1 Chronicles - Gen Z Bible

1 Chronicles 1

Yo, check out the OGs: Adam, Sheth, Enosh,
Then we got Kenan, Mahalaleel, Jered,
LOL, Henoch, Methuselah, Lamech,
Hey fam, give it up for Noah, Shem, Ham, and Japheth!
Japheth’s crew includes Gomer, Magog, Madai, Javan, Tubal, Meshech, and Tiras.
And Gomer’s got Ashchenaz, Riphath (or Diphath), and Togarmah.
Javan’s rollin’ with Elishah, Tarshish, Kittim, and Dodanim (or Rodanim).
So, like, Ham’s got Cush, Mizraim, Put, and Canaan.
Cush’s fam: Seba, Havilah, Sabta, Raamah, Sabtecha, Sheba, and Dedan.
Nimrod, Cush’s son, was making big moves, flexing his power on the scene.
Mizraim had Ludim, Anamim, Lehabim, and Naphtuhim.
Plus Pathrusim, Casluhim (Philistines come from here), and the Caphthorim.
Canaan’s heirs included Zidon and Heth.
Don’t forget the Jebusites, Amorites, and Girgashites, they’re all in the mix.
Hivites, Arkites, and Sinites too,
Plus Arvadites, Zemarites, and Hamathites.
Shem’s squad: Elam, Asshur, Arphaxad, Lud, Aram, Uz, Hul, Gether, and Meshech (aka Mash).
Arphaxad’s son was Shelah, and Shelah’s son was Eber.
Eber had Peleg (means division ’cause Earth was split in his time) and Joktan.
Joktan’s posse: Almodad, Sheleph, Hazarmaveth, and Jerah.
So, like, Hadoram, Uzal, and Diklah were totally in the mix, you know?
And then there were these dudes, Ebal, Abimael, and Sheba, kicking it.
Oh, and don’t forget Ophir, Havilah, and Jobab. Joktan was their dad, fam.
Shem, Arphaxad, and Shelah, yo,
Eber, Peleg, Reu, bro,
Serug, Nahor, Terah,
Yo, Abram? Yeah, that’s Abraham, fam.
Abraham had two sons – Isaac and Ishmael. Just like that, homies.
Ishmael’s firstborn was Nebaioth, then Kedar, Adbeel, and Mibsam, you feel?
We got Mishma, Dumah, Massa, Hadad, and Tema, aka Hadad or Hadar, rolling with us.
Check it out – we got Jetur, Naphish, and Kedemah. Those are the squad, Ishmael’s sons.
So Abraham had some more kids with his side chick, Keturah. She had Zimran, Jokshan, Medan, Midian, Ishbak, and Shuah. And Jokshan had two sons, Sheba and Dedan, you dig?
And Midian had some chill sons – Ephah, Epher, Henoch, Abida, and Eldaah. All of them were Keturah’s crew.
Then Abraham became the father of Isaac. Isaac had two sons: Esau and Israel.
Esau’s kids were Eliphaz, Reuel, Jeush, Jaalam, and Korah.
Eliphaz had some chill sons: Teman, Omar, Zephi (or Zepho), Gatam, Kenaz, Timna, and Amalek.
Reuel’s sons: Nahath, Zerah, Shammah, and Mizzah. 💯
Bruh, check out these homies, the sons of Seir: Lotan, Shobal, Zibeon, Anah, Dishon, Ezer, and Dishan.
So, like, Lotan had these sons, you know? Hori, Homam, and Timna, who was Lotan’s sister. (Homam can also be called Hemam, just so you know.)
Shobal’s kids were Alian, Manahath, Ebal, Shephi, and Onam. Zibeon’s kids were Aiah and Anah. (Alian was also known as Alvan, and Shephi was also called Shepho.)
Anah had a kid named Dishon and Dishon had four kids – Amram, Eshban, Ithran, and Cheran. (Amram could also be called Hemdan)
The squad of Ezer had Bilhan, Zavan, and Jakan in it. Dishan’s crew included Uz and Aran. (Jakan is also known as Akan.)
So, these were the kings who ruled in Edom before any king ruled over the Israelites, starting with Bela, the son of Beor, who was the ruler of the city called Dinhabah.
Once Bela kicked the bucket, Jobab, Zerah’s kid from Bozrah, took over the kingdom.
So after Jobab died, Husham from the land of the Temanites took over as ruler.
And after Husham passed away, Hadad, Bedad’s son, who defeated Midian in the territory of Moab, became the new ruler. He named his city Avith.
And once Hadad passed away, Samlah of Masrekah took over as the new ruler.
And yo, when Samlah passed away, Shaul from Rehoboth by the river took over the throne in his place.
And after Shaul passed away, Baalhanan, Achbor’s son, became king in his place.
After Baalhanan died, Hadad took over as ruler. He ruled from the city called Pai and his wife’s name was Mehetabel. She was the daughter of Matred and the granddaughter of Mezahab. Some also call Hadad by the name Hadar and Pai by the name Pau.
Hadad also bit the dust. And the cool kids of Edom were: Timnah, the leader of the pack, Aliah, the influencer, and Jetheth, the boss.
The key players in the game were Aholibamah, Elah, and Pinon,
Yo, Kenaz, Teman, and Mibzar holdin’ it down as the top dukes!
Yo, Magdiel and Iram holdin’ it down as bosses in Edom. These are the top dogs.

1 Chronicles 2

These are the OGs of Israel, straight up: Reuben, Simeon, Levi, Judah, Issachar, and Zebulun, aka Jacob’s crew.
Yo, check it, we got Dan, Joseph, Benjamin holdin’ it down. Can’t sleep on Naphtali, Gad, and Asher though.
So, peep this, Judah had these boys: Er, Onan, and Shelah. They came through with Shua, a Canaanite chick. But Er, the firstborn, didn’t vibe with the LORD, and God was like, “Nah, fam,” and took him out.
Then Tamar, his daughter-in-law, had Pharez and Zerah, makin’ Judah a dad of five.
Pharez’s crew? Hezron and Hamul, keepin’ it tight.
Zerah’s squad was lit: Zimri, Ethan, Heman, Calcol, and Dara. Five in the team. Zimri also goes by Zabdi, and Dara by Darda.
Carmi’s fam had Achar, causing mad trouble by snaggin’ cursed stuff.
Ethan’s line was fire with his boy, Azariah.
Hezron had Jerahmeel, Ram (aka Aram), and Chelubai (aka Caleb).
So, Ram’s kid was Amminadab, who had Nahshon, leadin’ the tribe of Judah like a boss.
Nahshon was the OG who had Salma (also known as Salmon), bringin’ Boaz into the mix.
Boaz’s boy was Obed, who had Jesse,
Jesse’s crew came in strong: Eliab, Abinadab, then Shimma,
Nethaneel’s the fourth, Raddai holdin’ it down at five,
Ozem’s in at #6, then David takes the crown at #7.
So, Zeruiah and Abigail were like the ultimate sisters, you feel me? Zeruiah had three sons: Abishai, Joab, and Asahel.
Abigail had a son named Amasa, and his dad was Jether the Ishmeelite. (Just so you know, Jether, also known as Ithra, was an Israelite.)
Caleb, Hezron’s kid, had children with Azubah and Jerioth. Their sons were Jesher, Shobab, and Ardon.
When Azubah passed, Caleb decided to marry Ephrath, who then had his son named Hur.
And Hur had a kid named Uri, and Uri had a kid named Bezaleel.
Then, Hezron hooked up with Machir’s daughter, Gilead’s dad, and they tied the knot when he hit the big 6-0; and she gave birth to Segub.
Segub had a son named Jair, who was totally boss with twenty-three cities in Gilead.
He straight-up conquered Geshur and Aram, along with all the swanky cities of Jair, like Kenath and its hood. Yeah, he basically ruled sixty cities! All this went down with the awesome sons of Machir, Gilead’s pops.
When Hezron bounced in Calebephratah, his wife Abiah had Ashur, the dad of Tekoa.
Hezron’s oldest son, Jerahmeel, had some rad kids: Ram, who was the OG, plus Bunah, Oren, Ozem, and Ahijah.
Jerahmeel also had another wifey named Atarah, who birthed Onam.
Ram, Jerahmeel’s OG, had three sons: Maaz, Jamin, and Eker.
Onam’s boys were Shammai and Jada. Shammai’s kids were Nadab and Abishur.
Abishur’s wifey was Abihail, and they had Ahban and Molid.
Nadab’s boys were Seled and Appaim, but Seled kicked it without having kids.
So, Appaim had a son, Ishi, who had a son named Sheshan. And Sheshan’s fam expanded, including his daughter Ahlai.
Check it, Jada’s brother, Shammai, had these dudes, Jether and Jonathan. But Jether, he didn’t have no heirs and passed on.
Jonathan, though, had two sons, Peleth and Zaza. These guys were straight outta Jerahmeel’s crew.
So, Sheshan’s got no boys, just girls. He had this Egyptian dude, Jarha, as his servant.
So, Sheshan hooked his daughter up with Jarha, and they had a son named Attai.
Then Attai’s got a son, Nathan, who had a son named Zabad,
Zabad’s got a kid named Ephlal, who then became Obed’s dad,
Obed’s got a son, Jehu, who had Azariah,
Azariah’s got Helez, who had Eleasah,
Eleasah’s got Sisamai, who had Shallum,
Shallum’s got Jekamiah, who had Elishama.
So, Caleb’s brother Jerahmeel’s got some sons. First was Mesha, dad of Ziph. Then there’s Mareshah, dad of Hebron.
Mareshah’s crew: Korah, Tappuah, Rekem, and Shema.
Shema’s boy is Raham, who’s dad to Jorkoam. Rekem’s dad to Shammai.
Shammai’s got Maon, who’s dad to Bethzur.
Ephah, Caleb’s side chick, has sons Haran, Moza, and Gazez. Haran’s Gazez’s dad.
Jahdai’s got sons: Regem, Jotham, Geshan, Pelet, Ephah, and Shaaph.
Maachah, Caleb’s side chick, has Sheber and Tirhanah.
Also Shaaph, dad of Madmannah, Sheva, dad of Machbenah, and Gibea. Caleb’s daughter’s named Achsah.
These dudes are Caleb’s sons, from Hur, Ephratah’s oldest. Shobal’s dad to Kirjathjearim (also Ephreth).
Salma reps Bethlehem, and Hareph reps Bethgader.
Shobal’s got Kirjathjearim, with kids Haroeh and like, half the Manahethites, a.k.a. Reaiah. And when we say ‘half the Manahethites,’ could mean half the Menuchites or Hatsihammenuchoth, you know?
Cool tribes in Kirjathjearim: Ithrites, Puhites, Shumathites, and Mishraites. They birthed Zareathites and Eshtaulites.
Salma’s descendants from Bethlehem, Netophathites, Ataroth, house of Joab, half the Manahethites, and Zorites. Ataroth might be Atarites or crowns of Joab’s house, FYI!
Jabez’s got fam of scribes: Tirathites, Shimeathites, and Suchathites. And don’t forget the Kenites, descendants of Hemath, founder of the Rechab clan! 🙏

1 Chronicles 3

Alright, peeps, let me break it down for ya. These are the offspring of David, you know, the dude holding it down in Hebron. First up, we got Amnon, born to him by Ahinoam, the Jezreelitess. Then there’s Daniel, aka Chileab, from Abigail, the Carmelitess. Pretty rad, right? 🤟🏼
Next in line is Absalom, his mom was Maachah, and his grandma was Talmai, the king of Geshur. Then we got Adonijah, his mom was Haggith.
Moving on, we got Shephatiah, son of Abital, and Ithream, with his wifey Eglah.
So yeah, David had six kids while chillin’ in Hebron, where he ruled for like seven years and six months. Then he bounced to Jerusalem and held it down there for about thirty-three years.
Now, peep the Jerusalem crew: Shimea, Shobab, Nathan, and Solomon, four of ’em, with Bathshua, daughter of Ammiel. (Shimea also goes by Shammua. Bathshua is also known as Bathsheba. And Ammiel’s other name is Eliam.)
We can’t forget Ibhar, Elishama, and Eliphelet (also known as Elishua).
Oh, and don’t sleep on Nogah, Nepheg, and Japhia, ya feel?
Plus, Elishama, Eliada, and Eliphelet, makin’ it nine in total. (Oh, BTW, Eliada can also be called Beeliada, just keepin’ you in the loop.)
So that’s the whole fam of King David, not counting the kids he had with his side pieces, and Tamar, his sis.
Solomon’s heir was Rehoboam, then came Abia, Asa, and Jehoshaphat. (Abia is also known as Abijam)
Joram’s offspring was Ahaziah, who fathered Joash. (By the way, Ahaziah was also known as Azariah)
Amaziah’s kid was Azariah, who had a son named Jotham. That Azariah might also go by Uzziah, just sayin’.
Ahaz had a mini-me named Hezekiah, who then had a son named Manasseh.
Amon was his pops, and Josiah was his son.
Josiah had four boys: Johanan, Jehoiakim, Zedekiah, and the youngest was Shallum. (Johanan was also known as Jehoahaz, Jehoiakim could also be called Eliakim, and Zedekiah had the alter ego Mattaniah.)
Jehoiakim was like, totally a dad with some sons: Jeconiah, his oldest, and Zedekiah, his younger bro. (Oh, Jeconiah was also called Jehoiachin or Coniah)
Jeconiah’s kids were Assir and Salathiel, who went by Shealtiel too.
And there were more dudes: Malchiram, Pedaiah, Shenazar, Jecamiah, Hoshama, and Nedabiah, like, on the crew.
So, Pedaiah had his own fam: Zerubbabel and Shimei, you know? And Zerubbabel had his clique too, with Meshullam, Hananiah, and their sis Shelomith.
Then there were Hashubah, Ohel, Berechiah, Hasadiah, and Jushabhesed, a crew of five, for real!
Hananiah had his squad too: Pelatiah, Jesaiah, Rephaiah’s kids, Arnan’s kids, Obadiah’s kids, and Shechaniah’s kids.
And Shechaniah’s boys were Shemaiah, and Shemaiah’s dudes were Hattush, Igeal, Bariah, Neariah, and Shaphat, six in total.
Neariah had three sons: Elioenai, Hezekiah, and Azrikam. (Btw, Hezekiah’s name in Hebrew is Hiskijah)
Elioenai’s fam was big too, with seven sons named Hodaiah, Eliashib, Pelaiah, Akkub, Johanan, Dalaiah, and Anani.

1 Chronicles 4

Alright, so like, Judah’s crew was tight, y’know? Pharez, Hezron, Carmi (also known as Chelubai or Caleb), Hur, and Shobal.
So Reaiah, Shobal’s kid, had Jahath, and then Ahumai and Lahad came into the mix. These are the Zorathites’ squads. (Reaiah’s also called Haroeh)
Now, the fam from Etam was Jez, Ish, Iddi, and their sis, Hazza!
Penuel, the OG dad from Gedor, and Ezer, the chill dad from Hushah, were sons of Hur, the OG from Ephratah, the one who kicked it all off in Bethlehem.
Yo, so this dude Ashur from Tekoa, he had two wives – Helah and Naarah.
Naarah’s crew included Ahuzam, Hepher, Temeni, and Haahashtari. Those were Naarah’s boys.
Helah’s trio was Zereth, Jezoar, and Ethnan.
And Coz rolled with Anub, Zobebah, and all of Aharhel’s crew, who was Harum’s kid.
Alright, check this, Jabez was on another level compared to his bros. His mom gave him a name that had some deep vibes. She named him Jabez, which is like, super intense, meaning being all sorrowful and stuff.
So Jabez hits up the God of Israel like, ‘Yo, I’m banking on you to bless me big time, expand my territory, and keep me away from all the bad vibes.’ And guess what? God’s all in, no hesitation. Epic, right?
And Chelub, Shuah’s bro, had a son named Mehir, who became the dad of Eshton.
Eshton’s got three sons: Bethrapha, Paseah, and Tehinnah, who was the father of Irnahash. These were the crew posted up in Rechah. (Irnahash was also known as Nahash city.)
Kenaz had two sons, Othniel and Seraiah. Othniel’s got a son named Hathath too.
Meonothai had a kid named Ophrah, and Seraiah had Joab, who led the creative scene in the Charashim valley, ‘cause they were mad skilled. (The valley was like, the hotspot for these artists.)
And Caleb’s squad included Iru, Elah, Naam, and their bro Kenaz, who was Elah’s son.
Jehaleleel was like, “Yo, check out my crew: Ziph, Ziphah, Tiria, and Asareel.”
Ezra was blessed with some rad kids: Jether, Mered, Epher, and Jalon. Also, shoutout to their mom who brought Miriam, Shammai, and Ishbah into the world, who later became Eshtemoa’s pops.
Jehudijah and Jered were holding it down, raising Gedor and Socho respectively. Then there’s Heber, repping Socho, and Jekuthiel, claiming Zanoah. Bithiah, Pharaoh’s daughter, hooked up with Mered, and they welcomed Jehudijah, also known as the Jewess, into the fam.
Hodiah’s squad included Keilah the Garmite and Eshtemoa the Maachathite, representing hard. (By the way, Hodiah was Naham’s sis.)
Shimon’s line had Amnon, Rinnah, Benhanan, and Tilon, while Ishi brought Zoheth and Benzoheth into the mix.
Judah’s boy Shelah’s offspring were out there making moves: Er, the founder of Lecah, and Laadah, starting up Mareshah, setting trends in fine linen, representing Ashbea’s house.
Shoutout to the crew from Chozeba: Jokim, Joash, Saraph holding it down in Moab, and Jashubilehem. Straight up OGs.
These were the artisans, living in harmony with nature, chilling with the king, doing their craft.
Simeon’s crew was on fire: Nemuel, Jamin, Jarib, Zerah, and Shaul. Nemuel could flex as Jemuel, Jarib and Zerah were also known as Jachin and Zohar, you get me?
Shallum’s son Mibsam had a son named Mishma.
And Mishma’s squad was tight: Hamuel, Zacchur, and Shimei.
Shimei was out here with sixteen sons and six daughters, while his siblings weren’t popping out as many kids, and their fam wasn’t expanding like Judah’s.
So they set up camp in Beersheba, Moladah, and Hazarshual.
And they named their spots Bilhah, Ezem, and Tolad.
Plus, they were posted up at Bethuel, Hormah, and Ziklag, you know?
So, in Bethmarcaboth, Hazarsusim (or you can call it Hazarsusah), Bethbirei, and Shaaraim, that’s where they were posted until David took the throne.
And peep this, their hood included Etam (or Ether), Ain, Rimmon, Tochen, and Ashan, like a solid five cities.
And all the dope spots around these cities, stretching out to Baal, that’s where they set up shop, with their fam history (which means how they organized themselves by nations among them, ya know). Baal, by the way, can also be known as Baalathbeer.
Plus, we had Meshobab, Jamlech, and Joshah, son of Amaziah, in the mix.
Oh, and there’s Joel, and Jehu, son of Josibiah, grandson of Seraiah, and great-grandson of Asiel, making moves.
Can’t forget about Elioenai, Jaakobah, Jeshohaiah, Asaiah, Adiel, Jesimiel, and Benaiah, they were straight up squad goals!
Ziza, son of Shiphi, grandson of Allon, great-grandson of Jedaiah, and great-great-grandson of Shimri, who was the son of Shemaiah;
These are the OGs of their families, respected and known by their names. And their family legacies were popping, multiplying like crazy.
So, they hit up this spot called Gedor, on the east side of the valley, looking for some chill vibes where their flocks could munch on that good grass.
And then, bam! They stumble upon this lit pasture, spacious and peaceful. Turns out, some peeps from Ham had already been chilling there.
So, during Hezekiah’s reign in Judah, these named squads rolled up and straight-up took over. They wrecked tents and homes, making the place their own because the pasture land was primo for their flocks.
Then, about five hundred Simeon homies rolled up to mount Seir, led by Pelatiah, Neariah, Rephaiah, and Uzziel – sons of Ishi.
They wiped out the remaining Amalekites who tried to dip, and set up shop there until now.

1 Chronicles 5

So, Reuben was like the OG son of Israel, right? But he messed up big time by hooking up with his dad’s wife. So, boom, his birthright got snatched and passed on to Joseph’s sons instead. And FYI, the whole birthright thing isn’t a big deal anymore.
Basically, Judah ended up on top among his bros and became the boss. But technically, Joseph should’ve had the birthright. He was the real deal, the main dude, you know, the chief. #SiblingDrama
Reuben, the firstborn of Israel, had some sibs named Hanoch, Pallu, Hezron, and Carmi.
Joel’s fam was lit! Shemaiah, Gog, and Shimei were his offspring.
Micah’s descendant was Reaia, whose dad was Baal.
Beerah was once the big shot among the Reubenites until Tilgathpilneser, the king of Assyria, swooped in and took him hostage. Yeah, Tilgathpilneser is also known as Tiglathpileser, FYI.
So, once all their family trees were sorted out, Jeiel and Zechariah emerged as the main dudes.
Check this, Bela, son of Azaz, grandson of Shema (also known as Shemaiah), and great-grandson of Joel, was kickin’ it in Aroer, chilling from Nebo to Baalmeon.
They rolled east until they hit the wild edge, away from the Euphrates River, because their livestock were blowing up in Gilead.
Back in Saul’s days, they went head-to-head with the Hagarites and totally owned them. After that, they set up camp in the eastern part of Gilead, claiming it as their turf, you feel me?
The Gad crew set up shop in Bashan all the way to Salchah:
Joel was the boss, with Shapham as his right-hand, and Jaanai, and Shaphat holding it down in Bashan.
Their squad from their fams included Michael, Meshullam, Sheba, Jorai, Jachan, Zia, and Heber, seven homies in total.
These are the descendants of Abihail: son of Huri, grandson of Jaroah, great-grandson of Gilead, great-great-grandson of Michael, super-great-grandson of Jeshishai, mega-great-grandson of Jahdo, and ultimate-great-grandson of Buz.
Ahi, son of Abdiel, grandson of Guni, is leading the crew from their fam’s hood.
So, they were posted up in Gilead in Bashan, and kicking it in the lit towns and trendy hoods of Sharon, all around their turf. #homestead
All this tea got spilled back in the day when Jotham was holding it down as king of Judah and Jeroboam was doing his thing as king of Israel. No cap, fam.
The Reubenites, Gadites, and half the Manassites were a squad of fearless warriors, straight up skilled with shields, swords, bows, and taking down haters. Total headcount: 44,760 soldiers ready to throw down. They were straight-up hardcore, no question!
They straight-up clashed with the Hagarites crew, going toe-to-toe with Jetur, Nephish, and Nodab.
And yo, they got major backup against the Hagarites, who straight-up got wrecked, along with their whole squad. Why? ‘Cause they called out to God during the battle, and He totally heard their vibes, answering their prayers. All because they had mad faith in Him, no cap.
And yo, they straight-up bagged the whole livestock scene: like, 50K camels, 250K sheep, 2K donkeys, and a solid 100K homies. For real though, they straight-up took them captive, no joke. #crazytimes
Many homies bit the dust in the battle, ’cause it was a war ordained by God. And they posted up in their own spots until they got snatched up.
And the kids from the half tribe of Manasseh were vibing in the land: they straight-up blew up from Bashan all the way to Baalhermon and Senir, even to mount Hermon.
And these were the OGs of their families, like Epher, Ishi, Eliel, Azriel, Jeremiah, Hodaviah, and Jahdiel, mega-chads, straight-up famous dudes, and the top dogs of their crews. Y’know, those with big clout.
And they straight-up betrayed the God of their ancestors, and started hooking up with the gods the locals in that land worshipped. But God already shut down those gods, fam.
So, the God of Israel caught the eye of Pul, the king of Assyria, and Tilgathpilneser, another king of Assyria. These kings decided to scoop up the Reubenites, the Gadites, and half the Manasseh tribe. They shipped them all off to places like Halah, Habor, Hara, and the river Gozan. And yo, this went down way back, but even to this day, those places are still on the map.

1 Chronicles 6

Levi’s squad was tight: Gershon, Kohath, and Merari. (Gershon, AKA Gershom, was part of the crew too.)
Kohath’s crew was legit: Amram, Izhar, Hebron, and Uzziel.
Amram’s fam was fire: Aaron, Moses, and Miriam were the real deal. Aaron’s squad was also part of the fam: Nadab, Abihu, Eleazar, and Ithamar.
Eleazar’s kid was Phinehas, who had a son named Abishua,
And Abishua became the dad of Bukki, who became the dad of Uzzi,
And Uzzi’s kid was Zerahiah, and Zerahiah’s kid was Meraioth,
Meraioth was the OG, he fathered Amariah, and Amariah passed it down to Ahitub,
Ahitub’s offspring was Zadok, and Zadok’s kid was Ahimaaz,
Ahimaaz had a son named Azariah, and Azariah’s kid was Johanan,
And Johanan had a son named Azariah, who held it down as the top priest at Solomon’s lit temple in Jerusalem.
Azariah’s offspring was Amariah, and Amariah’s kid was Ahitub,
Ahitub’s son was Zadok, and Zadok’s son was Shallum (AKA Meshullam)
Shallum’s kid was Hilkiah, and Hilkiah’s kid was Azariah,
And Azariah became the dad of Seraiah, who became the dad of Jehozadak,
So, Jehozadak got caught up when the LORD let Nebuchadnezzar take over Judah and Jerusalem.
These are the descendants of Levi: Gershom, Kohath, and Merari. (Gershom, AKA Gershon)
So, like, Gershom’s crew consisted of Libni and Shimei.
Kohath’s squad included Amram, Izhar, Hebron, and Uzziel.
And in Merari’s clique were Mahli and Mushi. These are the Levite families, tracing back to their OG dads.
Libni’s son Jahath, who had a son named Zimmah, were part of Gershom’s lineage.
Then there’s Joah, whose son was Iddo, whose son was Zerah, and eventually Jeaterai (AKA Ethni) came on the scene.
Kohath’s descendants included Amminadab, who had a son named Korah, and Korah had a son named Assir. (Amminadab was also known as Izhar.)
Elkanah, along with his family—Ebiasaph and Assir—and all their offspring,
Tahath had Uriel, who had Uzziah, who had Shaul.
Elkanah’s sons were Amasai and Ahimoth, yo!
Elkanah’s two sons were Zophai and Nahath, with Zophai sometimes being called Zuph.
Eliab was there, with his son Jeroham, and then came Elkanah, carrying on the family legacy.
Samuel’s sons were Vashni, the eldest, and Abiah (AKA Joel).
In the Merari crew: Mahli, Libni (his kid), Shimei (his grandkid), Uzza (his great-grandkid),
Plus Shimea’s son, Haggiah’s son, and Asaiah’s son.
So, David was like, “Yo, who’s gonna drop beats in the crib of the Lord?” Once the ark was in its chill spot.
These dudes were straight-up vibing in front of the tabernacle, you feel me? Singing their hearts out until Solomon built the Lord’s house in Jerusalem. After that, they kept their hustle in their designated gigs. Legit stuff, you dig?
These homies were also kicking it with their offspring. Among the Kohathite crew was Heman, a sick singer, son of Joel, son of Shemuel. He was just living his best life.
Elkanah’s offspring, then Jeroham’s kid, who came from Eliel, and Eliel’s pops was Toah!
Zuph’s offspring, Elkanah’s grandkid, Mahath’s great-grandson, Amasai’s great-great-grandson,
Elkanah’s spawn, Joel’s grandkid, Azariah’s great-grandchild, Zephaniah’s great-great-grandchild,
Tahath’s son, Assir’s lineage, Ebiasaph’s descendants, Korah’s bloodline, yo,
Izhar’s offspring, Kohath’s descendant, Levi’s fam, all part of Israel’s bloodline.
And his bro Asaph, who was like right-hand man, ya know? Asaph was Berachiah’s son and Shimea’s grandson.
Michael had a son named Baaseiah, who had a son named Malchiah,
Ethni’s kid, Zerah’s fam, Adaiah’s descendant,
This dude, Ethan’s offspring, Zimmah’s grandchild, Shimei’s great-grandchild,
This dude named Jahath had a son named Gershom, who also had a son named Levi.
And on the left side were their fellow descendants of Merari: Ethan, son of Kishi, son of Abdi, son of Malluch. (Kishi, also known as Kushaiah)
Hashabiah’s kid, who was Amaziah’s offspring, who came from Hilkiah,
Amzi’s kid, Bani’s offspring, Shamer’s heir,
Mahli’s child, Mushi’s descendant, Merari’s next in line, Levi’s fam.
The Levites were picked to do mad tasks in God’s crib, chilling with their squad.
So Aaron and his crew held it down at the burnt offering spot and the incense altar, handling all the sacred gigs, keeping Israel tight according to Moses’ orders, straight serving God.
Check it, here’s Aaron’s lineup: Eleazar, Phinehas, and Abishua, in that order.
Yo, Bukki was his pops, Uzzi was his bro, and Zerahiah was his homie,
Then Meraioth’s son, Amariah, came through, and Amariah’s son, Ahitub.
Zadok’s son was named Ahimaaz.
So, like, Aaron’s fam held it down in these spots, you feel? They had their chill cribs along the coast, reppin’ the Kohathite crew. That was their turf.
So they scored Hebron in Judah, the ultimate safe zone, and all the dope spots around it.
But check this, they hooked Caleb, son of Jephunneh, up with the fields in the city and the suburbs. No lie.
So, Aaron’s crew scored these lit cities in Judah, you know? There’s Hebron, the top hangout for safety and vibes. Plus Libnah with its chill scene, and Jattir and Eshtemoa, with their trendy areas, obviously.
And Hilen with its chill spots, Debir with its trendy hoods,
And don’t sleep on Ashan and Bethshemesh, with all their cool spots: Ashan, also known as Ain.
And from Benjamin’s squad, we got Geba with its chill vibes, Alemeth with its cool scene, and Anathoth with its lit vibes. Thirteen cities total in their crew. (Alemeth: aka Almon)
So, like, the leftover dudes from the Kohath gang lucked out and snagged ten cities from the half tribe of Manasseh. It was all random, but they were stoked.
And for the Gershom squad, they scored thirteen rad cities to vibe in. These cities were hooked up from the tribes of Issachar, Asher, Naphtali, and Manasseh in Bashan, yo!
The sons of Merari got their cities by drawing lots, one for each of their families. The cities were chosen from the tribes of Reuben, Gad, and Zebulun. All in all, they got twelve cities to chill in.
So, like, the Israelites were like, ‘Yo, Levites, these are some sick cities for ya with all their chill suburbs.’
So, they randomly assigned cities from the tribes of Judah, Simeon, and Benjamin, and these cities were known by their own names.
And the remaining families of the sons of Kohath got cities in their designated regions outside of the land given to the tribe of Ephraim.
And they were like, ‘Here you go, dudes! Take these cool cities for refuge: Shechem in the mountains of Ephraim, and also Gezer with its chill suburbs,’
And Jokmeam was totally chill with its surrounding areas, and Bethhoron was rockin’ with its suburbs,
And like, Aijalon and its surrounding area, and Gathrimmon and its surrounding area:
And from the half tribe of Manasseh, there were Aner with its chill hangouts, and Bileam with its chill hangouts, for the fam of the remaining peeps from the sons of Kohath.
So, like, the guys from Gershom, right? They scored, like, some land from half the tribe of Manasseh. They got Golan in Bashan and the areas around it, and Ashtaroth with its surrounding places. Pretty cool, huh?
And from the Issachar crew, we got Kedesh with all its chill neighborhoods, and Daberath with its lit suburbs.
And Ramoth, along with its cool nearby areas, and Anem with its chill surroundings:
And from the tribe of Asher came Mashal with its chill hangouts, and Abdon with its trendy spots,
And Hukok, ya know, with like its chill neighborhoods, and Rehob, like totally with its cool suburbs.
So, like, the Naphtali squad scored Kedesh up in Galilee, where the hangouts are lit, Hammon, with all its trendy spots, and Kirjathaim, where the scene is always happening.
Then, the Merari crew got hooked up by the Zebulun fam with some prime spots: Rimmon, with its chill neighborhood, and Tabor, surrounded by cool vibes.
Over on the flip side of the Jordan River, near Jericho, in the eastern part of Jordan, the Reuben tribe got Bezer and Jahzah, along with the wild surroundings in the desert.
Oh, and you can’t miss Kedemoth and its laid-back vibes, and Mephaath with its dope suburbs too, of course.
Next up, the Gad tribe rolled out Ramoth in Gilead, where hometown vibes are real, and Mahanaim, an awesome spot with its own suburban flair.
Heshbon is, like, totally vibin’ with its chill neighborhood, and Jazer is surrounded by some rad areas, for sure.

1 Chronicles 7

So there were these cool dudes from the tribe of Issachar, and they had four sons: Tola, Puah, Jashub, and Shimron. Pretty tight fam, right?
Tola’s sons were straight up rad: Uzzi, Rephaiah, Jeriel, Jahmai, Jibsam, and Shemuel. They were like the OG leaders, representing their dad Tola. Legends, man. Legit warriors. And they rolled deep with a squad of 22,600 during David’s time.
Uzzi’s son, Izrahiah, was no slouch either. He had five sons: Michael, Obadiah, Joel, Ishiah – all big players, influencers in their own right.
There were these crews, you know, soldiers from different fams, about 36k strong. Ready to throw down anytime, anywhere. They were stacked because they had mad wives and sons, you feel?
And Issachar’s fams were no joke, bro. Counted a whopping 87K strong, straight up beasts.
Check the tribe of Benjamin: Bela, Becher, and Jediael. Just three of ’em, but they were holding it down.
Bela had five sons: Ezbon, Uzzi, Uzziel, Jerimoth, and Iri. Total badasses, leading their squads. Total count: 22,034, as per fam records.
Becher’s squad was stacked too. Zemira, Joash, Eliezer, Elioenai, Omri, Jerimoth, Abiah, Anathoth, and Alameth, all repping their pops.
There were like 20,200 legends from their fams, leading the charge, being all epic and whatnot.
Jediael had his own crew, like Bilhan, who had sons named Jeush, Benjamin, Ehud, Chenaanah, Zethan, Tharshish, and Ahishahar.
A total of 17,200 strong and brave soldiers, man! Sons of Jediael, coming from the most respected fams, ready to throw down!
Shuppim and Huppim, Ir’s kids, and Hushim, Aher’s children. (Ir was also called Iri and Aher was also Ahiram)
The Naphtali squad included Jahziel, Guni, Jezer, and Shallum, Bilhah’s kids.
Over in Manasseh, there was Ashriel, born to his wife, and Machir, born to his concubine, an Aramitess. Machir later became the father of Gilead.
Machir hooked up with Maachah, sister of Huppim and Shuppim, you know? Oh, and there was this dude named Zelophehad who had daughters too.
Yo, Maachah, Machir’s wifey, gave birth to a baby boy and named him Peresh. She also had another dude named Sheresh. Peresh’s crew were Ulam and Rakem.
And Ulam’s boy was Bedan. These dudes were repping Gilead, son of Machir, son of Manasseh.
And Hammoleketh, Maachah’s sis, popped out Ishod, Abiezer, and Mahalah, you feel?
Shemida’s squad was lit with Ahian, Shechem, Likhi, and Aniam.
The Ephraim homies were Shuthelah, with his boy Bered, then Tahath, Eladah, and another Tahath,
Now Zabad had a kid named Shuthelah, and Shuthelah had two sons named Ezer and Elead. These Gath homies messed with them and took them out because they tried to snag their livestock.
Ephraim, their pops, was mourning hard for a grip, and his bros came to chill with him.
When he got with his wifey again, she got preggers and had a boy. He named him Beriah ’cause times were tough.
(And his daughter was Sherah, the one who built up Bethhoron the lower city, the upper city, and Uzzensherah.)
Rephah was his son, then Resheph, Telah, and Tahan. That was the order of the squad.
Laadan, his boy, Ammihud, his bro, Elishama, his homie,
Not his son, but Jehoshua his son.
They held it down in spots like Bethel and its squad towns, Naaran to the east and Gezer to the west, plus their own spots. They also had Shechem and its crew, all the way to Gaza and its squad. (Towns here means like smaller towns or little sister towns, you know?)
So, the Manasseh crew, they posted up in cool spots like Bethshean and its squad, Taanach and its squad, Megiddo and its squad, and Dor and its squad. These were the spots where Joseph’s fam, Israel’s son, kicked back.
The Asher crew had Imnah, Isuah, Ishuai, Beriah, and Serah, their dope sis.
So like, Heber and Malchiel were the OG dads of Birzavith, part of the Beriah crew, you know?
Heber had a bunch of kids: Japhlet, Shomer, Hotham, and their sis Shua.
Then Japhlet had his own squad: Pasach, Bimhal, and Ashvath, straight-up his legacy.
Shamer’s squad included Ahi, Rohgah, Jehubbah, and Aram, tight crew.
Helem’s brother’s kids were legit too: Zophah, Imna, Shelesh, and Amal.
Zophah’s clique was solid: Suah, Harnepher, Shual, Beri, and Imrah.
And then there were the boys: Hod, Shamma, Shilshah, Ithran, and Beera, always keeping it real.
Jether’s crew consisted of Jephunneh, Pispah, and Ara, straight-up fam.
Ulla’s offspring were named Arah, Haniel, and Rezia, part of the fam too.
These dudes were Asher’s descendants, the top dogs of their tribe, fierce warriors, leading the charge. They rolled in with a force of 26,000, ready to throw down when called upon.

1 Chronicles 8

Benjamin was like, “Yo, I’m a dad now!” His firstborn was Bela, then came Ashbel, and finally Aharah.
Nohah was the chill fourth dude, and Rapha was the epic fifth guy.
So, Bela had these rad sons: Addar, Gera, and Abihud, you know? Oh, and FYI, Addar could also go by Ard!
And then there’s this dude Abishua, another dude Naaman, and, you know, Ahoah.
And there were also Gera, Shephuphan, and Huram. (Shephuphan could also be called Shupham)
These dudes were the sons of Ehud: they were like the big shots who led the families representing the peeps living in Geba, and they relocated them to Manahath:
Naaman, Ahiah, and Gera were swapped out for Uzza and Ahihud.
Shaharaim had kids in Moab after he kicked it there. Hushim and Baara were his partners.
And Hodesh had children with his partner, including Jobab, Zibia, Mesha, and Malcham.
And dude, these guys named Jeuz, Shachia, and Mirma were totally awesome. They were like, the sons of this really important dude, and they became the leaders of their tribes. It was a major deal, you know?
And Hushim became the dad of Abitub and Elpaal.
The guys from Elpaal were Eber, Misham, and Shamed. They were the ones who went all out and built Ono, Lod, and all the little cities around ’em.
Beriah and Shema were like the OG leaders of the Aijalon tribe, they straight up expelled the people from Gath like true bosses:
And Ahio, Shashak, and Jeremoth, fam!
And Zebadiah, and Arad, and Ader,
Yo, shoutout to Michael, Ispah, and Joha, Beriah’s squad.
Zebs, Meshy, Hezy, and Hebs were kicking it too.
Ishmerai, Jezliah, and Jobab were Elpaal’s crew.
Jakim, Zichri, and Zabdi were in the mix,
Elienai, Zilthai, Eliel, they didn’t miss.
Adaiah, Beraiah, and Shimrath, sons of Shimhi, they rolled deep.
Ishpan, Heber, Eliel, keeping it tight,
Abdon, Zichri, Hanan, holding it right.
Hananiah, Elam, Antothijah, in the scene,
Iphedeiah, Penuel, down with Shashak, living the dream.
Shamsherai, Shehariah, Athaliah, they were in the mix too,
Jaresiah, Eliah, Zichri, sons of Jeroham, true.
These dudes were like the OG dads, keeping it real,
Living in Gibeon, Jehiel was the deal.
Abdon, Zur, Kish, Baal, and Nadab, holding it tight, no doubt.
So, like, there were these dudes named Gedor, Ahio, and Zacher, right? Oh, and just so you know, Zacher could also go by Zechariah.
Then Mikloth had a son, Shimeah. They were kicking it in Jerusalem with their crew.
So, Ner was the OG father of Kish, who was the dad of Saul. Saul, in turn, was the pops of Jonathan, Malchishua, Abinadab, and Eshbaal. (Abinadab was also known as Ishui, and Eshbaal was also called Ishbosheth).
And Jonathan’s little one was Meribbaal, who later had a kid named Micah. (Meribbaal could also be called Mephibosheth)
Micah had four boys: Pithon, Melech, Tarea, and Ahaz. (Tarea could also be spelled Tahrea)
Then Ahaz became a dad to Jehoadah; Jehoadah to Alemeth, Azmaveth, and Zimri; and Zimri to Moza.
Moza’s son was Binea, who had Rapha. After Rapha, there were Eleasah and Azel. (Rapha was also known as Rephaiah)
Azel had six cool-named sons: Azrikam, Bocheru, Ishmael, Sheariah, Obadiah, and Hanan. Yep, all Azel’s crew.
Eshek’s bro had three sons: Ulam, the oldest; Jehush, the second; and Eliphelet, the youngest.
The Ulam crew were some seriously skilled archers, with a big fam of 150 dudes, sons, grandsons, all repping the Benjamin tribe.

1 Chronicles 9

So, like, all the Israel peeps were totally organized based on their fam history, and, dude, their whole vibe is, like, written down in the book of the kings of Israel and Judah. And, whoa, they got sent to Babylon ’cause they messed up and, like, didn’t follow God’s rules.
So, basically, the OG crew who lived in their own spots in their cities were the Israelites, the priests, the Levites, and the Nethinims.
In Jerusalem, you had the squad representing Judah, Benjamin, Ephraim, and Manasseh, living their best lives.
Uthai, Ammihud’s kid, who’s the descendant of Omri, Imri, and Bani, belongs to the crew of Pharez, who’s from the fam of Judah.
And from the Shilonites; Asaiah, the eldest sibling, and his crew.
Among Zerah’s kids were Jeuel and their crew, totaling six hundred and ninety.
And among the cool dudes from the tribe of Benjamin were Sallu, Meshullam’s son, Hodaviah’s grandson, Hasenuah’s great-grandson,
And Ibneiah, Jeroham’s son, Elah, Uzzi’s son, Michri’s grandson, Meshullam, Shephathiah’s son, Reuel’s great-grandson, Ibnijah’s great-great-grandson;
And their crew, for real, like a total of nine hundred and fifty-six. Like, all these guys were legit leaders of the OG fam in their fam crib.
Among the priests were Jedaiah, Jehoiarib, and Jachin,
And Azariah, also known as Seraiah, was the head of God’s house. He was Hilkiah’s son, who was Meshullam’s son, who was Zadok’s son, who was Meraioth’s son, who was Ahitub’s son.
Yo, peep these ancestry chains: Adaiah, Jeroham’s son, Pashur’s grandson, Malchijah’s great-grandson, and Maasiai, Adiel’s son, Jahzerah’s grandson, Meshullam’s great-grandson, Meshillemith’s great-great-grandson, Immer’s great-great-great-grandson.
And their fellow brothers, leaders of their fam households, totaled one thousand, seven hundred, and sixty members. They were mad skilled individuals for doing the work of serving in God’s house.
And the Levites were repped by Shemaiah, who was Hasshub’s son, Azrikam’s grandson, Hashabiah’s great-grandson, who belonged to the Merari clan.
And there were these cool dudes, Bakbakkar, Heresh, Galal, and Mattaniah – he was Micah’s son, Zichri’s grandson, Asaph’s great-grandson.
So, Obadiah, son of Shemaiah, who’s from Galal’s fam, and Berechiah, son of Asa, from Elkanah’s crew, they were reppin’ in Netophath.
And posted up at the entrance were Shallum, Akkub, Talmon, Ahiman, and their crew, with Shallum leading the pack.
These were the official Levi squad holding it down at the king’s gate on the east side.
So, Shallum, son of Kore, descendant of Ebiasaph, from the Korahites, had the VIP job of guarding the tabernacle gates, just like his old man and fam, who also kept watch at the entrance. (BTW, gates were like the ultimate thresholds)
Back in the day, Phinehas, Eleazar’s son, was the OG boss, and the LORD was all about him.
Zechariah, son of Meshelemiah, was the main doorkeeper where the squad linked up.
There were 212 chosen ones, handpicked for gatekeeping duties. Their fam history was documented, and David and Samuel gave them the official stamp of approval. #squadgoals #trusted
So, these peeps and their fam were in charge of securing the crib of the LORD, AKA the tabernacle.
They held it down in all directions: east, west, north, and south.
And their homies from the hood linked up with them every seven days.
The top four gatekeepers, these Levites, were on it, making sure everything was smooth in God’s house, handling the rooms and money vaults. They were trusted big time, you feel?
They were posted all around the house of God, ‘cause that was their gig, opening it up every morning.
Some of them were tasked with inventory management, bringing stuff in and out with precision, making sure nothing went missing.
Others were on duty keeping an eye on the fancy stuff in the sanctuary, the vessels, instruments, fine flour, wine, oil, frankincense, and spices. Just keeping it all on point, nothing too wild.
Oh, and BTW, some of the priests’ kids cooked up this lit-spicy ointment.
Yo, check it, Mattithiah, he was the main Levite dude, oldest son of Shallum the Korahite, and his gig was keeping things on point with all the grub cooked up in the pans. He was like the chef-in-chief, making sure everything was lit, ya feel?
Then you got their crew, from the sons of the Kohathites, handling the fresh bread, making it poppin’ every Sabbath. (Word, “lit bread” means bread of organizing in Hebrew, just so you know.)
And these cats were the real deal, the top dogs of the Levites, chilling in their cozy spots, grinding non-stop. They were all about that hustle, 24/7. Straight dedication, you know?
These OG Levite bosses were holding it down for eternity, posted up in Jerusalem, living their best lives.
Over in Gibeon, there was Jehiel, the big boss of the scene. Oh, and his wifey’s name? Maachah, in case you’re curious!
Then Abdon, the firstborn, followed by Zur, Kish, Baal, Ner, and Nadab,
And let’s not forget Gedor, Ahio, Zechariah, and Mikloth.
Mikloth’s got a little one named Shimeam. They all kicked it together with their squad in Jerusalem, across the block from each other.
Ner’s got a kid named Kish, who then had a son named Saul, and Saul had his own crew – Jonathan, Malchishua, Abinadab, and Eshbaal.
Jonathan’s son was Meribbaal, who later became the dad of Micah.
Micah had Pithon, Melech, Tahrea, and Ahaz as his boys.
Ahaz became the pops of Jarah, who then had Alemeth, Azmaveth, and Zimri, and Zimri’s got Moza,
And Moza’s got a kid named Binea; Rephaiah was his son, then Eleasah and Azel.
So, Azel’s got six sons with some pretty cool names – Azrikam, Bocheru, Ishmael, Sheariah, Obadiah, and Hanan. Yeah, those were Azel’s crew, straight up.

1 Chronicles 10

So, like, the Philistines were totally beefing with Israel, right? And, well, the Israelite dudes bailed and ended up getting wrecked on Mount Gilboa. It was like they either got seriously wrecked or straight up knocked out, you know? Oops!
So, like, the Philistines were totally chasing Saul and his crew, and they actually took out Jonathan, Abinadab, and Malchishua, who were Saul’s sons. Oh, by the way, Abinadab was also called Ishui.
Saul was totally getting owned in the battle, and the archers straight up nailed him with their arrows, causing some serious damage. 🔥
Saul turned to his ride or die and said, ‘Yo, grab your sword and end me before those uncircumcised haters get a chance to diss me.’ But his ride or die was shook and said nope. So Saul grabbed a sword and did the deed himself.
And when Saul’s homie saw that Saul was done, he was like, ‘I’m out too!’ and took himself out with a sword.
Saul and his three sons, and everyone in his fam, all checked out at the same time.
And like, when all the guys of Israel who were chilling in the valley saw they were ghosting, and that Saul and his sons were toast, they straight up left their cities and dipped. Then the Philistines swooped in and took over.
The next day, when the Philistines came to loot the bodies, they found out that Saul and his sons got wrecked on Mount Gilboa.
After stripping him, they took his head and armor and sent them to the Philistine territory to flex on their idols and the people.
So, like, they totally put his armor in the crib of their gods and set his head up in the VIP spot at the temple of Dagon.
And like, when everyone in Jabeshgilead heard what went down with Saul,
So, like, all the brave dudes stepped up and, you know, they took Saul’s body and his sons’ bodies, and they brought ’em over to Jabesh and laid their bones to rest under this dope oak tree in Jabesh. And then they totally fasted for, like, a whole week.
Like, Saul totally faced the music for going against the LORD and not sticking to His word. And, um, he even messed up by seeking advice from someone into some creepy supernatural stuff. Yeah, it was a major slip-up, you know?
And he didn’t hit up the LORD for advice, so he got taken out, and the kingdom got passed to David, Jesse’s kid.

1 Chronicles 11

So, like, all of Israel rolled up to David at Hebron and were like, ‘Hey, fam, we’re with you.’
Back in the day, when Saul was king, you were the one guiding Israel. And God was like, ‘You got this, David, you’re gonna lead my people.’
So, all the OGs of Israel made a pact with David in Hebron before God. They even anointed David as king, just like the LORD said through Samuel.
When David and the crew hit up Jerusalem (back then it was Jebus), the Jebusites were still chilling there.
The Jebusites were like, ‘Nah, David, you can’t come here.’ But David was like, ‘Watch me.’ And he straight-up took over Zion, now known as David’s city.
David was like, ‘Whoever takes out the Jebusites first gets major props.’ So Joab, Zeruiah’s son, stepped up and got the job done.
David moved into his swanky castle, now known as the city of David. Like, he owned it.
He leveled up the city, starting from Millo and going all out. And Joab fixed up the rest, bringing it back to life.
David was bossing up big time, because God had his back, no lie. #blessed
These were David’s top squad, the ones who had his back and made him king, just like the LORD said.
David had some serious beasts on his team. Like Jashobeam, who took out 300 peeps with just his spear, no sweat. (BTW, Jashobeam was from Hachmoni)
Then there was Eleazar, Dodo’s son, one of the top three badasses.
He was with David at Pasdammim when the Philistines geared up for a showdown. And guess what? They totally bailed when they saw a field full of barley nearby.
So they took their spot and crushed it, you know? They straight-up defeated the Philistines! And God came through big time. It was epic!
Three of the coolest captains went down to where David was chilling, in this cave called Adullam, while the Philistines camped out in the valley of Rephaim. Just your typical epic showdown.
So David was just chilling in his pad, while the Philistines were posted up in Bethlehem.
David was like, “Man, I could really go for a sip of that water from the Bethlehem well by the gate!”
Then, these three warriors went full beast mode on the Philistine squad, snatched some water from the well in Bethlehem right by the gate, and delivered it to David. But hold up, David refused to gulp it down and instead, he poured it out as an offering to the LORD.
And I was like, “No way, God. I can’t do that. Like, seriously? Should I actually drink the blood of these guys who risked their lives to get it? Nah, not happening. These three absolute legends made that choice. Like, they went all in, you know?”
Abishai, Joab’s bro, was like the boss of the three amigos. He straight up destroyed 300 peeps with his sick spear skills and became legendary among the crew.
Out of the three, he was, like, way more legit than the other two, ’cause he was their leader and everything. But, like, he didn’t quite reach the same level as those top three, you know?
Yo, listen up! Benaiah, son of Jehoiada, was straight up legendary! He was from Kabzeel and had mad skills. Check it, he straight up took down two Moabite dudes who were as fierce as lions. And get this, he even went into a pit on a snowy day and killed a lion! This guy was no joke, he had some serious skills, y’know?
So, this dude straight up took down a tall Egyptian guy who was like a giant, all while the Egyptian had this ridiculously huge spear in his hand. And get this, the dude didn’t even use a weapon himself – he just took the spear right out of the Egyptian’s hand and killed him with his own weapon. Talk about a legendary move!
Benaiah, yo, he straight up pulled off these sick moves and became one of the top three badasses.
Yo, check it out, this dude had mad respect among the thirty, even though he didn’t quite make it to the top three. David chose him to be in charge of his squad.
And there were some epic warriors in the army, like Asahel, who was Joab’s bro, and Elhanan, Dodo’s son from Bethlehem.
Shammoth, the ultimate Harorite, Helez, the top-notch Pelonite, Shammoth, the absolute legend, representing the Harorites, and Helez, the Pelonite who knows what’s up
Ira, son of Ikkesh the Tekoite, and Abiezer the Antothite,
Sibbecai the Hushathite, Ilai the Ahohite, Sibbecai, also known as Mebunnai, and Ilai, also known as Zalmon
Maharai from Netophathite, Heled the son of Baanah from Netophathite,
Yo, shoutout to Ithai, Ribai’s homie from Gibeah, holding it down for the Benjamin fam, and Benaiah, straight outta Pirathon, repping hard.
Can’t forget about Hurai, chilling by the lit brooks of Gaash, and Abiel the Arbathite, you know how they roll.
Azmaveth from Baharum and Eliahba from Shaalbon, they’re in the mix too.
Big ups to the crew from Hashem and the cool Gizonite squad. Jonathan, son of Shage from Harar, holding it down tight.
Ahiam, son of Sacar the Hararite, and Eliphal, son of Ur, also known as Sharar and Eliphelet, or Ahasbai, they’re all here.
Shoutout to Hepher the Supplier from Mecherath, and Ahijah the Chill Pelonite, keeping it real.
Hezro from Carmel, Naarai, son of Ezbai, also known as Hezrai and Paarai the Arbite, holding it down.
Can’t forget about Joel, Nathan’s bro, and Mibhar, Haggeri’s kid, they’re part of the crew.
Zelek, the cool Ammonite dude, and Naharai, the awesome Berothite, Joab’s battle buddy who always had his back. By the way, Joab is Zeruiah’s son.
Ira from the Ithrite crew, and Gareb too, they’re holding it down.
Uriah the Hittite, Zabad, Ahlai’s kiddo, they’re all here.
Adina, Shiza’s son, was a total boss among the Reubenites. Led a squad of thirty warriors like a legend.
Hanan, Maachah’s child, and Joshaphat from Mithnite gang, keeping it real.
Uzzia, Shama, and Jehiel, the homies of Hothan from Aroer, part of the squad.
Jediael, son of Shimri, and his brother Joha, the Tizite, representing the family of Shimri.
Eliel the Mahavite, Jeribai, and Joshaviah, sons of Elnaam, and Ithmah the Moabite, all part of the squad.
Shoutout to the whole squad: Eliel, Obed, and Jasiel the Mesobaite, holding it down strong.

1 Chronicles 12

So, like, David was chilling hard in Ziklag, dodging Saul ’cause things were getting wild. And his squad? Straight up badasses, always ready to throw down. (David? Yeah, still keeping a low profile.)
These dudes were packing epic bows, skilled with both hands to sling stones and shoot arrows like pros. And guess what? They were Saul’s crew, reppin’ the Benjamin tribe.
Ahiezer, Joash, sons of Shemaah from Gibeath; Jeziel, Pelet, sons of Azmaveth; Berachah, Jehu the Antothite (also known as Hasmaah).
Ismaiah from Gibeon, part of the elite thirty. Plus, Jeremiah, Jahaziel, Johanan, Josabad the Gederathite holding it down.
Eluzai, Jerimoth, Bealiah, Shemariah, Shephatiah the Haruphite, tight crew.
Elkanah, Jesiah, Azareel, Joezer, Jashobeam, Korhites, all day.
Joelah and Zebadiah, sons of Jeroham, reppin’ Gedor.
Gadites, strong and fierce, joined David in the wild. Shields and bucklers? They got it. Faces fierce as lions, swift as deer. Battle-ready, quick as lightning.
Ezer leading the pack, Obadiah next, followed by Eliab.
Mishmannah, Jeremiah,
Attai takin’ sixth, Eliel holdin’ it down seventh.
Johanan eighth, Elzabad ninth,
Jeremiah tenth, Machbanai eleventh.
Gad crew? Straight fire! Big bosses leading the gang, weakest handling a hundred, strongest commanding a thousand. Weakling? Taking on a hundred solo. Boss? Handling a whole army. Power moves!
Crossed Jordan at the start of the year, flooded river and all. Took out everyone, east and west. Straight up conquerors.
So, like, some of the crew from Benjamin and Judah linked up with David at the HQ, you know?
And when David rolled out to meet them, he was like, “If you all are here to vibe with me and back me up, we’re gonna be tight like besties. But if any of you are here on some shady betrayal tip, even though I’ve been keeping it 💯, I hope the OG God notices and drops some truth bombs on you.”
Then Amasai, the head honcho, was filled with that spiritual juice. He was like, “David, bro, we’re ride or die with you! You’re the real deal, son of Jesse, fam. May peace and blessings flow with you and your squad, ’cause the Big Guy upstairs has got your back!” So David welcomed them into the crew and made them top dogs.
Some of the Manasseh crew rolled with David when he was squaring off against Saul and the Philistines. But they kinda kept it low-key, ’cause the Philistine higher-ups were worried David might flip the script on them and cause drama for everyone.
On the move to Ziklag, David got some solid backup from the Manasseh squad. Adnah, Jozabad, Jediael, Michael, Jozabad (yup, another one), Elihu, and Zilthai, leading thousands of warriors from Manasseh, had his back.
And these dudes were straight-up warriors, man. They had David’s six against those raiders, ’cause they were all about that strength and bravery. They were like the top dogs in the squad. #squadgoals #fightcrew
Every day, more peeps came to David’s side, and before you knew it, he had a massive army, like God’s own crew.
So, here’s the lowdown on the badass squad that suited up for war and joined David in Hebron. Their mission? To snatch the kingdom from Saul and hand it to David, just like the LORD said. (And by squad, I mean the big shots, the leaders, the head honchos.)
The Judah crew came in hot with 6,800 fierce warriors, decked out with shields and spears, ready to throw down.
The Simeon squad rolled up with a total of 7,100 fierce warriors, ready to crush any opposition.
The Levi crew brought in like, 4,600 peeps.
Jehoiada was running the show for the Aaronites, and he had a squad of three thousand and seven hundred backing him up.
And Zadok, this young gun who’s fearless AF, along with his dad’s fam, brought in a total of twenty-two boss captains.
Three thousand Benjamin kids, Saul’s crew, held it down for their fam, ’cause most of them were still loyal to Saul’s house. (And when I say “kindred,” I mean brethren, and “the greatest,” I mean a bunch of ’em.)
And then you had over 20k epic warriors from the Ephraim crew, all famous in their clans, known for their bravery and skills. #legends
So, like, 18k dudes from the half tribe of Manasseh, were all, like, handpicked to help make David king.
The tribe of Issachar had some seriously smart peeps who totally knew what was going on. They had 200 leaders, and everyone else was down to follow their lead.
Zebulun sent in 50k epic warriors, decked out with all the latest gear. These guys were legit—strategic, organized, and 100% committed. No fake vibes here, just all-in dedication.
Naphtali rolled up with a thousand leaders and 37k warriors armed with shields and spears.
The Danites brought 28,600 skilled fighters, ready for action.
Asher had 40k warriors who were all about that battle life. They were squad goals, always on point and organized.
Across the Jordan, the Reubenites, Gadites, and the other half of Manasseh showed up strapped with all kinds of weapons. They had a huge crew of 120k!
All these awesome warriors pulled up to Hebron, totally ready to crown David as king over all Israel. And yeah, everyone else in Israel was hyped and united in making David their king.
David and his crew partied for three days, feasting on good food and drinks, all set up by their fam.
Their neighbors, including Issachar, Zebulun, and Naphtali, brought tons of food and drinks like bread, fig cakes, raisins, wine, and oil. They had a bunch of oxen and sheep too. Everyone in Israel was stoked and celebrating!

1 Chronicles 13

So David talked to the top leaders and all the VIPs.
And David was like, “Yo, to all the peeps of Israel, if you’re cool with this and it’s all from the Lord our God, let’s reach out to our bros and sis everywhere, who are still left in the whole land of Israel, and get the priests and Levites too, in their cities and even nearby, so they can all come together with us. Let’s make it happen!”
“Yo, let’s bring back our God’s ark, ’cause we never even bothered asking ’bout it back in Saul’s time. #BringItBack”
And everyone was on board with it because it seemed like a good idea to everyone.
So David called all of Israel to gather up, from Shihor of Egypt all the way to the entrance of Hemath, to bring the ark of God from Kirjathjearim.
So David and all of Israel went to Baalah, which is also known as Kirjathjearim, in the land of Judah. Their mission was to bring back the ark of God the LORD, which is chilling out between the cherubims and has its name written on it.
So they took the ark of God and put it on a brand new cart from the crib of Abinadab. Uzza and Ahio were in charge of driving the cart. #smoothride
So David and all his squad in Israel went all out, jamming before God with max energy. They were rocking it with epic singing, strumming the harps, smashing the psalteries, banging the timbrels, crashing the cymbals, and blasting the trumpets. (singing: Hebrew for songs)
So when they got to the place called Chidon, Uzza reached out his hand to steady the ark because the oxen tripped. (Chidon was also known as Nachon.) (Tripped: or, gave it a shake)
God got really angry at Uzza when he touched the ark, so He struck him and Uzza died right there in front of Him.
David was super upset because the LORD caused a big problem with Uzza, so they named that place Perezuzza, which means the big problem with Uzza, and people still call it that today.
So David was like totally shooketh by God that day and was like, “Yo, how am I gonna bring the ark of God to my crib?”
So David didn’t bring the ark to his crib in the city of David, but instead took it to the crib of Obededom the Gittite.
So like, God’s ark stayed with Obededom’s fam in their crib for a solid three months. And man, the big man upstairs totally blessed Obededom’s house and everything he owned, no cap.

1 Chronicles 14

So there was this dude, King Hiram from Tyre, who sent some messengers to David with primo cedar wood and a squad of skilled workers—masons and carpenters—to build David an epic palace.
And David was like, “Wow, God’s totally got my back as king of Israel. My kingdom’s blowing up and everyone’s supporting me, especially the awesome people of Israel.”
So David, like, married more girls in Jerusalem and had a bunch more kids. #familygoals #expandingthefam
These are the names of the kids he had in Jerusalem: Shammua, Shobab, Nathan, and Solomon.
There’s also Ibhar, Elishua, and Elpelet. They’re part of the crew.
And like, don’t forget Nogah, Nepheg, and Japhia.
And then there were Elishama, Beeliada (also known as Eliada), and Eliphalet.
So when the Philistines found out that David was made king of all Israel, they were like, “Let’s go get David!” But David heard about it and was like, “Nah, I’m not backing down.” So he went out to face them head-on, no fear.
The Philistines rolled up and set up camp in the valley of Rephaim.
David asked God, “Yo, should I take on the Philistines? Will you help me win?” And the LORD was like, “Yeah, go for it! I got your back.”
So they went to Baalperazim, and David totally wrecked them there. David was like, “God just crushed my enemies like a tidal wave!” That’s why they called that place Baalperazim, meaning “place of total destruction.”
The Philistines ditched their idols, and David was like, “Let’s burn ’em!” So they torched the false gods.
But the Philistines weren’t done—they spread out in the valley again.
So David checked in with God, and God told him, “Don’t go straight at them. Circle around and ambush them near the mulberry trees.”
When you hear the sound of movement in the mulberry trees, that’s your cue to attack. God will be leading the way to give the Philistines a serious beatdown!
David did exactly what God told him, and they totally destroyed the Philistine army from Gibeon (also known as Geba) all the way to Gezer.
David became super famous, and everyone was totally scared of him because the Lord made him really intimidating to all the nations.

1 Chronicles 15

So, David built some lit cribs in the city of David and set up a dope spot for the ark of God, like a sick tent and everything.
David was like, “Only the Levites should be carrying the ark of God because the LORD specifically chose them for it. It’s totally their thing, no one else should touch it.”
So David gathered everyone in Israel and they all rolled up to Jerusalem to bring the ark of the LORD to its rightful spot that he had prepped.
David assembled the squad from Aaron’s fam and the Levites:
From Kohath’s crew, Uriel was the main dude, rolling with 120 of his homies.
From Merari’s squad, Asaiah was the leader, and he had 220 of his bros with him.
From Gershom’s crew, Joel was the head, leading his pack of 130 homies.
From Elizaphan’s crew, Shemaiah was the top guy with his 200 squad members.
From Hebron’s sons, Eliel was the leader, and he had 80 brothers with him.
From Uzziel’s squad, Amminadab was the boss, and his tight crew had 112 homies.
So David hit up Zadok and Abiathar, the priests, along with the Levites: Uriel, Asaiah, Joel, Shemaiah, Eliel, and Amminadab.
He told them, “You guys are the top leaders of the Levites. Make yourselves pure, along with your squad, so you can bring the ark of the LORD God of Israel to the spot I’ve set up.”
“Yo, because y’all didn’t do it right before, the LORD our God brought some consequences on us ’cause we didn’t seek Him in the right way.”
So the priests and the Levites got themselves ready to bring up the ark of the LORD God of Israel.
The Levites carried the ark of God on their shoulders with those dope poles, just like Moses told them to, all according to what the LORD said!
David talked to the head of the Levites, telling them to bring in their fellow Levites to be the sickest singers ever. Like, they gotta rock the stage with musical instruments – psalteries, harps, and cymbals – making awesome sounds while belting out their voices in pure joy.
The Levites chose Heman, son of Joel, to lead the crew. Asaph, son of Berechiah, was also chosen among his fellow Levites. And Ethan, son of Kushaiah, was picked from the sons of Merari, their brothers.
Hanging out with them were their bros from the second level: Zechariah, Ben, Jaaziel, Shemiramoth, Jehiel, Unni, Eliab, Benaiah, Maaseiah, Mattithiah, Elipheleh, Mikneiah, Obededom, and Jeiel, the ones in charge of keeping it cool at the entrance.
They chose Heman, Asaph, and Ethan to play the rad brass cymbals.
Zechariah, Aziel, Shemiramoth, Jehiel, Unni, Eliab, Maaseiah, and Benaiah were vibin’ on their psalteries, totally high-key on Alamoth.
And Mattithiah, Elipheleh, Mikneiah, Obededom, Jeiel, and Azaziah were totally killing it on the Sheminith with their epic harps, absolutely slaying the music scene. #TalentOverflow #EighthWonder
Chenaniah, the top Levite, was the DJ in charge of all the beats and tunes. He knew all the bangers and taught others how to drop the musical heat. Dude had mad skills, no cap.
Berechiah and Elkanah were like the security for the ark, keeping it safe and sound.
Shebaniah, Jehoshaphat, Nethaneel, Amasai, Zechariah, Benaiah, and Eliezer, the priests, were hyping up the crowd with their trumpet solos in front of the ark of God. Obededom and Jehiah were the chief security guards at the entrance to the ark.
David, the OGs of Israel, and the squad leaders were super excited to get the ark of the LORD’s covenant from Obededom’s place. It was all pure joy vibes.
So, when God was totally blessing the Levites who were carrying the ark of the LORD’s covenant, they sacrificed seven bulls and seven rams, you feel me?
David was rocking a fresh robe made of fancy linen, and all the Levites who carried the ark, along with the singers and the DJ Chenaniah, were also in linen drip. David was also rocking a linen ephod.
So, all the Israelites were super pumped and brought up the ark of the LORD’s covenant with lots of noise! They were shouting, blasting cornets, trumpets, and cymbals, and jamming out on psalteries and harps. It was a total vibe!
When the special box of God’s promises arrived in David’s city, this chick Michal, who was Saul’s daughter, saw King David dancing and celebrating through her window. And honestly, she was low-key judging him deep down.

1 Chronicles 16

So, they brought the ark of God and placed it smack in the middle of the tent David set up. Then they made some lit burnt sacrifices and peace offerings in front of God.
Once David finished with the burnt and peace offerings, he blessed everyone in the name of the LORD.
And he gave everyone in Israel, both guys and girls, a loaf of bread, a tasty chunk of meat, and a bottle of wine.
He picked some of the Levites to serve before the ark of the LORD, keep records, and give thanks and praise to the LORD God of Israel:
Asaph, the leader, had Zechariah, Jeiel, Shemiramoth, Jehiel, Mattithiah, Eliab, Benaiah, and Obededom with him. Jeiel played the lyres and harps, while Asaph rocked the cymbals.
Benaiah and Jahaziel, the awesome priests, were jamming on their trumpets 24/7 right in front of the holy ark of God’s covenant.
So, like, on that day, David gave Asaph and his crew this dope psalm to thank the LORD, you know?
Yo, praise the LORD! Hit him up, spread the word about all the amazing stuff He’s done.
Jam out and sing to Him, vibe with some epic psalms, and chat about all the cool things He’s done.
Praise His holy name and let the hearts of those who seek the LORD be full of joy.
Keep vibing with the LORD and level up your inner strength, stay constantly connected with His presence.
Don’t forget all the incredible things He’s done, just think about His mind-blowing miracles and the way He’s spoken with authority.
Yo, descendants of Israel – God’s loyal crew, children of Jacob, His chosen squad.
He’s like, the ultimate boss, the LORD our God, and His judgments are everywhere.
Always remember His promise; the message He passed down for a thousand generations.
God made a promise to Abraham and kept it real with Isaac,
Then He made it solid with Jacob, turning it into a forever deal for Israel.
“I got you with the land of Canaan, it’s gonna be yours for sure, no cap.
Even back when you were just a small squad, not knowing your way around.
So, like, they were moving around, nation to nation, kingdom to kingdom, you feel?
But He had their back, didn’t let anyone mess with them: He even called out kings for their sake,
‘Don’t mess with my chosen ones, and don’t mess with my prophets.’
Yo, let’s vibe and sing praise to the LORD, fam! Every day, let’s flex and share how He saves us.
Tell everyone about how awesome God is; let the whole world know about the incredible things He’s done.
OMG, the LORD is totally awe-inspiring and deserves mad props. He’s the realest, the most fearsome of all.
Those other gods people talk about? They’re fake, like idols or whatever. But the LORD? He’s the real deal. He created the whole freakin’ universe.
His presence is all about glory and honor; His place is flexing strength and feeling those good vibes.
Yo, everyone, show some love to the LORD, for real, give Him all the props and power He deserves.
Show mad respect to the LORD, give Him all the props He deserves: bring your offering and come to Him, worship the LORD with all your pure vibes.
Everyone better be shook in front of Him, all over the globe. The whole world better stay lit and steady, not even thinking about getting out of place.”
Yo, the skies are vibing, the earth’s hype, and everyone gotta spread the word to all the nations: the LORD is the real deal.
The ocean’s wildin’ out, making big waves and all that. And the fields? Straight up lit, celebrating with everything in them.
The trees in the forest gonna be lit AF when the LORD shows up to drop some righteous judgment on earth.
Let’s show some mad love to the LORD ’cause He’s straight-up good, and His mercy’s forever lasting, no cap.
And like, “Save us, God, the real MVP of our salvation! Bring us together, rescue us from the haters, so we can be grateful for Your holy name and flex in Your praises.”
Praise the Lord, God of Israel, forever and ever! And everyone was like, “Amen!” and praised the Lord.
Then he bounced with Asaph and his crew to keep it lit before the ark of the LORD, serving non-stop like it’s their 9 to 5 hustle.
Obededom and their squad, sixty-eight cool dudes, including Obededom, son of Jeduthun, and Hosah were the gatekeepers too.
Zadok the priest and his crew were doing their thing at the LORD’s tabernacle in this fancy spot called Gibeon.
To keep the vibes high, they were burning offerings on the altar all the time, morning and evening, following all the rules the LORD gave to Israel. Gotta start and end the day right, you know.
And there were these dope musicians like Heman and Jeduthun, plus a bunch of other awesome peeps, specially chosen to give mad props and shout-outs to the LORD, who’s all about that endless mercy. It’s lit, yo!
Heman and Jeduthun were there too, rocking trumpets and cymbals, creating those sick beats with their lit musical instruments. And Jeduthun’s homies were the gatekeepers, you feel?
Then everyone went back to their homes, and David went back to bless his own crib.

1 Chronicles 17

So, like, David was just vibing in his crib, and he’s like, “Yo, Nathan the prophet, check this out. I’m living in this lit cedar house, but the Lord’s covenant box is still covered up.”
So Nathan was like, “David, go ahead and do whatever you want, ’cause God’s got your back, bro.”
That night, God hit up Nathan and was like,
“Yo, go tell David, my main dude, this message: The LORD says, don’t even think about building a crib for me to chill in, you feel me?
I haven’t settled down in a fancy house ever since I brought Israel up. I’ve been going with the flow, moving from tent to tent, and hopping from one tabernacle to another. Just living life on the move, you know?
Whenever I’ve been with all of Israel, I never told any of the leaders I appointed to take care of my people, ‘Why haven’t you built me a sick crib made of fancy cedars?’
So tell my guy David this, the big man upstairs, the LORD of hosts, picked you up from shepherding sheep and stuff, like you were just hanging with the sheep fam, and now you’re gonna be the bossman over my people in Israel. It’s all about leadership vibes now, you feel me?
I’ve been by your side wherever you went, taking down all your haters, and making you famous like the top celebs out there.
I’ll totally set up this awesome spot for my people, the Israelites, where they can chill and never get kicked out again. No more haters trying to mess them up like in the old days; it’s gonna be solid.
And when I started appointing judges for my people Israel, I promised you that I would defeat all your enemies. Also, let it be known that the LORD will construct a house for you.
And when your days are over, and you gotta peace out to be with your ancestors, I’m gonna bring up your descendants, who will be your kids, and I’ll make sure their kingdom is strong and secure.
He’s gonna build me a dope crib, and I’ll make sure his throne is secured forever.
I’ll be his dad, and he’ll be my son: and I won’t ever stop being kind to him, like I stopped being kind to the person before you.
But I’m gonna chill with him in my crib and my kingdom forever, and his throne will be on point for all eternity.
After hearing all these words and seeing everything in this vision, Nathan straight-up went to David and was like, ‘Listen up, bro!’
Yo, King David pulled up and sat down in front of the LORD and was like, ‘Bruh, who even am I, God? And why you bringing me this far with all this success? Like, what’s the deal?’
But, like, God, you know, this was no big deal to you; because you’ve, like, totally talked about blessing my family forever and treated me with mad respect, like I’m some important person, dude, oh my Lord God.
Yo, what else can David say to show how much he respects you? You already know David’s got your back.
Yo, God, you’ve seriously come through for your servant, doing all these amazing things from the depths of your heart, making known all these mind-blowing miracles. It’s legit greatness, I tell you!
OMG, there’s literally no one like you, like seriously, no other God even comes close to you. Like, we’ve heard all about it with our own ears.
Yo, there’s literally no other squad on this earth that can even compare to your people, Israel. Like, God straight-up went all out to rescue y’all and make you His chosen fam. He did all this to make you famous and powerful and even kicked out other nations just to make sure you shine. Remember, He saved you from Egypt, fam!
You totally chose Israel as your crew, making them your forever fam. And, yo, you became their ultimate squad leader, LORD!
Yo, God, please make what you said about your servant and his fam happen for real and do as you said.
Like, let it be totally established forever and ever, you know? So that your name can be super famous, and everyone’s like, ‘Yo, the LORD of all the homies is the God of Israel, bro.’ Like, straight up, God is there for Israel, man. And let the house of David, your servant, be, like, totally solid in your sight, dude.
Yo, my God, you straight up told me that you’re gonna build me a dope house. That’s why I’ve felt it deep in my heart to pray to you. You’ve totally opened up my ears, God.
And yo, LORD, you are the OG God, and you straight-up promised this epic goodness to your homie, aka your servant.
So, like, could you maybe bless my crib forever? ‘Cause you’re always blessing, LORD, and it’ll be blessed forever, you know?”

1 Chronicles 18

Yo, so, like, after that, David straight up wrecked the Philistines, you feel me? He dominated them, took over Gath and its crew, snatching them from those Philistines.
And he totally crushed Moab; and the Moabites were all in for David, sending him crazy gifts and stuff.
David went full-on savage on Hadarezer, king of Zobah, all the way to Hamath. Dude was just securing his power by the river Euphrates, you know? #NoMercy #ConqueringGoals #RiversideVibes
David flexed hard, snagging a thousand lit chariots, seven thousand dope horsemen, and twenty thousand solid foot soldiers. He even disabled all those chariot-pulling horses, leaving only a hundred for himself. #boss
When the Syrians from Damascus tried to back up Hadarezer, David straight up wrecked them, taking out twenty-two thousand dudes.
David stationed his squad in Syriadamascus, and the Syrians became loyal, bringing him gifts. The LORD had David’s back wherever he went.
David snagged those golden shields from Hadarezer’s crew and flexed them all the way to Jerusalem.
David scored loads of brass from Tibhath and Chun, cities belonging to Hadarezer. Solomon used that brass to make some big bronze sea, pillars, and other brass stuff. (BTW, Tibhath is also called Betah in the book of Samuel, FYI!)
When King Tou of Hamath heard David totally wrecked Hadarezer of Zobah (who’s also known as Toi)…
He sent Hadoram, his son, to David to blesss him for the win (Hadarezer was battling Tou, FYI). Oh, and David took all sorts of fancy gold, silver, and bronze loot. (BTW, Hadoram is also called Joram. And by ‘blesss’ I mean props. Got it? Cool!)
King David hooked up the LORD with all that cash money he flexed from conquering Edom, Moab, Ammon, Philistines, and Amalek. 😎💰
Also, Abishai, Zeruiah’s son, totally wrecked 18,000 Edomites in the super salty valley. (Abishai is the same as Abshai, BTW)
David set up garrisons in Edom and all the Edomites became his crew. It’s wild, but the LORD had David’s back wherever he went.
David ran the show in Israel, making sure things were fair and just for all his peeps.
Joab, Zeruiah’s son, led the squad, and Jehoshaphat, Ahilud’s son, was the official record-keeper. (Or you could say ‘remembrancer’ if you’re feeling fancy.)
So, there were these dudes named Zadok (Ahitub’s son) and Abimelech (Abiathar’s son) who were the priests. And this other guy Shavsha was the scribe. Just a heads up, Abimelech was also known as Ahimelech and Shavsha went by Seraiah or Shisha too.
Benaiah, Jehoiada’s kid, ran the Cherethites and the Pelethites. And David’s sons had his back 24/7. #loyalty

1 Chronicles 19

So, like, after a minute, Nahash, the Ammonite king, passed away, and his kid stepped up as the new ruler.
David was all, ‘I gotta show love to Hanun, Nahash’s son, ’cause his dad was solid to me.’ So David sent his squad to console Hanun about his old man. And these David’s crew rolled up in Ammonite territory to kick it with Hanun and lift his spirits.
The Ammonite big shots straight up told Hanun, like, ‘You really think David’s being sincere by sending his crew? Nah, they’re here to snoop, plot, and spy on us, you feel?’
So, Hanun decided to clown David’s crew, giving them a major makeover. He shaved their heads, trimmed their threads real close, and sent them packing.
So, word got back to David about how his boys were treated. And he was like, ‘Yo, tell them to chill in Jericho till their hair grows back, then come back.’
So, when the Ammonites realized they ticked off David, Hanun and the crew sent a fat stack of cash to hire chariots and soldiers from Mesopotamia, Syriamaachah, and Zobah. Oh, and FYI, “odious” means to stink in Hebrew.
They rolled in with thirty-two thousand chariots, plus the king of Maachah and his crew. They set up camp in Medeba, and all the Ammonite cities joined forces.
When David got wind of it, he was like, ‘Joab, gather the A-team.’
The Ammonites lined up for battle outside the city gate, while the kings kicked it solo in the field.
Joab saw the battle was going south but pulled a genius move, pitting the best Israelites against the Syrians.
He left the rest to his bro, Abishai, ready to take on the Ammonites.
Joab was like, ‘If the Syrians are too much for me, back me up. And if the Ammonites are too strong for you, I got your back.’
Stay strong, show courage for our squad and our lit God cities. Let the LORD do His thing. 🙌
So Joab and his crew rolled on the Syrians, who booked it before they knew what hit ’em.
Seeing the Syrians bounce, the Ammonites were like, ‘Time to jet!’ and bolted into the city. Joab headed back to Jerusalem.
The Syrians saw they were losing and called for backup from across the river, led by Shophach, also known as Shobach.
David heard and was like, ‘Nuh-uh!’ He rallied Israel and crossed the Jordan, prepping for battle.
The Syrians scattered when Israel showed up. David wrecked 7K chariot riders and 40K infantry, including Shophach.
Hadarezer’s crew saw they were toast, made peace with David, and ditched the Ammonites for good.

1 Chronicles 20

So, like, when the year was done and all, you know, during that time when kings usually hit the battlefield, Joab rolled out with his squad and totally owned the Ammonites. Then he pulled up and surrounded Rabbah. But David was just chilling back in Jerusalem, doing his thing. Anyway, Joab went in on Rabbah and straight up wrecked it. Yeah, right after the year wrapped, you know.
So David snatched the king’s crown right off his dome, and guess what? That thing was heavy af, like a whole talent of gold! And not just that, it was iced out with some serious bling. He straight up threw that crown on his own head, like a boss. And on top of that, he bagged a major loot haul from the city.
So he brought out all the peeps from there and totally messed them up with saws, iron harrows, and axes. David totally laid waste to all the Ammonite cities. Then David and the whole crew bounced back to Jerusalem.
So there was this epic showdown going down in Gezer with the Philistines. Sibbechai the Hushathite straight up owned Sippai, who was one of those giant dudes, and they totally dominated. It was wild, man.
So there was another brawl with the Philistines and Elhanan, Jair’s son, took down Lahmi, Goliath the Gittite’s bro. Lahmi’s spear was massive, like a super thick weaving rod. (Jair was also known as Jaareoregim.)
Once again, there was a major clash going down in Gath. They had this one dude who was mega tall and had a total of twenty-four fingers and toes, six on each hand and foot! Insane, right? And get this, he was actually the son of a giant. No joke!
But yo, when he disrespected Israel, Jonathan, Shimea, David’s bro, straight up took him out. (Defied can mean like, he insulted or disrespected) (Oh, and just so you know, Shimea is also called Shammah, you feel me?)
These kids were born to the massive dude from Gath; and David and his crew totally handled them.

1 Chronicles 21

So, Satan, this real shady dude, slides up on Israel and totally persuades David to do a headcount of all the peeps in Israel.
David’s like, “Hey Joab and crew, go count every last one of the Israelites from Beersheba to Dan and hit me back with those digits, ya know?”
Joab’s all, “May the LORD bless His peeps even more, but hey, King, ain’t they all your crew anyway? Why you gotta do this and mess things up?”
But King David’s decision was final. Joab jets off, traveling all over Israel, finally landing in Jerusalem.
Joab spills the count to David. Turns out, Israel’s squad is a million strong plus 100K sword-wielding dudes, and Judah’s packing 470,000 swordsmen.
But Joab leaves out Levi and Benjamin ’cause he ain’t vibin’ with the king’s call.
God ain’t pleased and decides to lay down the law on Israel. (And the LORD’s pretty bummed about it, tbh.)
David’s like, “God, I messed up big time here, my bad. Please, forgive my epic fail.”
And the LORD’s like, “Yo, Gad, David’s seer, listen up,”
“Yo, go tell David this, straight from the LORD: I got three options for you, pick one and I’ll make it happen for you. For real.”
So Gad rolls up on David and says, “The LORD’s got choices for you, bro.”
“You got three options: endure three years of famine, face your enemies for three months, orrr… how ’bout three days of the Lord’s sword, like a major pandemic sweeping the whole land, with the angel of the Lord spreading destruction? So, think it over and let me know.”
David’s like, “This is tough. I’ll roll with the Almighty ’cause His mercy’s off the charts. But please, spare me from human drama.”
So, the LORD sends a plague, and it’s heavy: seventy thousand dudes hit the deck.
God’s had it up to here with Jerusalem, so He sends this fierce angel to wreck shop. Mid-destruction, God’s like, “Pause, let’s rethink.” He tells the angel, “Alright, that’s enough. Cease and desist.” And guess where this angel kicks it? At Ornan the Jebusite’s threshing floor, FYI, Ornan’s also Araunah. Cool, huh? 😎
So David peeped up and spotted this angel dude straight from the LORD just posted up between heaven and earth, holding a sword and ready to wreck Jerusalem. David and the squad of Israel, rockin’ some humble sackcloth, straight up dropped to the ground on their faces.
Yo, God, listen up. My bad, I was the one who told the people to take that census. Yeah, I messed up big time and did some real shady stuff. But these innocent homies didn’t do squat. So here’s the deal, God. Lay the blame on me and my crew, but don’t let your people catch any heat.
So, basically, this angel dude sent word to David through Gad saying he needs to go and build, like, a holy spot for the LORD on this threshing floor owned by Ornan the Jebusite.
So David was like, ‘Word, Gad, I hear you loud and clear. You speakin’ for the Lord? Count me in! Let’s make moves!’
Ornan was just doing his thing, you know, threshing wheat, when suddenly, he spots an angel. And guess what? Him and his four sons straight up panicked and dipped.
So David rolled up on Ornan, and when Ornan peeped David, he bounced off the threshing floor and humbly bowed down with his face on the ground.
So David was like, ‘Hey Ornan, can you hook me up with this threshing floor? I wanna build an altar for the LORD there. But don’t just give it to me, I’m down to pay full price. It’s crucial ’cause it could stop the plague from spreading among the people.’
And Ornan was like, ‘Yo David, take this stuff and do your thing, man. Check it, I’m hookin’ you up with these dope oxen for the burnt offerings, and the gear for firewood, and the wheat for the meat offering. It’s all yours, bro.’
King David was like, no way dude, I’m totally gonna cop it from you at the regular price. Can’t just take your stuff and offer sacrifices to the Lord without paying up, you feel?
So David dropped six hundred shekels of gold on Ornan for the land, no discounts.
So David was like ‘Yo, I’m gonna set up an altar for the LORD right here.’ He made some lit burnt offerings and peace offerings, then shouted out to the LORD. And guess what? The LORD straight up answered, with some fire from heaven right on that altar for the burnt offering. How sick is that?
So God was like, ‘Yo, angel, chill and put that sword away.’
David was hyped when he saw the Lord answered his prayers on Ornan the Jebusite’s turf. Decided to make a sacrifice right then and there!
Back in the day, Moses built this dope tabernacle for the LORD out in the boonies, along with a sick altar for burnt offerings. They were set up in this super legit spot called Gibeon.
But David couldn’t hit up God’s DMs for advice ’cause he was shook, fearing that angel of the LORD packin’ heat.

1 Chronicles 22

So David was like, ‘Hey fam, peep this! This spot right here is where the LORD God kicks it, and we’re dropping those burnt offerings for Israel.’
So David told everyone to round up all the folks from other lands who were chilling in Israel, and he hired skilled craftspeople to carve up stones for God’s pad.
So David stocked up on iron for the nails holding up the doors and hinges, and scored a ton of brass that felt like featherlight.
And there was mad cedar: the homies from Zidon and Tyre hooked David up with heaps of cedar wood.
David was like, ‘Bro, my son Solomon is a young blood, and the crib we’re building for the LORD needs to be lit AF, globally known and respected. So I’m prepping like crazy, gotta hustle before I bounce.’
So he hit up Solomon, his boy, and was like, ‘Yo dude, it’s on you to build this epic crib for the LORD God of Israel.’
‘Ay, Solomon, listen up! I’m thinking, bro, let’s build a dope crib for the LORD, my God.’
So, like, God hit me up and was like, ‘Bruh, you’ve been in way too many scraps and spilled too much blood. My bad, but you can’t construct my crib ’cause you’ve been too heavy on the violence tip.’
Check it, your son’s gonna be all about that chill vibe. He’ll handle the haters like a boss. His name’s Solomon, which means peace. His era’s gonna be all about tranquility in Israel. No drama, just good vibes, you dig? Peace out!
He’ll make a lit spot in my name, be my main man, and I’ll be his pops. His reign over Israel will be forever, straight up.
‘Yo dude, may the LORD be with you and bless you building his crib, just like he said he would.’
May the LORD bless you with mad wisdom and understanding, and put you in charge of Israel, so you can keep it real with his laws.
If you wanna succeed, stick to the rules and laws the LORD gave through Moses to Israel. Stay strong, be brave, and don’t trip.
Bro, when times were tough, I hustled and stacked up a hundred thousand talents of gold, plus a mil talents of silver. And let me tell you, I’ve got so much brass and iron it’s off the charts. Oh, and I’ve got wood and stone for days. If you need more, just say the word.
Plus, you’ve got a squad of skilled workers. Builders, stonecutters, woodworkers, you name it. They’re pros at what they do!
There’s, like, so much gold, silver, brass, and iron it’s crazy. So, get on your grind, and may the LORD be with you, you know?
David told all the big dogs in Israel to have Solomon’s back, and here’s what he said,
Isn’t the LORD your God vibing with you? Hasn’t he hooked you up with mad peace? He made the folks in the land give it up to me, and now it’s all under the LORD’s and his crew’s control.
Yo, focus your energy on finding the LORD your God. Get up and start building a dope sanctuary for the LORD. Bring the lit ark of the covenant of the LORD and all the holy stuff into the sick crib we’re building in the LORD’s name.

1 Chronicles 23

So, when David was hella old and had lived a mad long life, he decided to pass the torch to Solomon, his son, making him the king of Israel.
And he gathered all the lit fam of Israel, including the holy squad and the faithful crew.
So, the Levites, they got counted when they hit thirty and up. And when they did the count, like, one by one, there were a total of 38,000 of them. Pretty dope, right?
Out of the crew, there were 24K dudes dedicated to the house of the LORD, getting stuff done. Then, there were another 6K peeps handling business as officers and judges, making sure everything ran smooth.
There were also like, 4k gatekeepers and 4k talented peeps jammin’ and praising the LORD with the sick instruments that I, David, hooked up for praising.
So David divided them into different crews for the sons of Levi, like Gershon, Kohath, and Merari.
The Gershonites had Laadan and Shimei, or you can call him Libni too.
Laadan’s squad was led by Jehiel, along with Zetham and Joel, three of ’em.
Shimei’s crew was Shelomith, Haziel, and Haran, three of them. These dudes led the dads in the Laadan fam.
Shimei had four sons: Jahath, Zina (also known as Zizah), Jeush, and Beriah.
Jahath was the head honcho, and Zizah was second in command, but Jeush and Beriah didn’t have many kids. So they were counted together, based on their dad’s fam.
Here are the sons of Kohath: Amram, Izhar, Hebron, and Uzziel, four in total.
Amram had two sons, Aaron and Moses. Aaron was chosen to handle the holiest tasks. He and his sons were to forever burn incense and serve the LORD. They were responsible for blessing in his name forever.
So, speaking of Moses, the dude picked by God, his kids were in the Levi tribe.
Moses had two sons named Gershom and Eliezer.
Shebuel was the head honcho among Gershom’s crew. (He also goes by Shubael, just so you know.)
Eliezer only had one son, Rehabiah, who was the leader. And Rehabiah had a bunch of sons, like, seriously a lot.
Among Izhar’s kids, the main dude was Shelomith, also known as Shelomoth.
Hebron’s kids included Jeriah, Amariah, Jahaziel, and Jekameam.
Uzziel had two sons: Michah and Jesiah.
Merari had some sons named Mahli and Mushi. Mahli’s sons were Eleazar and Kish.
Eleazar had no sons but daughters. His relatives, the sons of Kish, took care of them.
Mushi’s crew included Mahli, Eder, and Jeremoth, three of them.
These were the sons of Levi, following their family lines. They were the leaders, named and counted, responsible for handling stuff at the house of the LORD. They started their service at age twenty and up.
David was like, yo, the LORD God of Israel hooked up His peeps, letting them chill in Jerusalem forever. And by the way, He’s posted in Jerusalem, you get me?
And to the Levites too, they won’t have to haul around the tabernacle or any of its stuff for their duties.
So, like, David, before he bounced, he made sure to count all the Levites who were twenty years old and up. He really made sure to number them and all.
Because they were responsible for helping the sons of Aaron in their duties in the house of the LORD, whether in the courts, chambers, purifying holy stuff, or any work related to the service of the house of God; they were by the side of the sons of Aaron.
This included the bread for display, the top-notch flour for offering, the tasty flatbread, the pan-cooked dishes, the fried stuff, and all the measurements needed for everything.
And every morning and evening, they had to be there, ready to show gratitude to the LORD, no exceptions.
And they had to make sure to offer all those burnt sacrifices to the LORD on the sabbaths, at the start of the months, and during the scheduled celebrations, following the proper procedure given to them, always in front of the LORD.
And they gotta, like, make sure they’re on top of things when it comes to taking care of the tabernacle where everyone meets up, and also the sacred place, and they should totally support their bros, the sons of Aaron, in serving at the house of the LORD.

1 Chronicles 24

Yo, check it, Aaron’s fam squad: Nadab, Abihu, Eleazar, and Ithamar, his sons.
But, yo, Nadab and Abihu dipped before their pops, and didn’t have any heirs, so Eleazar and Ithamar took over priest duties.
David sorted them out, with Zadok from Eleazar’s crew, and Ahimelech from Ithamar’s squad, putting them in charge.
Eleazar’s fam had more top dudes than Ithamar’s crew, so that’s how they split. Sixteen from Eleazar’s fam, and eight from Ithamar’s, based on their fam lines.
They drew lots to divide them. The ones running the holy spot and the crib of God came from both Eleazar’s and Ithamar’s crews.
Shemaiah, Nethaneel’s son and a scribe, wrote all this in front of the king, the princes, Zadok the priest, Ahimelech son of Abiathar, and the big-shot leaders from the priests and Levites. They divvied up the households, one for Eleazar and one for Ithamar, based on their fam line.
Jehoiarib grabbed the first spot, and Jedaiah took the second.
Then there’s Harim holdin’ down the third, and Seorim keepin’ it real at four.
Malchijah’s in fifth, and Mijamin’s reppin’ six.
Hakkoz takes the seventh, and Abijah’s got the eighth.
Jeshua’s in ninth, and Shecaniah’s in tenth.
Eliashib grabs eleven, and Jakim’s at twelve.
Huppah’s rollin’ with thirteen, and Jeshebeab’s holdin’ it at fourteen.
Bilgah snags fifteen, while Immer settles for sixteen.
Hezir’s got seventeen, and Aphses gets eighteen.
Pethahiah locks in nineteen, while Jehezekel nails twenty.
Jachin’s the twenty-first, and Gamul’s twenty-second. Just sayin’.
Delaiah’s twenty-third, and Maaziah’s twenty-fourth.
They were on duty at the LORD’s spot, doin’ their thing like Aaron, their OG dad, was told by the LORD God of Israel.
There were more cool dudes from the Levi squad: Amram’s son was Shubael, and Shubael’s son was Jehdeiah. Oh, and Shubael was also Shebuel.
Talkin’ Rehabiah: Isshiah was the main dude among Rehabiah’s kids.
From the Izhar crew, there was Shelomoth. His son Jahath, also known as Shelomith.
Hebron’s sons: Jeriah, the eldest; Amariah, the second; Jahaziel, the third; Jekameam, the fourth.
Uzziel’s squad had Michah. And Michah’s boy was Shamir.
Michah’s bro was Isshiah, and Zechariah was Isshiah’s son.
Merari’s homies were Mahli and Mushi, and Jaaziah’s kids were Beno.
Merari had Jaaziah, with Beno, Shoham, Zaccur, and Ibri.
Mahli’s son was Eleazar, but he didn’t have any kids.
Kish’s son was Jerahmeel.
Mushi’s dudes were Mahli, Eder, and Jerimoth. These were the Levites, keepin’ it in the family.
These bros also threw dice in front of their Aaron bros, with King David, Zadok, Ahimelech, and the top dads of the priests and Levites there, lookin’ out for the younger crew.

1 Chronicles 25

So David and the army bosses hooked up some skilled folks to vibe with the sons of Asaph, Heman, and Jeduthun. These guys were lit at predicting stuff while jamming on harps, guitars, and cymbals. Here’s the crew count for each gig:
As for the sons of Asaph, we got Zaccur, Joseph, Nethaniah, and Asarelah, who rocked it alongside Asaph, spitting truths under the king’s order. (BTW, Asarelah was also known as Jesharelah.)
Jeduthun had his own hype team with Gedaliah, Zeri (or Izri), Jeshaiah, Hashabiah, and Mattithiah, a squad of six. They all jammed with pops Jeduthun, who was a master at the harp. But yo, they weren’t just messing around, they had a divine mission! They used their musical talents to thank and shout out to the LORD, spreading positive vibes.
Heman’s crew was lit too: Bukkiah, Mattaniah, Uzziel, Shebuel, Jerimoth, Hananiah, Hanani, Eliathah, Giddalti, Romamtiezer, Joshbekashah, Mallothi, Hothir, and Mahazioth. Uzziel was also known as Azareel, and Shebuel went by Shubael.
Yo, Heman was the real deal, the king’s visionary, who had a direct hotline to God to pump up the party. And God blessed Heman with a squad of fourteen sons and three daughters. That’s some divine love right there!
All these peeps had one job: to rock out in their dad’s band at God’s crib. They had cymbals, guitars, and harps, and their gig was to turn up at the house of God, doing whatever the king commanded. Asaph, Jeduthun, and Heman were running the show, just like the king wanted.
So, like, there were a total of 288 super talented siblings who were totally on point with singing the LORD’s tunes.
And they flipped coins to decide, no matter if they were popular influencers or just regular folks.
So, Asaph got picked first, and Joseph was his wingman. Next, Gedaliah and his crew, totaling twelve dudes!
Then Zaccur stepped up with his own squad of twelve, including his kids and bros.
Izri and his posse came next, twelve deep with siblings and all, holding it down for the fourth group.
Nethaniah followed up, with twelve in his team, repping with sons and buddies.
Bukkiah took sixth place, rolling with twelve including himself, his crew, and fam.
Jesharelah was the big boss, leading twelve including his sons and bros.
Jeshaiah and the gang, twelve strong with sons and brothers, came in at number eight.
Mattaniah and his crew, twelve deep with sons and bros, holding it down.
Shimei and his posse, twelve deep with friends and fam, locked it in.
Azareel took eleventh place, rolling with twelve including sons and brothers.
Hashabiah was squad leader, twelve deep with friends, sons, and bros.
And rounding it off, Shubael, number thirteen in the lineup, with twelve peeps in tow—his kids and bros.
So like, Mattithiah, he was holding down the fourteenth spot, rolling with his squad – his sons and his homies, twelve of them altogether.
Jeremoth was repping the fifteenth position, rolling deep with his sons and his bros, also a solid twelve.
Hananiah and his crew, with his kids and bros, locked in that sixteenth spot with a dozen in tow.
Then there’s Joshbekashah, he was a real chill dude, had a dozen sons and a bunch of homies.
Hanani was next up, bringing his squad, his homies, twelve in all.
Mallothi was in at nineteen, had his twelve homies, including his sons and his bros.
Eliathah and his squad, him, his boys, and his homies, also a cool twelve.
Hothir and his squad, his homies and his bros, a solid dozen of dope individuals.
Giddalti, holding down the twenty-second spot, with his sons and brothers, twelve strong.
Mahazioth, twenty-third in line, rolling with twelve sons and brothers, you know?
Romamtiezer and his squad, sons and homies, making a solid twelve, keeping it real.

1 Chronicles 26

Yo, let’s dive into the squad of gatekeepers, cool peeps for real: One of them was Meshelemiah, Kore’s kid, reppin’ the Asaph crew. (BTW, Meshelemiah also went by Shelemiah, and sometimes Asaph was called Ebiasaph, just FYI.)
Meshelemiah’s crew included Zechariah (the big bro), Jediael (next in line), Zebadiah (number three), and Jathniel (the fourth dude).
The squad looked like this: Elam holdin’ it down at number five, Jehohanan takin’ spot number six, and Elioenai holdin’ it at seven.
Plus, Obededom had his own fam: Shemaiah, the oldest; Jehozabad next in line; Joah after that; Sacar, fourth in line; and Nethaneel, the baby of the fam.
Ammiel snagged spot six, Issachar lucked out with seven, and Peulthai secured spot eight. Blessings were flowing for Obededom, man!
Shemaiah’s kids became rulers in their dad’s house, and let me tell you, they were straight-up beasts, super strong and brave.
Shemaiah’s sons were Othni, Rephael, Obed, and Elzabad. And they had some ripped bros like Elihu and Semachiah too.
So, Obededom had a whopping sixty-two sons, along with their cousins and other skilled, strong dudes, all ready to serve.
Meshelemiah’s crew was epic too, absolute units, like, crazy strong—total of 18 of ’em.
Then there’s Hosah, from the Merari fam, with his own squad. There’s Simri, leading the pack, and even though he wasn’t the oldest, his dad still put him in charge.
Hosah had thirteen homies: Hilkiah, Tebaliah, Zechariah, and more bros holdin’ it down.
So there were these porter groups, top guys, holdin’ it down in different spots, lookin’ out for each other, doing their thing, serving in the LORD’s house.
And they used TikTok challenges to decide which gate each person from different fam backgrounds would guard. Age didn’t matter, fair game for everyone. #familygatecasting #equality
Shelemiah got the eastern area, and they actually threw some dice to decide where Zechariah, his son who’s, like, super smart and wise, would go. Turns out, Zechariah got the northern spot. (Oh, and Shelemiah is also Meshelemiah, just so you know.)
Obededom and his sons were given the Asuppim crib in the southern region. (Asuppim means gatherings in Hebrew)
Shuppim and Hosah locked down the west side by the Shallecheth gate, posted up near the walkway. They were all about holding it down in their zone.
Picture this: six Levites clocking in, four facing east, four each day looking north and south. Two Levites holding it down at the Asuppim gate, and two on backup.
Over on the west side of Parbar, four guards posted up at the entrance, with two more holding it down inside Parbar itself.
That’s the squad of gatekeepers repping the Kore and Merari fam.
Now, when it comes to the Levites, Ahijah was the go-to guy for all the lit gear in God’s crib, like the insane treasures and the super holy stuff.
Let’s chat about the Laadan crew – straight up Gershonite legends. Laadan was the big cheese, the OG, leading the pack for all the Gershonites. And peep this, Jehieli, aka Jehiel, was right there in Laadan’s inner circle. (Oh, and just FYI, Libni is another name for Laadan, in case you didn’t know.)
Jehieli’s crew had two main homies, Zetham and Joel, handling all the mad stacks in the house of the LORD.
Now, from the Amram, Izhar, Hebron, and Uzziel fam:
Shebuel, son of Gershom, who’s the son of Moses, was the big boss of all the treasures.
Eliezer had some serious fam vibes: his son Rehabiah, his son Jeshaiah, his son Joram, his son Zichri, and his son Shelomith.
Shelomith and his squad were all about protecting the epic treasures of the holy place. These treasures were dedicated by King David, the top brass, the commanders, and the warriors of the army.
They used the loot they snagged from epic battles to keep the house of the LORD up and running. #battlebooty
Everything from what Samuel the seer, Saul Kish’s son, Abner Ner’s son, and Joab Zeruiah’s son had offered up; and anything else, it was all greenlit by Shelomith and his crew.
Among the Izharites, Chenaniah and his squad were holding it down outside, keeping order for the peeps of Israel, serving as officers and judges.
Over in Hebron, Hashabiah and his crew were some serious warriors, totaling one thousand seven hundred strong. They were the top dogs, leading the charge for Israel this side of the Jordan, handling all the crucial tasks for the LORD and the king. They were running the show, making sure everything was on point!
Enter Jerijah, bossing up among the Hebronites, carrying on the legacy of his ancestors. Around David’s 40th year in charge, they went on a mission and found some seriously elite warriors in Jazer of Gilead.
Jerijah and his squad, a crew of 2,700 top-tier dads, were appointed by King David as rulers over the Reubenites, Gadites, and half the tribe of Manasseh. They handled all things related to God and the king’s business like absolute bosses.

1 Chronicles 27

So, like, the Israelites had this whole squad system, ya know? Main dudes leading groups of thousands and hundreds, with officers assisting the king. Each month, a different crew of twenty-four thousand peeps took their turn serving. Pretty rad, right?
First month, Jashobeam, Zabdiel’s son, led his squad of 24,000 warriors.
Squad captain in the first month was a Perez descendant.
Second month, Dodai, an Ahohite, was in charge, with Mikloth in his crew. Dodo, aka Dodai, led 24,000 peeps.
Benaiah, Jehoiada’s son, a top-tier priest, led his boss crew of 24,000 in the third month.
Benaiah, a total beast, was the strongest among thirty warriors. His son Ammizabad was right there with him, like father, like son.
Asahel, Joab’s bro, led his 24,000 squad for the fourth month, succeeded by his son Zebadiah.
Fifth month’s top-scorer was Shamhuth the Izrahite, with 24,000 in his squad.
Ira, Ikkesh the Tekoite’s son, led 24,000 soldiers in the sixth month.
Helez the Pelonite, from Ephraim, led his 24,000 crew for the seventh month.
Sibbecai the Hushathite led a whopping 24,000 in the eighth month.
Abiezer from Anetoth, representing the Benjamites, led 24,000 soldiers in the ninth month.
Maharai the Netophathite, representing the Zarhites, led 24,000 warriors in the tenth month.
Benaiah the Pirathonite, from the Ephraim fam, led his 24,000 warriors in the cool eleventh month.
Heldai the Netophathite, aka Heled, led 24,000 in the twelfth month.
Eliezer, Zichri’s son, led the Reubenites, and Shephatiah, Maachah’s son, led the Simeonites.
Among the Levites was Hashabiah, Kemuel’s son, and representing the Aaronites was Zadok.
Elihu, David’s sibling, represented Judah, and Omri, Michael’s kid, represented Issachar.
Ishmaiah, Obadiah’s kid, repped Zebulun, while Jerimoth, Azriel’s offspring, held it down for Naphtali.
Hoshea, Azaziah’s offspring, repped Ephraim, and Joel, Pedaiah’s son, repped half of Manasseh.
From Manasseh in Gilead, Iddo, Zechariah’s son, held it down, while Jaasiel, Abner’s son, flexed hard for Benjamin.
Azareel, Jeroham’s son, was a big shot representing Dan among the tribes of Israel.
David didn’t count those under twenty years old, trusting God’s promise to make Israel as numerous as stars.
Joab started counting but never finished, angering God, so the numbers weren’t recorded.
Azmaveth, Adiel’s son, managed the king’s treasures. Jehonathan, Uzziah’s son, handled storehouses.
Ezri, Chelub’s son, managed those working in the fields.
Shimei the Ramathite managed vineyards, Zabdi the Shiphmite wine cellars.
Baalhanan the Gederite took care of olive and sycomore trees, Joash managed oil cellars.
Shitrai the Sharonite managed grazing animals, Shaphat, Adlai’s son, oversaw herds.
Obil, the Ishmaelite, managed camels, Jehdeiah, the Meronothite, managed donkeys.
Jaziz the Hagerite managed flocks. They took care of all of King David’s stuff.
Jonathan’s uncle was a legit wise adviser and writer, Jehiel, Hachmoni’s offspring, was the king’s personal secretary.
Ahithophel was the king’s trusted advisor, Hushai from Archite squad was the king’s bestie.
Following Ahithophel were Jehoiada, Benaiah’s son, and Abiathar. Joab was the king’s badass general.

1 Chronicles 28

So David hit up all the OG leaders of Israel – the tribe heads, the squad bosses on rotation, the big shots and the small fry, plus the peeps managing all of the king and his sons’ gear and stash. He even reached out to the VIPs, the warriors, and all the brave souls to roll through Jerusalem. (Oh, and when it says ‘possessions,’ think of it as their sick gear. And ‘officers’ could mean like, those eunuch dudes, you know?)
So, David, the king, stepped up and was like, ‘Listen up, fam! Got this vibe in my heart to build a lit house for the ark of the LORD’s covenant and for God’s kick-back spot. And guess what? I was totally ready to make it happen!
But then God hit me with, ‘Nah, you can’t construct a crib for my name, ’cause you’ve been all about that battlefield hustle, spilling blood left and right.’
But yo, the LORD God of Israel picked me, even before my old man’s crew, to be the forever king of Israel, ’cause he chose Judah to lead the pack. And out of all the homies in my dad’s posse, he chose me to be the king of all Israel, straight up.
Out of all my kids (and believe me, I got a squad), the LORD picked my boy Solomon to take the throne and rule over Israel in His kingdom.
And he was like, yo, Solomon, your bro, he’s gonna be the one to flex and build my crib and my chill spots. ‘Cause I totally chose him to be my homie, like my son, and I’m gonna be his dope dad.
Yo, his kingdom gonna be on point forever, as long as he stays solid following my commandments and judgments, like how it is right now.
So, like, everyone in Israel, listen up! Let’s all link up, with our awesome God watching, and make sure we follow every single command He’s laid down. By doing that, we’ll totally vibe in this sick land and pass it down to our kids as a lit inheritance that will last forever.
Yo, Solomon my dude, listen up! Get to know the God your pops worshipped and be all about serving him with a real heart and a totally willing mindset. ‘Cause let me tell you, the Big Guy upstairs sees straight through us all, knows what’s up in our heads. So if you actually try to connect with him, you’ll find him right there with you. But bro, if you turn your back on him, he’s gonna bounce, no second chances.
Listen up, fam; God chose you to build His crib, the sanctuary. Stay lit and get it done.
So David hooked up Solomon, his son, with all the deets on how to build the porch, houses, treasuries, upper chambers, inner parlors, and the spot for the mercy seat.
And the blueprint of everything he had envisioned by the spirit, including the layout of the LORD’s house and all the surrounding rooms, as well as the storage spaces for the treasures of God’s house and the sacred items. (This includes everything he had envisioned with him.)
And yeah, don’t forget about the stuff the priests and Levites do, you know, all the work and services they have to handle at the house of the LORD, including taking care of all the sacred items there.
He traded gold for gold, weighing it carefully to obtain all types of instruments needed for various purposes. He also exchanged silver for silver, ensuring the right weight for all kinds of instruments required for different tasks.
Even the measurements for the gold candlesticks and their gold lamps, with precise measurements for each candlestick and its lamps. And also the measurements for the silver candlesticks, both for the candlestick itself and its lamps, according to the specific purpose of each candlestick.
So, like, he swapped out gold for the bread tables, keeping it real with the weight, just like he did with the silver for the silver tables, you know?
And there were these lit gold fleshhooks, bowls, and cups, and even these golden basins, all weighed out perfectly. And then there were these silver basins, matching the gold ones in weight, but, you know, silver.
The incense altar? Pure gold, measured with precision. And those cherubims? Straight flexin’ with gold, wings spread out, guarding the LORD’s covenant, you feel me?
God dropped some mad wisdom on me, King David, with His words flowin’ like poetry. He laid out the blueprint, guiding me with His hand. No joke, I got it all, every detail.
David’s like, “Yo, Solomon, my dude, stay strong, stay confident, and don’t trip. ‘Cause the LORD God, yeah, my God, He’s got your back. He ain’t ghostin’ you ’til the crib for the LORD is fully decked out.”
And peep this, Solomon: the priests and the Levites are gonna ride with you, handling business in the house of God. You’ll have a squad of skilled cats, ready to grind on any task. Leaders, crew, everyone’s got your back, straight-up under your command.

1 Chronicles 29

Yo, fam! King David dropped some serious wisdom for the squad. He was like, ‘Listen up, y’all! My boy Solomon, he’s God’s chosen one. But let’s be real, he’s still young and green, and this gig ain’t no joke. This ain’t just any old spot, it’s the crib for the Most High himself, you feel me?
So, I went all out prepping for God’s house. I copped the freshest gold for gold stuff, the slickest silver for silver gear, and the dopest brass for brass items. Oh, and can’t forget about iron, got that covered too. And of course, I hooked it up with some legit wood for wooden gear. Talk about bling, I got onyx stones, all kinds of lit gemstones, and marble stones for days. It’s gonna be lit!
Bro, I’m all about showing love for God’s crib. I personally threw down some sick stash, like gold and silver, to deck out God’s place. It’s extra on top of everything else I already had lined up for the holy house, you know?
They needed, like, a crazy amount of gold from Ophir, and an insane load of refined silver to deck out the walls, you know?
The cash for gold goes to gold, and the cash for silver goes to silver, and for all kinds of dope stuff made by skilled artists. So, who’s down to dedicate their hustle to the LORD today? Like, put your skills to work for Him, you dig?
So, the top dogs, the leaders of Israel’s tribes, and the bosses overseeing the king’s projects, were all super down to lend a hand.
And they hooked up the crib of God with a total of 5,000 talents of gold, 10,000 drams of gold, 10,000 talents of silver, 18,000 talents of brass, and a whopping 100,000 talents of iron.
And those who scored valuable stones threw them in the mix for the Lord’s treasury, through Jehiel the Gershonite.
And the people were hyped because they gave willingly, showing their full-hearted dedication to the LORD. And even King David was stoked, totally celebrating with massive joy.
So David, like, totally blessed the LORD in front of everyone: and he was all like, ‘Yo, you’re totally blessed, LORD God of Israel our father, like, forever and ever.’
LORD, you’re so lit and powerful, and you totally deserve all the recognition, success, and respect! Everything in heaven and on earth belongs to you, and you rule over everything, Lord. You’re the ultimate leader, no one can top you!
You’re the plug for both cash and clout, total boss status. You’ve got the power and strength to make things big and back everyone up. No doubt, you rule over everything.
Yo, God, we’re hella grateful and we stan your lit name.
But like, who even are we, and why should we, like, be able to give so willingly, you know? ‘Cause like, everything we have comes from you, and everything we give is actually just, like, yours to begin with.
Yo, we’re like total outsiders in your sight, just passing through, just like our ancestors did. Our time here on earth is like a fleeting shadow, no one sticks around for long. No expectations or anything.
Yo, our God, all this stuff we’ve prepped to build a sick crib for you and your holy name, it’s all from you, like totally yours.
God, I understand that you test people’s hearts and value their honesty. As for me, I wholeheartedly offer these things with sincerity. It brings me joy to see your people gathered here, willingly offering themselves to you.
Yo, God of Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, our OG ancestors, make sure this stays in the minds and hearts of your peeps forever. Get their hearts ready for you, ya feel?
And like, bless Solomon, my son, with a totally pure heart, so he can obey all your rules, follow your teachings, and do exactly what you want, including building that sick palace I’ve been planning.
And David was like, yo, everyone here, let’s give mad props to the LORD your God. And all the people straight up showed respect and praised the LORD God of their ancestors, and humbly bowed their heads, and worshiped the LORD and the king.
So they like, went all out for the LORD and made mad sacrifices and burnt offerings the next day. They brought a thousand bullocks, a thousand rams, and a thousand lambs, along with their drink offerings. They made hella sacrifices for all of Israel.
And they totally grubbed down and had a lit feast in front of the LORD that day, like it was mega awesome. They even crowned Solomon, David’s son, as king for the second time, and he was chosen by the LORD to be the ultimate leader. Zadok also got anointed as the priest, FYI.
So basically, Solomon took over as king after his dad, David, and things went pretty well. Everyone in Israel listened to him and followed his lead.
And all the cool dudes, the strong homies, and all the sons of King David were like, ‘Yo, we’re down with Solomon, the ultimate king.’
And God made Solomon super popular among all the peeps in Israel, and hooked him up with the dopest royal vibes that no other king in Israel had seen before.
So, like, David, who’s, like, Jesse’s son, totally ruled over all of Israel.
So, this dude ruled over Israel for like, forty whole years. He spent seven of those years in Hebron, and the remaining thirty-three in Jerusalem. Such a long time, man!
And he lived a long, fulfilled life, blessed with wealth, respect, and a high status. After his death, his son Solomon took over as ruler.
So, like, all the stuff that King David did, from beginning to end, you can find it in the books written by Samuel the seer, Nathan the prophet, and Gad the seer. They’re basically, like, history books, you know? Like, they’ve got all the words and everything.
With all his power moves, flexes, and the clout he held, ruling over himself, Israel, and every kingdom out there.