel me?
Bro, picture this: there was this epic setup with a massive lit pool, and underneath it were twelve dope oxen. Like, it was next level.
So, Huram’s old man, who was a total pro craftsman, hooked Solomon up with some sick kitchen gear and cooking utensils. And get this, everything was blinged out in shiny brass for the LORD’s place. #blingbling
The king straight up yeeted them down in the Jordan area, on that thick clay ground between Succoth and Zeredathah.
Solomon went all out, man. I’m talking a ton of stuff, like so much brass they couldn’t even weigh it. Crazy, right?
So, Solomon totally decked out God’s crib, making all that fancy gold altar and those tables for the show-off bread, you know?
Oh, and those lit candles with their cool lamps? They were meant to burn in such a rad way right in front of the sacred spot, all pure gold and everything.
He crafted the flowers, lamps, and tongs from the finest gold there is, pure gold vibes all around.
And then there were these cool pure gold things: snuffers, bowls (or bowls if you prefer), spoons, and censers. And guess what? Even the entry of the house, the inner doors of the super holy spot, and the temple doors? All gold, bro! Talk about fancy!

2 Chronicles 5

So, Solomon totally wrapped up everything he did for the house of the LORD. He brought in all the stuff his dad David dedicated – you know, the silver, the gold, and all those instruments – and stashed them with the treasures of God’s house.
So Solomon hit up all the OGs of Israel, and the leaders of the tribes, the top dogs of the Israelite crew, to roll into Jerusalem and bring the ark of the LORD’s covenant out of the city of David, aka Zion.
So all the dudes from Israel linked up and rolled through to the king’s party in the seventh month.
So all the boomers of Israel showed up, and the Levites were there to hoist up the ark.
So they brought up the ark, and the fancy tent where they all chill, and all the sacred stuff that was in the fancy tent. The priests and the Levites were the ones who brought it all up.
King Solomon and all of Israel vibed before the ark and offered so many sheep and oxen they couldn’t even keep count. It was like an endless feast!
Then the priests brought in the sacred chest of the LORD to its spot, right inside the super holy place, under the chill wings of the angel dudes:
The cherubims spread their wings over the spot where the ark was, covering it entirely along with its poles.
And they slid out the poles of the ark, so that the ends of the poles could be seen sticking out from the ark in front of the sacred place, but they couldn’t be seen from the outside. And it’s still like that even today.
The only things inside the ark were the two tablets that Moses placed there at Horeb when God made a covenant with the Israelites after they bounced from Egypt.
And it went down, when the priests bounced from the holy spot: (because all the priests who were there were set apart, and they didn’t have to wait their turn: found)
And the Levite squad, made up of the singers Asaph, Heman, Jeduthun, and their crew, all decked out in fresh white threads, rocking cymbals, psalteries, and harps, they posted up on the east side of the altar. And alongside them, a fierce squad of 120 priests blasting out sick trumpet sounds! 🎺
And something incredible happened when the trumpeters and singers came together to make one awesome sound of praise and thanks to the LORD. They raised their voices along with trumpets, cymbals, and other dope music instruments, all to worship and acknowledge the goodness and everlasting mercy of the LORD. And guess what? The whole house got filled with a thick cloud, like the house of the LORD was lit AF or something!
Like, the priests couldn’t even handle their duties because of this epic cloud situation, man. It was all because the Lord’s glory had totally taken over the house of God.

2 Chronicles 6

Solomon was all, ‘God’s gonna vibe in some serious darkness.’
Check it, I’ve hooked you up with a dope spot—a chill hang where you’ll always feel at home, no cap.
Then the king blessed everyone, and all of Israel was shook.
He was like, OMG, God of Israel is lit! He totally came through for my dad David, making good on His word!
Since I saved my squad from Egypt, I didn’t choose just any city in Israel for my hangout, so my name could be respected. And I didn’t pick any random leader for my people, Israel.
But Jerusalem is where I wanna be recognized, you know? And David was my pick to lead Israel. #ChosenOnes
So, David, my dad, was all about building a sick crib for God. He was all in.
But God was like, David, bro, I see your vibe wanting to build for me, and that’s cool. Props for that desire, man.
But, nah, you can’t build it, ya feel? Your kid from your bloodline is gonna handle it, and rep my name.
God kept His word. I, as the new king after David, took my rightful spot on Israel’s throne, just like He said. And guess what? I built this epic crib for the God of Israel.
I even put the ark in it, where God’s covenant with Israel is kept, you know?
He stood before the altar, with all of Israel watching, and threw his hands up like, whoa!
Solomon built this dope bronze platform, 5 cubits long, 5 wide, and 3 high. He set it up in the court, climbed on, and got down on his knees in front of everyone. With his hands up, he started praying!
We were like, OMG, God of Israel, you’re so unique, in heaven and on earth. You keep your word and show love to those who stay loyal, giving their all to you. So lit!
Bro, you totally came through for my dad David, just like you said! You spoke it, and then it happened, just like today!
So, God of Israel, keep your promise to my dad David, you know? You said someone from his line would always rule Israel, but only if they stay true to your laws, like you’ve walked before us. We don’t want anyone getting cut off.
God of Israel, time to make those promises real! You told David, so make it happen.
Hold up, so God’s really gonna kick it with us on Earth? Bro, even the whole universe can’t contain Him, so this crib I built is way too small, no cap!
Yo, God, listen up and show some respect to your servant’s prayer. Hear this servant’s cry and prayer, LORD my God.
So, keep watch over this place, where you said your name would be. Listen to your servant’s prayers aimed at this spot.
Yo, God, tune in to the prayers of your servant and the squad of Israel, as they send them up to this spot. Hear them from your crib up in the clouds, and when you catch their vibe, forgive them.
If someone messes up with their neighbor and they gotta swear an oath, and they do all that oath stuff in front of the altar in this house;
So, like, pay attention up there in Heaven, and take some action, and like, make fair judgments on your peeps. Give the wicked what they deserve, like, make them face the consequences of their actions. And, yeah, make things right for the righteous, like, reward them based on their goodness.
And if your squad Israel gets wrecked by the enemy, ’cause they messed up against you; but then they come back, own their mistakes, and start praying and begging you in this spot;
So, listen up, dude! I’m hoping you’ll hear me out from up above and forgive all the wrongs that your peeps, the Israelites, have done. And I’m asking you, if it’s not too much trouble, to bring them back to the land that you promised to them and their ancestors. Thanks, man!
When the sky is closed off and there’s no rain ’cause they messed up; but if they pray in this spot, own their mistakes, and stop doing wrong when you punish them;
Yo, listen up! God, if you’re up there, please forgive us, your servants, and the peeps of Israel when you’ve shown us the right path to follow. Also, can you bless our land with some much-needed rain? After all, it’s the place you gave to your people as an inheritance. Thanks, fam!
If, like, there’s, like, a major shortage of stuff in the land, or if there’s, like, a crazy widespread disease going on, or if there’s, like, serious devastating natural disasters happening, with, like, locusts everywhere and caterpillars wrecking everything. And also, if their enemies surround them and attack their cities and stuff. Basically, if any kind of bad stuff is going down, whether it’s a super intense illness or any other kind of trouble, you know, in their cities or wherever in their land, then, like, it’s a really tough situation.
So like, whenever someone prays or asks for something, like anyone from the cool peeps of Israel, when they’re feeling super down and pouring their hearts out, raising their hands in this house, or you know, toward this place:
So, like, listen up from your heavenly pad and like, forgive and give everyone what they deserve based on their actions, ’cause you totally know what’s up with their hearts (cus, let’s be real, only you know what’s inside us humans’ hearts, ya know?)
So that they’ll be majorly vibing with you and following your vibe their whole lives while living in the land you gave to our ancestors.
And yo, about the stranger, who ain’t even from your squad in Israel, but came from a serious distance because of your dope name and your incredible power; if they roll up and start praying in this spot, no cap;
So, like, listen up from your heavenly crib and do whatever this random person asks of you. This way, everyone on earth will know your name and respect you, just like your squad in Israel. And they’ll also know that this rad house I built is dedicated to you. #blessed
If your squad heads out to battle their enemies in the direction you send them, and they hit you up with some prayers towards this lit city you picked, and the dope house I built in your name;
Then listen, like, from Heaven to their prayer and their plea, and totally back up their cause. #justice
If they mess up and make a mistake (because let’s be real, we all do), and you get mad at them and let their enemies take them prisoner to a faraway or nearby place; when I say take them prisoner, I mean they really take them prisoner.
But if they actually stop and think about it in the place where they’re taken as prisoners, and they decide to turn around and send up a prayer to you in that place, saying, ‘We messed up, we’ve done wrong, and we’ve been really bad in our actions’;
If they fully come back to you, like, with all their heart and soul, even in that faraway place where they’re being held captive, and they pray towards the land you promised their ancestors, and towards the city you picked, and towards the temple I built for you, God…
So, like, God, listen up from your heavenly crib to their prayer and supplications. Make sure to have their backs, and forgive your people who messed up and sinned against you. #justiceforall
Yo God, listen up! Open your eyes and tune in to the prayer happening right here. Take a moment, give a listen, you know?
Yo, God, it’s time to chill out and find your spot to kick back. Bring yourself and your powerful vibes with the ark of strength. And make sure your squad of priests stays lit with salvation, and let your loyal peeps celebrate all the goodness.
Yo, God, don’t sleep on your chosen one: think about all the good stuff you did for David, your servant.

2 Chronicles 7

So, after Solomon finished praying, this crazy thing went down: fire came down from heaven and totally lit up the offerings and sacrifices. And to top it off, the presence of the LORD filled up the whole house!
Yo, the priests couldn’t even step foot inside the LORD’s place, man. His presence straight up took over everything, you know?
And when all the Israelite crew saw the fire drop and the LORD’s glorious presence in the house, they straight up bowed down like legends. They started giving mad props to the LORD, saying how awesome He is ’cause His mercy is forever, yo.
So the king and everyone threw down with some lit offerings for the LORD.
So King Solomon went all out and offered a huge sacrifice, with 22k oxen and a whopping 120k sheep! It was a major event, and both the king and all the people joined in dedicating the house of God.
So, the priests were doing their thing, and the Levites were there too, jamming out with musical instruments that King David had made specifically for worshiping the LORD and showing His endless mercy. Whenever David praised God and the Levites played their music, the priests would blast their trumpets, and all the people of Israel would stand tall.
Solomon made the center of the courtyard in front of the Lord’s house sacred. He offered burnt sacrifices and the best parts of the peace offerings there, since the bronze altar Solomon had made wasn’t big enough to handle all the offerings.
So like, Solomon threw this epic party that lasted seven whole days, and all of Israel showed up – seriously, there were so many people! From as far as Hamath to the river of Egypt, the whole crew was there.
And on the eighth day, they had a massive gathering: because they celebrated the dedication of the altar for a whole week, and kept the party going for seven days.
And on the 23rd day of the 7th month, Solomon was like, ‘Alright, y’all can head back to your tents!’ Everyone was excited and pumped because the LORD had shown major love to David, Solomon, and all the people of Israel.
So, like, Solomon totally finished building the house for the LORD and his own palace, you know? And he totally decked out both places just how he wanted. He was super successful and totally nailed it, you know?
So, like, the LORD showed up to Solomon while he was chilling in his bed, and was like, ‘Yo, I heard your prayer and I’m choosing this spot for my crib where we can do sacrifices and stuff.’
If I, like, stop the rain or let locusts munch on the land, or bring diseases among my people;
If my crew, who represent my name, keep it real, hit me up with their prayers, truly seek my vibe, and leave behind their messed-up ways; that’s when I’ll tune in from heaven, forgive their wrongs, and bring healing to their land.
Okay, listen up fam! I’m ready to hear your prayers in this spot. My eyes and ears are open, ready to hear what you gotta say. #Blessed
Yo, I’ve chosen and blessed this place so my name can be there forever. And my eyes and my heart will always be there, for real.
And if you’re down to live like your dad David did, following all my rules and laws, and respecting my commands and decisions;
I’ll totally establish your kingdom’s throne, just like I promised your dad David. There will always be a ruler in Israel, no doubt about it. Trust me, it’s gonna be epic!
But if you straight up ditch my rules and start worshiping other gods instead, then, yeah…
I’ll uproot them from the land I gave ’em, and this place that I made sacred for myself, I’ll kick it outta my sight. It’s gonna become a famous saying and a nickname everywhere.
Yo, check it, when this epic crib rolls through, heads gonna spin, for real! People gonna be like, “Bruh, why’s the LORD flexin’ on this place and its crib like that?”
So, peep this, it’s all ’cause they ghosted the LORD God who busted ’em outta Egypt. Instead, they started vibin’ with all these other gods, bowing down to ’em and stuff. Straight up, that’s why they’re dealing with all this bad juju.

2 Chronicles 8

So, like, after a whopping 20 years, Solomon finally wrapped up building the crib for the LORD and his own swanky pad.
So, check it, Huram set up these cities for Solomon, right? And Solomon, being the ultimate boss, went ahead and leveled them up even more. He hooked up the Israelite crew with some primo spots to chill.
Solomon totally rolled up to Hamathzobah and straight dominated. Epic victory!
Then he flexed hard by building Tadmor out in the boonies, plus all those lit storage cities in Hamath.
He also hooked up Bethhoron the higher and Bethhoron the lower, fortified with walls, gates, and bars.
And let’s not forget Baalath and all the dope cities King Solomon had, along with the sick chariot cities and the rad horsemen cities, and literally everything else Solomon wanted to build in Jerusalem, Lebanon, and all his turf. (Yeah, he went all out.)
So, basically, there were still some Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites, and Jebusites kicking it, but they weren’t part of Israel, you feel?
Solomon basically had those leftover Israelite kids pay up. You know, the ones still hanging around after their parents peaced out? Yeah, they had to cough up some tribute for Solomon. Talk about a never-ending tab!
Yo, Solomon straight up didn’t draft any Israelite homies for his gigs. Nah, he had dudes who were all about that warrior life, leading his squads and rolling in his dope chariots and horse rides.
So, these were the top dogs in King Solomon’s squad, like 250 of them, totally running the show, you know?
Solomon scooped up Pharaoh’s daughter from the city of David to his own pad that he built for her. He wasn’t about to have his girl living in King David’s spot ’cause that place is sacred, where the LORD’s ark is kept. 🔥
So Solomon was dropping some sick burnt offerings to the LORD on the LORD’s altar, the one he set up by the front porch.
Like, every single day, they were hitting up offerings and following Moses’ orders. And during the sabbaths, new moons, and big fancy feasts, they were doing it three times a year. Like, during the feast of unleavened bread, the feast of weeks, and the feast of tabernacles.
So, he picked out priests and Levites, just like his pops David said, to handle their business. They were on deck to praise and back up the priests, as needed every day. The gatekeepers were holding it down at their respective gates, following David’s orders, a true man of God.
And they were totally vibing with the king’s orders on everything, no questions asked about the priests, Levites, or the precious goods.
So, like, Solomon kept hustlin’ until the day they finally built the crib for the Lord, and they didn’t stop grindin’ till it was all set. And, whoa, when they finished, the house of the Lord was straight-up flawless!
Then Solomon dipped to Eziongeber and Eloth, chillin’ by the sea in Edom. (BTW, Eloth’s also called Elath.)
Huram hooked Solomon up with ships and top-notch sailors for his squad. They cruised to Ophir and came back with a crazy haul—450 talents of gold for King Solomon!

2 Chronicles 9

So, like, when the queen of Sheba heard about how Solomon was crushing it, she totally pulled up to Jerusalem with a massive crew and, like, a caravan of camels loaded with spices, gold, and jewels. And once she got to Solomon, they had this deep convo about everything on her mind. It was real.
So, Solomon spilled all the tea, no secrets held back.
So, the queen of Sheba scoped out Solomon’s vibe, saw how woke he was, and checked out the dope palace he built.
And, like, the feast he threw down, how his squad chilled, their fresh gear; also, his cupbearers and their style; and the entrance to the house of the LORD; it was too much, she was shook.
Yo, King, peeps in my hood been talking straight facts about your game, for real!
But I didn’t buy it until I saw it myself. And let me tell you, the hype ain’t even half of how lit your wisdom is. You exceeded expectations, dude.
Blessed are your squad, and blessed are those who ride with you, always hyped by your wisdom.
Praise the LORD your God, who’s all about you being king and keeping Israel lit. That’s why you’re on the throne, making fair calls and bringing justice.
And the queen hooked up the king big-time with a hundred and twenty talents of gold, loads of spices, and mad jewels. Nobody’s spice game could touch hers, for real.
So, Huram’s crew and Solomon’s crew scored mad gold from Ophir, plus some lit algum trees and jewels. Oh, and BTW, algum trees are also called almug trees, FYI.
And the king used algum trees to make platforms at the house of the LORD and the king’s crib. He also had harps and psalteries for the singers, next-level gear that hadn’t been seen in Judah before. (terraces: or, stairs: Heb. highways)
And like, Solomon hooked up the queen of Sheba with whatever she wanted, no cap. Gave her everything she asked for, except what she already brought, ya feel? So, she dipped back to her own turf with her crew.
In just one year, Solomon racked up six hundred and sixty-six talents of gold. That’s some serious flex, no cap.
Besides what traders and merchants brought, even the coolest kings of Arabia and the big shots in the country brought gold and silver to Solomon. BTW, those governors were like top dogs.
And like, King Solomon went all out with 200 golden shields. Each one was made from 600 shekels of pure gold, no joke.
Yo, so Solomon hooked up 300 lit gold shields, each one weighing in at a hefty 300 gold shekels. He stashed them in the House of the Forest of Lebanon, major flex.
Then he goes all out and builds this dope throne outta ivory, blinged out with pure gold.
This throne? It’s got six steps, a sick gold footstool, and on each side, these rad support things with fierce lions. Total power move, rawr!
Twelve fierce lions on one side, six chillin’ on the steps—no kingdom could top that swag.
Solomon’s palace? Decked out in gold, man. No silver in sight, not even worth mentioning.
His ships hit up Tarshish every three years, rolling back with mad loot: gold, silver, ivory, elephant tusks, monkeys, and even peacocks! That’s next level.
Solomon flexes on all the other kings with his stacks of cash and mad wisdom.
Influencers from all over are thirsty for a chat with him, soaking up his God-given wisdom.
They roll in every year, bringing their best gifts: silver, gold, fancy clothes, weapons, perfume, horses, and fly rides.
Solomon’s got 4000 horse spots and 12,000 horse dudes, posted up in horse cities and kickin’ it in Jerusalem.
He’s top dog, reigning from the river to Philistine turf and Egypt’s border. Euphrates river, FYI.
Flexin’ in Jerusalem with stacks of silver and cedar, like it’s no biggie. #Blessed
He’s copping some sick horses, straight outta Egypt and beyond.
Everything Solomon did is written down by Nathan the prophet, with some prophetic insights from Ahijah the Shilonite and visions from Iddo the seer, all about Jeroboam, Nebat’s kid. Hebrew word vibes, ya feel?
Solomon runs the show in Jerusalem for a solid forty years.
Then he peaces out and gets laid to rest in his pops’ city, David. Rehoboam, his son, steps up as ruler.

2 Chronicles 10

So Rehoboam jetted to Shechem ’cause all of Israel was there to crown him king, right?
Then Jeroboam, Nebat’s kid, who was chilling in Egypt ’cause he was dodging King Solomon, caught wind of the deal and bounced back from Egypt, you know?
They hit him up like, ‘Yo, Jeroboam and the whole Israel squad are here to rap with Rehoboam,’
They’re like, ‘Your old man really had us grinding with all those rules. Can you, like, ease up on us a bit? If you do, we got your back, bro.’
Rehoboam’s like, ‘Catch me in three days.’ And they’re like, ‘Cool, later.’
So Rehoboam links up with the OGs who’ve been around since Solomon’s days and asks, ‘What’s the move with these people?’
The OGs are like, ‘Bro, if you show them love, make ’em happy, and talk nice, they’ll ride with you forever.’
But he’s all about consulting his Gen Z crew, his day ones, the ones who’ve been rolling with him.
He’s like, ‘What’s the plan for dealing with these folks who want the workload lightened?’
His day ones are like, ‘Listen, bro, here’s how you gotta play it. Tell ’em you’re about to level up way beyond your old man. My pinky’s stronger than his whole vibe.’
He’s like, ‘Check it! Pops may have had you sweating, but I’m about to crank it up. He came at you with whips, I’m coming with scorpions. Yeah, it’s heavy.’
Jeroboam and the crew come back to Rehoboam on day three like he said, ‘Hit us back on day three.’
Rehoboam straight up disses them, ignoring the OGs’ advice completely.
And the young crew was all, “Yo, listen up, fam. Your pops had you grinding hard, but I’m about to take it up a notch. He used whips, but I’m bringing out the scorpions!”
But the king was deaf to the people, ’cause it was all part of God’s plan to fulfill what Ahijah from Shiloh had told Jeroboam, Nebat’s kid.
When Israel saw the king wasn’t hearing them out, they spoke up, saying, “What’s the deal with us being tied to David? We ain’t got no stake in Jesse’s fam. Everyone, do your own thing, Israel! And David, handle your own biz.” So Israel bounced back to their own lives.
So, like, the Israelite squad posted up in the cities of Judah had Rehoboam as their top dog.
King Rehoboam sent Hadoram to collect taxes, but Israel straight-up stoned him to death. Freaked out, Rehoboam bolted in his chariot back to Jerusalem.
And Israel was done with David’s house, no vibes there anymore, and it’s been that way to this day.

2 Chronicles 11

So, like, Rehoboam rolls into Jerusalem with his crew of 180k warriors from Judah and Benjamin, ready to reclaim the kingdom, you feel?
Yo, God hit up Shemaiah, His homie, with a message.
Yo, go tell Rehoboam, Judah, and Benjamin what’s up.
Yo, listen! The LORD’s like, “Chill, don’t start beef with your fam. Head home. I got this.” And they actually listened and bounced instead of starting drama with Jeroboam.
So Rehoboam chilled in Jerusalem and built up cities in Judah for security.
He built up Bethlehem, Etam, and Tekoa—pretty dope places.
Plus Bethzur, Shoco, and Adullam, you know?
And Gath, Mareshah, and Ziph.
Also Adoraim, Lachish, and Azekah.
Plus Zorah, Aijalon, and Hebron—fortified cities in Judah and Benjamin.
He beefed up strongholds, stocked food, oil, and wine, keeping his crew fed.
In every city, he geared up with shields and spears, repping Judah and Benjamin.
Priests and Levites from all over Israel came to him.
Levites bounced from their hoods ’cause Jeroboam canceled their priest gig.
He put some dudes in charge of shady places for evil spirits and calf idols.
People from all tribes sought the LORD in Jerusalem, offering sacrifices.
Boosted Judah’s kingdom, making Rehoboam powerful for three years, like David and Solomon.
Rehoboam married Mahalath, Jerimoth’s daughter, and Abihail, Eliab’s son Jesse’s daughter.
They had Jeush, Shamariah, and Zaham.
Then he linked with Maachah, Absalom’s daughter, and had Abijah, Attai, Ziza, and Shelomith. BTW, Maachah’s also Michaiah, Uriel’s daughter.
Rehoboam was all about Maachah, his fave among his many wives and concubines—dude had a squad! He had 18 wives, 60 concubines, 28 sons, and 60 daughters! Crazy, right?
He promoted Abijah, Maachah’s son, as the top sibling, eyeing him for kingship.
He sent his kids all over Judah and Benjamin, made sure they were fed well, and wanted lots of wives.

2 Chronicles 12

So, like, once Rehoboam was all settled in as king and everything, he started doing his own thing and totally went against what God wanted. And not just him, but all of Israel followed suit too.
So, like, in the fifth year of King Rehoboam’s reign, this dude Shishak, who was the king of Egypt, totally rolled up to Jerusalem, because the people there, like, totally messed up and went against the Lord.
He had, like, 1200 chariots and 60,000 horse-riders, plus a huge crowd of people from Egypt. Can you believe it? There were Lubims, Sukkiims, and Ethiopians too!
And he totally conquered the super fortified cities that belonged to Judah, and then arrived at Jerusalem.
So this prophet named Shemaiah rolled up to Rehoboam and the squad of big shots from Judah, who were all chilling in Jerusalem because of Shishak, and he straight up told them, ‘Listen up, the LORD has some words for you: You went and ditched me, so now I’m just gonna let Shishak give you a taste of his power.’
So basically, the big shots of Israel and the king were like, ‘Okay, we messed up, God is totally in the right.’
And like, when God saw that they were like, being all humble and stuff, He was like, ‘Yo, Shemaiah, listen up! They totally humbled themselves, so I’m not gonna wreck them completely. Instead, I’ll let them have, like, some sort of relief from trouble. And like, my anger won’t be unleashed on Jerusalem by Shishak, at least not immediately.’
But they will be his servants so that they learn about serving me and serving the kingdoms of other nations.
So, like, this dude Shishak, the king of Egypt, totally rolled up to Jerusalem, and straight up jacked all the sick treasures from the house of the LORD and the king’s crib. He took everything, man! And, yo, he even swiped those epic gold shields that Solomon had made.
But instead, King Rehoboam had these really cool brass shields made and gave them to his top guard to protect the entrance of his crib.
So, when the king stepped inside the crib of the Almighty, the security squad swooped in, grabbed them, and then escorted them right back to the secure zone.
And when he showed humility, God’s anger towards him subsided, preventing complete destruction. And in Judah, things were going pretty smoothly. (and despite that, or surprisingly, good things happened in Judah)
King Rehoboam leveled up in Jerusalem and took charge. He was 41 years old when he started ruling and reigned for 17 years in Jerusalem, the city that the LORD picked as his favorite out of all the tribes of Israel. It was like a gamer tagging his name on a spot. And his mom, Naamah, was a total Ammonitess.
And he messed up, because he didn’t even bother to get his heart right and seek the LORD.
So like, everything that Rehoboam did from the beginning to the end, it’s all like written down in the book of Shemaiah the prophet and Iddo the seer, you know, documenting all the family trees and stuff. And oh man, Rehoboam and Jeroboam, they were constantly at war with each other. It’s all recorded, ya know!
So, like, Rehoboam, he like, passed away, and they laid him to rest in the city of David, you know? And then his son Abijah stepped up to the plate to rule the kingdom. Oh, by the way, Abijah is also known as Abijam, just so you’re in the loop.

2 Chronicles 13

So, like, when King Jeroboam had been in charge for 18 years, Abijah took over ruling Judah.
Abijah ruled for three years. His mom, Michaiah, was from Gibeah. There was some major drama between Abijah and Jeroboam.
Abijah gathered 400K top-notch warriors. But Jeroboam wasn’t messing around either, he had a squad of 800K elite fighters. Abijah wasn’t backing down.
Abijah went up to mount Zemaraim in mount Ephraim and was like, ‘Listen up, Jeroboam and all Israelites! Pay attention!’
Don’t you know that the LORD God of Israel promised David the kingdom of Israel forever? It’s a big deal, even for his descendants.
But Jeroboam, who used to work for Solomon, David’s son, rebelled against him.
Some troublemakers, sons of Belial, teamed up against Rehoboam, Solomon’s son, when he was young and not able to handle them.
And now you think you can go against the LORD’s kingdom, ruled by David’s descendants? Seriously? You might have numbers and those shiny golden calves Jeroboam made, but come on.
Did you just reject the LORD’s priests, the sons of Aaron, and the Levites, and made yourselves priests like other nations? Now anyone can be a priest by offering a young bull and seven rams to some fake gods.
But seriously, the LORD is our God, and we haven’t abandoned Him. The priests, descendants of Aaron, and the Levites handle their duties like pros:
They offer sacrifices and incense to the LORD every morning and evening, arrange the showbread, and light the golden lampstand every evening. We’re faithful in our duties to the LORD our God, but sadly, you’ve turned away from Him.
Check it, fam: God’s holding it down as our leader, and his priests are straight up blowing trumpets to give you a heads-up. Listen up, y’all, don’t even think about stepping to the LORD, the OG God of your ancestors. ‘Cause let me tell you, it ain’t gonna end well for you.
But then Jeroboam set up this sneaky move from the back: while Judah was facing them, the trap was lurking behind them.
And yo, Judah peeped it and saw the battle going down in front and behind. So they straight up cried out to the LORD, and the priests blasted their trumpets.
So, like, the Judah crew was yelling and all, and, like, OMG, God totally wrecked Jeroboam and all of Israel, just straight up owned them in front of Abijah and his squad from Judah. #Gameover
So then the Israelites bounced from Judah, but God let them catch that L.
And Abijah and his squad straight up wrecked them: like, they wiped out five hundred thousand top-tier soldiers from Israel.
So the Israelites got served, but the Judah crew came out on top ’cause they had faith in the LORD God of their ancestors.
So Abijah went after Jeroboam and snagged some cities from him, like Bethel and its crew, Jeshanah and its crew, and Ephrain and its crew.
Jeroboam couldn’t make a comeback during Abijah’s time ’cause the big man upstairs put him down for good.
Abijah leveled up big time and ended up with a total of fourteen wives, and they had twenty-two sons and sixteen daughters together.
All the other stuff Abijah did, and how he rolled, and what he said, is all written down in the book by the prophet Iddo.

2 Chronicles 14

So Abijah bounced, got laid to rest in the city of David. His kid Asa stepped up as ruler. For the next ten years, it was all chill vibes and peace in the land.
Asa was totally legit, doing what was righteous and lit in the LORD his God’s eyes:
He straight up dismantled those altars dedicated to random gods, wrecked those fancy worship spots, and smashed those statues. (Oh, btw, ‘images’ means statues, in case you didn’t know.)
He was like, “Yo, Judah, let’s totally get down with the LORD God of our ancestors and actually stick to the rules and stuff.”
Then he straight-up cleared out all those fancy worship spots and fake gods from every city in Judah, and the kingdom was chill AF.
And he was like, “Check it, fam, I’m gonna build these sick fortified cities in Judah, ’cause we’re living the peaceful life, no drama or wars, all thanks to the LORD. Spreading that vibe of rest, you know?”
So he’s like, “Yo, Judah fam, let’s flex on these cities by beefing up our defenses with walls, towers, gates, and bars. Gotta secure our turf while it’s still cool, ’cause we’ve been vibing with the LORD our God, and He’s hooking us up with mad peace and protection.” And guess what? They went ahead and built all that, and they were thriving like no tomorrow.
Asa had this legit army, you know? Like, there were 300K warriors from Judah, all decked out with shields and spears. And then Benjamin rolls in with 280K soldiers, packing shields and bows. Let me tell you, these guys were fierce and fearless. Total legends!
Then this dude named Zerah, straight outta Ethiopia, no joke, comes in with, get this, a massive army of a million peeps and 300 chariots, and they roll up to Mareshah.
So Asa faces him head-on, and they set up the showdown in the epic battlefield at Zephathah Valley by Mareshah.
Asa was like, “Yo, God, we seriously need your backup here. It doesn’t matter if we’re outnumbered or not as jacked, you can totally come in clutch for us. We’re putting all our trust in you, God, to take down this massive crew. Ain’t no mortal gonna outshine you.”
And God straight-up crushed the Ethiopians when they faced off against Asa and Judah, and those Ethiopians straight-up dipped in fear.
So Asa and his crew chased those dudes all the way to Gerar. They completely wrecked the Ethiopians, like they couldn’t even recover. It was a total wipeout before the LORD and his squad, and they came out with some major loot.
They completely trashed all the cities around Gerar, ’cause they were absolutely shook by the Lord. They raided every city and came up big time, ’cause there was so much dope stuff to snag.
They wrecked those animal tents, grabbed a bunch of sheep and camels, like, way more than they needed. Then they just strolled back to Jerusalem, like it was nothing.

2 Chronicles 15

So, like, Azariah, Oded’s kid, he’s feeling this divine vibe from the big man upstairs, you know?
He rolls up to Asa like, “Bro, listen up, Asa, and all you homies from Judah and Benjamin! Here’s the scoop – stick with the LORD, and He’s got your back. Seek Him, and you’ll totally find Him. But if you dip out on Him, don’t act surprised if He dips on you.” #loyalty
Israel’s been wandering off the path for ages, no chill priest to guide them, no rules to keep them in check.
But when the going got tough, they reached out to the LORD God of Israel, and dude, He showed up big time.
Dude, back then, it was like non-stop drama, seriously. Chaos and stress were just part of everyday life for everyone in those areas.
One nation was straight up wrecking another, cities were getting trashed left and right. God was bringing the heat, unleashing all sorts of trouble on them.
So, like, stay strong, don’t let those hands go limp, okay? ‘Cause guess what? Your hustle’s gonna pay off big time, swear!
Asa, after soaking in Oded the prophet’s words, felt pumped and cleaned house. He kicked out all those nasty idols from Judah, Benjamin, and even the cities he snagged from Mount Ephraim. He even fixed up the LORD’s altar that sat outside His crib.
Asa rallied up his crew from Judah and Benjamin, even called in some outsiders from Ephraim, Manasseh, and Simeon. They knew he was legit, backed up by the Lord his God.
So, they all rolled into Jerusalem in the third month of Asa’s fifteenth year on the throne.
They straight-up flexed on the Lord with some insane offerings – 700 oxen and 7,000 sheep from their stash. It was lit, no joke.
They swore to ride with the Lord God of their ancestors, going all in – heart and soul!
Anyone who’s not down to seek the Lord God of Israel is facing serious consequences, no exceptions for age, gender, or status.
They were all in, swearin’ to the LORD like crazy, shouting and blasting trumpets, jamming on cornets.
The whole vibe in Judah was lit ’cause they were fully on board, hyped to find Him. And guess what? They found Him, and the LORD hooked them up with some serious chill vibes.
Asa, the king, straight-up dethroned Maachah, his grandma, ’cause she pulled some weird idol stunt in the woods. So he crushed that idol, stomped on it, and burned it down by the brook Kidron. No room for idols and freaky stuff in his kingdom, man.
But, like, even though Asa stayed loyal to his beliefs his whole life, those Insta-worthy spots were still a thing in Israel.
He showed off in the house of God with the goods his pops left him, flexing with loads of silver, gold, and some seriously dope items.
And there was peace in the land until Asa hit his thirty-fifth year as king.

2 Chronicles 16

Yo, so, back in the day, like, in the 36th year of Asa’s reign, Baasha, the king of Israel, straight-up launched an attack on Judah. He even built this city called Ramah to, like, totally block anyone from getting in or out of Judah where Asa was ruling, you feel?
Asa, though, wasn’t having any of that. He pulled out all the riches from the Lord’s house and his own palace, and hit up Benhadad, the big boss of Syria, posted up in Damascus, like, “Yo, we gotta talk.”
He was like, “Bro, we got this whole vibe going, just like our dads did. Peep this, I’m throwing some serious cash and bling your way. Now, do me a solid and cut ties with Baasha, the Israelite king, so he stops messing with me.”
Benhadad was down with Asa’s plan. He sent his army captains to lay siege on the cities of Israel. They straight-up conquered Ijon, Dan, Abelmaim, and all the other major cities in Naphtali.
When Baasha caught wind of this, he ditched the whole Ramah construction gig, straight-up abandoned the project.
Asa, the king, rallied up all the Judah crew, and they raided Ramah for its stones and jacked the lumber Baasha was using. Then they flipped the script, using those materials to build up Geba and Mizpah.
Then this Hanani dude, the vision guy, rolls up to Asa, king of Judah, and drops some truth bombs like, “Bro, you totally dropped the ball. You went all in with the king of Syria instead of trusting in the LORD your God, and now the Syrian army slipped right through your fingers.”
Yo, remember when the Ethiopians and the Lubims were flexing with their massive squad, rolling in deep with chariots and horsemen? But check it, since you put your trust in the LORD, He straight-up served them to you on a silver platter. Like, abundance, you feel?
The LORD, He’s like, keeping tabs on everything going down on this planet, showing off His divine power for those who stay true to Him. But you, man, you really messed up. Brace yourself for some serious drama ahead. (And it’s not just about flexing His muscles, it’s about being there for you and all that jazz.)
So Asa flips out on the seer, straight-up tosses him into a cell. He’s fuming, man, because of what the guy said. And not only that, Asa starts treating some folks pretty rough during that time.
Yo, peep this. The whole scoop on Asa, from start to finish, it’s all laid out in the book of the kings of Judah and Israel.
So, like, Asa had been running the show for, like, 39 years, when he caught this gnarly foot disease. It was, like, totally serious, but instead of hitting up the Big Guy upstairs, he hit up the docs for some help.
And then Asa, you know, passed away, joining his ancestors, in the forty-first year of his reign.
They laid him to rest in those sick tombs he had hooked up for himself in the city of David, and they set him up on this plush bed filled with dope scents and all kinds of aromatic spices whipped up by some skilled apothecaries. Then they lit up this epic bonfire in his honor. (had made: In Hebrew, it means had dug)

2 Chronicles 17

So, like, Jehoshaphat stepped up as king and made sure to hold it down against Israel.
And he, like, deployed a bunch of troops in, like, all the fortified cities of Judah. He stationed soldiers in, you know, the land of Judah, and also in the cities of Ephraim, that his dad Asa had, you know, captured.
And God was totally vibing with Jehoshaphat because he followed in the footsteps of his dad, David, and didn’t get caught up with worshipping false gods.
Instead, they stayed true to the Lord God of their father, and followed his commandments, not hopping on the Israel bandwagon.
So, like, God straight-up crowned Jehoshaphat king and all the people of Judah showered him with gifts and stuff. He was, like, swimming in riches and had, like, major respect from everyone. #blessed
So, this dude was totally vibing with the Lord, like all in. And he straight up cleaned house, got rid of all those shady high spots and groves in Judah.
Then, in his third year ruling, he hit up his crew – Benhail, Obadiah, Zechariah, Nethaneel, and Michaiah – to spread the word in the cities of Judah.
He also sent some Levites to back them up. Their squad names were Shemaiah, Nethaniah, Zebadiah, Asahel, Shemiramoth, Jehonathan, Adonijah, Tobijah, and Tobadonijah. And in the Levites team, there were Elishama and Jehoram, who were priests.
So, they were out there in Judah, teaching and spreading the word of the LORD, you know? They had the book of the law, and they were hitting up all the cities in Judah, dropping knowledge and educating the people.
And let me tell you, all the neighboring kingdoms were straight up shook by the power of the LORD. They wouldn’t even think about starting any beef with Jehoshaphat. They were scared stiff, no lie. 🔥
Yo, peep this, some Philistines came through with some dope gifts for Jehoshaphat. They brought him a load of tribute silver. And get this, the Arabians rolled up with a huge stash of flocks – we’re talking seven thousand and seven hundred rams, and another seven thousand and seven hundred he goats. That’s seriously impressive.
Jehoshaphat totally owned it, fam. He was killing it, building some insane castles and dope cities in Judah.
Man, he was grinding hard in the cities of Judah, and his squad, those warrior homies, were holding it down in Jerusalem like straight-up legends.
Check out these stats on the squad, based on their fam backgrounds: Leading the pack in team Judah, we got Adnah with a whopping three hundred thousand fierce warriors backing him up. They’re like unbeatable, bro.
And right beside him, Jehohanan was the boss, rolling with a solid crew of two hundred and eighty thousand. They had his back, no doubt.
So, check it, Amasiah, Zichri’s kid, straight up stepped up to serve the LORD. And get this, he rolled with a squad of, like, 200k hardcore warriors, ready to throw down.
Then there’s Eliada from Benjamin, total legend, leading a crew of 200k armed bros, packing bows and shields.
Jehozabad was right there too, with a massive army of 180k, fully locked and loaded for battle.
These homies served the king, along with the crews posted up in all the fortified cities across Judah.

2 Chronicles 18

Okay, so Jehoshaphat was like the ultimate big shot, super respected by everyone, and he totally teamed up with Ahab.
Then, after a while, he cruised down to Samaria to hang with Ahab. And Ahab hooked him up with a bunch of sheep and oxen, not just for him but for all his crew too. Ahab was like, “Let’s hit up Ramothgilead.” Epic move!
So, Ahab, the king of Israel, hit up Jehoshaphat, the king of Judah, asking if he was down to roll with him into battle at Ramothgilead. And Jehoshaphat was all, “I’m in, bro! Me and my squad got your back. Let’s go!”
Jehoshaphat was like, “Hey, can you hit up the LORD today and see what’s up?”
So, like, the king of Israel gathered like 400 prophets, and he’s all like, “Should we head over to Ramothgilead for some action, or should I just chill here?” And they’re all like, “Go for it, dude! God’s totally backing you up.”
But Jehoshaphat’s like, “Hold up, isn’t there another prophet of the LORD we could consult? I mean, more options, you feel?”
The king of Israel’s like, “Well, there’s this one guy we could ask the LORD through, but ugh, he’s such a downer! Always bringing bad vibes, never any good news. Yeah, it’s Micaiah, son of Imla.” But Jehoshaphat’s like, “Come on, man, don’t diss him like that.”
So, the king of Israel’s like, “Yo, find that officer dude and hustle up, bring me Micaiah, son of Imla, ASAP.”
So, the kings of Israel and Judah are kicking it on their thrones, decked out in their swanky threads, posted up in this open area by the entrance of the gate in Samaria. And all the prophets are dropping some serious prophecy bombs right in front of them.
So, Zedekiah, Chenaanah’s kid, busts out these rad iron horns. And he’s all like, “Yo, the LORD’s saying you’re gonna rock these horns and straight up wreck Syria until they’re totally wiped out. Like, you gonna devour them, bro!”
And all the prophets are like, “Dude, head to Ramothgilead and you’ll totally crush it. The LORD’s got your back, and he’s gonna hand victory to the king.”
So, the dude sent to get Micaiah comes up to him like, “Listen, man, all the prophets are dropping mad positive vibes to the king. It’d be cool if you could vibe with them, you know? Spread some good energy.”
So Micaiah was all, “Swear on the LORD, whatever downloads I get from my God, that’s straight-up what’s coming out, no cap.”
So, when he slides in front of the king, the king’s like, “Yo, Micaiah, should we mob to Ramothgilead and throw down, or should I just Netflix and chill?” And Micaiah’s like, “Bro, send it! You’ll crush ’em, and they’ll wave the white flag, guaranteed.”
And the king’s like, “Bro, I’ve been begging you to keep it real with me in the LORD’s name. Can you please stop holding back?”
So, he’s like, “I had this vision, right? All of Israel spread out on the mountains, like lost sheep without a shepherd. Then the LORD’s like, ‘These homies ain’t got no leader, so just let ’em bounce back home in peace.’”
The king of Israel was all, “Didn’t I tell you this dude never brings good vibes, only bad ones? Like, seriously?”
So, yo, listen up, God was like, “Yo, tune in and listen to what the LORD’s spitting.” And I peeped God chilling on His throne, with all His squad of angels posted up on His right and left, you feel me?
Then the LORD was like, “Yo, who’s gonna play Ahab, the king of Israel, and get him to roll up to Ramothgilead and eat dirt?” And one dude’s like, “Check it, I got an idea,” while another dude’s like, “Hold up, I got a different game plan.”
Outta nowhere, this spirit steps up and stands before the LORD, saying, “I got this, I’ll totally mess with him.” And the LORD’s like, “Alright, spill it. How you planning on doing that?”
And he’s like, “I’m gonna ghost and play this phony spirit, dropping fake prophecies on all his squad. Then the LORD’s like, ‘Bet, you gotta reel him in, and you’ll nail it, so just go for it.’”
Yo, peep this. God straight up puts lies in the mouths of these prophets, and He’s not holding back on His verdict.
So Zedekiah, son of Chenaanah, strolls up and slaps Micaiah in the face. He’s all, “Yo, how come you get the LORD’s Spirit talking to you and not me? What’s the deal?”
Listen up! Micaiah lays it down, “Chill, dude, when you sneak into that secret spot, you’ll see what’s popping on that day. Don’t even stress, it’s gonna be some next-level stuff going down.”
And the king of Israel’s like, “Yo, snatch up Micaiah and haul him to Amon, the bigwig in the city, and Joash, the king’s heir!”
So the king’s all, “Yo, toss this dude in the slammer, serve him up some sad, bland grub and H2O, and keep him there until I’m back without a scratch.”
Micaiah’s vibe was like, “If you roll back in one piece, then the Big Man upstairs totally spoke through me.” And he’s like, “Listen up, everyone.”
So, the king of Israel and Jehoshaphat – king of Judah, you feel? – they decided to roll up to this spot called Ramothgilead.
The king of Israel’s like, “Yo, Jehoshaphat, I’m gonna switch up my drip and hit the battlefield in stealth mode, but you stay flexin’ in your fancy gear.” So the king of Israel straight up changed his whole look, and they both dipped to the fight.
So the king of Syria was all, “Tell my chariot crew: only square up with the king of Israel, no matter if they’re buff or scrawny.”
And, like, when these chariot dudes peeped Jehoshaphat, they were like, “Yo, it’s the king of Israel, bro!” So they start circling him, ready to throw hands. But Jehoshaphat straight up called out, and the Big Man upstairs had his back, you know! God made those haters bounce and dip from him.
So basically, when the chariot bosses realized they got the wrong dude, they were like, “Peace out,” and dipped from chasing him.
Yo, this dude straight up popped off with an arrow and hit the king of Israel in his weak spot, no cap. The king was like, “Aight, yo, turn this chariot around, I’m outta here, I’m donezo.”
It was mad hectic that day, but the king of Israel stayed chill in his fly chariot, holding it down against the Syrians until the sun was about to dip. And when the sun was about to peace out, he sadly passed away, RIP.

2 Chronicles 19

Yo, so Jehoshaphat, the king of Judah, he dipped back to his pad in Jerusalem, all chill and peaceful.
Then Jehu, Hanani’s seer son, rolls up to Jehoshaphat, the king, and straight up drops this on him, like, “Bro, why you rolling with these ungodly crews and showing love to those who straight up hate the LORD? You’re asking for some serious divine wrath, my dude.”
But check it, there’s some dope stuff about you, ’cause you’ve totally trashed those wack groves in the land, and you’re all about seeking God with your whole heart.
So Jehoshaphat kicks it in Jerusalem, and he’s vibing with the people from Beersheba to Mount Ephraim. He’s leading them back to worship the LORD God of their ancestors. 🙏
So, like, he picked out judges for all the lit cities of Judah, you know, like, in every single one of them.
Aight, yo, judges! Check it, pay close attention to what you’re doing, ’cause you ain’t just making calls for regular people. You’re doing it in front of the Big Man upstairs, the LORD. He’s watching, overseeing the whole deal. #DivineJustice
So, like, show some major respect for the LORD, you feel? Stay focused and do what’s right, ’cause our God, the LORD, is totally fair, no exceptions. None of that favoritism or bribes, straight up.
Jehoshaphat was like, “Okay, peeps, it’s time to get serious.” He picked out the Levites, priests, and top dogs of Israel to handle the LORD’s judgment and sort out any beefs in Jerusalem.
Yo, check it! If you wanna show some love to the big man upstairs, here’s the deal: Follow these instructions tight, keep it real, and make sure your heart’s in the right spot, no cap.
Alright, listen up! If there’s any drama going down with your squad in their cities, like, if there’s beef, legal issues, or disagreements on the rules and judgments, it’s on you to give ’em a heads up so they don’t cross the line with the Big Man upstairs. If you don’t, both you and your crew are gonna face some serious consequences. So, handle the situation right and steer clear of any wrongdoing.
Yo, peep this, Amariah, the head priest, he’s running the show when it comes to all things about the LORD. Then you got Zebadiah, Ishmael’s son, he’s the big cheese in charge of the house of Judah and deals with all the king’s biz. And don’t forget about the Levites, they’re gonna have your back as officers. So, stay brave, show some guts, and the LORD’s got you covered. Stay strong and get things done, my homie.

2 Chronicles 20

So, like, Moab and Ammon’s crew, plus some others, were like, “Let’s throw down with Jehoshaphat, fam.”
Bro, Jehoshaphat got word that a massive squad from overseas, near Syria, was marching their way. They’re chilling at Hazazontamar, by Engedi, dude.
Jehoshaphat was kinda shook, so he was like, “We gotta connect with the LORD, guys.” He told all the peeps in Judah to fast and get spiritually tuned in. Oh, and when it says he “set himself,” it means he was super determined.
So, Judah got their crew together to reach out to the LORD, yo! They all came from every city in Judah, on a mission to find the LORD.
So Jehoshaphat pulled up to the assembly of the Judah and Jerusalem crew, at the LORD’s place, right in front of the new hangout spot.
And he was like, “Yo, LORD God of our ancestors, you’re like the ultimate ruler up in heaven, right? You’re the boss over all the kingdoms on earth, nobody can touch your power and swag, seriously.
You’re totally our God, the one who cleared out this place before our squad, the Israelites, moved in and got hooked up with the land you promised to Abraham, your day-one, for real.”
So they rolled in and built this epic sanctuary, like, in your honor, you know?
Whenever life hits us hard – big probs, tough choices, sickness, or even when we’re hangry – and we gather in this spot where you kick it ’cause, you know, you’re all about this place, and we’re like, “Yo, Big G, help us out here,” you’re gonna be all ears and lend a hand.
Alright, peeps, listen up. Picture this – way back when, as Israel was bouncing out of Egypt, there were these other crews: the Ammonites, Moabites, and the folks from Mount Seir. God was like, ‘Hold up, Israel, don’t go crashing their party. Stay in your lane.’ So, Israel chilled and didn’t throw down.
Yo, peep this, they actually think they’re doing us a solid by kicking us out of the land you promised us as our rightful spot.
Yo, Big G, can you, like, drop some truth bombs on these peeps? ‘Cause, TBH, we’re straight-up powerless against this mega squad rolling up on us, and we’re mad clueless on what moves to make. But, like, we’re putting all our trust in you, you feel?
And, like, everyone from Judah, even the tiny tots, their baes, and their kiddos, they were all lined up in front of the LORD.
Then, this dude Jahaziel, son of Zechariah, grandson of Benaiah, great-grandson of Jeiel, and great-great-grandson of Mattaniah, who’s repping the Levite fam from Asaph’s line, he straight-up felt the vibe of the LORD’s Spirit smack in the middle of the crowd.
Aight, listen up, Judah crew and Jerusalem squad, including you, King Jehoshaphat! Big G’s got a word for y’all. Don’t trip or stress about this massive army ’cause this battle ain’t on you – it’s all on Big G.
Tomorrow, you gotta roll down and face ’em. They’ll be coming up through that ascent called Ziz. You’ll spot ’em at the end of the valley, right before the Jeruel wilderness. *Note: ‘cliff’ means ‘ascent’ and ‘brook’ means ‘valley’.
You won’t even need to throw hands in this gig, just suit up and hold your ground, and watch as the LORD pulls through for you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Don’t trip or stress; tomorrow, step up and meet ’em head-on ’cause the LORD’s got your back.
Jehoshaphat straight-up bowed down, like, face planted to the ground, and all the Judah and Jerusalem crew were fully vibing with the LORD, showing mad respect.
So, like, the Levites, from the Kohathite and Korhite squads, stood up and gave major props to the LORD God of Israel with a lit, loud voice!
Early in the morning, they bounced out into the wild Tekoa. And as they were rolling, Jehoshaphat stood up and was like, “Yo, Judah and peeps of Jerusalem! Trust in the LORD your God, and you’ll be straight up successful. Believe in His prophets, and you’ll thrive.”
So, after hearing what everyone had to say, he picked some dope singers to give props to the LORD and celebrate His pure awesomeness. They led the way for the squad and shouted, “Praise the LORD! His mercy is forever!” 🙌
And yo, when they started getting their groove on and giving mad props, the LORD straight up came through and wrecked those children of Ammon, Moab, and mount Seir who were about to mess with Judah. It was like, total annihilation, they didn’t stand a chance.
So, the Ammon and Moab crew were like, ‘Let’s roll up on mount Seir and wipe them out, like, obliterate them, you feel?’ And once they were done with Seir, it was like a domino effect of destruction, everyone was just joining in, like one big chaos party!
And when Judah scoped out the scene from the lookout point in the desert, it was grim, man. Bodies everywhere, no escape for anyone.
When Jehoshaphat and his crew pulled up to gather the loot, they hit the jackpot, no cap. There was stacks of cash and boujee bling, all stacked up with the bodies. They flexed hard and scooped up all the goods they could handle. It was too fire to wrap up in just one day, so they spent a full three days loading up. That’s how insanely epic the haul was, fr.
On day four, everyone gathered in the valley of Berachah, giving major props to the LORD there—like, seriously epic vibes, you feel? It became known as The valley of Berachah, ’cause blessings were overflowing, FYI.
All the crew from Judah and Jerusalem, led by Jehoshaphat, bounced back to Jerusalem with crazy joy, ’cause the LORD straight up wrecked their enemies. (Just so you know, “forefront” means like, being at the head or leading the pack or something.)
Then they cruised into Jerusalem, rocking out on their psalteries, harps, and trumpets, rolling up to the LORD’s crib.
When news spread that the LORD threw down against Israel’s enemies, all the kingdoms in the hood were shook. They were straight-up terrified of God, yo!
Jehoshaphat’s kingdom was chill ’cause his God hooked him up with peace from every direction.
Jehoshaphat took charge of Judah when he was just 35, ruling Jerusalem for a solid 25 years. His mom, Azubah, was Shilhi’s daughter, FYI.
He kept it real, following his dad Asa’s footsteps, staying on the righteous path, and always pleasing the LORD.
But yo, those high places were still popping ’cause the people weren’t fully repping the OG God of their ancestors yet.
There’s more Jehoshaphat action you can peep in Jehu, Hanani’s son’s book, or in the kings of Israel’s records. #bigplayer
Then Jehoshaphat, king of Judah, teamed up with Ahaziah, the king of Israel, who was straight-up shady:
They joined forces to flex their ship-building skills for a trip to Tarshish. They totally aced it, building those ships in Eziongeber.
But hold up, Eliezer, Dodavah’s kid from Mareshah, went off on Jehoshaphat. He’s like, ‘Bro, teaming up with Ahaziah? That’s a major fail. The LORD’s gonna wreck you for this.’ And check it, those ships got wrecked too, so no Tarshish trip for them.

2 Chronicles 21

When Jehoshaphat bounced and got laid to rest in the city of David with his fam, his son Jehoram stepped up to the throne, like taking over the reins and stuff.
Jehoshaphat had some solid bros too, man: Azariah, Jehiel, Zechariah, Michael, and Shephatiah. All of them were Jehoshaphat’s kids, keeping the royal bloodline strong.
Their old man set them up real good, with cash, bling, and fortified cities in Judah. But when it came to ruling, he passed the torch to Jehoram, ’cause he was the firstborn, you know?
So, Jehoram grabbed the kingdom, flexing his power by straight-up taking out his brothers and even some big shots from Israel.
Jehoram was 32 when he took the throne, holding it down in Jerusalem for a solid 8 years.
And he was totally copying the kings of Israel, like taking cues from Ahab’s crew: ’cause he hitched himself to Ahab’s daughter and did some shady stuff, not gonna lie, it didn’t sit well with the big man upstairs.
But yo, the LORD wasn’t about to wreck David’s crib, ’cause of the deal He made with him, you know? He promised to keep his crew lit forever, like an eternal flame. 🔥
During his reign, the Edomites were like, “Nah, we’re out,” and decided to crown their own king, flexing their independence, you feel? (Btw, dominion in Hebrew means having control or power, just so you’re in the loop.)
So Jehoram and his crew, rolling in their sick chariots, hit the road and pulled an all-nighter. They straight-up wrecked the Edomites who were swarming them, even took out their chariot leaders.
So, like, the Edomites were on full rebellion mode against Judah, and it’s been ongoing till today. And, oh yeah, Libnah also rebelled ’cause he straight-up ditched the LORD God of his ancestors.
So this king, he’s like, all about building these super rad hangouts up in the mountains in Judah, and he’s convincing the peeps from Jerusalem to get into some sketchy business, you know, messing around with all sorts of wrong relationships. And he’s totally pressuring the folks in Judah to get on board with it.
Then Elijah, the prophet, shoots him a message, and it’s like, “Yo, listen up! The word from the LORD God of David, your old man, is this: ‘Dude, you messed up big time. You’re not walking in the footsteps of Jehoshaphat or Asa, those kings of Judah.’”
“But instead, you’re totally on the same messed up path as the kings of Israel. You’ve led Judah and the folks in Jerusalem into some seriously shady stuff, just like the scandalous things that went down in Ahab’s household. And to top it off, you straight up killed your own brothers who were actually better than you. Seriously, man?”
“Check it, the Lord’s about to hit you and your whole squad with a massive plague. It’s gonna hit your people, your kids, your wives, and all your stuff. #EpicSmite”
“And you’re gonna get hit with a gnarly gut disease, so bad your insides are gonna start falling out because of it, like, every single day.”
So, like, God totally stirred the pot for Jehoram. He got the Philistines and the Arabians all worked up, hanging around with the Ethiopians, and they came at him full force:
These dudes rolled up to Judah, busted in, and straight up raided the king’s pad—snatching all his loot, his sons, and even his wives. Talk about a total wipeout. Only Jehoahaz, the youngest, got spared. Oh, and in case you’re wondering, he also goes by Ahaziah or Azariah.
Then, bam! God hit him with this super serious gut illness, no cure in sight.
So, after a couple of years, this guy gets seriously sick, and, no joke, his insides start spilling out. It was brutal. And to top it off, he ends up croaking from some nasty illnesses. And get this, his crew didn’t even bother with a decent send-off, like they did for his ancestors. Total lack of respect, right?
Dude was 32 when he took the throne, ruled in Jerusalem for 8 years, but honestly, no one gave him much thought. They did bury him in the city of David, but not with the other big shots in the fancy tombs. Like, no one really wanted him there.

2 Chronicles 22

So, the peeps in Jerusalem were like, “Ahaziah, you’re up!” ‘Cause the Arabians had taken out all his older sibs. And just like that, Ahaziah kicked off his reign.
Ahaziah was 42 when he took the throne and ran Jerusalem for a year. His mom’s name? Athaliah, daughter of Omri.
He was all about that Ahab vibe, ’cause his mom was tight with Ahab’s crew.
Basically, he was a disaster in God’s eyes, just like Ahab’s crew. They were his advisors and led him to rock bottom after his dad passed.
He totally rolled with their plan and linked up with Joram, Ahab’s son and the king of Israel, to take on Hazael, king of Syria, at Ramothgilead. And wouldn’t you know it? The Syrians wiped the floor with Joram.
So, dude hobbles back to Jezreel to patch up his Hazael scuffle wounds. Meanwhile, Azariah, son of Jehoram, king of Judah, pops down to Jezreel to check on Joram, Ahab’s son, ’cause he’s under the weather. (FYI, Azariah’s also known as Ahaziah or Jehoahaz, if you’re keeping track.)
Ahaziah’s downfall was all part of God’s plan. He teamed up with Joram to face off against Jehu, the guy chosen by the LORD to take down the Ahab dynasty.
Jehu’s on a roll, handing out serious justice to Ahab’s crew. And while he’s at it, he spots some big shots from Judah and Ahaziah’s relatives who’ve been serving him, and he takes ’em out.
They hunt down Ahaziah, find him hiding in Samaria, and bring him to Jehu, who takes him out and lays him to rest. They’re like, “This guy’s from Jehoshaphat’s line, who was legit devoted to the LORD.” After Ahaziah’s gone, his fam’s power crumbles, and they can’t keep hold of the kingdom.
But when Athaliah, Ahaziah’s mom, sees her son’s toast, she flips out and wipes out the whole royal crew of Judah.
But Jehoshabeath, the king’s daughter, snatches up Joash, Ahaziah’s son, sneaks him away from the massacre, and hides him with his nurse in a secret spot. Jehoshabeath is Jehoram’s daughter, married to Jehoiada the priest, and she’s also Ahaziah’s sis. She makes sure Athaliah can’t lay a finger on Joash.
And Joash lays low with them in the house of God for a solid six years while Athaliah’s running the show.

2 Chronicles 23

So, in the seventh year, Jehoiada was like, “Let’s level up,” and he got his crew together: Azariah, son of Jeroham, Ishmael, son of Jehohanan, Azariah (again), son of Obed, Maaseiah, son of Adaiah, and Elishaphat, son of Zichri, and they became squad goals forever.
They hit the road, gathering up all the Levites from every city in Judah, plus the OG elders of Israel, and rolled into Jerusalem.
The whole church crew struck a deal with the king up in the house of God. They’re like, “Yo, the king’s son’s gonna rule, just like the LORD promised about David’s fam.”
Here’s the deal: On the Sabbath, a third of you cool cats, including priests and Levites, gotta take turns holding down the door. Yeah, like, guarding the thresholds. FYI, the Hebrew word for ‘doors’ actually means ‘thresholds’.
One-third will post up at the king’s pad, one-third will kick it at the foundation gate, and the rest will vibe in the Lord’s courts.
Only the priests and Levites who serve in the house of the LORD can roll in; they’re the chosen ones. Everyone else gotta stay alert and respect the LORD’s watch.
The Levites gonna circle up around the king, armed and ready. Anyone else who tries to slide in gonna get taken out, just so you know. But y’all gotta stick with the king when he comes and goes, you dig?
So, like, the Levites and all of Judah totally followed Jehoiada the priest’s game plan. They made sure the work crew showed up on Sabbath and let the others chillax. Jehoiada didn’t mess around; he didn’t cancel any shifts.
Oh, and Jehoiada hooked the army leaders up with some sick gear—spears, bucklers, and shields that belonged to king David and were stashed in God’s crib. 😎
They all came together, flexing with their weapons from one end of the temple to the other, all around the altar and crib, right by the king.
They brought out the king’s son, crowned him up, handed him the official papers, and declared him king. Jehoiada and his sons anointed him, shouting, “Long live the king!”
So, when Athaliah heard the hype from the crowd cheering for the king, she pulled up to the crib of the LORD:
She saw the king posted up at his fancy entrance with the VIPs and the trumpets blasting. The whole land was lit, with peeps playing trumpets and jamming on instruments, giving praise. Athaliah lost it, tore her clothes, and yelled, “Conspiracy, Conspiracy!”
Jehoiada got all the army captains together and was like, “Yo, squad! Get her outta here, and if anyone tries to chase her, sword ’em down! But don’t take her out in the house of the LORD, aight?”
They grabbed her, and when they got to the horse gate by the king’s house, they took her out right there.
Jehoiada made this solid pact between him, the crew, and the king. They were all gonna be the LORD’s squad, no doubt.
They stormed into Baal’s crib and wrecked it—smashed his altars, trashed his statues, and even took out Mattan, Baal’s priest, right in front of those altars.
Jehoiada put the priests from the tribe of Levi in charge of running the house of the LORD, just like David planned. Their main gig was offering burnt offerings to the LORD, as Moses’ law said. And they did it with mad joy and singing, just like David taught.
He stationed the cool bouncers at the house of the LORD’s entrances, making sure no sketchy peeps could roll in.
Then he rounded up the top squad leaders, VIPs, and influencer bosses, along with all the cool cats in the land. They brought the king out from the holy crib and escorted him through the fancy entrance to his sweet pad. Finally, they set him up on the throne, ruling the kingdom like a boss.
And everyone was hyped about it—the city finally chilled after they took out Athaliah with the sword.

2 Chronicles 24

Joash was a mere 7 when he took charge, and he ran the show in Jerusalem for a solid 40 years. And just a heads-up, his mom’s name was Zibiah, repping Beersheba.
Joash was totally on point, you know, keeping it real with the LORD the whole time Jehoiada the priest was holding it down.
So Jehoiada decided to take on two wives, and they ended up popping out sons and daughters like it was going out of style.
After that, Joash was like, “Let’s spruce up the Lord’s crib, fam. Time for a renovation, #blessed.”
So, he gathers all the priests and Levites and drops the word: “Hit up the towns in Judah, get that cash flow from the Israelites to keep the house of God looking fresh every year. And make it snappy!” But, you know, the Levites weren’t exactly quick on the draw.
The king’s like, “Jehoiada, my dude, why haven’t you told the Levites to hustle up that cash from Judah and Jerusalem, just like Moses and the Israel squad ordered? It’s for the Tabernacle, man!”
So, check it, those kids of Athaliah, that straight-up wicked lady? They trashed God’s place and gave all the sacred gear to those Baalim dudes.
The king’s like, “Okay, let’s make a chest and park it outside the gate of the LORD’s house.”
So they shoot out a message to all of Judah and Jerusalem, saying, “Bring in that offering Moses, God’s main man, told Israel to give back in the wilderness days.” It’s loud and clear, fam!
And you know what? Everyone’s hyped—leaders, regular folks, the whole crew. They bring in their contributions and toss them in the chest until it’s packed to the brim. Can you dig it?
So, when they brought that chest to the king’s pad and saw all that cash flow, the king’s scribe and the high priest’s officer swooped in, emptied it out, and then put it back in its spot. They did this every single day, stacking up that dough.
The king and Jehoiada made sure to bless the hustlers at the house of the LORD with some cash. They hired skilled workers—masons, carpenters, even folks who could handle iron and brass—to fix up the crib.
Those workers went to town, straight up killing it, making sure everything in God’s house was top-notch and sturdy. They brought their A-game, making it flawless, no question. God’s spot is looking fly now, all thanks to their skills and dedication!
Once they wrapped it up, they brought the leftover cash to the king and Jehoiada, who put it to good use, making all sorts of dope stuff for the house of the LORD—sacred gear, equipment for offerings, even some bougie gold and silver spoons. They kept the burnt sacrifices rolling in God’s house non-stop during Jehoiada’s time.
But Jehoiada got up there in years, like, super old, and then he passed on. He lived a full life, hitting that century mark and then some—130 years old when he kicked the bucket.
So they laid him to rest in the city of David, where all the kings kick it, ’cause he was legit in Israel, always showing mad love to God and his fam.
After Jehoiada bounced, the VIPs from Judah came to pay respects to the king. And guess what? The king actually listened to what they had to say.
But then, they straight up ghosted the LORD God of their ancestors, started vibing with trees and statues like it was trendy. And no shocker, Judah and Jerusalem got seriously messed up because of their messed up moves.
But yo, God sent prophets to them, trying to bring them back to the LORD. These prophets were spitting truth and all, but they got majorly brushed off.
Then Zechariah, Jehoiada’s kid who was a priest, felt the Spirit of God come down on him while he was chilling with the crew. He spoke up, saying, “Listen up, fam! God’s got a message for y’all. You’ve been breaking the LORD’s rules, and that’s why things are going south. It’s ’cause you’ve turned your back on the LORD, and now He’s turning His back on you too.”
And they, like, totally ganged up on him, throwing a bunch of rocks at him because the king said so, right in the court of the house of the LORD.
So, like, King Joash completely blanked on all the dope stuff his dad Jehoiada did for him and ended up offing his own son. And right before he checked out, he was all, “Yo, God, you better peep this and set things straight.”
So, after a hot minute, the Syrian army straight up blitzed this dude. They pulled up on Judah and Jerusalem and wrecked all the big shots, snatching all their loot and shipping it to the king of Damascus. You know, Damascus, that spot.
Yo, the Syrians thought they were hot stuff with a squad, but then the big man upstairs served them a fat L. Why? ‘Cause these dudes straight up ditched the OG LORD God of their ancestors. So, they got served some major karma, especially Joash.
After they abandoned him, because he was seriously ill, his own servants plotted against him to avenge the sons of Jehoiada the priest. They killed him while he was in bed, and he died. They buried him in the city of David, but not in the tombs reserved for the kings.
And these are the people who plotted against him: Zabad, the son of Shimeath, who was an Ammonite, and Jehozabad, the son of Shimrith, who was a Moabite. (Zabad could also be called Jozacher, and Shimrith could also be called Shomer.)
So, like, there’s this whole thing about this guy’s sons and how they were, like, really burdened with a bunch of responsibilities and stuff. And they totally wrote all about it in this book called the book of the kings. Then this guy named Amaziah took over as king after his dad. He was like, into fixing and rebuilding the house of God. It’s all in there, you know?

2 Chronicles 25

So, Amaziah, he was like barely 25 when he scored the throne in Jerusalem, and he held it down for about 29 years. Oh, and peep his mom, Jehoaddan, she was repping Jerusalem too.
Now, dude was all about trying to please God, you feel? But TBH, his heart wasn’t exactly squeaky clean, ya know?
Anyway, once he got that crown on his head, he was like, “It’s payback time” for the folks who took out his old man. Straight up, fam. #RoyaltyMoves
But check it, he didn’t go all out and off their kids, nah. He played it by the book, like Moses’s law, straight from the LORD’s playbook. It goes like this: Parents don’t pay for their kids’ mistakes, and vice versa. Everyone’s gotta own up to their own stuff and deal with the consequences.
Amaziah was on a roll, gathering up all the Judah crew, and he started assigning leaders over thousands and hundreds, keeping it in the family lines of Judah and Benjamin. He did a headcount of all the peeps over twenty and found out he had a whopping three hundred thousand skilled fighters, ready to throw down with spears and shields.
Not stopping there, he went big and hired a hundred thousand top-tier soldiers from Israel, dropping a hundred talents of silver for the hookup.
Now, listen in! This prophet, he pulls up to the king and drops some wisdom, like, “Bro, leave the Israelite squad behind. The big man upstairs ain’t vibing with them, especially the Ephraim crew.”
Look, if you’re gonna do this, then do it, man. Gear up for battle ’cause God’s got the power to lift you up or bring you down in front of your enemies.
So, Amaziah’s like, “Yo, what about that hundred talents I dropped on the Israelite crew?” And the prophet’s like, “Bro, chill. The big guy upstairs can totally hook you up with way more than that.” (BTW, “army” in Hebrew also means “band.”)
Then, Amaziah sends the Ephraim squad packing, telling them to peace out and head home. This ticks them off big time, and they bounce back home fuming. #AngerManagementIssues
So, Amaziah and his squad level up, gather up their troops, and head out to this spot called the valley of salt. And guess what? They straight up wreck the children of Seir, like, ten thousand of them go down. Epic victory!
Alright, so the Judah crew snags like ten thousand others as prisoners and hauls them up to the top of a rock. And bam, they straight up toss them off the edge, and they all get wrecked and shattered.
But those soldiers Amaziah didn’t want to roll with him? Yeah, they turn around and start hitting up cities in Judah, from Samaria all the way to Bethhoron. They take down three thousand peeps and grab a ton of loot.
Then, when Amaziah finishes up with the Edomites, he goes and starts bowing down to their gods! Like, he’s all about the gods of the children of Seir, making them his own. He even gets on his knees and starts burning incense for them, dude!
So, the LORD’s not having it with Amaziah’s antics, and He sends a prophet to him, like, “Bro, seriously? Why you worshiping these worthless gods who couldn’t even save their own people from you?”
So, while they were shooting the breeze, the king’s like, “Yo, dude, you rollin’ with the king’s crew or what? Chill, man, why you wanna get wrecked?” Then the prophet’s like, holding back, and he’s like, “I know for sure that God’s about to bring the hammer down on you ’cause you messed up big time and didn’t listen to my advice. Seriously, man.”
Then Amaziah, the king of Judah, hits up Joash, son of Jehoahaz and grandson of Jehu, the king of Israel. He’s like, “Hey, Joash! Let’s link up and have a real talk!”
So, Joash, the king of Israel, hits back at Amaziah, king of Judah, and he’s like, “Yo, that little plant in Lebanon slides into the DMs of those big trees in Lebanon, like, ‘Hey, let’s merge our royal fams by marrying your daughter to my son.’ But then, outta nowhere, a wild beast from the field comes and straight-up wrecks the plant.”
You’re out here like, “Yo, check me out, I just wrecked the Edomites!” feeling all high and mighty. But real talk, just stay in your lane. Why mess with something that’s only gonna bring you pain and make you, and even Judah, bite the dust?
But Amaziah? Dude’s straight-up stubborn, ain’t hearing none of it. ‘Cause it’s all part of God’s plan to let their enemies lay the smackdown, all ’cause they’re hooked on those Edomite gods.
So Joash, king of Israel, rolls up and comes face-to-face with Amaziah, king of Judah, at Bethshemesh, which is Judah turf.
And Israel hands Judah a major L, and they all bounce back to their tents, tail between their legs.
Yo, check this out: Joash, the king of Israel, straight up caught Amaziah, who’s his own son and Jehoahaz’s grandson, in Bethshemesh. Then he rolled up to Jerusalem with Amaziah and straight up wrecked a chunk of the city wall, from the Ephraim Gate to the corner gate, like, about four hundred cubits. And yeah, that corner gate? It’s the one facing that way, you feel?
So, like, he jacked all the gold, silver, and holy stuff from God’s crib that belonged to Obededom. Even swiped the treasures from the king’s pad, plus hostages and all that jazz. Then he bounced back to Samaria, you dig?
So, after Jehoash, Joash’s son and Judah’s ruler, kicked the bucket, Amaziah took over as king for a solid fifteen years. Just so you’re in the loop!
Yo, if you wanna peep more about what went down with Amaziah, dive into the book of the kings of Judah and Israel. It’s got the full scoop, front to back.
So, after Amaziah decided to ghost on his commitment to the LORD, a bunch of shady folks in Jerusalem started schemin’ and cooked up a whole conspiracy against him. Dude got paranoid and bolted to Lachish, but those sneaky snakes sent their goons after him and ended up offing him there.
They scooped him up on horseback and laid him to rest with his fam in the city of Judah. (Just so you know, that’s the same city where David used to chill!)

2 Chronicles 26

So, all the crew in Judah were like, “Hey, Uzziah, you’re sixteen now, time to step up as king in your dad Amaziah’s place.” (Oh, by the way, Uzziah was also known as Azariah, in case you didn’t know.)
He got busy building up Eloth and gave it back to Judah once his old man passed on.
Uzziah slid into the king gig when he was just a sweet sixteen, and he held it down in Jerusalem for a solid fifty-two years. His mom, Jecoliah, repped Jerusalem too.
And he straight up did what was right in God’s sight, just like his pops Amaziah.
And he was all about connecting with God during Zechariah’s time, who was totally woke to the bigger picture. As long as Uzziah stayed on that spiritual grind, God straight up blessed him with success.
So, he rolled out and went toe-to-toe with the Philistines, wrecking the walls of Gath, Jabneh, and Ashdod. Then he set up shop, building cities near Ashdod and in Philistine territory. (Or you could say, in the land of Ashdod.)
God had his back, no doubt, when it came to dealing with the Philistines, even those Arabians posted up in Gurbaal, and the Mehunims too. #TeamGod
The Ammonites rolled up to Uzziah’s crib with some dope presents, straight flexin’. Dude’s reputation was on fire, fam, like everyone from Egypt to here was talking ’bout him, ’cause he was swole. No cap.
Uzziah, he wasn’t playing around, fam. He showed off in Jerusalem, building these lit towers at the corner gate, the valley gate, and at the turn in the wall, making them extra strong. He was really on that repair and upgrade grind, you feel?
This dude went all in, man. He straight up built towers and dug hella wells in the desert, ’cause he had a ton of livestock. Animals everywhere, in the lowlands, on the plains, even up in the mountains and Carmel. Why? ‘Cause he was all about that farm life. He was all about taking care of the land, you dig?
Uzziah had a squad of warriors, all organized and legit, each with their own count noted by Jeiel the scribe and Maaseiah the ruler. And they were all under the command of Hananiah, one of the king’s top captains.
Bro, we’re talking about 2.6K legendary dads here, absolute units, and mega brave.
And yo, they had this massive army, man! Like, three hundred thousand, plus another seven thousand and five hundred warriors, ready to throw down in battle and back up the king against any enemy. That’s some ultimate #squadgoals right there.
So Uzziah hooked up his whole crew with the sickest gear: shields, spears, helmets, armor, bows, and even slings for launching stones. Yeah, those sling things, pretty epic, huh?
So, like, in Jerusalem, they built these crazy machines, right? Made by like, super skilled inventors. They put them up on the towers and fortifications, ready to shoot arrows and huge stones. And let me tell ya, they got famous real quick ’cause those machines were a game-changer, helping them become super strong.
But here’s the kicker, when this dude started feeling himself, he totally messed up. He let the power go to his head and ended up screwing things up big time. He straight up disrespected the LORD his God by strolling into the temple and trying to burn incense on the fancy altar.
Then Azariah, the priest, rolls up with him, along with eighty other devoted priests of the LORD, who were like, total legends:
“Bro, Uzziah, you can’t be pulling that move, burning incense to the LORD. That’s the job of the priests who are like, directly descended from Aaron and totally authorized for it. You need to bounce out of the sanctuary right now ’cause you’ve totally crossed the line. Trust me, this ain’t gonna earn you any brownie points with the LORD God.”
So Uzziah, like, loses his cool, starts waving around this censer to burn some incense. But outta nowhere, bam, he gets hit with a gnarly case of leprosy right on his forehead, right in front of the priests in the House of the LORD, by that fancy incense altar.
Then Azariah, the head honcho priest, and all the other priests peep that he’s got leprosy on his forehead, so they straight-up kick him out. And he bounces real quick too, ’cause, you know, God laid down the smack on him.
Uzziah, the king, had leprosy until the day he bit the dust, and he had to live in some separate crib ’cause he was banned from the Lord’s house. Meanwhile, his kid Jotham steps up to run the royal scene and take care of the people.
So, like, every single thing Uzziah did, from start to finish, got written down by Isaiah the prophet, who’s like the son of Amoz.
Uzziah kicks the bucket and gets laid to rest with his ancestors in the royal burial grounds, all ’cause he caught that leprosy. So, his boy Jotham steps up as the new ruler.

2 Chronicles 27

So, check it: Jotham slid into the ruling game when he was barely 25, and he held it down for a solid 16 years up in Jerusalem. His mom? Jerushah. His grandpa? Zadok, y’know.
Dude was all about doing right, just like his pops Uzziah. He kept his distance from the LORD’s crib. But peeps around him were still sketchy AF.
Now, here’s the kicker: Jotham went all out, flexing on the LORD’s spot by building this mad cool gate. And he wasn’t done there. Homeboy went full-on beast mode, throwing up a bunch of structures on the Ophel wall. (FYI: Ophel’s that tower vibe.)
Oh, and get this: he wasn’t just chilling. Jotham was out there constructing some lit cities up in the Judah mountains, you feel? And in the forests? Man, he was building these legit castles and towers. The whole scene? Super impressive, dude.
So, picture this: Jotham straight-up clashed with the king of the Ammonites and totally schooled them. The Ammonites were so shook, they coughed up a hundred talents of silver, ten thousand measures of wheat, and ten thousand measures of barley that same year. And get this, they kept ponying up every year, for three solid years. (Oh, and BTW, straight from the OG Hebrew!)
Jotham? He was a total game-changer. Homeboy had his life sorted, all in line with the LORD his God. He had his priorities on lock, building that rock-solid foundation, y’know? #established
So, basically, all the other moves Jotham made—his battles, his whole vibe—it’s all laid out in this book chronicling the kings of Israel and Judah.
Just to rewind: Jotham was 25 when he stepped up to rule, holding it down for a solid 16 years in Jerusalem.
Then, Jotham passed on, and they laid him to rest in the city of David. Next up? Ahaz, his son, took the throne.

2 Chronicles 28

So, Ahaz slid into the kingship game at just 20, ruling the scene for a solid 16 years up in Jerusalem. But, bro didn’t vibe with the Lord’s ways, unlike his old man David.
He was all about that Israelite king lifestyle, even rolling out emoji-like statues for Baalim.
And then, he was all about that incense life, down in the valley of Hinnom. But here’s the wild part—he straight-up sacrificed his own kids, like, lit them up! He was jacking the messed-up stuff the non-believers used to do before God gave them the boot from Israel.
Plus, he was all about those sacrifices and incense, hitting up all the cool spots—top of the hills, under every chill tree, you name it.
So, check it: God let the king of Syria snatch Ahaz up ’cause he was on some shady business. Syria and the crew straight-up roughed him up and dragged a bunch of peeps to Damascus. But then, God was like, “Nah,” and let the king of Israel give him a major beatdown. BTW, we’re talking about Damascus here.
Yo, Pekah, Remaliah’s boy, straight-up wiped out this hardcore squad of 120k dudes in Judah in just one day ’cause they ditched the OG Lord their ancestors worshipped. These dudes were fearless, like, serious props! #rekt #loyalty
So, this dude Zichri, all beefed up from Ephraim, took down Maaseiah, the king’s son, Azrikam, the big boss of the house, and Elkanah, basically the king’s right-hand man. (BTW, ‘next…: Heb. the second to the king’ means he was basically the king’s right-hand person!)
And then, the Israelites rounded up about 200k of their own crew—including women, sons, and daughters. Plus, they snagged a ton of loot and rolled it back to Samaria.
Yo, there was this prophet of the LORD named Oded, straight-up chilling there. So, he steps up in front of the whole crew rolling up to Samaria and drops some truth bombs like, “Listen up, fam!” The LORD God of your ancestors was seriously cheesed at Judah, so He let y’all take ’em out, and you went all out and wiped ’em like there’s no tomorrow.
And now you’re thinking about making the children of Judah and Jerusalem your slaves? Like, for real? Don’t you realize you’ve already racked up enough sins against the LORD your God?
Hear me out, squad: It’s time to set those prisoners from your own clique free. The Big Guy’s anger is blazing hot and aimed straight at you, so take the hint and make it right.
So, like, these leaders from the Ephraim crew—Azariah (son of Johanan), Berechiah (son of Meshillemoth), Jehizkiah (son of Shallum), and Amasa (son of Hadlai)—they straight-up stood against the peeps coming back from the battle. It was wild!
And he straight-up laid it down, like, “Nah, fam! Don’t even think about bringing those captives here. We’ve already messed up big time with the Lord, and now you wanna make it even worse? Our sins are already off the charts, and there’s some serious heat coming down on Israel, bro.
So, like, the soldiers brought back the prisoners and all the dope loot they snagged in front of the big shots and everyone else.
Then, the ones called out by name stepped up, hooked up the prisoners, clothed the ones who were butt-naked in some fresh threads, gave ’em a makeover, laced ’em up with kicks, made sure they had food and drinks, even threw some nice oil on ’em, put the weak ones on donkeys, and rolled out to Jericho, you know, that city with the palm trees, to link up with their crew. After that, they bounced back to Samaria.
So, basically, King Ahaz was like, “Yo, Assyrian kings, I need your backup, like, right now.”
So, like, those Edomites rolled through again and straight-up attacked Judah, snatching up a bunch of peeps as prisoners.
Yo, the Philistines just straight-up took over the cities in the low country and south of Judah. They snagged Bethshemesh, Ajalon, Gederoth, Shocho, and all the spots around ’em, even Timnah and its hood, plus Gimzo and its crew. They moved in and claimed it all, no joke.
The LORD brought Judah down because of Ahaz, the king of Israel. Ahaz made Judah look weak and straight-up rebelled against the LORD.
Then this Assyrian king, Tilgathpilneser, came through and really messed with him, but didn’t actually come through to help him out.
So, Ahaz just swiped some stuff from the LORD’s house, even grabbed some goodies from the king and the princes, and handed it all over to the king of Assyria. But you know what? It didn’t help him out at all.
And when times got tough, King Ahaz just kept on disobeying the LORD even more, fam.
So, this dude started making offerings to the gods of Damascus, thinking they’d protect him. He figured, if those gods helped out the kings of Syria, they’d hook him up too if he gave ’em some worship. But that move ended up being his downfall, and it hit all of Israel hard. (Just so you know, ‘Damascus’ means ‘Darmesek’ in Hebrew)
So Ahaz straight-up took all the holy stuff from God’s crib, smashed it to pieces, locked up the doors of the LORD’s house, and then went around setting up altars all over Jerusalem.
He straight-up set up spots in every city of Judah to burn incense to other gods, ticking off the LORD God of his ancestors big time.
So, like, all the other moves this dude made and how he rolled, you can check it out in the book of the kings of Judah and Israel, you feel?
So Ahaz passed away and got laid to rest in Jerusalem, but he didn’t get the royal treatment in the tombs of the kings of Israel. After that, his son Hezekiah stepped up as the new ruler.

2 Chronicles 29

Hezekiah stepped up to the throne at a solid 25 and ran the show in Jerusalem for a smooth 29 years. His mom? Abijah, daughter of Zechariah.
And let me tell you, he was straight-up righteous in the LORD’s eyes, you dig? He walked the same path as his old man, David, doing everything just like him.
First year in as king, first month rolling in, he straight-up opened the doors to the house of the LORD and gave ’em a fresh makeover.
So he gathered up all the priests and Levites, called ’em to the east street.
Yo, Levites, listen up! It’s time to get your stuff together, purify yourselves, and clean up the LORD God of our ancestors’ crib. Get rid of all the junk from this holy spot.
Yo, our ancestors messed up big time. They went full-on evil, stuff that the LORD our God was not vibing with. They straight-up bailed on Him and turned their backs on where He stays. It’s like they dissed Him and ghosted Him.
They even shut the doors, killed the vibe, and straight-up neglected to light incense or make any burnt offerings in the sacred spot for the God of Israel.
So, God was seriously heated with Judah and Jerusalem. He brought down a ton of chaos on them, like, major commotion, even shocked them to their core. People were straight-up clowning on them, can you believe it? You can literally see all this going down with your own eyes, no joke.
Listen up, fam, our ancestors got straight-up wrecked in battles, and now our kids, partners, and the whole squad are stuck in captivity because of it.
Alright, fam, I’m totally down to strike a deal with the LORD God of Israel, you feel me? Hoping that’ll calm His righteous anger and we won’t catch any more heat.
Hey, squad, listen up: The LORD picked you to be in His squad, to serve Him, and do all that lit incense stuff. Don’t get played. Keep bringing those sacrifices.
So, there were these Levites who were on point: Mahath, Amasai’s kid, and Joel, Azariah’s offspring, repping the Kohath crew. Then there’s Kish, Abdi’s offspring, and Azariah, Jehalelel’s kid, from the Merari squad. And also, Joah, Zimmah’s son, and Eden, Joah’s offspring, holding it down for the Gershonites.
Elizaphan’s sons were Shimri and Jeiel, and Asaph’s sons were Zechariah and Mattaniah, straight up.
Check it, Heman’s crew had Jehiel and Shimei, and Jeduthun’s fam brought in Shemaiah and Uzziel.
They rallied up their squad, got ready, and rolled out to the LORD’s crib, just like the king said and following the LORD’s word, to clean up the holy spot, you know, doing some divine business.
So, the priests dipped into the most sacred spot of the LORD’s place to tidy it up, but guess what? They found a whole mess in there. So, they hauled all that dirt out to the courtyard. The Levites took over from there and chucked it into the Kidron Creek.
So, they kicked off the holiness vibe on the first day of the first month, and by the eighth day, they finally made it to the LORD’s crib. It took them a solid eight days to make the whole place holy and whatnot. So, on the sixteenth day of the first month, they wrapped up the whole sanctification gig.
Then they hit up King Hezekiah like, “Hey, dude, we totally scrubbed the entire LORD’s house, even the altar for burnt offerings, all its gear, and even the table for the showbread and its gear.”
We’ve rounded up all those rad items that King Ahaz ditched during his rebellious phase, and we’ve blessed them and set them up right in front of the LORD’s altar, you feel?
So, King Hezekiah rose and shone early, gathered all the big shots in the city, and rolled out to the LORD’s place.
So, they came through with seven bullocks, seven rams, seven lambs, and seven male goats, as a sin offering for the kingdom, the sanctuary, and Judah. Then he told the priests, who were descendants of Aaron, to offer them on the LORD’s altar.
They straight up slaughtered those bullocks, and the priests grabbed the blood and sprinkled it on the altar. And yo, when they took down the rams, they also sprinkled the blood on the altar. They didn’t hold back, man. They went ahead and took care of those lambs too, sprinkling the blood on the altar.
Then they brought out the male goats for the sin offering right in front of the king and the whole crew, and they placed their hands on them.
So, the priests handled that, you know? They made things right by sacrificing those animals and sprinkling their blood on the altar. This was like a way to fix things up and make peace with God for all the people of Israel. ‘Cause the king, he said it was important to have these burnt offerings and sin offerings for everyone in Israel.
So, he stationed the Levites in the house of the LORD, and they were jamming out on cymbals, psalteries, and harps, just like David, Gad the king’s seer, and Nathan the prophet ordered, ’cause that’s what the LORD’s prophets said he should do. Like, it was totally the LORD’s command through his prophets, you know?
The Levites were totally rocking out with David’s instruments, and the priests were killing it on the trumpets.
So, Hezekiah was like, “Yo, let’s drop this burnt offering on the altar.” And when they started doing that, they kicked off this sick tune for the Lord with trumpets and instruments chosen by David, the king of Israel. It all went down at the same time, you feel?
And the whole crew was vibing hard, with the singers straight up slaying and the trumpeters bringing the hype. This epic jam session went on until they were totally done with the burnt offering. (Note: In Hebrew, ‘singers’ means they were dropping some sick beats.)
And when they finished offering up their gifts, the king and everyone with him got real humble and showed some serious respect.
Oh, and by the way, King Hezekiah and the big shots told the Levites to flex their vocal chops and worship the LORD with some lit lyrics from David and Asaph. They sang with pure joy, bowing their heads and getting their worship on. 🔥
So Hezekiah was like, “Yo, you guys have totally committed to the LORD. Come closer and bring your sacrifices and offerings to the house of the LORD.” And the whole crew brought in their sacrifices and offerings, and those who were really feeling it in their hearts brought burnt offerings willingly.
And the total count of burnt offerings the crew brought was sixty-nine bullocks, a hundred rams, and two hundred lambs. All of these were offered up as a sacrifice to the LORD.
Yo, the holy stash was like 600 cows and 3000 sheep, insane, right?!
But, like, there weren’t enough priests to, you know, handle all the skinning of the burnt offerings. So, their fellow Levites totally stepped up and lent a hand until the job was done. And only after the other priests had cleansed themselves did the Levites show how dedicated they were to purifying themselves too. ‘Cause, like, the Levites were all about that pure heart vibe, even more than the priests.
Plus, there were heaps of burnt offerings with all that juicy goodness from the peace offerings and drinks to go with every burnt offering. The whole setup was on point, just how the house of the LORD liked it.
And Hezekiah was pumped, and all the people were hyped, ’cause God straight up hooked them up: ’cause the whole thing came together outta nowhere.

2 Chronicles 30

Hezekiah hit up all the peeps in Israel and Judah, even sliding into the DMs of Ephraim and Manasseh, telling them to roll through to the crib of the LORD in Jerusalem to celebrate the Passover with the one and only God of Israel.
So the king, his crew, and everyone in Jerusalem decided to celebrate Passover in the second month.
But, like, they couldn’t do it back then since the priests weren’t fully prepared, and the people didn’t come together in Jerusalem.
And the king and all the fam were totally vibing with it.
So, like, they made this big rule, and they were spreading the word all over Israel, from Beersheba to Dan, telling everyone to come and vibe at the Passover to honor the LORD God of Israel in Jerusalem. It had been, like, forever since they’d done it the way it was written.
So, picture this: posts were, like, sent out with letters from the king and his crew all over Israel and Judah, ya know? And the king was all like, ‘Yo, you children of Israel! It’s time to come back to the LORD God of Abraham, Isaac, and Israel. If you do, He’s totally got your back, so you won’t be dealing with any more drama from the kings of Assyria.’
Yo, listen up! Don’t follow in the footsteps of your folks and sibs who messed up big time and ticked off the LORD God of their ancestors. That kind of vibe brought down some serious consequences, and you can peep the aftermath.
Don’t be all stubborn like your fam from back in the day. Instead, surrender yourselves to the LORD and roll up to His holy spot, where blessings flow non-stop. Serve up some loyalty to the LORD your God, so you don’t trigger His wrath.
If you all decide to bounce back to the LORD, your squad and fam who are stuck in a tough spot will get some major love. They’ll find their way back home ’cause the LORD your God is all about showing grace and mercy. He won’t ghost you when you make moves to come back to Him.
So, the word was spread, hitting up every city, cruising through Ephraim and Manasseh, all the way to Zebulun. But, like, everybody just straight-up laughed and clowned on them.
But check it, there were some real ones from Asher, Manasseh, and Zebulun who were like, ‘Yo, let’s chill and show some respect.’ So they dipped to Jerusalem, you feel me?
In Judah, God brought everyone together, making them all rally behind the king and the princes, all ’cause that’s what the LORD wanted.
Mad heads gathered in Jerusalem to vibe at the feast of unleavened bread during the second month. It was a mega gathering, no lie.
They straight-up removed the altars in Jerusalem and snatched all the incense setups, tossing them into the brook Kidron.
So, they threw down for the passover on the fourteenth day of the second month. The priests and Levites were feeling a bit awkward, but they pulled themselves together, got cleansed, and brought the burnt offerings into the house of the LORD.
And they followed the playbook, just like Moses, the OG man of God, laid it out: the priests sprinkled the blood, which they got from the Levites.
There were some in the crew who hadn’t gotten cleaned up yet, so the Levites handled the passover slaughter for anyone who wasn’t pure, making them holy for the LORD.
So, there were a bunch of folks—like, from Ephraim, Manasseh, Issachar, and Zebulun—who didn’t bother cleaning up before diving into the passover feast. They went totally off-script. But Hezekiah, man, he was all about those prayers. He hit up the big man upstairs, asking for forgiveness for everyone, you know?
If someone’s heart is legit set on finding God, the LORD God of their ancestors, even if they haven’t ticked off all the religious checkboxes and whatnot.
And guess what? God totally heard Hezekiah out and patched everyone up.
The crew in Israel, posted up in Jerusalem, straight-up partied it up for a whole week during the feast of unleavened bread, and it was epic! The Levites and the priests were all about praising the LORD every single day, jamming out with their loud instruments. #blessed
Hezekiah gathered all the Levites, the crew spreading the dope knowledge of the LORD, and they straight-up feasted for a whole week, throwing down peace offerings and confessing to the LORD God of their ancestors.
Then, the whole squad decided to keep the party vibes going for another seven days, and they kept on celebrating with crazy joy.
So Hezekiah, the king of Judah, hooked up the crew with one thousand bullocks and seven thousand sheep. And the princes didn’t hold back either, throwing in another one thousand bullocks and ten thousand sheep. Plus, there were a bunch of priests who got themselves purified.
And like, everybody in Judah, including the priests, Levites, and all the people who rolled in from Israel, even the outsiders who came to Judah, were all in on the celebration!
Yo, fam, Jerusalem was on fire! It was popping like never before since Solomon, David’s heir, held it down as Israel’s king. Jerusalem was vibing hard, no lie.
The priests, you know, the Levites, they rose up and blessed the whole crew. Their voices were loud and clear, and their prayers shot straight up to God’s holy crib, like, all the way up in heaven. It was some next-level divine connection, for real.

2 Chronicles 31

So, after they wrapped up everything, all the Israel fam who were there dipped to the towns of Judah and straight-up wrecked those statues, chopped down trees, and straight demolished all those fancy worship spots and altars in Judah, Benjamin, Ephraim, and Manasseh. They didn’t even pause until everything got wiped clean. Then, all the Israelites bounced back to their own turf and took back what was theirs.
And Hezekiah was like, “Yo, let’s get this organized!” He sorted out the priests and Levites, each on their grind. Priests and Levites held it down with the burnt offerings, peace offerings, and throwing down in the LORD’s spot, giving thanks and shouting praises.
He even coughed up some of his own dough for the king, making sure the morning and evening sacrifices were covered, along with the ones on the sabbaths, new moons, and festivals, just like it was written in the LORD’s rulebook.
He was like, “Listen up, Jerusalem fam, let’s hook up the priests and Levites with some of our stash, so they can stay hyped up in keeping God’s game tight.”
Yo, once the Israelites caught wind of the command, they didn’t waste a sec. They hustled in the primo crops – corn, wine, oil, honey, and all the other good stuff they reaped from their fields. They were all in, giving a solid tenth of everything they got.
So, check it, the Israelite and Judah crew kickin’ it in the cities of Judah, they straight up brought in their tithes – oxen, sheep, you name it. And they ain’t stoppin’ there, they brought in tithes of holy gear dedicated to the LORD their God, piling it all up high. Yeah, we talkin’ heaps on heaps, you dig?
They started stackin’ up the goods in the third month, and by the seventh month, boom, mission accomplished.
When Hezekiah and the crew pulled up and peeped the stacks, they gave major props to the LORD and his squad, the Israelite fam.
So Hezekiah, he’s like, “Yo, let’s gather the priests and the Levites and figure out what’s up with all this stash.”
Then Azariah, the head priest reppin’ the house of Zadok, steps up and goes, “Bro, ever since the crew started bringin’ it to the house of the LORD, we’ve been livin’ large, with leftovers to spare, you feel? The LORD’s been blessing us big time, and we’re swimmin’ in surplus.”
Hezekiah’s like, “Word, we gotta make room up in this house of the LORD.” So they get to work, setting up those rooms, you know, like storage spaces and whatnot.
They start haulin’ in the offerings, tithes, and all that dedicated gear, keepin’ it 100% faithful. Cononiah, the boss Levite, he’s runnin’ the show, and his dude Shimei’s got his back, straight up.
So, like, Jehiel, Azaziah, Nahath, Asahel, Jerimoth, Jozabad, Eliel, Ismachiah, Mahath, and Benaiah were the squad, working under Cononiah and his bro Shimei. They were all about following the orders from King Hezekiah and Azariah, the big shot in charge of God’s crib.
Kore, Imnah’s kid, had a major gig as the east side gatekeeper. He handled all the offerings folks willingly dropped for God, making sure they got where they needed to be, especially the super sacred stuff.
Then there’s Eden, Miniamin, Jeshua, Shemaiah, Amariah, and Shecaniah, holding it down in the priests’ hood, keeping things flowing. They made sure everyone, no matter their status, got their slice, all nice and organized.
And they kept tabs on everyone three and up, running the show at the house of the LORD. Each had their daily grind, based on their gig.
So, like, here’s the lowdown on all the priests and Levites, tracing back their fam lines. Levites were in the mix if they were at least twenty and up, handling different gigs in their rotations.
Shoutout to their crews, their partners, their homies, and their siblings, holding it down. They stayed on point, keepin’ it holy and all, you know? #Trust
Among Aaron’s sons, aka the priests, you got dudes posted up in the chill suburbs of their cities, holding it down in each spot. These were the known cats, making sure the priest dudes got their cut, along with the Levites who were all about those family trees and whatnot.
Hezekiah, dude was making moves in Judah, like, totally. He was all about that righteous life, keeping it real with his God, the LORD.
Every gig he tackled for the house of God, sticking to the law and commands, seeking his God, he brought his A-game and thrived.

2 Chronicles 32

So, yo, after all that went down and everything was set up, Sennacherib, this Assyrian king, straight up pulled up in Judah and set up camp near the fortified cities. And check it, he actually thought he could conquer them and make ’em his own, you feel? But he was like, ‘Nah, I’ll just break ’em up.’
So, when Hezekiah peeped that Sennacherib had pulled up and was plotting to attack Jerusalem, he wasn’t playing around and was ready to throw down.
He kicked it with his squad and his crew to block the flow of the fountains outside the city, and they had his back, no cap.
So, like, a big crowd linked up and they straight-up blocked off all the fountains and the brook that flowed through the middle of the land. They were like, ‘Why should those kings from Assyria come and have access to all this water?’
So, dude was like flexing hard, you know? He’s out there fixing up all them broken walls like a total pro, throwing in some extra towers and beefing up the outer wall. And check this, he even sorted out Millo in the city of David and whipped up a bunch of darts and shields. #Skillz #GettinItDone
And he’s like, “Alright squad, listen up!” He picks some war leaders to keep things in check, gathering everyone at the city gate. Then he’s all about that kindness and motivation, dropping some real talk, “Yo, I’m here to speak straight to your hearts.”
Keep your vibes strong and fearless, fam. Ain’t no king of Assyria or his crew gonna shake you. We’re packing way more backup than he could ever dream of!
Sure, he’s got his human muscle, but we’ve got the LORD our God in our corner, ready to have our back and throw down for us in the battles. And the people were vibing with Hezekiah, the chill king of Judah, trusting and rolling with his words.
So, Sennacherib, the king of Assyria, sends his crew to Jerusalem, while he’s off attacking Lachish with all his might. They pull up on Hezekiah, the king of Judah, and all the crew in Judah posted up in Jerusalem, talking like, “Yo, we got this place on lock!”
Check it, Sennacherib, the king of Assyria, is like, “What’s good with you guys in Jerusalem, chilling while we’re out here laying siege? Like, where’s your faith at?”
So, Hezekiah’s out here trying to talk you out of surrendering to starvation and dehydration, huh? He’s like, “Chill, God’s got us covered, gonna swoop in and save us from the Assyrian king!”
Didn’t Hezekiah, like, clear out all those fancy worship spots and altars? He’s telling everyone in Judah and Jerusalem they gotta keep it real at just one altar, burning incense there.
Hey, you know what me and my ancestors did to all those other countries, right? Were the gods of those nations even able to save them from me?
Seriously though, out of all those gods those other nations worshipped, my ancestors straight up wiped them out. So, let me ask you, think your God can save you from me? Doubt it, to be honest.
Yo, don’t fall for Hezekiah’s tricks or let him sway you. Seriously, don’t even entertain the thought. ‘Cause, real talk, no god from any country or kingdom stood a chance against me and my ancestors. So, like, how do you even expect your God to save you from me?
And his crew straight up disrespected the LORD God and his boy Hezekiah.
He straight up sent some hateful letters, dissing the LORD God of Israel, talking smack about Him, like, “Yo, all those gods from other countries couldn’t save their people from me, so Hezekiah’s God won’t save his people either, fam.”
So, they started yelling in Hebrew to the people of Jerusalem who were posted up on the wall, you know, to freak them out and make them all shaky, so they could, like, take over the city.
And, like, they were straight-up dissing the God of Jerusalem, throwing shade at Him, and acting like He was just some basic man-made idol.
So Hezekiah, the king, and Isaiah, the prophet, who’s Amoz’s kid, were like, majorly freaking out and sent up their prayers and cries to the heavens.
And then, out of the blue, God sent this angel who totally schooled all the tough guys, the big shots, and the high-ranking officials in the Assyrian king’s crew. So, naturally, the king bounced back home, feeling like a total embarrassment. And when he stepped into his god’s crib, his own fam straight-up turned on him and took him out with a blade.
So, it’s like, the LORD was totally looking out for Hezekiah and his crew in Jerusalem, no cap. He saved them from that Sennacherib dude, the king of Assyria, and all those other shady characters, guiding them and keeping them safe from all sides, ya know?
So, check it, loads of peeps rolled up with gifts for the LORD in Jerusalem, plus they hooked Hezekiah, the king of Judah, up with some dope presents too. It was lit, and he straight up earned mad respect from all the nations. They were all like, ‘Yo, this dude’s the real deal!’
So, back in the day, Hezekiah was on his deathbed, feeling super sick, and he slid into the LORD’s DMs with a prayer. And guess what? The LORD hit him back, and even dropped a little miracle to flex His power. It was epic!
But Hezekiah straight up forgot to show gratitude for what he received, got all up in his own hype, and that’s why him, Judah, and Jerusalem faced some major consequences.
But then Hezekiah was like, “Hold up, gotta check myself,” and he and the crew in Jerusalem were all about that humble life. So, God wasn’t even salty with them during Hezekiah’s reign. #NoWrath
So, Hezekiah was like the ultimate baller, all loaded with cash and mad respect. He flaunted his wealth by constructing mega storage spots for stacks of silver, gold, precious gems, spices, shields, and all those fancy goodies everyone craved.
And yo, he had these massive areas to stash away heaps of crops, wine, and oil, with slick setups for all sorts of animals and deluxe pens for the flocks.
God hooked Hezekiah up big time, blessing him with cities on cities and a whole farm of animals—like, a crazy amount of sheep and cows. Talk about major blessings and riches, right?
Check this out, fam: Hezekiah, he had the Gihon River rerouted straight to the west side of the city of David. And let me tell you, this dude Hezekiah, he’s not just about wealth—he’s straight thriving, killing it in everything he puts his hand to, like a total boss.
When the big shots from Babylon slid into Hezekiah’s DMs to get the 411 on what was popping in his hood, God ghosted him, leaving him hanging. He was testing him, checking out what was really going down in his heart, you feel? #trustissues
All the other dope stuff Hezekiah pulled and how he was straight-up legendary? Yeah, you can peep that in the vision penned by Isaiah the prophet, son of Amoz. It’s also in this legit book chronicling the kings of Judah and Israel. It’s all about his insane kindness and vibes. #Impressive
When Hezekiah bounced from this world, they laid him to rest in the most lit tomb, among the descendants of David. All of Judah and the peeps of Jerusalem showed him love when he passed. Then his son Manasseh stepped up to take the throne.

2 Chronicles 33

Manasseh was only 12 when he took the reins, and he held it down in Jerusalem for a solid 55 years.
But man, they were into some seriously whack stuff that was a major no-go in God’s playbook—like the shady things folks were already getting the boot for before the Israelites.
Man, he went and rebuilt all those swanky religious joints that his dad, Hezekiah, had torn down. And get this, he even went the extra mile, setting up altars for Baalim, planting groves, and bowing down to all those heavenly bodies. It was like a full-on worship session.
And check it, he set up these dope altars right in the house of the LORD, just like the big man upstairs said, “My name’s gonna be in Jerusalem forever, no cap.”
Yo, dude set up altars for all the celestial squad, straight up in the courts, chillin’ in the house of the LORD.
Then he dragged his kids through some wild stuff down in this spooky valley, son of Hinnom. He was all about those eerie rituals—trying to see the future, casting spells, messing with witchcraft, and summoning spirits like it’s some kind of mystical gig. And let me tell ya, that stuff seriously got the LORD heated, like, majorly ticked off.
Homeboy decided to drop this DIY statue in God’s pad. That crib was top-notch ’cause God straight up told David and Solomon that He’d be posted there in Jerusalem, and it’d be the spot where His name stays forever. For real, no cap.
I ain’t booting Israel outta the land I hooked your ancestors up with. They gotta keep their eyes peeled and stick to everything I laid down through Moses—y’know, follow the whole law and all the rules.
Manasseh straight up took the crew in Judah and Jerusalem on a wild ride, got ’em doing way worse stuff than those non-believers God had already cleared out back in the day when Israel first rolled in.
So, the LORD had some words for Manasseh and his squad, but they were straight up tuned out, you feel me?
When the Big Guy upstairs was ticked off, He let the head honcho of the Assyrian king’s crew and his squad nab Manasseh and haul him off to Babylon. Yeah, they cuffed him and took him away, dude!
But when things got real rough, Manasseh hit up the LORD his God. He straight-up showed some serious respect and humility before the God of his ancestors.
So, Manasseh hit up God with a prayer, and guess what? The Big Guy listened up and answered, bringing him back to Jerusalem and putting him back in his rightful spot as king. That’s when Manasseh was like, “Yo, the LORD, He’s the real deal.”
Then, check it: Dude went on to build this massive wall around the city of David, you know, on the west side of Gihon in the valley. It stretched all the way to the entrance at the fish gate and wrapped around Ophel. And he didn’t skimp on height, man. Plus, he made sure there were top-notch war leaders posted up in all the fortified cities in Judah. (Oh, by the way, Ophel can also be called the tower, just a heads up.)
Manasseh went all out and kicked those funky gods to the curb, including that ugly statue from the Lord’s pad, and all those altars he set up on the holy mountain and in Jerusalem? Yeah, he yeeted them right outta the city.
Then, he went to work, fixing up the LORD’s altar and throwing down some chill peace offerings and thanksgiving offerings. And he was all, “Hey, Judah, let’s roll together and serve the LORD God of Israel, cool?”
So, the peeps were still doing their sacrifices up in the high spots, but it was all for the LORD, you know?
And yo, there’s some more lit stuff about Manasseh going on. Homeboy had this massive prayer session with his God, and the seers were dropping mad knowledge on him in the name of the LORD, God of Israel. You gotta peep the details in the book of the kings of Israel, it’s all there, fam!
So, check it, this dude was praying hard, and God was totally vibing with him. But let’s not front, we gotta talk about his past mistakes, those high spots, groves, and carved idols he was messing with before he got real humble. All the lowdown on that is straight up recorded by the seers, you dig?
And then Manasseh bounced from this world, and they laid him to rest in his own pad. After that, his son Amon stepped up as the new head honcho.
So, like, Amon was only 22 when he stepped up to lead in Jerusalem. He held it down for a good two years.
But, yo, he totally messed up big time in the eyes of the LORD, just like his pops Manasseh. Amon was all about sacrificing to those fancy carved images his dad set up and worshiping them and all that jazz.
And he didn’t humble himself before the LORD like his dad Manasseh did; instead, Amon just kept on messing up more and more.
Then, his crew schemed against him and straight up took him out in his own house.
But yo, the folks of the land straight up dealt with all those who plotted against King Amon, and the squad from the land legit crowned Josiah, his son, as the new king in his spot.

2 Chronicles 34

So, peep this: Josiah was only 8 when he snagged the crown and held it down in Jerusalem for a cool 31 years.
And get this, fam, he was all about keeping it in the eyes of the LORD. He straight-up walked in the same vibes as his OG dad David, never even swerving off the path, not even a smidge.
So, check it, in the eighth year of his gig, while still a young buck, Josiah went on a quest to find the God his dad David was all about. Then, by year twelve, he was straight-up cleaning house in Judah and Jerusalem, clearing out all those worship spots, lush groves, bougie statues, and metal idols.
And get this, they went full wrecking crew on those altars dedicated to fake gods. They smashed those high-rise statues, tore down the sacred groves, busted those carved and molten idols into bits, and scattered the rubble right on the graves of those who bowed down to them. (Word on the street is those statues might’ve been sun-related.) (Yeah, those graves were front and center.)
Yo, he went full-on scorched earth on those priest bones, like straight-up fire emoji level burned ’em. Josiah was on a mission to purify Judah and Jerusalem, no joke.
And check it, he didn’t stop there. He rolled through all the chill cities of Manasseh, Ephraim, Simeon, and even Naphtali, tool kit in hand. (Tools meaning like, hammers or mauls or whatever.)
So, like, this dude obliterated all the altars and groves, smashed those graven images into smithereens, and completely wiped out all those idols across the whole land of Israel. Then he bounced back to Jerusalem. Talk about a vibe, am I right?!
So, like, in the 18th year of his reign, after Josiah cleaned house in the whole land and the temple, he hit up Shaphan (Azaliah’s kid), Maaseiah (the city governor), and Joah (son of Joahaz, the record keeper) to get the house of the LORD his God back in tip-top shape.
When they rolled up to Hilkiah, the main priest, they dropped off the cash that had been brought into God’s house. The Levites, who were on door duty, had collected it from Manasseh, Ephraim, and all the other people of Israel, plus those from Judah and Benjamin. Then, they all bounced back to Jerusalem.
They passed the cash to the workers in charge of the house of the LORD, who then handed it to the builders and renovators working on the house of the LORD:
They even hooked up the skilled workers and builders, so they could snag some carved stone and wood for construction, and patch up the homes that got wrecked by the kings of Judah. (You know, fix up the floors, add some rafters, all that jazz!)
And these dudes were straight-up bosses: Jahath and Obadiah, reppin’ the Levite crew, descendants of Merari, were calling the shots. Zechariah and Meshullam, from the Kohathites squad, were keeping things running smooth. Plus, there were other skilled Levites who knew how to vibe on musical instruments.
So, they were totally the ones handling all the behind-the-scenes stuff, making sure everything ran smooth and on point in different gigs. And among the Levites, you had the scribes, the squad leaders, and the doorkeepers.
And yo, when they were counting up the funds brought into God’s spot, Hilkiah, the priest, straight up found this ancient book of laws from God that Moses hooked us up with. Just keeping the flow going, you feel?
Hilkiah was all like, “Yo, Shaphan, check it out, man! I just stumbled upon the book of the law up in the LORD’s crib!” Then he passed it on to Shaphan.
So Shaphan took the book to the king and filled him in on what it was all about. He was like, “Boss, we’ve been on point with everything laid out in this book.”
They pooled all the cash they found in the LORD’s place and handed it over to the bosses and the crew. gathering up: a total power move.
So, Shaphan, the scribe, rolls up to the king like, “Yo, Hilkiah the priest dropped this dope book on me, man.” And then, Shaphan starts reading it out loud in front of the king, you dig?
So, the king was straight-up vibing to the law, and he got so moved that he tore his clothes, dude.
Then the king was like, “Yo, Hilkiah, Ahikam (son of Shaphan), Abdon (son of Micah), Shaphan the scribe, and Asaiah (a servant of the king), check this out.” Oh, and just so you know, Abdon could also be called Achbor, in case you were wondering.
“Yo, hit up the LORD for me and the squad still holding it down in Israel and Judah. We need some answers about the stuff we found in that book. The LORD’s pretty ticked ’cause our ancestors didn’t stay true to His word and do all the stuff it says in there.
So, Hilkiah and the king’s crew rolled up to talk to Huldah, the prophetess. She was married to Shallum, Tikvath’s kid, who was the son of Hasrah. Oh, and by the way, Hasrah was all about those stylish threads. Huldah was posted up in Jerusalem, kicking it in the college. So they chopped it up with her to get some wisdom. (Oh, and Hasrah was also known as Harhas, and those outfits were all about the latest trends. And when we say college, think like a school or maybe the second section of somewhere.)
And she was like, “Listen up, fam, this is straight from the Most High, the LORD God of Israel. So go tell the one who sent you to me,
“Yo, pay attention! The LORD’s dropping some heavy truth. Here’s the deal: He’s about to bring some serious trouble on this spot and everyone in it. All that grim stuff written in the book the king of Judah peeped? It’s all going down.”
“They straight up ghosted me and started bowing down to other gods, like, trying to get under my skin with all the stuff they whipped up. So now I’m totally done, and my rage is gonna be lit on this place, and it’s gonna be next-level intense, no cooling it down.
“And when you talk to the king of Judah who sent you to ask the LORD, here’s the word you gotta bring: ‘This is what the LORD God of Israel has to say about the stuff you heard.’”
“Your heart was real soft, and you totally humbled yourself before God when you heard what He had to say about this place and the people living here. You straight up came to me, tore your clothes, and let those tears flow. Gotta give it to you, I heard you loud and clear,” says the LORD.
“Listen up, fam! I’m gonna take you to chill with your ancestors, and you’ll rest easy in your final spot. You won’t even have to see all the craziness that’s gonna go down here and hit up those who stick around. And guess what? The word got back to the king, just like I said it would!”
So the king sends out the invite to all the OGs in Judah and Jerusalem to roll through.
Then the king, along with all the squad from Judah, the crew from Jerusalem, the priests, the Levites, and basically everyone, whether they’re top-tier or just regular folks, headed to the house of the LORD. And there, he straight up read aloud all the words from the book of the covenant they found in the house of the LORD. Like, from the big shots to the smallest homies, they all got to hear it.
The king was like, “Listen up, I’m right here, and I’m making a pact with the LORD. I’m gonna fully ride with the LORD, sticking to all His rules, and giving it my all, heart and soul. I’m gonna follow everything written in this book, every single word.”
And he got everyone in Jerusalem and Benjamin to sign up. And the crew in Jerusalem kept their word, just like their ancestors did, you feel me?!
Josiah went ahead and cleared out all the messed-up stuff going on in every place where the Israelites were posted. He made sure everyone in Israel was down to serve the LORD their God, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. And let me tell you, his whole life, they stayed true to following the LORD, the God of their ancestors. Like, they were totally committed!

2 Chronicles 35

So, Josiah decided to throw this epic Passover bash for the LORD in Jerusalem. They went all out, slaying that Passover sacrifice on the fourteenth day of the first month. It was a whole vibe!
And he hooked up the priests with their duties, giving them some serious hype to serve in the house of the LORD.
The Levites, those chosen to serve the LORD, were given clear instructions. They put the sacred ark in the house that King Solomon, son of David of Israel, had built. This way, they didn’t have to lug that heavy load around. Their job was now to serve the LORD their God and the people of Israel.
So, get yourselves sorted, fam, in your family homes, just like your ancestors did back in the day, following the rules laid down by King David of Israel and his son, King Solomon.
And, like, make sure you’re all posted up in the holy spot, you know, according to your family lineage and all, just like the Levites do. It’s all about staying tight with your fam and your crew, you get me?
Yo, it’s Passover time, so gear up, get yourselves sorted, and lend a hand to your folks so they can follow the teachings of the LORD through Moses.
Yo, Josiah hooked the crew up with some insane Passover offerings. He dropped mad lambs and goats from his own stash, like a total of 30k, and 3k beefy bulls. It was all straight from the king’s riches, you feel?
And the leaders came through big time for the people, the priests, and the Levites: Hilkiah, Zechariah, and Jehiel, who were holding it down in the house of God, kicked in with two thousand six hundred small cattle and three hundred oxen for the Passover offerings. They gave freely and from the heart, no cap.
Conaniah, Shemaiah, Nethaneel, Hashabiah, Jeiel, and Jozabad, who were holding it down as leaders of the Levites, came through with five thousand adorable farm animals and five hundred big cows as offerings for the Passover feast. (They came correct with these offerings from the heart.)
So, everything was on point for the service, with the priests in their zones and the Levites in their squads, just handling their business like the king commanded.
So, they did the passover gig, and the priests did their thing, sprinkling blood from their hands, while the Levites handled the skinning.
They sorted out the burnt offerings, sharing the goods among the fams, just like it’s written in Moses’ manual. Same deal with the oxen, yo.
They straight-up grilled the passover like it was a top-tier cooking challenge, but the rest of the holy offerings got simmered in pots, cauldrons, and pans, then divvied up real quick among everyone.
So, they got their act together, both the regular crew and the priests. Now, these priests, they were Aaron’s descendants, and they were hustling, offering burnt sacrifices and handling the fatty bits of the animals till the sun went down. That’s when the Levites stepped up, making sure everything was set not just for themselves, but also for the priest squad, Aaron’s offspring.
The singers, those dudes with killer vocal chops like Asaph’s sons, were vibing hard, following the orders laid down by David, Asaph, Heman, and Jeduthun, the king’s spiritual advisor. And yo, the gatekeepers were on lock at every gate, holding it down at their stations; they couldn’t bail because their fellow Levite crew had their backs.
So, all the stuff for the LORD got sorted in just one day. They were gearing up to throw down for the passover and lay burnt offerings on the LORD’s altar, just like King Josiah said. It’s all good, right?
So, the Israelites who were there, they went all out for the passover and this thing called the feast of unleavened bread, kicking it for a whole week. It’s like, Hebrew lingo, you dig?
And let me tell you, there hasn’t been a Passover bash like the one Josiah threw down in Israel since the time of Samuel the prophet. Seriously, no king of Israel had ever hosted a Passover like Josiah did, with all the priests, Levites, and everyone from Judah and Israel rolling up, plus the Jerusalem crew. It was epic, fam! (Oh, and just so you’re in the loop, ‘present’ means ‘found’ in Hebrew.)
So, in the year Josiah was clocking in his eighteenth run as ruler, they threw this major bash called Passover and all that jazz.
Then, when Josiah had wrapped up the temple renovations, this dude Necho, Egypt’s king, cruises in to throw down at Carchemish by the Euphrates River. And you know what? Josiah ain’t backing down, man! He steps up to face him like a total boss.
But he was like, “Hold up, what’s the beef, man? I’m just passing through, not looking for trouble with you, the king of Judah. My beef’s with this other place, and God’s got my back on this. So, don’t start something you can’t finish, ’cause messing with the Almighty ain’t a smart move. Just chill and let me do my thing.”
But Josiah wasn’t about to back down, even though he tried to keep a low profile and wanted to throw down. He brushed off Necho’s warning, claiming it wasn’t from God, and headed to battle in the valley of Megiddo.
Then these archers aimed at King Josiah, and he yelled to his crew, “Get me outta here, guys! I’m seriously hurting!” (Translation note: ‘hurtin’ here means ‘sore wounded’ in Hebrew)
So they transferred him from his ride to another one he had. They brought him to Jerusalem, and that’s where he passed away and got laid to rest alongside his ancestors. Everyone in Judah and Jerusalem was deeply saddened by Josiah’s passing.
Jeremiah was totally crushed about Josiah, like, seriously devastated. And all the singers, especially those with killer voices, they poured their hearts out about Josiah in their sad tunes. This went on for ages, becoming a tradition in Israel. And you know what? It’s all chronicled in those sad jams, aka the lamentations.
So, there were other rad things Josiah did, and man, he was such a stand-up guy, just like the Lord’s law says, you feel me? It’s all about the kindness he showed, straight up awesome!
Yo, peep this: all the dope stuff he pulled off, from the beginning to the end, is fully laid out in the book of the kings of Israel and Judah.

2 Chronicles 36

Yo, check it, the crew was all, “Let’s crown Jehoahaz, Josiah’s son, as the new king of Jerusalem, not his pops.”
Jehoahaz was only 23 when he took the throne, and he held it down in Jerusalem for a cool three months.
Then the Pharaoh was all, “You gotta dip!” and kicked him out of Jerusalem. And he wasn’t playing around, he made them cough up big time: 100 talents of silver and a talent of gold. That’s like, major heat on the whole land. Can you even fathom?
Next move, the Pharaoh picks Eliakim, his bro, to rule over Judah and Jerusalem. And get this, he changes his name to Jehoiakim! Meanwhile, Necho, the big shot, grabs Jehoahaz, his own bro, and jets him off to Egypt. Talk about some intense family drama!
Jehoiakim was about 25 when he snagged the crown and reigned in Jerusalem for a solid 11 years. But man, he went off the rails, doing all sorts of shady stuff that didn’t vibe well with the Big Guy upstairs, aka the LORD his God.
Then, out of the blue, Nebuchadnezzar, the Babylonian king, rolls in and slaps this dude in cuffs to drag him off to Babylon. Yep, we’re talking real chains here, like handcuffs and all.
Nebuchadnezzar straight up raided the LORD’s house and swiped some sacred gear, then stashed it in his own temple over in Babylon.
Oh, but wait, there’s more drama with Jehoiakim! His record of all the shady moves he pulled is laid out in the books chronicling the kings of Israel and Judah. After him, his son Jehoiachin steps up to the plate. Oh, and just a heads up, Jehoiachin’s also got some aliases: Jeconiah or Coniah.
Jehoiachin steps into power at a tender age of eight, holding down Jerusalem for a mere three months and ten days. But, whoa, he went off the rails, pulling some majorly uncool moves that the LORD was totally not down with.
Fast forward a bit, and when the year clocks in, King Nebuchadnezzar swoops in, snatches him up, and whisks him off to Babylon, along with all the swanky gear from the LORD’s digs. Then he installs Zedekiah, his own bro, as the ruler of Judah and Jerusalem. By the way, Zedekiah’s birth name was Mattaniah, and he had some familial ties to Nebuchadnezzar, like being his uncle or something.
Zedekiah slides into the throne game at 21 and holds court in Jerusalem for a solid 11-year stretch.
But yo, he veers way off track, pulling some serious sketch moves that majorly bummed out the LORD his God. Like, he didn’t even bother showing some basic respect to Jeremiah the prophet when he was dropping divine wisdom.
He even went against King Nebuchadnezzar, who made him swear an oath in God’s name. But Zedekiah was all like, “Nah, not feeling it,” and stayed stubborn, refusing to come back to the LORD God of Israel.
And, like, even the high priests and all those in charge, they were off the rails, pulling some seriously messed up moves just like those non-believers. They straight-up disrespected the Lord’s holy crib in Jerusalem.
The OG God of their crew kept sending out his messengers, always on top of it, looking out for his peeps and his crib, you know?
But yo, they straight-up clowned on God’s messengers, didn’t take His words seriously, and dissed His prophets. And then, bam, the LORD got hella mad, like, “Enough is enough!” and there was no turning back from that.
So, because they totally blew it, God let the king of the Chaldeans roll in and wreck their sacred spot. He straight up wiped out all their young peeps with his sword, no mercy for anyone – dudes, chicks, old heads, even the seniors. Basically served them all up to the king’s whim.
And, like, all the swag from God’s crib, from big stuff to little trinkets, and all the mad valuable gear from the LORD’s house, plus the high-end gear from the king and his squad – he snagged all that and dipped to Babylon.
They straight up lit up God’s crib, torched the wall of Jerusalem, burnt down all the fancy houses, and trashed all the bougie gear inside.
And whoever made it through the sword got shipped to Babylon, became servants to the king and his kids until Persia swooped in and took over. Crazy, huh? They were like the leftovers from the whole sword saga.
So, God was all about fulfilling what He said through Jeremiah, you know? He was like, “Chill vibes only,” letting the land take a breather for a solid seventy years, while it was all deserted and dry.
Then, when Cyrus was ruling Persia, at the start of his gig, God totally came through on His promise to Jeremiah. He got into Cyrus’s head, you feel me? God dropped this epic idea on him, and Cyrus was like, “I’m spreading this message everywhere, yo!” He even put it down in writing, saying:
Hey, check it out! Cyrus, the big shot ruler of Persia, has a message for y’all: The Most High, the God up in the heavens, hooked me up with all these kingdoms on Earth. He’s got me on this special project to build a crib for Him in Jerusalem, you know, over in Judah. So, if any of His chosen crew are out there, may the Lord, His God, be with them and give them the green light to roll up!